Chapter 29
I dumped the burner phone into the sewer on the way home and needed some time to figure out what my next steps were.
When the splash of the device hitting the water echoed in my ears, I knew I was doing the right thing.
I loved Gavriel Azzaro, in spite of everything he had done, and I couldn’t deny it.
Curling up in my favorite worn leather armchair with a blanket and the fire going in front of me was just what I needed.
The late-afternoon sun came through the window as I sat reading one of my favorite cozy smut books by Scarlett Teaghran.
I needed something light, low stakes, and spicy as hell. This one did it every time.
A violent banging on the front door startled me, and my book slipped from my fingers, falling to the floor.
“Elin! Open the fuck up!”
Taking a deep breath, I got up, tossing the blanket back onto the chair before going to let him in. I stared at Gavriel as he took a couple steps into the house and slammed the door behind him.
He was covered in blood, his long blond hair falling in bloody, clumpy strings around his face.
“Are you okay?”
When he stepped toward me, I backed up until I was against the wall. His arms boxed me in as he growled, “Elin, is it true?”
His eyes were ablaze as he punctuated each word out of his mouth.
“Is what true?” What in the hell was he talking about?
“Don’t play with me right now, Elin. Were you feeding Hillabrand information? About my family business? Specifically, the shipments?” I felt the blood drain from my face. He knew. I didn’t answer right away, and he thumped his fists on the wall. “Answer me. Did you?”
Anger rose, hot and volatile, as I pushed against his chest. “Yes. At first, I did. You killed my father, your best friend. I was set to ruin you. Ruin your family. I told him about the Barstow shipments and a few other little ones, but stopped not long after you became my Pretty Boy.”
There was hurt in his eyes, and I crossed my arms as I stood there staring at him.
I wasn’t sure what I expected from him. Maybe putting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger, but I didn’t think he’d just put his hands in his pockets and walk out.
Gavriel Azzaro just walked out.
His back to me, his shoulders tight, he strode down the walkway, got back on his bike, and rode off. Standing in my doorway, I watched him speed away.
It wasn’t until I shut the door that I realized I was shaking.
I couldn't believe I had just admitted to Gavriel that I’d been a rat at first. I had been so angry, but now, seeing the hurt in his eyes, all I felt was regret.
I knew I had betrayed his trust, but I also knew I’d had my reasons.
The sound of his bike fading into the distance left me with a sickening feeling of uncertainty.
I sank down onto the nearest chair, my mind racing.
Gavriel was proud, and I had just delivered a blow to his sense of loyalty.
I’d known it was all a mistake not long after he’d become my sub.
He was mine to protect, and if I had continued with the original plan, based on his father's threat of killing him, he would likely be dead by now.
Looking in the direction he had ridden off, I feared what he might do in his hurt and anger. I called his sister, Rhea, hoping she could find him and make sure he didn’t do something overtly stupid.
"Hi, sweetheart. What’s going on?”
“I fucked up. I fucked up bad.”
She was quiet for a moment and then asked, “What happened?”
The silence on the other end of the line was deep and thick, but I could sense Rhea’s mind working furiously, whirring through implications, calculating allegiances.
I pictured her in her office, the perpetual clack of her keyboard paused, her gaze fixed on some indeterminate distance, a thousand-yard stare.
It took me a full breath to keep talking, but once I started, it kept pouring out.
“I . . . Rhea, you have to believe me. I never planned to get in so deep. I wanted revenge. When Dad’s lawyer read out the will and I realized just how much of the business he’d forced into my lap, I knew exactly who to blame for everything.
The Azzaro family. Gavriel most of all. I had visions of your family fortune reduced to ash.
I was going to provide for you because that was what Dad would have wanted.
He loved you so fucking much. I wanted the rest of them ruined—I wanted him ruined.
It was all I could think about for months. ”
She inhaled sharply. “Elin—"
“Let me finish. Please.” My voice cracked a little.
“I was tracking them. Their shipments, their meetings. I had every intention of feeding Hillabrand enough information to blow holes in the Azzaro operations from here to Chicago. I . . . was obsessed. I admit that. But then Gavriel—he was nothing like I thought he’d be.
He showed up in my life, not as this cold-blooded monster, but as someone who was desperate for a reason to not be the thing his father had made him.
I started to see something else. Maybe it was just the way he looked at me, like I was the only person on earth who could make him feel safe.
But it got inside me, Rhea. Before I knew it, the whole plan felt wrong. ”
She said nothing, letting my confession breathe, and I could almost hear her piecing together the years of family lies and betrayals that had brought us both here.
“I know he killed Dad.” My voice was so quiet, it nearly vanished.
I wiped the tears from my cheeks, feeling raw and foolish and achingly honest. “I’m not even sure if Gavriel is the villain in this story.
I’m questioning everything. And I couldn’t—god, I don’t want to hurt him.
Not even for Dad. All the hate just sort of .
. . evaporated. I stopped contacting Hillabrand.
I tossed the burner phone. I tried to forget. ”
“Did you?” Rhea asked, her voice suddenly sharp, insistent, as if she were both rooting for me and for what she had with my father at the same time.
“I tried,” I said. “But I couldn’t really forget any of it.
Not you, not Gavriel, not what happened.
” I swallowed. “Maybe you don’t want to hear this, but I love him.
I think I have since the first time he let down his guard in front of me.
It was all so much easier when I hated him. I could justify everything then.”
A longer silence now. I braced for a scolding or worse, for her to hang up, but Rhea just let out a long exhale, voice suddenly gentler. “It’s complicated, Elin. You’re not the only one who’s been caught up in this. Gavriel’s been drowning, you know? He only ever trusted you, and now—”
I buried my face in my hands, the memory of Gavriel’s wounded stare burning behind my eyelids. “I know. I destroyed him tonight. I told him everything.”
“What did he do?”
“He left. He just . . . left. I don’t know if he’ll ever come back.”
Rhea made a sound, a kind of pained groan, and I realized she was crying too, or maybe just angry enough to sound like it. “Goddammit, Elin. You’re both such idiots.”
I let my head fall back against the wall, feeling the cold press of regret. “I’m sorry, Rhea. I’m so sorry.”
She cleared her throat, voice returning to that clipped, businesslike edge. “What exactly did you tell your contact? I mean, what did you actually do?”
I leaned my forehead against the wall and took a deep breath. “I fed an old friend who is with the FBI some scraps of information. I thought it was just enough to terrorize Gavriel. Make his life difficult.”
“Elin! Dad wants to kill him for this.”
Slumping to the floor, I breathed, “I know.”
“And now Gavriel knows.”
Rhea let out a long breath that went across the speaker. “Gods, he must be so heartbroken right now.”
“What do you mean, heartbroken? He’s pissed because I betrayed him.”
“You did, but he’s heartbroken too. My brother loves you, Elin.”
I froze, my heart beating wildly out of control while my breath caught in my chest. “No, he doesn’t.” I said the words carefully, and maybe more to make myself believe them, because how could he love me like I loved him? It just wasn’t possible.
There was a small groan on the other end of the phone. “He does. You wouldn’t still be alive if he didn’t. I can’t believe you don’t see that, but we will deal with that later.”
“I need to fix this. I just don’t know how.”
“I’ll find him.” I heard her grab her keys through the phone. “Just stay home for a few days, out of the club. Maybe cancel your scenes this week at the Lounge. I’ll text you once I find him and know he’s going to be okay.”
“Thanks, Rhea.”
“You’re welcome. I want to throttle you, but I understand how you feel. Just remember there are things you don’t know about what happened with Joel, and it’s not my place to tell you. If I can get Gavriel to talk to you . . . Never mind. I’ll text you later.”
When I set the phone down, a sob burst from my chest. I knew Gavriel well enough to know that he wouldn't easily forgive me, and the thought of losing him forever made my heart ache.
As I sat there, my mind flashed back to the day I’d first met Gavriel.
I’d never imagined that we would end up here.
Who would have known there was such a loving man behind the asshole I’d been fighting with for years?
I had never expected to fall for him. Now, here I was, desperately wanting to find a way to mend the breach between us.
I loved him, and I knew that I had to find a way to make him understand why and not kill me for it.