Chapter 30
The bike roared beneath me as the road blurred.
Each twist of the throttle was a desperate attempt to outrun the anger and betrayal.
Elin. My Elin. The thought of her, her face a mask of defiance and .
. . had it been remorse? I couldn't be sure.
I'd left before I could find out, before I could do something I'd regret for the rest of my life.
Something violent. Something . . . irreversible.
Eventually, the city fell away behind me as I soared up the highway lined by trees and mountain cliffs.
The warm air was in direct contrast to the icy grip surrounding my heart.
I could only hope it would fill in the fractured pieces.
Her actions, whether intended or not, had put my life on the line.
I pushed the bike harder, needing the speed, the raw power of the engine roaring between my legs. Weaving between cars, semi-trucks, and leaning into each tight turn, I knew I was being reckless, but I needed to feel the adrenaline . . . needed something to match the tempest whirling in my chest.
It took no time at all for me to reach the turnoff to Jackson Lake. Without slowing down like I should have, I cut across the highway, making the left down the road. Few people knew that this place was my sanctuary.
Five minutes later, I pulled into the main lot and parked my bike right next to the trail that led to my favorite sitting spot—a rock outcropping just a hundred yards off the path.
After grabbing the black T-shirt I kept under my seat for just such an occasion, I stripped off my destroyed shirt and tossed it in the trash can and hurried over to the rinse-off station that the Vispania family had put in at the trailhead to get some of the blood off my hands, arms, and face.
When I’d first heard about Don Vispania installing these, I’d thought it was ridiculous, but we all had public images to maintain, and well, I’d be lying if I said they hadn’t come in handy a time or two.
The water was icy cold, but it helped shock my system enough to bring my emotions down a bit.
I cleaned up quickly, getting the worst of the now drying and flaking blood off before I stomped off into the trees.
Before long, I sat on the weathered rock overlooking the lake, the water reflecting the sunlight like stars in the sky. It was so quiet and peaceful here. It was a stark contrast to the bloody and emotional mess I was right now.
Elin.
What was I going to do?
This wasn’t about feeding the FBI information to destroy my family. Well, it was, but this felt more like a personal betrayal. The breaking of trust cut deep. She was my Goddess. My domme. The woman I loved.
Logic told me she’d had her reasons. Of course, she had. And I was sure they’d been born from pain, fear, and desperation. That was little solace to my breaking heart.
I stared out over the lake, closed my eyes, and let the warmth of the sun seep into my body.
There was no telling how long I sat like that before I heard footsteps crunching through the fallen pine needles behind me.
Turning, I saw my sister standing there, her dark hair whipping across her face in the wind, her eyes red-rimmed but determined, wearing the same leather jacket she'd had since we’d been teenagers.
“Figured this was where you ran off to.” Without another word, she came and sat down right next to me, shoulder to shoulder.
We sat there silently, long enough that people down at the beach starting to pack up for the day.
My throat constricted as I forced out the words. "She betrayed the family." The admission felt like acid on my tongue, burning even as my hands finally unclenched, knuckles aching from how tightly I'd been holding them.
Rhea sighed, her eyes softening. "She didn’t have loyalty to the family, Gav."
"She betrayed the fucking family and I didn't kill her." My voice cracked on the last word, shame and confusion warring inside me. The code I'd lived by my entire life demanded her blood, yet the thought of her dead hollowed me out completely.
"Because you love her." Rhea's words were quiet, but she might as well have shouted them.
My attention stayed on the glittering water of the lake as I muttered, “I loved Joel, too, and I still did what Father commanded.”
Her head settled on my shoulder, and I leaned mine on hers. “I know, but that was a different situation.”
My throat tightened. "Was it? Because sometimes I wake up hearing his voice. Seeing his face as the light left his eyes." I dug my nails into my palm until it hurt. "And then I see hers."
Rhea's shoulders tensed. "It's not—" She stopped, exhaled.
"I don't know, Gav. Maybe you're right. Maybe it's all just different versions of the same betrayal, but it doesn’t stop the fact that you love her. Maybe what happened with Joel changed you, and now that you have found love yourself, you can’t fathom anymore loss. "
“I would give anything for you not to have had to go through it, Rhea. I’m sorry for my part in it.”
She put her arm through mine and squeezed. “I know.”
I sat there, just letting the wind and the fresh air settle the torment that was raging through me.
Eventually, Rhea asked, “What are you going to do?”
My voice was so light, it was almost lost in the wind. “I don’t know.”
I stared at the lake a moment longer, watching the last rays of sun dance across the surface. "I should kill her. By all rights, that's what Father would expect. That's what the family code demands."
"But?" Rhea prompted gently.
"But I can't. The thought of it . . ." My voice cracked. "I'd rather put a bullet in my own head."
My sister squeezed my arm. "Then don't. You're not just the Owl’s Talon, Gav. You are a grown ass adult with your own thoughts and feelings, who doesn’t have to follow all of Daddy’s rules every second of every day. You have choices."
I laughed, a hollow sound that echoed across the rocky cliff. "Do I? She fed information to the feds, Rhea. Information that could have gotten me killed. That could still get me killed."
Sitting up straighter, she turned towards me fully. "She stopped, though. She told you she stopped."
"And I'm supposed to believe that?" I ran my hands through my hair, wincing when my fingers caught in the dried blood. "Fuck. I don't know what to believe anymore."
"Believe that she loves you." Rhea's voice was soft but certain. "I've known Elin a long time, and I've never seen her look at anyone the way she looks at you."
I closed my eyes, remembering Elin's face when she'd admitted what she'd done. The defiance had been there, yes, but beneath it, regret. Pain. Fear. Not fear of me, but could it have been a fear of losing me? "She was trying to avenge Joel."
"Yes."
"I killed him." The words scraped at my throat as I picked at dried blood under my fingernails, the metallic scent still clinging to my skin.
Rhea was quiet for a long moment, her breath catching before she whispered, "Maybe it's time she knew."
I shook my head violently, my chest constricting until I could barely breathe. The mere thought of telling Elin the truth made something primal inside me want to claw its way out through my ribcage.
"Father would—"
"Father isn't here," Rhea interrupted. "And this is destroying you. It's done enough damage already."
The memory of that night crashed over me: Joel's face, the knife in my hand, my father's cold command.
The choice I'd made. I stared at the water, the setting sun shimmering on its surface.
The silence was deafening, filling my ears with a ringing that seemed to echo my internal turmoil.
"Rhea," I began, my voice barely a whisper, "how did you even find me? "
She let out a heavy sigh and sat up straighter. “Harley called. Told me what happened with the agent. Elin also called and told me that you came by and that she confirmed she had passed off information but hadn't done anything in months. Months, Gavriel.”
“Why does everyone keep pointing that out? A betrayal is still a betrayal. We’ve shredded people for lesser offences.”
“The family has, but she isn’t family. She’s someone who was wronged by the family.
We killed Joel.” Her voice thickened with his name, but she continued, “I take ownership of his death, too. However, I won’t feel bad for finding love.
Joel made me happy. He was a good man and an excellent father.
We took that away from her. Her only remaining family was snatched from her life violently.
You handed me his still-warm heart, Gavriel. ”
My chest hitched. I still hated that I’d been a mechanism of her pain. She sniffled, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw her wipe a tear.
“I loved Joel with every fiber of my being. If he had betrayed the family, I know I wouldn’t have been able to kill him either.
” She played with her fingers as I stared at my hands.
Hands that had destroyed. Hands that had done just that only a few hours ago and were still stained red in the cracks of the calluses.
“Which is probably why he made you do what you did.”
“Rhea . . .”
“I’m just saying, I know how you feel. I stand by the fact that they are different situations, but you love her, Gavriel. I can see it in ways that no one other than Harley can.”
“He said she loves me.”
“She does, even if she can’t say it. It’s hard to admit that you love your father’s murderer.” I gave her an even look, and she shrugged. “She didn’t kill anyone. She made your life hell. Pissed Father off to high hell and back, which I fucking love by the way.”
She jostled me with her elbow at that, and I couldn’t help but smile a little at just how pissed Father was. “He blames me for everything. Threatened to put me down if anything else goes wrong.”
Rhea was quiet for a moment before she whispered, “So put one in him before he has a chance to.”
I blinked, and my head snapped around to look at her. Tears were rolling down her face. “What?”
Her eyes were still downcast, studying the hillside before us intently.
“He’s destroyed our lives. I understand where Elin is coming from.
Our family took away the one steady, solid part of her life.
The one man she loved more than anything.
While I lost Joel, I still have you, but he was all that she had.
” Slowly, her attention rose to my face, tears glistening in her eyes that also burned bright with determination. “So, what are you going to do?”
That was the question. I wanted to be pissed as hell at Elin, but what Rhea said made sense. I could see her point of view. Elin was mine. My Goddess. The woman who had unintentionally stolen my heart, just as Joel had taken Rhea’s.
"I need time," I said finally. "I need to think."
Rhea nodded and stood up, brushing off her jeans. "Just don't take too long. Elin's hurting too, and . . ." She hesitated. "Father's asking questions. About the leaks. About her."
A chill ran through me that had nothing to do with the evening air. "Keep him distracted. Tell him I'm handling it."
"And are you?"
I looked up at my sister, seeing the concern in her eyes. "I don't know yet. But I will."
After Rhea left, I sat watching the stars emerge one by one, thinking about Elin. About trust and betrayal. About love and what it meant to forgive.
Hours later, I finally stood, my decision made. For better or worse, I knew what I had to do.