Chapter 4 #2
DJ locked eyes with Nyna and motioned his head toward the back door.
Nyna pulled in a deep breath and ambled to the back door.
He roamed behind her on to the back porch and watched her stand at the far end and stare at Big Mama’s rows of flowers and the small stone in the middle of the garden with Veya’s name etched onto it.
“I didn’t forget,” Nyna finally spoke. “I didn’t forget the butterflies that possessed me every time you came around.
I didn’t forget whispering about you at night to Veya because I wasn’t sure if I were tripping.
If I were the girl you wanted or if I was making it all up in my head.
She told me to tell you but I’ve never been that girl.
I mean I was once but that’s not the topic right now.
And then that night – after being teetered in the unknown with you.
You were so cool about it. Measured. I didn’t forget that feeling.
The fuckin’ feeling. So sweet, then hell unleashed. ”
Nyna wiped her face. “Hell never went away.”
“It gnashed at me every second of every day,” DJ admitted.
“How’d you make it stop?” Nyna posed.
“I came back to the place hell couldn’t enter. Here,” he shared. “Big Mama got peace flowing through here. But it was more than that. It’s where you were. So I just stayed close to that so I wouldn’t forget what it felt like when hell wasn’t surrounding me and that was when you were with me.”
She hummed. “Does your girlfriend know you’re here doing all of this?”
“Should I ask about your fiancé?” he shot back making her eyes drop down to the ring and sigh heavily.
“I thought this shit was an honor. Big ass diamond to prove to himself mostly that he was a good guy.”
“He wasn’t?”
Nyna bit her lip. “He was the worst of them. But I thought maybe if I did it differently it would be different. Follow what Veya told me, see something I thought I wanted and go after it. That confidence I mustered up as front I guess was a magnet to be broken down and dependent. And then I found myself comparing him to you.”
She scoffed.
“Why all that?” DJ asked moving closer.
“Because comparing him to you only made it harder for me to look at myself,” Nyna admitted. “I was so stupid.”
“You were grieving. We lost parts of ourselves that night.”
“Kind of cruel to do what we did and then lose,” Nyna said. “Imagine fuckin’ your best friend and then shots ring out hours later.”
DJ grunted at the recall. The sweetest moments before the worse. Apart of his mind blocked it out, too deep in grief to remember how she looked into his eyes fully trusting herself with him. Her soft moans in his ear as he pushed inside of her tightness afraid of causing her pain.
“I imagined it. For a while,” he admitted.
“Young nigga shit. Feelin’ like you were too good for me to ruin because I was wild.
But you were a tamer. When you were around I was forced to chill and think about something other than myself.
Phoenix swore by now we were going to be married or some shit. ”
“Veya too,” Nyna said before pulling in a breath. “That ship has sailed though. I’m sure.”
“You didn’t hear anything I said.”
Nyna turned to him. “I heard you.”
He lifted up her left hand and removed the ring from it. “You didn’t because you would’ve heard that I’ve been waiting on you.”
Nyna licked her dry lips. “You should’ve moved on and maybe I wouldn’t feel so damn guilty for running away.”
“I tried. Once. It was a shit show. It was probably Veya running her off because the girl swore that there was someone else,” DJ shared with a wry laugh. “Whole time she was right.”
“So no girlfriend now? Looking like you’re looking and no one?”
DJ smirked. “You’re the only one who thinks I’m fine, Nyna.”
That earned him a half smile and a roll of the eyes. “I never ever said that.”
“It’s in your eyes. They told on you before your mouth could.”
“I still never said it, Dom.”
“Then say it,” he urged.
She swayed her head. “Mm mm. You got that arrogant ass smirk on your face. What’s understood doesn’t need to be explained. That’s what you said when asked if letting you inside of me without a rubber meant I was your girlfriend.”
“I thought I made myself clear.”
“If that were the case you let your girlfriend go without much of fight,” Nyna said sobering that feeling. She took her engagement ring out of his hand. “This is my ticket to rebuilding my life, so I’m going to need this.”
That comment sent chills over his body as she strolled back inside. The guilt she had was shared. Had he put up a fight maybe they would be in a different place. But reality was neither of them were in a place to fight for what had always been there. This time around he’d make it clear.
No more guessing, imagining or assuming. It needed to be set in stone.
“Okay Veya. I see what you doing,” he buzzed before turning to walk back inside where Nyna was helping Big Mama with dinner.
He sat in the living room and watched as they worked around each other.
His mind remembering a time when his brother sat to his left and Veya’s loud laugh filled the house.
Nyna’s laugh was quieter coming in like a calmness to Veya’s fits of giggles.
While she was Veya’s calm to the storm, he was Phoenix’s.
Now all they had was memories and lingering promise that needed to fulfilled on both ends.