CHAPTER 29 Liam Bradley
A Stable Environment
His question plays over and over in my mind on the drive home.
Do you think it’s a stable environment for our children to stay at the home of the NFL star you’re shacking up with who also knocked up another woman?
Is he right? Is this relationship between Penny and me helping his case…and simultaneously hurting hers?
I can’t let him weaponize what we have in court, and not just because it could hurt Penny’s case, but also because we aren’t ready for Everleigh to find out.
I think. I guess. I don’t know. I haven’t brought it up again since the last time when she told me she wasn’t ready to confess all to my sister, but she’s trying to get the court’s approval to move to California, so it seems like she’s just as serious as I am.
I finally bring it up after the kids are in bed. We’re in the family room, and I flip off the television and turn toward her. “What if he’s right?” I ask quietly.
“Huh?”
“Brent. What if he’s right about what he said, that we’re helping his case by essentially living together?”
She clears her throat. “We’re not…I mean, we’re not really living together. You know? I was just staying here, and being in close proximity, it sort of morphed into more.”
Her words are the first jab. She still sees this as temporary. The backup plan…not the plan. A convenient place to stay to get her out of her ex’s home.
I push away the pain of her words. “But if you move to San Diego…” I trail off. “We should tell Everleigh, Pen. Once this goes to trial, it’s going to come out publicly.”
She draws in a sharp breath. “I’m not going to let the court’s timeline bully me into making confessions before I’m ready to make them.”
“Why aren’t you ready to tell her?” I ask. I’m trying to be thoughtful, trying to cover all the bases, but that’s not how she takes it. At all.
“Why the sudden pressure?” she spits at me.
“Sorry?”
“We can’t let him win, Liam. He got in your head, and I won’t allow him to win.”
“This isn’t about Brent. I mean, not really.
Not at the core. It’s about the two of us being honest with my sister.
I feel like I’m lying to everyone except Madden about the truth, and for a long time, I was the glue that held my family together.
I guess I just want to be honest with them about you and me. ”
She lets out a strangled sound, and I’m worried I’m pushing her too hard. “We have time before the trial.”
It makes me question why she’s not ready. Is it something I should discuss with her new legal team?
Is it because this isn’t serious to her? Is it because it doesn’t mean to her what it means to me?
That’s the only assumption I can be left with, but at the same time, I don’t want to push her. Her last words were spoken with finality. She’s exhausted. Facing Brent is always emotionally draining, and I don’t want to contribute more to that.
And so I let it go…even as it eats away at me. Even as it digs and claws at me.
I sleep on it, assuming I’ll feel differently in the light of day the next morning.
But I don’t. If anything, that feeling that us being together is only going to hurt her in the long run ate away even more at me overnight, and when I wake up, the truth feels like it’s surrounding me.
I want to just stay in my room until they’re gone, but I don’t. I force myself out of bed. I hug her kids goodbye as she wiggles her fingers at me and drives the boys to school.
I hit the gym, thinking through all of this, and I text Penny as I head back to my place.
Me: Can you come home for lunch? I need to talk to you.
Penny: Is everything okay?
I’m not sure how to respond to that.
No. Nothing is okay, and as I think about what I want to say to her, it feels like nothing will ever be okay ever again.
Me: I’ve just been thinking about our conversation from last night and feel like we left some things unfinished.
Penny: I do, too. Okay. Want me to bring anything?
Me: No, Dolores left some meals for us, so I’ll just heat something up.
Penny: Okay. I have a meeting until noon but will come straight after that.
I wish I could muster up something witty to say about how I’ll have her coming…but I can’t seem to find it in me to make jokes right now.
And I don’t want to make promises I don’t intend to keep.
I don’t reply, instead opting for a shower when I arrive home. Once noon hits, I stare at the clock.
It feels like the minutes tick backward as I wait for her to walk in. My heart thunders more loudly, and my pulse races faster with each passing second.
She walks in fifteen minutes after twelve.
I pull her straight into my arms, and it feels like it might be the last time I get to do this.
I don’t know how I’m going to do any of this without her. But I lived the first twenty-six years of my life without her as the center of it. I’ll figure out some way to move forward.
“Hey,” she whispers, and she pulls back. “What’s going on?”
I can’t help myself. I drop my lips to hers to give myself one last memory. It’s urgent and intense, a mirror reflecting my emotions right now, and when I pull back, she seems breathless and a bit flustered.
“Liam, you’re scaring me.”
“Look, Pen, I love you, but I can’t make this harder for you. Your ex is going to use my situation against you in court, and I refuse to be the reason you don’t get everything you deserve.” The words seem to fall out of me.
Her jaw slackens as she stares at me. “What are you saying?”
“I’m so sorry.”
“About what?” She seems confused. She seems like she’s not getting it.
“I never wanted it to come to this, but I can’t be with you. I can’t put your family or your friendship with my sister at risk anymore if you’re not willing to tell her,” I say softly.
“But…but…but I put in for the relocation request with the courts. I don’t care what Brent says.” The venom in her voice when she says his name is fierce.
But it can’t change my mind. I hate him, too. With my entire being. But it doesn’t change the fact that he’s their father, and he isn’t going to bend.
I don’t even have a child yet, and even I can understand that. She wants to move across the country and take them away from him. He’ll get even less time than he gets now.
It doesn’t matter that he’s the one who cheated. All that matters is that Penny is the one trying to move.
“Maybe if I didn’t have a baby on the way with another woman, things could be different, but you need to put your kids first, and I need to do the same.”
“Liam, stop. We’re both putting our kids first. It’s why I want to get the hell away from Brent. It’s why I want to move to San Diego to be with you.”
“I just don’t see any other way around this.
He’ll keep fighting. He won’t give up his kids to let you move in with me, and he’ll use us both to get his way.
Between the very public trial happening with my father right now, my family and I can’t afford more bad press.
I’m just trying to do what’s right for everybody here. ”
She purses her lips. “Except for yourself. What happened to I can’t do this without you, Pen?” she asks, lowering her voice to mimic me. Poorly, I might add.
“I guess I’ll figure it out. You’re welcome to stay here. I know it’s close for the kids, and I’m heading to San Diego soon anyway. I can stay at Madden’s or Everleigh’s house for now.”
She purses her lips and squares her shoulders. “For the record, I think you’re being a giant coward.”
I take the hit. Maybe I am, or maybe she is since she won’t tell Everleigh.
Maybe someday she’ll see that I’m just trying to put on a brave face for everyone else.
This isn’t what I want. At all. But I’m doing it to protect everyone around me—my family, her family, her kids…
and even myself. I can’t continue to be her backup, even if it leaves me broken and lost in the end.