40. Cherise
Chapter forty
Cherise
Iwasn’t crying.
I was having a completely valid emotional reaction to a cinematic masterpiece.
I sniffed and pointed my wine glass at the T.V. “You picked him? You actually picked him?”
Bella stood there looking confused as ever. Mouth open in her signature way.
“Are you blind?” I demanded. “The other one is right there. He’s loyal. He’s hot. He would literally risk his life for you, and you’re over here choosing what? Mystery and bad decisions?” I scoffed.
I took a sip of wine as if I needed it to process her terrible choices.
“Couldn’t be me. I know that much.”
My voice quieted a little.
“…could not be me.”
I sank back into the couch, pulling my blanket tighter around me.
Because if I were being honest—
It was me.
I groaned. “Oh my God, I’m Bella!”
I stared at the screen, horrified.
“Girl, don’t do it! Don’t make the same mistake I did!” I yelled as if she could hear me.
The couple pulled each other in a tight embrace. I rolled my eyes.
“You know what? If she fumbles him, that’s on her. He deserves better anyway.”
I took another sip of wine.
“Yeah,” I muttered softly. “He deserves better anyway.”
My phone buzzed, and I froze, wine glass pressed to my lips.
I reached for it, and my heart started doing cartwheels before my brain even registered the name on my screen.
Leo.
Why is Leo texting me?
My thumb tapped the screen. He sent a link. Confused, I clicked it and an app loaded.
The words Unfiltered sat boldly at the top.
There were several albums to choose from, but my breath caught when my eyes landed on one in particular.
Girl of My Dreams.
I tapped it immediately.
The first photo popped up.
It was us from high school. I was mid-laugh, Leo beside me with his glasses secured by a single Scooby Doo Band-Aid.
“Oh my God.” I laughed softly. I didn’t even know he still had this.
I swiped.
Us at a football game—after I stole his hoodie.
I remembered how cold it was that night.
I looked closer. Leo had his arms wrapped around himself, nose pink from the cold… but he was smiling big, braces and all.
He must have been freezing.
…But he never asked for it back.
My lip trembled.
There was a play button.
I pressed it.
Leo’s voice filled the room—younger, but unmistakably him.
“I was freezing my butt off tonight,” he said with a quiet laugh, “but I didn’t care. Cherise was wearing my sweatshirt. My day was officially made.”
I smiled and swiped again.
A video.
Me dragging him onto a dance floor at some random party. He was clinging to the table leg like his life depended on it, while I laughed like an idiot.
Another voice note. I hit play.
“You made me dance tonight,” he said. “I hated dancing. I was so afraid people would make fun of me… but you didn’t let me hide.” A pause. “I’m really glad you didn’t. I don’t think there’s anything I wouldn’t enjoy… as long as I’m with you.”
“Aw, Leo…” I whispered.
I kept scrolling.
More photos.
More memories.
Moments I had lived through… but hadn’t realized meant so much more to him.
A journal entry.
“I skipped hanging out with Derrick today. Couldn’t do it. Watching you with him… I’m not strong enough for that.”
I stopped reading.
My heart skipped a beat.
With trembling fingers, I kept swiping.
Hawaii.
Pictures of us on the beach.
Laughing over drinks.
His arm around me in front of the waterfall.
My lips pressed to his cheek with the sunrise behind us.
Moments I would give anything to go back and relive.
Tears blurred my vision.
The phone rang, and it startled me so badly I almost dropped it.
It was Leo.
I answered quickly. “Hello?”
“Cherise—”
“Leo, what is all of this?” My voice came out shaken.
A pause.
“It’s everything I was too afraid to say out loud.”
My hand flew to my mouth.
“But you changed me, Cherise. You gave me the courage to do things I never thought I’d ever do.” He exhaled. “I applied to Elicore.”
My mouth dropped. “You what? Leo, that’s amazing!”
“They asked me to build something meaningful. Something real. A genuine connection.” A beat. “And the only thing that’s ever felt real to me… was you.”
Tears slid down my cheeks.
“So, I made this app,” he continued. “To finally be honest about how I’ve always felt about you… and still feel about you.”
I couldn’t speak. My heart was racing too fast.
“Leo…”
A bark echoed through the phone.
I froze.
Another bark.
But this time…
I didn’t just hear it through the phone. I heard it from outside my door.
No way.
“Are you—”
Forget it. I didn’t finish. I rushed to the door and flung it open.
And there he was.
Leo.
Standing there, holding a bouquet of pink peonies. Moose at his side, tail wagging—and if I wasn’t mistaken, I swear Moose was smiling, too.
“Hi,” Leo said.
“Hi,” I whispered.
For a moment, neither of us moved.
Then he stepped forward, handing me the bouquet.
“I meant everything I said,” he began. “I’m done hiding. Done pretending. I want you. I want us.”
My heart slammed against my ribs.
“I tried to ignore it. Bury it. Move on like none of this ever happened… but I couldn’t. I couldn’t imagine a life where you’re not in it,” he said.
“But, Leo…”
He took my hand.
“I don’t care how messy this is. I don’t care how complicated it gets. If you’ll have me—really have me—I’m all in…I’m all yours.”
God… I wanted to say yes.
But—
“What about Derrick?” I blurted out.
Leo hesitated.
Then—
“Yeah, about that.”
A voice came from beside me.
I gasped. Derrick freaking materialized out of thin air.
My fight or flight kicked in… and as usual, fight took over.
My fist flew before my brain could catch up.
Thwack!
Right in Derrick's face.
Derrick stumbled back.
“What the hell, Cherise!”
My eyes widened. “Oh my God! I’m so sorry…”
I paused.
“Actually… not really. I’m sorry about what Leo and I did in Hawaii, but it would have never happened if you hadn’t left me high and dry two weeks before a wedding you promised to go on with me.”
He rubbed his jaw. “Yeah. I probably deserved that.”
I crossed my arms. “You think? And if you even think about hitting Leo again… I got a cast-iron pan in my kitchen with your name on it. Try me,” I said, bucking at him.
He exhaled, then looked between Leo and me. “Look. I’m not here to start anything,” he said. “I came to end it.”
I frowned. “I think you did a great job of that in Hawaii.”
Derrick’s jaw tightened.
“Cherise,” Leo interrupted. “Hear him out…please.”
Derrick took a deep breath, then let out a long exhale. “I owe you both an apology for how I handled things in Hawaii. I was in a very bad place. I have been holding on to something for a long time, and in doing so, I became resentful and angry. Taking it out on everyone who stood in my way.”
I glanced at Leo, confused. Then looked back at Derrick.
“But I’m done trying to be something I’m not.”
Derrick met my eyes.
“Cherise…I’m gay.”
My jaw dropped.
“I know you fucking lying!” Was he kidding me?
He let out a breath. “Always have been.”
My brain went haywire.
“I—what—since—when—always?”
I lost my ability to form complete sentences. Derrick? Gay? This whole time?!
All that kumbyaya therapy bull shit went straight out the window. I threw the bouquet, and I launched at him. I was going to kill him.
I’m pretty sure I blacked out. My fist connected with his throat. Then his chest.
“I can’t believe you did this to me. You nasty son of a bitch!” I screamed, hitting him repeatedly as hard as I could.
“Jesus Christ!” Derrick choked out, stumbling backwards.
Suddenly, my feet left the floor.
Leo had both arms around me and hauled me backwards against his chest.
Moose barked and sprinted inside my house.
“Cherise,” he grunted, struggling to hold on to me as I continued swinging at the air. "You have to calm down!”
“Calm down?!” I screamed. “After he used me for all these years while he let a man bend him over!”
“No one bent me over, Cherise," Derrick said, coughing from the throat punch.
I twisted in Leo’s grip to glare at Derrick. “Oh, so you're the one doing the bending?!”
Derrick's brows pinched together. “Are you seriously quoting For Colored Girls while assaulting me?” Derrick said, trying to compose himself.
“Shut the fuck up! You don’t get to critique my spiral! Leo, put me down now!”
“Leo,” Derrick said, rubbing his throat. “Go ahead and put the Tasmanian devil down.”
“No,” Leo said immediately. “Not until she stops trying to commit a felony.”
I huffed dramatically while Derrick straightened himself from a safe distance.
Then he looked directly into my eyes.
“Look, Cherise…” he said quietly. “What I did was wrong. I know that.”
I stopped struggling.
“I never meant to use you,” he continued.
“I never cheated on you either. Anytime I was with a man, it happened when we were broken up. And I am clean. I made sure of that.” He swallowed hard.
“But I hated that part of me for a really long time. I kept trying to force myself into this version of normal that everyone expected from me.”
His voice wavered.
“I wanted us to work. I really did. I cared about you, Cherise. Probably more than you realize. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t outrun who I really was.”
The anger inside me slowly began to cool.
As messed up as this whole situation was… I understood that feeling. Trying to fit into a mold that was never made for you. Trying to become whatever version of yourself people would love easier.
Derrick kept his eyes on mine.
“You were never the problem, Cherise,” he said softly. “You were honestly the best part of my life for a long time. I am so sorry if I ever made you feel like you were too much.”
My shallow breaths began to slow to a normal pace.
“Leo,” I said quietly. “Put me down.”
He hesitated. “You sure?”
“Yes.”
Slowly, he lowered me back onto the floor, though his hands lingered at my waist like he still didn’t fully trust me.
Honestly. Fair.
I crossed my arms and stared at Derrick for a long moment.
Then I sighed.
“I am glad you don’t have to live a lie anymore,” I admitted. “I genuinely hope you find happiness being exactly who you are.”