Caroline #2
“Sure, yes, coffee sounds good,” Lilith says. She’s wearing a light black and grey flannel, her hair buzzed close to her head. There’s a small piercing sparkling in her nose, but unlike Eve, there aren’t any tattoos on her that I can see.
I find a pan to lightly roast the beans before grinding them.
“How do you know Killian?” Eve asks.
“Our parents are friends and own a law firm together,” I explain.
I don’t know how much they know about Killian and if they’ll be able to guess that I was engaged to his brother. I haven’t checked my phone this morning but I’m sure I’ve got plenty of missed calls and texts.
I’ll have to eventually call them back and tell them I’m not going to marry Beckett. I’d rather spend the rest of my life alone than marry him.
“Do you want milk or cream?” I ask.
I turn to the fridge and frown when I see my wedding card stuck to it. Why does he have my wedding card displayed on the fridge? Who does that?
“I’ll take a little bit of creamer, if you have it,” Eve says.
I open the fridge and find a hazelnut creamer which Eve confirms is fine for her.
“How long are you here for?” Lilith asks.
“I’m not sure yet,” I say.
“Do you have plans while you’re here?” Eve asks.
“None at all. This was a last minute trip.”
“Great, then you should come to our party,” Eve says.
I breathe in the scent of freshly brewed coffee as I finish making it and pass two cups to Eve and Lilith. I set one aside for Killian, assuming he’s going to want one and keep one for myself. I turn to Eve and see her adding a splash of creamer to her coffee.
“I don’t think Killian will like that,” I say.
“I won’t like what?” Killian is coming down the stairs, now dressed in black jeans and a black t-shirt, the sleeves of which stretch over his biceps in a distracting way.
“We’re having a small party the Friday after next and we’re inviting…” Eve pauses, turning to look at me in question, “I’m sorry, I didn’t even ask your name.”
“Caroline,” I tell her.
Satisfied, Eve turns back to Killian. “We were inviting Caroline to attend and she’s worried you wouldn’t want her to come, but she doesn’t know that you won’t be there so it doesn’t matter.”
“I don’t think she’s going to be here long enough to attend,” Killian says. He reaches for the coffee cup I put aside for him, but I grab it before he can. Holding his gaze, as he watches, I slowly pour the coffee from his cup into mine.
Never mind that this much coffee isn’t going to leave my system any time soon and will keep me up late into the night. He doesn’t deserve to drink the coffee I made after making those kinds of comments. Killian grinds his jaw, mouth set into a line.
I turn to Eve and Lilith, who are watching us with a mixture of confusion, amusement, and curiosity.
“I’d love to attend, thank you for the invitation.”
“What are you two doing up here anyway?” Killian asks them. He’s not rude, but his tone is curt, like they’ve done something wrong by coming here. Which, according to him, I’m sure they have.
“I called and texted multiple times,” Eve says. “When you didn’t answer, I got worried so we came to check on you.”
“That’s so sweet,” I say.
“It’s suspicious,” Killian says, crossing his arms and looking between Eve and Lilith. “You know that I don’t keep my phone with me all the time. What’s the emergency?”
Eve and Lilith exchange a quick glance. Eve steps forward and takes a deep breath, “Lisa in 3B saw you arguing with a woman outside the building last night and coming back in with her. I knew you’d never tell me if I asked so I decided to sleuth, and Lilith came with me because she’s curious too but she’d never admit it. ”
She says it all so quickly it takes a moment for her words to register after she’s finished talking.
Someone saw Killian and I outside last night and gossiped about it.
Something inside me wants to shrivel up and hide.
The only thing I can think of is all those times my mother told me I can never be the source of gossip.
That doesn’t mean people won’t talk about me, but I can never give them something to talk about.
“I wasn’t that curious,” Lilith says. “I mostly came to support Eve.”
Eve sends her a beaming smile and the soft look on Lilith’s face as she looks at her wife makes my chest ache. The way I was raised, there were no soft looks or beaming smiles. I knew Beckett and I were marrying out of expectations, but I didn’t know he didn’t even respect me.
I shift awkwardly, looking away from Eve and Lilith.
Unfortunately, my eyes land on the only other person in the room, and Killian is looking right at me.
His face is blank. I can’t tell what’s going on behind those blue eyes.
For all I know, he’s upset again and silently blaming me for all of this when he’s the one who chased me. Apparently, I can’t do anything right.
I look away before I reveal too much. The sun is bright outside, flooding in through the large windows. I can see ferries and boats on the river below and the Manhattan skyline across it. Something in that view steadies me. I took a chance and I’m not going to fumble it.
“I’m guessing you won’t be attending the party?” Eve asks.
“Definitely not,” Killian says.
“Good, I can enjoy myself without someone breathing down my neck and being upset at me for being happy,” I say, before I can stop myself.
Eve huffs a laugh as my eyes widen in horror. I glance at Killian and he’s looking at me in disbelief, like he’s not entirely sure I’m me. My cheeks flush with heat and I hope he sees the apology in my eyes. I mean, it’s the truth but I shouldn’t have said it out loud.
“We should go,” Lilith says, looking at Eve, who nods.
“I have a client coming in thirty minutes. I’ll see you later.”
Before leaving, she glances over her shoulder at Killian, giving him a meaningful look which I don’t think he understands, but I know to mean she’s going to question him about me.
The door closes softly behind them.
“I’m not breathing down your neck,” Killian says.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I defend myself. “I just meant you obviously don’t want me here and you wouldn’t want me mingling with your friends.”
Killian is leaning against the counter now, his arms crossed. “If I didn’t want you here, I wouldn’t have made a big deal of bringing you back.”
That’s true. I sip my coffee thoughtfully, still wondering why he insisted on bringing me back. It’s strangely nice, standing here with him like this with the sun slowly warming the apartment.
There was a time when I loved to be around him, harboring a massive crush.
I was worried he’d be able to tell so I avoided talking to him but still sought him out whenever our families got together.
He was always in his own little world, even when our parents were forcing us to act like the perfect children.
I wanted to know what it was like to not care, even as a kid.
To bask in the glow of that almost smile he had.
“Do you have any plans today?” Killian asks, bringing me to the present.
I shake my head. “Nope.”
“Do you want to come with me to work?”
I blink at him in surprise. “To…work? At the tattoo shop?”
“That’s what I do for work, yes.”
I look at him through narrowed eyes. What is he up to? Last night, he didn’t even want me in his space and now he’s asking me to come to work with him?
“What is this? Take your uninvited house guest to work day?”
“What are you going to do here?” He counters.
He has a point. I literally have no plans and nowhere to be. I’ve never even seen the outside of a tattoo parlor. I was convinced my mother would combust into flames if I went anywhere near one. Hell, if I can stab a man in the ass, I can certainly go to a tattoo parlor.
“Let me freshen up,” I say.
Before he can change his mind, I rush off. I’m going to make this work. I have the opportunity, for the first time in my life, to find myself. To find what I love, what I want to do, and I am not going to throw it away.
I change into a pair of wide legged tan slacks and a sleeveless polo, pulling my hair into a ponytail with a few loose strands framing my face. A little bit of concealer, lip tint and mascara finishes off my make-up and I’m good to go.
I step out into the hall, pulling on my shoes. Killian looks me up and down once, his face expressionless.
“What?” I look down at myself, feeling a little self conscious.
“Nothing. We can grab something to eat from the cafe.”
When he turns around, I poke my tongue out at him like a little kid.
How the hell am I supposed to know what he’s thinking if he refuses to tell me?
I’m not a mind reader. As I follow him out of the apartment, I tell myself that I shouldn’t even care.
I’m done thinking about other people and putting their emotions, wants, and needs over my own.