Caroline #2
Eve looks back-and-forth between us, clearly not believing a word Killian’s just said. “I have eyes. I can see exactly what you two were doing.”
“It’s not like that,” I say with a laugh. “I mean, that’s absurd. Killian is my friend. He was just trying to help.”
Now both Eve and Killian are looking at me strangely.
Something flickers in Killian’s eyes that I don’t want to acknowledge.
It’s not like I’ve told a lie. Killian is my friend.
It’s only that sometimes he feels like more.
I don’t know what that more is and I’m not sure if it’s something we should explore.
“If you say so,” Eve says. She definitely doesn’t believe us.
“Well, I’m done with my last client and Lilith is waiting for me at home so I’m going to head out,” she adds. “You two kids continue doing whatever it is that you want me to think you’re not doing.”
With a knowing laugh, she turns away, her footsteps echoing as she leaves the shop.
“Ignore her,” Killian says.
“I was planning on it,” I reply.
“Let me just finish up in here, and then we can leave.”
With a grateful nod, I walk out of his station and back to the front. I dim the lights and lock the door. It takes Killian another fifteen minutes to clean and prep his station for tomorrow. Meanwhile, I go over my résumé again.
I was a good student and I graduated top of my class in law school. That coupled with the fact that my family runs one of the top law firms in California means my résumé should be enough to get me some interviews, if not a job, right away.
“What are you doing?”
Startled, I look over my shoulder and see Killian standing there looking at my laptop screen. I place a hand over my chest, breathing out.
“You scared me!” I say. How does he make no noise when he moves around? It’s inexplicable.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” he says, though he doesn’t look apologetic in the least. He nods towards my laptop, “what are you doing?”
“I’m preparing my résumé so I can start applying for jobs,” I explain. “There’s absolutely no way I’m going back to California now. Maybe I can’t cut them off completely but I do know that I can’t live with them. Because living there isn’t a life at all.”
I look at him over my shoulder.
Killian’s eyes move back-and-forth between mine. “You’re really serious about this?”
Pushing my hair behind my ear, I turn on my stool to face him completely.
“I feel like this is the only opportunity I’m going to have to live my life the way I want to.
It’s like you said the other day, if this is an illusion then I need to know what I’m working for and if it is real, then I want to hold onto this for as long as possible. ”
He watches me carefully for a moment and then nods.
“If you’re absolutely sure, I think it’s a good idea,” he says.
I love that he always carefully considers what I’m saying instead of reacting. It’s like what I say is important to him and he wants to understand me and my feelings. He’s gruff, and sometimes he forgets that I’m an adult, but he’s never been condescending.
I know it’s stupid, but somehow his agreement and his support means a lot to me.
“Wait, can you practice law here?” Killian asks as an afterthought.
“Uh, yeah. I wrote the bar two years ago,” I admit.
I feel him watching him as I shut my laptop.
“When were you in New York?”
“Gerry brought me here to write the exam,” I explain. “She said it would be a good idea, and that we shouldn’t tell anyone. She told everyone that she was taking me here for a couple of days to celebrate my graduation.”
“She came to see me. But she didn’t tell me you were with her,” he says. He takes my laptop bag and slings it over his shoulder. “Let’s go home.”
It’s so strange hearing him say home when just three weeks ago he kicked me out of that same apartment.
Also, no place has ever felt like home before, not even my parents’ house.
I grew up there, I lived there my whole life, but somehow it was always my parents’ house.
When we’re kids, our parents’ house is our house, but that was never the case with me.
“I asked her not to,” I confess.
Killian locks up and we step out onto the street. It’s still light outside and it’s going to remain that way for the next few months. Summer is definitely my favorite time of the year.
There’s music coming from bars along the street, all the people laughing and talking, the scent of flowers and soil in the air.
It’s like the whole world changes and finally feels that it’s okay to open up and take risks.
There are so many opportunities hanging in the air and it feels like if you just reach out, if you’re brave enough, the whole world is yours.
“Why not?” I feel his gaze on the side of my head.
“I don’t know,” I say. The truth is, I didn’t want to see him then. It was just after Beckett and I had got engaged, and I knew keeping my distance from Killian was the best.
Before he can ask another question, Killian’s phone rings and he pulls it out, frowning at the screen. Quickly, he disconnects the call and types out a message before sliding his phone back in his pocket.
“Everything okay?” I ask.
“Yeah, it’s just my agent. She wants an update on where I am with the paintings for the upcoming exhibit.”
“Where are you with the paintings?” I ask.
We continue walking down the street toward the apartment. I want to go back to Brooklyn Bridge Park and watch the sun set against the water. I haven’t felt this excited in a very long time.
“They don’t exist,” he replies, looking straight ahead.
“When is the exhibit?”
He gives me a sideways glance. “End of August.”
“I don’t know anything about art and painting, but shouldn’t you have something by now?”
He laughs bitterly. “I should have a lot by now.” Quietly, he adds, “I haven’t been able to paint in a while.”
“What about me?” I ask quietly.
Killian grabs my arm as we walk past a pub and a group of drunken men step out.
They glance at us, their eyes lingering on me and traveling up and down my body.
The sound which leaves Killian can only be described as a growl.
The men step back, walking off in the other direction.
At least they’re sober enough to know what’s good for them.
I look up at Killian in question. “Did you just growl at them?”
He scoffs. “No.”
“You totally growled at them,” I say, smiling up at him.
Killian watches me through narrowed eyes. “I think you’re hearing things. The music is too loud.”
“Uh-huh. If you say so.” I smile, continuing walking.
“What were you saying? What about you?” Killian asks.
“Oh, um, you asked to paint me,” I say, looking anywhere other than him. “Do you still want to do that?”
As I ask the question, I realize that a part of me is worried he’s going to take it back.
“I absolutely want to do that, butterfly,” he replies.
My heart flutters, and I look at him. I’ve missed hearing that nickname.
I can’t express how much. When he stopped calling me that and he stopped talking to me, I thought I’d done something wrong.
Killian is the kind of person who doesn’t tell you if you’ve done something wrong, he just cuts you off.
“You haven’t asked me about it again,” I say
He shrugs. “You said you wanted to decide how it happens. I was letting you decide.”
I take a deep breath, bracing myself. “Do you want to do it tonight?”
He looks at me sharply, eyes widening in surprise. “Are you sure? You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”
I swallow, nodding once. “I wouldn’t have agreed to it if I wasn’t sure.”
Killian holds my gaze. “Tonight? After dinner.”
Swallowing nervously, I nod, my heart pounding in my chest loud enough I’m sure he can hear it.
“Use your words, Caroline,” Killian commands.
“Tonight, after dinner,” I agree.