Killian #2
There’s this despondency to her voice which makes me want to pull her into a hug, kiss her, remind her that she’s worthy of everything and always has been.
I don’t, only because I don’t want to push her into anything.
She just got out of a relationship--which might have been planned for her, but it was one she was going to spend the rest of her life in.
I doubt she wants to jump into another one right away.
Instead, I reach for her hand because I have to touch her.
“Caroline, I’m going to tell you something you probably already know,” I say.
“If someone can’t accept you for who you are, that doesn’t mean you need to change for them.
It just means you need better people in your life.
People who will understand you for who you are.
Love and respect the person you are now and the person you will grow into.
They don’t want you to change. They want to grow with you. ”
Caroline squeezes my hand, her eyes softening. She inhales deeply and exhales slowly.
“Can I be upset with you for leaving when I really needed you? I know we barely talked because I was too shy to approach you, but I always felt like you were the only person who understood me. You didn’t want to be there anymore than I did.”
“I asked you to come with me,” I remind her.
I still think about that night, standing outside on the lawn of our parent’s club, the grass wet beneath our feet, the smell of rain in the air. Caroline was wearing an ice blue dress, her hair straightened to perfection, shivering without a coat because she rushed out in a hurry.
“I was twenty-two, Killian,” she says, her eyes sparking with anger. “I’m sorry if running away without a solid plan didn’t seem like a good idea to me. Now I think I should have said yes.”
“There are some things you need to realize on your own,” I say. “The guilt would have made you miserable, you would have returned home, and everything would have been worse than it was.”
Caroline drops my hand, reaching for her purse. “I hate when you’re sensible. I’m going home.”
I look at the clock behind the counter. I don’t have a client for another thirty minutes.
“I can walk with you,” I offer.
Caroline rolls her eyes. “You heard Eve. I’m never going to be a real New Yorker if I take the easy way out. Besides, I have a job now, which means I need to know how to get to and from the city on my own. How am I going to do that if you insist on dropping me home?”
Blowing me a kiss, she walks out of the shop just as Eve’s client walks in. There’s nothing I can do other than let her go home on her own. Following her is an option but I can’t stoop that low.
Something falls in Caroline’s room and I look up from the pepper I’m slicing. Her door opens and she pokes her head out. “I’m okay!”
The door closes with a thud and I stare at it for a moment in confusion before going back to slicing the pepper. Which reminds me, “Do you have pepper spray?”
“Why do I need pepper spray?” Caroline asks from behind her door.
“Because you’re going club hopping and you’ll be surrounded by a bunch of drunken, handsy people?”
I’m going to make myself gray just thinking about her out there. Eve and Lilith will be with her so she won’t be alone. But what if someone slips something into her drink while they’re not looking? What if some drunk asshole tries to put his hands on her?
My knife comes down harder than expected and makes a mark on the chopping board. If someone gets too close to Caroline, I guess I’ll prove Eve right and go on a killing spree. I’m barely hanging onto my sanity here.
To think that just a month ago, on a Friday night like this, I’d be up in my studio painting, with plans to do more of that over the weekend.
There were no plans, no worries, and no thoughts about doing anything else.
I certainly never entertained the idea of going to a club because the woman I’m secretly obsessed with is going.
Caroline opens her door and steps out. She’s wearing black pants which hug the curves of her hips, heels so high I’m worried she won’t be able to walk far, let alone run if something happens, and a red halter neck top that dips low in the front. Her skin shimmers under the light.
“What do you think?” Holding her arms out, she slowly circles, her shoes making tap tap tap sounds.
As she turns, I see the way her pants mold to her ass, and the fact that her top has no back and only has a string holding it together.
This woman is going to give me a heart attack, and then she’s going to dance on my ashes.
“I think you’re missing part of your top,” I say, my voice strained.
“It’s backless,” Caroline says, as if it should be obvious.
I set my knife down and wipe my hands on a kitchen towel before walking to her. Wrapping one arm around her bare waist, I pull her flush against me. Caroline gasps, her red lips parting, hands gripping my arms to steady herself.
Her eye makeup makes her eyes look even more feline.
“Are you trying to torture me?” I ask.
“You said torture is healthy,” she quips back, her mouth lifting into a smirk.
“Evidently, I was a fool for saying so,” I reply. “I want you to go and have fun new experiences. I also want to hide you from the world and keep you locked up here.”
“Why?” Caroline asks.
“Same reason I asked you to come back to the apartment that night.”
Because I realized you’re mine and I’ve been given another chance with you.
Leaning down, I press my lips against her neck, sucking the skin. Caroline moans, her fingers digging into my arms. When I pull back, I notice with satisfaction blood pooling beneath her skin. It will be too dark in the club for anyone to see, but I’ll know the mark is there.
“You’re lucky I’m not bending you over this couch and fucking you right here,” I growl.
“How’s that lucky?” Caroline asks, breathlessly.
“Do you think a quick fuck will be enough to ease this desperation inside me, baby?” I ask. “I’ll need hours, maybe days.” Squeezing her waist, I pull her even closer.
“When I fuck you for the first time, I want to take my time. I’ll give you my cock inch by inch so you know exactly who you belong to and I’m going to stay inside until your body remembers me. Until you’re just as desperate for me as I am for you.”
Caroline whimpers, reaching up to push her hand into my hair.
Gripping tightly, she lowers my mouth to hers.
We haven’t kissed since the day I found her outside the bathroom and the days have blurred into one since.
Until now. Until this moment when I can kiss her again.
Our mouths move with the same fervor they did before, the same hunger clawing its way out.
Cupping the side of her face, I tilt her head to give myself easier access to her mouth, our tongues fighting for dominance.
Caroline is the first to pull away, chest rising and falling as she tries to catch her breath.
“I’ve gone most of my adult life without going to a club, I think I can go another night or two,” she says.
I laugh, lightly biting her lower lip. “I might be a beast who wants to lock you up, but I will never do it at the expense of your freedom, butterfly. No one is going to stop you from doing anything you want, least of all me.”
Caroline watches me with soft eyes and flushed cheeks. “But I want to stay home and do all the things you just said.”
I love how easily she calls the apartment her home. It never truly felt like it to me, not until she started calling it one.
“You’re not getting away from me that easily,” I say. “I’m going to do everything I said and more. At least go out and live a little before I trap you in here with me.”
Releasing her, I walk to the kitchen counter and pick up the can of pepper spray I bought.
“Keep this with you,” I tell her. “Use it generously if you feel even slightly afraid.”
“You’re sending me out there with a weapon?” Caroline asks, amused.
“It’s a can of pepper spray, not a letter opener.”
Laughing, she pokes her tongue at me.
“Save your obscene gestures for later, baby.”
Taking her hand, I lead her out of the apartment and down to Eve and Lilith’s apartment. The two of them are dressed similarly to Caroline and the three of them gush over each other's outfits. This is why I’m not being a neurotic beast and seducing her into staying in.
Caroline needs female friends, the good kind who are going to stick with her through thick and thin. I know for certain she’s never allowed herself to relax enough to trust someone.
“Surprised you’re letting Caroline go out without a curfew,” Lilith says to me.
“I’m not that bad,” I say, slightly offended. “She’s never been on her own before, especially not in a city like New York.”
“She’s from San Francisco,” Lilith says. “The last time I checked, it wasn’t exactly utopia.”
“No, but she was driven to and from work by her family’s driver. Her social events revolved around her family. Like I said, Caroline has never been on her own before. I want to make sure she knows how to swim before I throw her in the deep end.”
Lilith assesses me carefully before looking back at Caroline, who’s admiring Eve’s bracelet.
“Does she know how crazy you are about her?” Lilith asks in a low voice.
Thank fuck Caroline is far enough away that she can’t hear Lilith ask that question.
“Aren’t you getting late?” I ask.
She smirks knowingly and I look away, back at Caroline. She knows I want her, and that’s enough for now.