Caroline
Life feels a little surreal lately. So much so that I have to constantly pinch myself to remember that this isn’t a dream. I’m not going to wake up back in my pink bedroom with the white canopy bed that’s stayed the same since I was a teenager.
Walking into Blackwood, Pierce & Caldwell made me realize again that doing things which make me happy isn’t wrong.
I shouldn’t have to feel guilty because I’m choosing something I want over what was chosen for me.
I know I impressed Aiden, which just goes to show that I’m a good lawyer and there’s no reason to feel inadequate because I had a job waiting for me after law school.
At my family’s firm, all the good cases went to my brother and other lawyers. They got to meet the clients and offer support while I was left to do the paperwork.
I’m confident enough to say that if the same thing happens with Aiden Fairchild treating me like a pretty little lawyer Barbie (derogatory) I’ll find a new job.
“How did you like Aiden?” Lilith asks, leaning in close so I can hear her over the sound of the music.
We’re sitting at a corner booth of a club the name which I don’t remember now. It’s loud and I can barely hear myself think. If it weren’t for all the people pressed together like sardines in a can, it would almost be meditative.
We were lucky to find somewhere to sit so Eve told us to stay while she gets our drinks.
“He was surprisingly nice for a lawyer,” I tell her.
Lilith laughs but I don’t hear the sound. “Yeah, he gets that a lot.”
“I think I’ll like working for him. He was easy to chat with and didn’t act like I was just a woman pretending to be a lawyer until I can settle down.”
“Yikes. Had a lot of bad experiences?”
“So many.”
They are—hopefully—behind me now. As long as I have a good boss I’ll be fine. I know there will be a learning curve switching from corporate law to family law, though Aiden didn’t seem too concerned, and even seemed eager to help me learn.
“Is Aiden single?” I ask Lilith.
She looks at me assessingly. “I’m not sure. Why do you ask?”
“Just curious. He’s very pretty.”
“Are you interested?”
“Of course not!”
Lilith raises her hand in surrender. “Hey, I’d never tell you to put all your eggs in one basket. You’re newly single, maybe you should play the field a little.”
“There’s no field, and I suck at the game,” I say. I hesitate before admitting, “I’ve wanted Killian for a long time. If something is going to come of it, I don’t want to mess it up.”
Eve finally finds her way back to the table, carrying our drinks.
It saves me the embarrassment which comes from oversharing.
I’ve never admitted out loud that I want Killian.
It’s a truth I learned to bury because everyone always wanted Beckett and me to be the perfect couple, and I foolishly accepted that.
“Good news,” Eve says, sitting down next to her wife. “While I was at the bar, I scoped out a bunch of men and women for Caroline.”
“To do what with?” I ask.
Eve shrugs. “Flirt, make out, whatever you want. You’re only going to be twenty-seven once. Get the full experience.”
I pick up my Cosmo and take a sip. “I’m getting the full experience by celebrating my new job with my friends.”
“Which is great, but you can’t be single forever.”
Lilith looks at me and rolls her eyes. I’m pretty sure Eve knows what’s going on between me and Killian, so I don’t know why she’s saying that I should flirt with other people.
“Baby, you know, she and Killian—”
Eve waves off Lilith’s concern. “I’m not telling her to get in a relationship with these people. She can exercise her flirting muscles a little.”
“I’m going to need a lot more drinks before I get comfortable enough to flirt with someone,” I say. I mean for it to be dismissive as in I’m not going to be drinking enough to flirt with someone. But apparently Eve takes it as a challenge.
She waves to someone over my shoulder, and a bottle of tequila and three shot glasses appear in front of us.
“Never say I don’t come prepared,” Eve says, an almost evil grin on her face.
The first shot goes down rough. I’m coughing and reaching for my water bottle which Eve also had the forethought to get. The second shot is smoother, and by the third I feel like my body is turning to liquid.
Warmth floods through my blood stream, and I feel more relaxed than I have in years.
“Let’s dance!” Eve exclaims.
She doesn’t wait for either of us to reply before grabbing our hands and pulling us out of the booth. Suddenly we’re in the middle of the dance floor, our bodies grinding against each other as we dance to the music.
I lose myself to the feel of bodies around me, lights flashing behind my closed eyelids, music thumping loud enough that I can’t even hear my heartbeat. It’s a feeling I’ve never had before. I’m letting the people, the music, and my senses sway me in whichever direction without worry and fear.
I never want to leave.
And I realize I have to when I feel a pressing need to go to the restroom. Eve and Lilith are lost in each other, arms snaking around their bodies. Not wanting to bother them I dance my way off the dance floor and get in line for the bathroom. My hair is sticking to my neck with sweat.
“Oh my gosh, I love your heels,” I say to the girl standing in front of me. She’s wearing peep toes studded with jeweled rhinestones and they’re absolutely gorgeous.
“Thank you! I got them 50% off!” She gushes. As we waited in line, she tells me all about the shopping spree she recently went on where she got the shoes.
It reminds me that I need to go and buy clothes for work. The clothes that I brought with me are more casual. My suits and professional dresses are still hanging in my closet back in California. I need a few staple pieces to add to my closet here.
I pull my phone from my pocket and note down the address of the store where the girl went. It’s then I notice that I have a text from Killian.
Killian
Have a great time. Don’t forget to use the pepper spray if you need it.
Realizing I’m too drunk to write a text, I sent him a voice note.
Caroline
Thanks for the reminder. Though I’m not sure it’s a good idea for me to use the pepper spray given how much I’ve had to drink. I’ll probably end up using it on myself.
“Boyfriend?” The girl in front of me turns around to ask.
In my drunken state, I admit the truth, “Ex-fiancé’s older brother who I’m living with and obsess over.”
“Is he hot?”
“So hot! No one should be allowed to look like this.”
“Get it, girl! I’m so proud of you.”
I don’t know why I suddenly feel like I’m going to cry because a drunk stranger is proud of me for the fact that I’m obsessing over a hot man.
After we finish our business and before we part way, we hug each other like long lost sisters.
We’re probably never going to see each other again and didn’t even ask for each other’s names.
Before I walk back to the dance floor, I see if there’s another message from Killian.
Killian
You can always break a bottle and use it as a sharp object.
Caroline
Good idea. I’ll do it with the next guy who tries to dance with me. Eve has a whole lineup for me.
Sliding my phone back into my pocket, I walk back to the dance floor a little drunkenly.
“There you are! We thought you got swallowed by the crowd,” Eve says, leaning forward so I can hear her.
“I just went to the restroom.”
While I was gone, she’s had the opportunity to pick up our half empty bottle of tequila and she holds it out for me now. I put it to my mouth, taking a sip before handing it back to her.
We go back to dancing. Sometimes it’s just the three of us. Sometimes we merge into a group of girls beside us. Sometimes there’s groups of men who come too close and we push them away, lost in our own little space.
I’m laughing and dancing and maybe crying a little, the bottle of tequila held high in my hands as I gyrate my hips to the music. Eve’s arm is around my waist as she holds me steady, laughing along with me. She wraps a hand around Lilith’s neck and pulls her in for a kiss.
“I gotta sit down,” I shout over the music. I’m sweaty, breathless, and my feet are killing me.
As I walk off the dance floor, I stumble, and someone reaches out and wraps their arm around my waist to steady me. The roughness and width of the hand pressing against my stomach immediately tells me it’s a man. Reacting instantly, I raise my arm and elbow him in the stomach.
“Jesus, butterfly,” he breathes out.
The nickname makes me pause and I look over my shoulder to see Killian. With his other hand, he’s massaging his stomach where I just elbowed him.
I cover my mouth in horror. “I’m so sorry. Are you okay? I thought it was a random man grabbing me.”
“I’m fine,” Killian says. “It’s good to know you can defend yourself without the pepper spray.”
“I told you not to doubt my abilities.” I hand him the bottle of tequila. “Here, this will make you feel better.”
He takes the bottle from my hand, but he doesn’t drink it. Instead, he sits down on the table. His arm remains wrapped around my waist.
“What are you doing here?” I ask. With a grin I add, “Did you miss me?”
Even in my drunken state, I remember exactly what he said. I can’t help thinking that if he’s the one trapping me, I wouldn’t mind being trapped. I can be the queen of my own decisions without him feeling insecure.
“Are you having fun?” He asks, instead of answering my question.
“I am. I’ve never danced so much in my life,” I say with a giggle. I arch up to kiss his neck, sucking on the skin lightly. He smells good enough to eat. I’m all too aware of his fingers pressing into my waist, his chest rising and falling against mine.
I can’t help sliding a hand under his shirt and feeling his warm skin.
“Come dance with me,” I say.
“Absolutely not, let’s go ho—”