30. 30
30
Tilly
I don’t see Dexter until Monday night and it’s horrible.
I have the girls with me for the weekend, and there is no way I can allow Dexter into the apartment with them. I’ve never expressed an interest in another man, and them coming home to find him here would lead to too many questions.
It would be too much for them to handle.
I don’t know if they could handle me dating, let alone having sex. No one wants to think of their mother as a sexual being, especially not teenagers. But thanks to Dexter, every inch of my body explicitly realizes I’m a sexual being.
Every inch of my body feels a little different, like it’s gone through a metamorphosis. I was in a cocoon and now I’m making my way into becoming a butterfly.
Maybe. It’s early. There is still time for something to go wrong, for Dexter to decide he’s had enough, that I’m too old, not sexy enough. That the sex isn’t that good.
The sex might be the best I’ve ever had, but Dexter has been with lots of women. It might not be the best; simply adequate. Mediocre.
Carlos’s voice is in my head, asking why I don’t like sex more.
His voice is at war with Dexter. The way Dexter texts me constantly—sexy texting. The way he drops innuendos, makes comments about how much he wants me, what he’s thinking about.
He loves telling me about how I sound. That turns him on.
Long after the girls go to bed on Sunday night, he FaceTimes me and tells me exactly what he wants me to do to me.
I make myself come, holding my phone in my hand, as he watches. As he makes himself come.
Put that on the list.
I miss him. I have no idea how that is possible. I barely know him and now I want to spend every minute with him?
I don’t know him.
But I do know that he likes basketball and reading books with magic and dragons and won’t finish it if the world-building isn’t done well. He plays video games, but not the ones with military or guns.
His friends are important to him.
I seem to be important to him.
I’m so glad the girls kept me busy with shopping and getting me to help with homework. We went to a movie on Sunday afternoon. Because if I had to go through the weekend alone—I’m not sure that would have been a good idea.
Or if I could have even managed it.
It’s unbelievable how excited I am when Dexter comes over Monday night after his basketball game. It’s late so we watch T.V. for a bit and go to bed.
We have sex. And it’s still amazing.