5. Duncan #3
She regarded me cautiously. "I don't know if you're entirely joking, Duncan."
"Me either," I said with a laugh. “He wouldn't be murdered, but it would not go well for him." I looked at her. "I still can't believe your ex said that to you.”
"I couldn't either." She sighed, squeezing her eyes shut.
"I know it's stupid, but I just…I've never been able to let that go.
He did and said a lot of dumb, hurtful shit in the years we were together.
He cheated on me, and that's what made me break up with him, but he did a lot of other stuff before that.
I honestly forgave him for way too much, let way too much go.
I should have broken up with him over that alone, but I didn't. I don't even really know why. "
"Rune, it's not stupid."
"It just…it hurt, you know? Like, why is that gross? It's gross to you? I put your penis in my mouth. I swallowed your cum. You let me do it, and you certainly enjoyed it. But then it's gross?"
"Did he ever return the favor?" I asked.
She shrugged. "Sometimes. It wasn't his favorite thing, but he'd go down on me once in a while."
I shook my head. "There's nothing gross about it. It's an act of generosity, Rune. If you don't think it's gross, neither should he. He should be grateful you did it at all."
"I certainly never did again," she said, "I can tell you that. And guess what? Not a month later, I found out he cheated on me."
"Wow. What a fucking tool."
She looked up at me. "I haven't done that to anyone since then, Duncan. After he cheated on me and I found out, I broke up with him, kicked him out of my apartment, and left LA. That was over two months ago. I've been on a self-imposed celibacy kick ever since. Until now, at least."
"Rune, I—"
"You don't have to say anything, Duncan. I know you're not him. It's okay."
I shook my head. “It's fucking not. I would never have let things go there if I'd known."
She rolled her eyes at me. "Duncan, I chose to do it.
I wanted to. I don't mind doing it. Under the right circumstances, I even enjoy it.
" She sat up and hugged the sheet to her chest, regarding me intensely.
"And these were the right circumstances, Duncan, I promise.
I wouldn't have done it if I didn’t want to.
It was just when you wanted to kiss me after that I…
I got in my head, a little bit. I heard him say that all over again, and I…
I guess I sort of felt like it must be true. I don't mind the taste, but—"
“It shouldn't be an ‘I don’t mind it’ situation, Rune. If you're not totally into it, then you shouldn't do it. Not for anyone.”
She looked away from me. "I was totally into it, Duncan, I promise. It was just you wanting to kiss me after, that threw me for a loop. After what Hayes said, I guess I unconsciously or maybe even consciously assumed all men feel the same way. I mean, I guess I get it? Straight men wouldn’t want to taste cum, I suppose. "
I laughed. "I mean, no. But it's my own cum, for one thing. And after you did something that intimate for me, how could I possibly be anything but grateful? How could I not want to kiss you, even just to try to show my gratitude?”
She shrugged. "I don’t know, Duncan. Don’t ask me.
" She looked at me. "I enjoyed going down on you. While this whole wedding thing is happening, I’m totally down to keep hooking up with you, and I'll absolutely want to do that again. I appreciate you taking my side, but you don’t have to work so hard to convince me that you're not a piece of shit like Hayes Motherfucking Willoughby. I see it very clearly."
I frowned. “I’m not trying to convince you of anything. If I have to work to convince you that I’m not a piece of shit, then I've already failed at not being a piece of shit. It should be really fucking obvious."
"It is," she said. "I promise." She leaned toward the bedside table, tapped her phone to check the time. "It's super late. We both need sleep."
I heard what she wasn’t saying: she wanted me to leave. I felt a little hurt, if I was being honest with myself. I thought we'd shared something more than just a hookup. I didn't expect her to let me stay the night with her, but I guess I hoped for more than an “okay, that was fun, bye-bye.”
Nonetheless, I slid out of the bed, stepped into my shorts, shrugged on my hoodie, and stuffed my feet into my slides, checked that I had my phone and wallet, pausing at the door. "Rune—"
She left the bed, leaving the sheet to walk naked toward me. She touched my chest with the fingertips of her right hand, gazing up at me. "Don't, Duncan.”
"Don't what?"
"Say anything else sweet."
"Why not?"
She didn’t answer, just stared up at me silently.
I sighed. "Fine." I couldn't help myself—I bent, caught her jaw in my hand, and kissed her. "Y'know what I taste?"
"Duncan… don't ."
I stepped closer, palmed her belly, slid my fingers lower—she gasped when I slipped my middle finger inside her.
"This." I withdrew the finger, stepped away from her, opened the door enough to admit my body, and paused in the opening long enough to make a show of popping that finger into my mouth. "Sweet as honey."
Her gasp was equal parts amused and scandalized, leaving me chuckling to myself as I left the hostel and went home.