6. Rune
Chapter Six
Rune
S leep was slow in coming. My thoughts were racing, chaotic, and confusing.
That was just a fun hookup…right? Duncan and me, it's not a thing. It can't be a thing. I don't want it to be a thing.
But my god —the orgasms the man gave me were seriously next level.
I’m not sure what time I fell asleep, but out of long habit, I woke up not much past seven. I dozed off again until nine, and then my bladder made me wake up all the way. I showered, put on some black stretchy booty shorts, a tank top, and flip-flops, and went in search of caffeine.
I found it at the breakfast place I'd been to previously. Once I was fed and caffeinated, I strolled the boardwalk and tried not to think about Duncan, his wicked mouth, or his big, fat, beautiful cock.
Or how sweet he was afterward, wanting to kiss me, to hold me, talk to me.
My previous boyfriends were starting to seem more and more like unmitigated assholes, and I blame Duncan…who isn't my boyfriend, nor even a friend with benefits.
He’s just a hookup. That's it. Just a hookup.
My phone rang then, Lindsey's name and face appearing on the screen. "Hey, Linz," I said, accepting the call. "What's up, bitch?"
"So you and this Duncan dude."
"We're just friends," I lied.
Lindsey just guffawed. "Ohhhh- kay ," she mocked. "You got laid. I can hear it in your voice."
"I did not, and you cannot."
“Something happened. I know you, hooker. You can't keep anything from me."
"Ugh. Are you in Ketchikan, yet?”
"I was about to be, but then the hotel burned down and I decided to just fly directly to Anchorage tomorrow."
"And where are Raquel and Hamish?"
"I think they were planning on arriving there today sometime. The flight is tomorrow, right?"
"I think so? I don't know.” I huffed. “How did I get stuck planning this, anyway? I didn’t even want to come.”
"Since you're in Ketchikan and hooking up with a local hottie."
"We're not hooking up."
My phone burbled, indicating she wanted to switch from voice to FaceTime; I accepted the invitation, and her face popped up on the screen. She took one look at me and squealed. "You liar ! You're totally hooking up with the boy. Tell me everything."
"Linz, I'm not—"
She held up a finger. "Nope. Do not try to lie to me, Rune Rigby. I know you. You're smiling. You haven't smiled once since you found out about Hayes Motherfucking Willoughby cheating on you. You've been positively dour .”
I rolled my eyes at the screen. "Did you buy a thesaurus?"
"Fuck you, no. I have an excellent vocabulary, thank you very much." She brought the phone so close all I could see was one big eyeball. "Now. Details , slutty-buns."
I sighed. I knew she wouldn't let it go. "Fine. We messed around."
She waited for a good thirty seconds, and then huffed. "Well? And ? What does messed around entail? Did you come? On a scale from cocktail wiener to kielbasa, how big is his sausage?"
"My god, you're such a nosy lunatic, you know that?" I said, sighing.
"Yes, but you love me. Now. I'm currently in the middle of a horrible dry spell. I haven't so much as laid eyes on a real-life dick in weeks , so I'm going to have to live vicariously through you. Which means I need details . Now spill it, sister."
I spilled. I related every salacious detail—the phone sex, him showing up, the multiple orgasms, a detailed description of his dick, going down on him, my reaction, his…
When I was done, Lindsey was quiet for a long time. "Interesting."
I frowned at the screen. "Interesting? What the hell does that mean?"
"I don't know yet. My spidey senses are tingling, but I can't pinpoint why just yet. I think there's more to this with you and Duncan—and his donkey dick—than you're willing to admit to yourself."
"No, there's not," I argued. "He lives in fucking Alaska .”
"And? You have no idea what you're doing with your life, girl. Maybe Alaska is in your future."
"You take that back, Lindsey Snelling. I do too have an idea. and it does not include Alaska."
She laughed. “Oh, so you suddenly know what you're doing when you get back to LA, do you? That would be what, exactly?"
I cleared my throat. "Things. And…stuff. Get a job. And do…things. And…stuff."
She just laughed. "Girl, you're in trouble ."
"He's sweet, and hot as fuck, and gives good orgasms. But my foreseeable future does not include men. This is just a bit of fun before I go back to real life. That's it."
"You don't do casual sex, babe. That's the one hard and fast rule you've never broken. That and always using protection."
"We came so close to doing it without a condom, Linz," I admitted. "Like, scary close.”
"And you weren't drunk?" she asked.
"Not a drop. Just crazy horny."
"H-M-W really did a number on you, mentally, emotionally, and physically," Lindsey said, sighing. "I was honestly worried you'd turn into a spinster after that. I'm really glad to hear your libido is back."
"Me too, to be honest," I said. "If nothing else, I'll have to thank Duncan for flipping that switch back on."
"You can thank him by giving him lots and lots of hot monkey sex," she said, laughing. "Maybe even throw in a few spontaneous, just-because blowjobs."
"Do you do that for your boyfriends?" I asked.
"You know, I haven't had a real boyfriend in almost a year. Not since Damian. I've had a few longer-term situationships, but I haven't dated anyone seriously since Damian."
"That's understandable. That was messy." I paused. “But it doesn’t answer my question."
"Everyone is different, Rune," she said.
"Linz."
She sighed. "I'm weird about B-Js, okay? I talk mad game, but I'm actually kinda shy about it.”
"You are a terrible liar, Lindsey."
"I'm not lying! Like I said, I talk a lot of shit, but it's all shit."
"You're all talk, you mean."
"No! I like sex. I love sex. But…" she trailed off with a sigh. "Why are we talking about me?"
“Because we've done nothing but talk about me since everything happened with Hayes. I care about you. I don’t want to talk about me anymore. I want to put the Hayes Motherfucking Willoughby chapter of my life behind me."
"You know my stuff, Rune. Everything that happened with Danny when I was twelve.
Acting out afterward. Going to therapy. I'm doing better, but I'm just…I’m still messed up.
It's hard. I like sex, but I still get hung up.
Especially about oral stuff. I know I should be past it by now, but I'm not.
And it's not something I can talk to people about.
Especially not guys." She went quiet. "That's why Damian left me, actually. "
I gaped at the phone. “ Lindsey ! You told me it was mutual!"
"I lied,” she admitted on a sigh. “I was embarrassed. He broke up with me because I'm weird about sex. He's a big oral guy. He loves getting B-Js, almost more than sex, and loves going down on girls. We’d spend hours on foreplay."
I coughed. “ Hours ? I call bullshit."
"Maybe not actually hours, but a long fucking time.
An hour at least, and I did time that, once.
It can be fun, but it's exhausting. Sometimes I just wanted to fuck and go to sleep, but all he wanted to do was play around all night.
I got tired of the foreplay. And while I was mostly okay with the oral stuff, after a while it'd…
it'd start to mess with me. Because that's what Danny used to make me do to him.
I've done a lot of fucking therapy to get past it.
Faced my issues. Learned how to block the memories out so I can enjoy intimacy.
I didn't want to let what Danny did to me keep me from enjoying every aspect of sex, and I've mostly succeeded. But I’m still weird about it.
So the short answer is that no, I don't typically go down on guys until I’m comfortable with them.
Because sometimes I still freak out. Not often, but it happens.
And if I'm with some random dude from the bar or whatever, and I freak out because I have a flashback or something, it gets messy and awkward. He thinks he did something and how do I explain that it’s not him without dumping my whole cargo ship full of trauma on the poor unsuspecting schmuck? "
"God, Linz, I'm such a shitty friend. I'm sorry."
"Oh for fuck's sake, Rune, don't be an idiot. I didn’t talk about it on purpose."
"But I'm your best friend, Linz. You should be able to talk to me about this stuff. I tell you everything."
"Rune, I love you. You're my best friend, and the only person I truly trust. I mean that. But the whole ‘I was molested’ thing is something I don't talk about to anyone except my therapist. It's messy, painful, and talking about it doesn't really do anything. I have coping strategies. I'm okay."
"Linz, babe. You lied to me about why you and Damian broke up. How would you feel if the situations were reversed?" I sighed. "Look, you have the right to handle it however you want. I know that. You don't owe me anything. I won't bring it up. But know that I'm here. I love you. I'm here for you."
She sniffled. "Gah, dammit, Rune, I just put on mascara, so don't make me cry.
" Another sniff. "I love you too, Rune. I'm sorry I lied.
I just…I didn't know how to explain the whole thing.
I mean, it sounds pretty bad when I say my boyfriend dumped me because I wouldn't suck his dick as much as he wanted. "
"That sounds bad because it is bad, babe."
"I know. But it was more complicated than that.
Damian isn't a bad guy. I'm not mad at him. I don’t hate him.
I won't shit talk him. I was hurt when he broke up with me, but I got it. It was…it was more of a misalignment of what we wanted out of sex. We were super compatible in pretty much every other way. Our issue was sexual—we just weren’t sexually compatible, and honestly, looking back, Damian was right to break up with me.
It just hurt. It was hard to not feel like it was my fault.
Like I should be able to get past my hangups. "