14. Rune #3
He waited, but I didn't say anything else—my mind was racing a million miles per hour and I didn't know where to start.
"Rune…" he looked away, then back at me. "If you hadn't freaked out and left, we would've realized we hadn't used condoms, and we could've gotten you Plan B."
“I know," I said, miserable, having considered that…oh, a billion times at this point. "Trust me, I know."
"Are you…" He gnawed on the inside of his cheek, thinking. "I don't know how to ask this."
I swallowed hard, met his eyes. "Am I keeping it?"
He nodded. "Yeah."
I shrugged. "I don't know, Duncan. I really don't. I've only known for a few days. And to be honest, I've spent the majority of that time having what amounts to one continuous panic attack. I haven't taken a full breath since I took the first test."
He nodded. "I suppose that's understandable."
"We should go back to the house," I said. "As much as I'd rather stay in my hideout and pretend none of this is real."
He grinned, looking around at my little nook. "Sweet hideout, though. Dane and I would've put up walls and tried to get a PlayStation down here."
I snickered. "Boys. You can't just enjoy something the way it is—you always have to try and improve things."
He laughed at this. “That's facts, though. But for him and I, it was more about the fact that we were seriously addicted to gaming."
"Shocking," I deadpanned. "And you're not anymore?"
He shrugged. "Nah, not really. Hard to be when you work the hours I do. We’ll play a few rounds when we're both home, but Dane is taking classes at the community college and working for a landscaping company, so he's as busy as I am."
He stood up and extended a hand to me; I took it and let him pull me to my feet. He yanked a bit too hard, though, and I stumbled forward into his chest.
"Oof," he huffed as I collided with him; his deep, rich brown eyes met mine, sparking and fraught with a billion emotions. "Hi."
My hands went flat against his chest, and his grazed down my back, stopping at the base of my spine, just above my butt. All I could see were his eyes, all I could smell was his scent, and with his hands on me and his arms framing me, for a minute I could almost believe it would all work out.
In that moment, looking up at him, I wasn't afraid.
"Here they are!" Lindsey’s voice shattered the moment. “Her secret hideout. Told you she'd be here."
I peered up at Lindsey, who grinned down at me, her smile widening as she took in my proximity to Duncan, the placement of his hands.
Another face appeared—Duncan’s brother. He could be his twin, and very well might be—all Duncan said was that Dane is his brother.
He had the same auburn hair, the same deep brown eyes, similar facial structure.
He even had the same knowing, devil-may-care, charm-your-underwear-off smirk.
"Dunky-punky," the brother said. "You left me alone with your girl's family. How do I explain to them that I don't need to be adopted? I think Kelly is about to knit me a stocking for their mantel."
Lindsey arched an eyebrow at me. “Is your twin always like this?"
Duncan sighed, nodding. "Yes, he is, unfortunately. Also, we're Irish twins, not real twins." He flipped his brother off. "And I've told you a zillion fucking times, fuck-face, don't call me that. Unless you like shitting teeth."
Dane sputtered derisively. "Okay, fuck-monkey. Come up here and try."
I eyed Lindsey, who widened her eyes at me, flicked them at Dane, and then wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.
Oh boy.
Duncan has a brother who’s every bit as hot as he is, and possibly even more ridiculous.
Dane turned to face Lindsey, crossing his arms over his broad, muscular chest. "Eyebrow wiggling? Really? You have heard of peripheral vision, have you not? I'm not a piece of meat, Lindsey . If you want to ogle me, woman up and do it to my face."
"I wasn't ogling, Dane . I was…communicating. With my friend. And what I was communicating is none of your beeswax."
He cackled. "Wow, I haven't heard 'beeswax' in a hot minute."
Lindsey ignored him, giving me a serious look. "Your parents sent us to find you."
"Great," I muttered. I glanced at Duncan. "C'mon, let’s get this over with."
Duncan frowned. "Should I be worried? Your dad could give my Uncle Bax a run for his money in the huge and intimidating department." He shot a speculative look at the view beyond our property line, which dropped away precipitously. "I could take my chances that way?"
I grabbed his hand and led him around the retaining wall and up toward the house. "I'm the only one allowed to run from this situation."
Duncan looked at his brother over his shoulder. "If I don't make it, you can have my PlayStation games collection."
Dane adopted a pious expression and crossed himself. "Go with God, my brother. Peace be with you."
Lindsey cackled. "Not even gonna back him up, huh?"
"Hell to the fuck no! I saw that dude. He could rip my arm and beat me to death with it, and I prefer my limbs attached, thanks very much.
I'm here for moral support, not backup if things go wrong.
" Dane shoved his hands in his pockets. "Plus, Dunc got himself into this mess, he can get himself out. Life lessons and all that."
Duncan looked at me. "See what I have to deal with?"
I just shook my head. "Dad isn't going to hurt you. Stop being ridiculous. We just have to have a very serious conversation that I really don't want to have."
“In all seriousness, Rune, we really do have to figure this out.
" He pulled me to a stop and took my other hand so he was holding both, facing me.
"I'm not going anywhere. You can't shut me out of this.
If you really don't want to even think about being with me, fine.
That sucks, it's not what I want to hear at fucking all, but I'm a big boy.
I can handle it. What I won't allow is being shut out entirely. Okay?"
I swallowed hard, yanking my hands out of his and stalking angrily toward the house. "One thing at a time, Dunc. I'm barely hanging on to my sanity as it is. I can't even think about you and me right now. Let's get through this talk with my parents and go from there, okay? Please?"
Duncan trotted after me, catching up. "Fine. I get it."
"Great." I didn't look at him—I couldn't.
I knew I was still being massively unfair to him—this wasn't his fault. Or, it was, but it was equally mine. I had no right to punish him with the attitude I was giving him, I just couldn't seem to stop myself.
We reached the patio with its rose-garbed gazebo, where my parents were sitting side by side on a wicker outdoor couch.
Dad, a mug of coffee looking like a toy teacup in his colossal paw, gave me the look I hated more than any other—disappointment. "Duncan, I need a word alone with my daughter." His gaze caught briefly on our joined hands, then flicked to me.
I took a seat on the loveseat facing them. "Just say what you need to say, Dad."
Duncan looked a little panicky, looking from Dad to me and back. "I, uh…I don't mind giving you guys privacy to talk, Rune."
I grabbed his hand, yanked him to the loveseat, and hauled him down to sitting by his belt loop. "I don't need privacy. I need to get this over with. So just say what you need to say so we can all move on."
Mom patted Dad's knee, silencing him before he could answer me.
"Rune, you really need to check yourself, honey.
This negative, combative attitude isn't helping anyone.
" She shifted forward off the couch and knelt in front of me, taking my hands.
"I know you're scared, upset, and probably pretty angry.
I get that. But being petulant and lashing out at everyone who is just trying to help you and be there for you isn't doing you any favors. "
My damned stupid eyes burned all over again, and I tipped my head back, sniffing hard and groaning. "Gah! I'm so sick of crying."
Mom squeezed my hands, shockingly hard. "Rune, sweetie, you have to stop fighting your feelings. It's okay .”
"It's not okay!" I shouted, yanking free of her and rocketing to my feet. "Nothing is okay!"
Duncan was there before anyone, dragging me against his chest—his scent enveloped me and his strong arms surrounded me and my breath whooshed out of me and the strength left me.
"She means it's okay to feel what you feel.
This situation feels impossible—I get that.
And I mean I really fucking get it, Rune.
" He pulled away enough to meet my eyes, brushing my wild, flyaway hair out of my eyes with his middle fingertips.
"You're clenching your butthole, figuratively speaking. "
I cackled, pulling away. "Wow, that was absolutely not what I expected you to say, Dunc."
He didn't let me go, hauling me back to him.
"I know. It's crude, but true. You’re all tensed up and closed off.
You're self-isolating. You don't have to lean on me—I'd love it if you did, but I'll understand if you're not there.
But your parents, Lindsey, whoever else you have in your life—you can lean on them.
You can open up and let go. You're not alone. "
I shook my head, tears welling, blurring my vision. "Stop, Dunc. Just stop."
"No." He held the back of my neck in a gentle hand. "Let go."
"I can't," I whispered.
"You can."
I shook my head, struggling to get away. When I thrashed violently against his hold, he was forced to let go. "Leave me alone!"
I staggered away into the grass, unable to see through the blaze of tears, throat hot and tight, lungs a solid block of stone, thoughts and emotions a chaotic, violent hurricane within me.
Strong arms wrapped around me yet again, and I thrashed. "Leave me alone, Duncan!"
Dad's voice rumbled softly in my ear. "It's me, Sweet-Pea. Take a deep breath for me."
"I c-c-can't!" I wailed.
He inhaled slowly, counting. "With me, Rune. One…two…three…four…"
My lungs wouldn’t cooperate. "I c-c-can't!"