Chapter 19 #2
Lily caught Wren’s eye, not sure if she should join her moms and Nell or stay with her and Nate in the kitchen, but Wren tilted her head towards the table, flashing her a smile that said Go hang out, I’ll be there soon.
Soon came quickly as Wren set a platter of perfectly grilled patties in the middle of the table, accompanied by all the toppings someone could possibly want.
Now that Lily thought about it, this was the first time she had ever actually seen Wren cook.
They would either get takeout or reheat frozen meals, or just eat at one of her moms’ houses.
Wren slid into the empty seat next to Lily, her knee bouncing slightly. “Dig in.”
As they ate, Lily listened to Wren detail the ins and outs of her days here at the facility.
She was still training—two sessions a day following a specific training plan to keep her in top shape and ready to return to play when she was done here—and then therapy (group and individual), as well as life skill development time (where Wren had opted to learn how to cook).
“Thank you again for, you know—uh—coming to see me. I mean, shit, it’s literally the other side of the country for you guys.” Wren gestured to Lily and her moms, clumsily fumbling over her words in a way Lily recognized as the precursor to Wren getting ready to share something deep or vulnerable.
“Family shows up for each other,” Sarah said, beaming at Wren.
“Yeah, right—uh, about that.” Wren straightened in her chair.
“I just wanted to, you know, apologize for my behavior that night… You know, my birthday. I did not make the best choices, and I understand the strain and the toll it’s taken on all of you, and just—thank you for helping me land on my feet,” she finished, nervously reaching for her water glass.
Surprisingly, it was Nell who spoke next. “Like Sarah said, family shows up for each other.” She held her glass up, the others following suit. “To family having each other’s backs,” she said, the sound of clinking glassware echoing off the hard surfaces on the pool deck.
“To family,” Lily said in unison with everyone, her eye catching Wren’s once again.
After lunch and after they had all pitched in to clean up, Lily sat alone in a chair by the pool watching the ripples in the water. A tap on her shoulder pulled her focus away.
“Thanks for hanging out, I had to go take care of that post-meal check-in.” Wren beamed down at her.
Lily smiled. “Yeah, no worries. I know you’ve got things you need to do.”
Wren slid into the seat across from her, leaning back and crossing one long leg over the other before changing her mind. She placed both feet on the ground, smoothing the nonexistent wrinkles on her shorts, then stilled abruptly.
“Sorry, I’m a little…”
“Nervous?” Lily filled in, feeling almost relieved that she wasn’t the only one feeling that way. “Me too.”
Wren’s shoulders visibly relaxed as she leaned back. “Really?”
Lily nodded. “Weird, right? Because it’s just, like, you and me, but yeah. If I’m being honest, I’ve been a little nervous to see you since, you know…everything.” Her words fell off, Wren’s gaze shifting slightly to where her moms, Nell, and Nate sat a little ways away.
“Do you want to walk down to the beach with me? The ocean here is so different than in Washington. The water isn’t even close to blue.”
“Sure.”
Wren stood, Lily joining her, a moment passing before Wren held out her hand to Lily, leading her down a pathway away from the estate.
The walk was short, neither of them saying anything other than commenting on how nice the weather was, a definite change of pace from the grayness of Seattle.
The sound of the ocean grew closer as they moved down the wooden slat walkway dusted with sand.
At the end was a guard stand. Wren waved hello to the woman inside, who returned a little salute.
“Sorry about that, you know…with it being rehab, people are always kind of…watching.” Wren shrugged, bumping her hip into Lily as they walked towards the water. “So…you’ve been pretty quiet today.”
“Yeah.” She shrugged. “Like I said, I was feeling pretty nervous about seeing you.”
They stopped right before the sand began to change colors as they approached the water’s edge. Lily slipped off her shoes then her socks, sinking her toes into the cool, grainy sand.
She didn’t say anything else as she moved towards the water, the sound of the crashing waves filling her ears, the push and pull of the ocean drawing the water closer to her until it splashed up around her shins, cold, exhilarating.
The tide pulled against her as water rushed back out, sinking her feet deeper into the spot where she stood.
Lily inhaled deeply, turning to face Wren, searching her puzzled green eyes. She reached a hand up, cupping Wren’s cheek, her thumb brushing over the freckles on her cheekbones. Wanting to memorize the feeling of the heat of Wren in the palm of her hand.
Wren sighed, leaning into the touch. “I know you’re mad at me about my birthday. I fucked that up pretty spectacularly,” she whispered, her words barely audible over the waves.
Lily wasn’t listening, though, as her eyes dropped to Wren’s prefect lips, being completely overwhelmed by the need to feel them on hers. So she did, pressing up onto her tiptoes as Wren dipped her head to meet her.
Time stopped, the noise of the crashing waves drowning out every thought from her brain except the deep appreciation for the way Wren knew how to kiss her.
Wren knew every one of her preferences and wants when it came to kissing.
Like how Lily preferred being the top lip or how she really didn’t like kissing with tongue, or how a slight tug of her hair drove her absolutely wild.
She had never had to explain to Wren how to kiss her—she had just innately known, like it was something she had always been destined to do.
“I’ll say anything to get you not to be mad at me,” Wren muttered against Lily’s lips. “Tell me what you want me to say.” Wren’s breath was hot and familiar against her as their foreheads pressed together.
Lily’s heart sank at Wren’s words, because that was exactly the whole problem, wasn’t it? “I don’t want to have to tell you what to say. I want you to take accountability and know what you’re apologizing for.”
“Lils, I—”
Lily’s question was soft and low as it left her lips. “What do you think I’m upset about? In your own words.”
“You’re mad about my party. And how I showed up drunk already. Which I totally shouldn’t have, but in my defense, I didn’t know there was going to be a party because, you know, it was a surprise. If I had known, I would have paced myself… I’m not an idiot.”
“I’m not saying you are.”
“Then what are you saying, because I don’t know what you want to hear from me.”
Tears burned at the corners of Lily’s eyes as she turned her head away, not wanting Wren to see her cry, her understanding sinking in with a clear finality. She knew what she needed to do—but that didn’t mean she liked having to do it.
“I love you, Wren.” Her voice was barely audible above the wind whipping sand around their ankles; their feet sank deeper with each wave that rushed past them, and the chill of the water stung her skin.
“You are the best person I’ve ever known, but I can’t be the person you look to again and again to tell you how you feel about everything.
You’re in rehab… You get how serious this is, right? ”
“I mean, it’s mostly just a PR move to, you know, cover for the citation. Which was such bullshit, and everyone knows it.”
Lily didn’t have the words to respond as she stared at Wren in disbelief, because how could she be so disconnected from what was going on?
Wren’s facial expression shifted rapidly, sensing that she hadn’t quite landed on what Lily wanted to hear.
“I mean, like, yeah, I know it’s serious, and umm… ” Wren’s voice dropped off nervously.
Lily sighed in frustration, pulling her feet out of the wet sand with a squelch and moving away from the water.
“Where are you going?” Wren called after her, still standing by the water. But Lily didn’t answer. By the time Wren joined her, she already had both her shoes on, sand uncomfortably rubbing against her skin in her socks. “Lily?”
“You never take anything seriously, Wren!” she snapped, getting to her feet, heat coursing through her as she finally allowed the gate holding back her anger to fly open, releasing the river of everything she usually held back.
“I know thinking about hard or uncomfortable feelings isn’t your thing, but I need you to wake up and take this seriously.
Soccer is everything you love and all of that could have disappeared.
But it doesn’t feel like you’re getting that.
” Lily threw her hands up in frustration, crossing them before letting them fall by her sides again.
“Because it didn’t happen, Lily, everything’s fine. All I’ve gotta do is stay here for a month and then I get to go back.”
Anger welled inside Lily’s body because how was Wren still not understanding?
“But it could have and the only reason it didn’t is because my mom made sure you ended up here.” Lily waved her arms around her. “This isn’t normal rehab, Wren—this is privileged rehab.”
Her chest heaved, wind whipping hair across her face.
“You’re a professional athlete in rehab after getting arrested for public drunkenness.
And yeah, you’re right, this might be a PR move, but maybe it’s also a chance to learn how to open up in a safe space.
God knows you need to learn how to do that.
” Lily’s chest heaved as the slightest hint of regret settled over her with the realization that she may have said too much.
Wren’s eyes were glued to the ground, shoulders hunched, not making any attempt to interject as she let Lily finish.