45. Carina
FORTY-FIVE
CARINA
When the boats head out tomorrow, I’m planning to send a special treat them with.
I also requested time off with George. He approved my half day so I could see them off.
For the treat, I called my favorite local bakery, Harbor Delights, and ordered several loaves of bread for the crews of both the Brina and Emilie.
When placing the order, I mentioned it was for some crabbing boats and requested banana bread because most people like it.
Not even an hour after I placed the order, an unknown number calls me.
“Hello,” I answer hesitantly.
“Is this Carina?” the woman on the other end asks.
“It is. How can I help you?”
The woman lets out a sigh. “I was hoping I had the correct number. My employee’s handwriting is not the best. This is Sally, the owner of Harbor Delights. I just saw your order of six loaves of banana bread. Is that correct?”
“Yes, that won’t be a problem, will it?” I ask, concerned that I should have ordered sooner.
“Oh, heaven’s no, darling. My employee jotted down they were for some crabbing boats. Is that right?”
Confused, I answer, “Yes, that’s correct.”
Sally pauses. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your business, but I cannot in good conscience make banana bread for any boats going to sea.”
“What? Why?”
“As the wife of a fisherman, my Simon told me once when we were dating that bananas were thought to be bad luck on boats. I don’t know if the fishermen you are delivering the bread to have the same superstition, but it won’t change my mind.
I’d be happy to make any other kind for you, just not that one. ”
You’d think with a dad who worked the docks since before I was born, I would have heard at least some fishing superstitions, but I obviously don’t know any. “I didn’t realize. Thank you for calling, Sally. I would love to change the bread to pumpkin streusel if that’s not too much trouble.”
Sally clicks her tongue. “It’s no trouble at all. I appreciate you changing your order. I’ll have your six loaves ready first thing in the morning. Thank you, Carina.”
Once the call ends, I blow out a breath. Thanks to Sally, I dodged a bullet. I would have felt horrible sending them out to sea with bad luck.
That night, after work, Henrik and I spend the entire evening wrapped around each other.
There’s not much conversation other than what our bodies say to each other.
With my head on his chest, the rhythm of his breathing lures me into complete relaxation.
Because of his confidence and commitment to doing what he can to get home, I’m at peace when I drift to sleep cradled in his muscular arms.
Henrik left the house early this morning to finish his last few chores before they set sail.
While getting ready this morning, I allow myself a good cry in the shower.
Stopping by Harbor Delights on my way to the docks, I pick up the six loaves of bread Sally made.
Each one has a fishing saying or quote tied to it.
Quickly looking over them, my favorite is one by John Buchan that reads, “The charm of fishing is that it is the pursuit of what is elusive but attainable, a perpetual series of occasions for hope.”
Smiling, I step onto the familiar wooden dock and make my way over to the slips for the Emilie and Brina.
“Carina,” Mia shouts as she bounces on her toes and waves her arms. Next to her are Mr. and Mrs. Berg, Henrik, Edgar, Eirik, and I’m guessing Eirik’s parents. When Henrik sees me, he steps forward with a wide smile.
“You came,” he whispers against my ear as he pulls me into a tight hug.
“Of course I came. I told you I would. I had to stop and get a treat for you guys to enjoy while you’re at sea.”
He steps back with wide eyes. “You did?”
I nod and hand him a bag. “It’s bread from Harbor Delights. And don’t worry, it isn’t banana.”
Henrik laughs. “Who told you about the bananas?”
I smile. “Sally did when she called to tell me she couldn’t in good conscience bake banana bread for any boats headed out.”
“Of course she did. Her husband is a fisherman too. This is really sweet. Thank you. Between you and Mia, we’re loaded down with goodies.”
Mia steps closer and hugs me before handing me a small bag of her monster cookies. “For me?” I ask excitedly.
“You bet. I think you like them as much as Eirik, and I knew I’d see you today.”
Eirik steps up. “You called?”
“Here,” I say as I hand him the other bag of bread. “It’s a treat for you and your crew.”
He pulls it open and looks inside. “It isn’t banana, is it?” he asks hesitantly.
“No, it isn’t,” Henrik growls.
Eirik jokingly wipes his brow. “Phew.” He smirks. “Thank you, Carina. The guys and I will devour it.”
Once he gets the last hugs out of the way with his family, Henrik returns to me and pulls me into his arms. When his lips touch mine, the world goes silent. It’s not a simple kiss. No, he steals my breath and sweeps me off my feet with a kiss that ravages my mouth.
Only when Eirik clears his throat dramatically do we emerge from the passion haze we’re trapped in. Everyone laughs as we wipe away the evidence.
Henrik leans close to my ear and drops his voice. “Gorgeous, I love you so much. And I’ll do everything in my power to come back to you.”
Lifting on my toes, I wrap my arms around his neck. “I love you too. Please be careful.”
With one last sweet kiss, he’s gone. Mia sticks her arm through mine. “They’ll be just fine,” she tells me. I hum because I don’t know if she’s saying it for my benefit or her own.
A few minutes later, the boats pull out of their slips.
Henrik follows Eirik out of the harbor. We all stand on the dock, waving as the boats get farther away from us.
It feels like Henrik’s taking a part of my heart with him, and as the distance between us grows, the deeper the ache in my chest gets. It’ll be okay.
“Mom. Dad,” Mia says when her parents move closer to us. When I meet Mrs. Berg’s kind eyes, I force a smile, not wanting to give away how much I’m already struggling.
With a gentle touch, she pats my arm. “Carina, darling, he’ll be okay.
” I hear what she’s saying, but my faith isn’t as strong as hers.
Unsure what to say, I just nod. My heart throbs against my breastbone.
I wish I weren’t so scared. Henrik helped me over the last few days to confront my concerns and fears.
But now that he’s gone, who will help me squash my mental dialogue? I’m all alone.
“Carina,” Mia says as she pulls me closer.
Lost in my thoughts, I mumble, “Huh?”
She squeezes me. “Mom invited us to dinner this weekend.”
Blinking tears back, I look at her and then over at Mrs. Berg. Her smile is wide and full of love. “If you’re free, that is,” she says.
Finally, I answer, “I am.”
She happily claps her hands together. “This is so exciting.” After the details have been sorted out, I give Mrs. Berg and Mia a hug before I head to work.
The rest of the afternoon is a blur. When I arrive home, I’m exhausted. While microwaving a bag of popcorn for dinner, my phone rings. My heart skips a beat, hoping it’s Henrik. Flipping over the phone, I see it’s Stacy.
Knowing I’m not ready to answer her questions about the job, I groan before I answer. “Hey, Stace.”
“Hey,” she answers in her bubbly voice. “Are you okay? You sound funny.”
“I’m just tired. It’s been a long few days, and Henrik left today for crabbing.”
I hear her suck in a breath. “Oh, Carina. I’m sorry. I forgot that was happening this week. When does he come back?”
Sitting down on my sofa, I sigh. “It’s anyone’s guess.
It just depends on how long it takes them to catch their quota.
Last night, he said between one and two months.
And then the state reopened opie season, so he’ll only be back for a few weeks, if even that long, before he heads back out for another undetermined amount of time. ”
“Wow. That is a long time to be at sea.”
“I know. I’m only half a day in and already not handling it well.”
“Well, hopefully, you’ll both be busy and the time apart will fly by.”
I smile. “I hope so. What’s up?”
Silence fills the line.
“It’s about the job, isn’t it?” I ask.
“Yep,” she answers, popping the P. “I’m curious if you gave it any more thought.”
“I finally heard from the researchers this afternoon, and they gave me all the details. The position sounds perfect, and it’s something I’m very interested in.
And like you said, it would be a great distraction for me while Henrik is at sea.
But my boss at KFCR said he couldn’t guarantee my job would still be available when I return.
I’m disappointed about that, but I understand.
I even did my research, asking about an unpaid sabbatical.
He explained that because I’m in an education position rather than a scientist position, there isn’t any way he’d get upper management approval. ”
Stacy groans. “That sucks. I was hoping we could have roomed together. My boss approved my leave today.”
A mix of emotions invades my exhausted body. I’m truly happy for my friend, but a tinge of jealousy swirls in my gut at the opportunity she’s getting. Feeling defeated, I slump deeper into my couch and let out a slow exhale before replying. I don’t want her to think I’m not happy for her.
“Congratulations, Stace. That’s so exciting. I’m bummed it didn’t work out for me, but I’m thrilled for you. I need to keep this job so I can stay in Kodiak. Stay near Henrik.” My heart thumps hard at the thought of him. I love him and already miss him so much.
“Carina,” she says. There’s a pause while I wait for her to continue. “Is he the one?”
Her question brings a smile to my face, and without a doubt, I answer, “He is.”
She sighs. “You’re so lucky. You’ve found your person.”
“I’m very lucky. Even if his life’s calling stresses me out.”
Stacy laughs. “You’re stronger than you think. You’ll overcome or learn to handle your fears and concerns regarding Henrik crab fishing. Life isn’t cruel enough to let you fall in love with him and then make him off-limits.”
I need to be strong. My worry is making life difficult. Every part of my body carries it, and I feel like a tightly wound coil. Pushing out my frustration with a labored breath, I groan. “Let’s hope.”
She scoffs. “You got this, babe. And I better be invited to the wedding. I always thought Kodiak sounded magical when you described it.”
“W-wedding?” I stutter and she laughs. “Whoa there. Slow your roll. I have to survive the first crabbing seasons before I even let my mind go there.”
“Yeah, I get it. Is there anything I can do to help?” she offers, reminding me how great of a friend she is.
“Actually, yes. Can you distract me with all the details of your time in Hawaii working with the whales? I want to know about it all. No item is too small or fact too boring. I need to wrap my brain around something constructive that I love.”
She laughs. “I can do that.”
The first genuine smile I’ve felt since Henrik left spreads across my face. “Thanks, Stace. I really appreciate it.”
“I fly out the day after tomorrow, so I better pack. I’ll update you on all the details of my time in Maui. I will overwhelm you with all the most interesting and tedious facts. I’ll flood our text thread with pictures of everything I see.”
I laugh. “You’re the greatest. I can’t wait. Don’t forget to pack your sunscreen.”
“Yes, Mom.” She laughs. “All teasing aside. I love you, Carina, and I’m so happy you found Henrik. I’ve no doubt these next few months will be hard, but I know you can handle it. I’m always here if you need to talk.”
Before hanging up, I say, “Love you too, Stace. And thank you for being you.”
He’s been gone for two days, and after another night of tossing and turning, I decide to change things up.
Henrik told me before he left that I’m welcome to stay at his house.
At first, I thought that might feel strange since he wouldn’t be there, but as soon as I step into his house after work today, carrying a duffle bag filled with clothes, my body relaxes and I instantly feel better.
The scent of his woodsy cologne swirls faintly around me, making me feel warm and protected.
Thank you, Henrik. If he’d never suggested staying at his house, I never would have considered it.
Sure, I have a key, but I don’t want to be presumptuous.
The last time I was here was the morning he left.
Logically, I know he isn’t here, but I feel him everywhere.
Closing my eyes, I savor being in his space.
It makes me feel closer to him. With my eyes still closed, I swear I hear him tell me to go into the kitchen.
Startled, I gasp and quickly open my eyes.
Darting my gaze around the room, I confirm I’m still alone.
But his voice had been so clear. Am I hallucinating due to my lack of sleep? Wishing he was here with me?
I step into the kitchen as memories of the day he left flood back.
When I’d left that morning, I had been in a rush.
I’d had to pick up the bread at the bakery before heading to the harbor.
In my hurried state, I hadn’t made my usual cup of coffee.
And that’s when I saw it. Trying to gauge if what I was seeing was real, I blinked rapidly.
When I was confident my vision was clear, I stepped forward and focused on the items sitting next to the coffeemaker.
There was a note in Henrik’s handwriting, and the most beautiful piece of sea glass I’ve ever seen.
Picking it up, I ran my fingers over its smooth texture.
It was large, over two and a half inches long.
Most of my collection consists of small pieces, well under an inch.
Turning the glass in my hand, I marveled at its uniqueness and beauty. Then I read his note.
Like pieces of sea glass, we’re brought ashore to be found and loved.
I’m so grateful we found each other, gorgeous.
I love you.
~Henrik
Overcome with his words, I’d held the note close to my heart, wishing he were there. My emotions had been at war. I’d been both happy and sad.
My grumpy crabber is the sweetest, most thoughtful, loving man, and I am privileged to be the recipient of his affection.
“Oh, Henrik. I miss you so much,” I’d said out loud in his empty kitchen as I attempted to soothe myself.
A rogue tear escaped, and I quickly wiped it away with the hand holding the sea glass.
It was as if it were my most prized possession.
I didn’t think I’d received anything so precious before.
I couldn’t put it into words, but I knew it would become the trophy of my entire collection.
With the gift clutched tightly in my fist, I’d stepped out onto his porch. It overlooked the harbor and made me feel closer to him. Closing my eyes, I whispered into the crisp night breeze, hoping my message would travel to him. “Thank you. I love it and I love you.”