56. Carina
FIFTY-SIX
CARINA
Yesterday, after leaving the dock, I’d stopped at the grocery store and grabbed a few prepared meals. My appetite has been nonexistent lately. Between worrying about Henrik’s safety and whether we were together anymore, my body was retaliating, making eating and sleeping a chore.
Stacy had called me last night while I’d been pushing my food around on my plate.
While she’d distracted me with all things whales and the research she’d been involved with, I’d force-fed myself an enchilada.
When I’d finished it, I had to admit it had been delicious and the first thing I’d enjoyed in forever.
Tonight, as I change into my most comfortable sweatpants and tank top, my mouth waters at the thought of the leftovers I have reheating. While pulling my hair into a high ponytail, the familiar beep of the microwave rings through the apartment.
After grabbing a glass of water and my dinner, I make my way to my couch. I plan to distract myself with some random Netflix show until bedtime. I have a sinking feeling this will be my life for the foreseeable future. I need to find a hobby, or maybe a girls’ night with Mia and Jen would help.
Just as I’m taking my first bite of the creamy, cheesy chicken dish, a knock sounds at the door. The knocking becomes insistent, and I huff while getting up and setting my dinner on the coffee table. Looking through the peephole, I suck in a breath when I see who it is. Henrik.
Feeling off balance, my hand shakes as I reach for the handle. Unable to make myself open the door, I lean forward, resting my forehead against it. My chest is tight as I draw in labored breaths. Another knock startles me, and I lick my dry lips.
Forcing myself to take another look through the peephole, I can’t handle seeing Henrik looking so disheveled.
My heart aches knowing he’s so close when he feels so far away.
The uncertainty of how the next moments will proceed has me tied in knots.
I want to let him in, but I don’t know if I can.
I did that once, and it nearly destroyed me.
Who’s to say it’ll be different this time?
But I gather my courage and open the door.
“Carina.” My name sounds rough coming off his lips.
Visions of him ending things cloud my mind.
It’s too much. Tears gather in my eyes. I’m not sure I can do this.
Resting his forearms on the doorframe, he leans into the space between us.
He isn’t touching me, but I’m surrounded by the heat his body is emitting.
The weight of the emotions hanging between us is crippling, and I reach out to steady myself.
My hand lands below his, and a shiver travels down my spine.
I close my eyes as I prepare for the inevitable.
Knowing it can’t be avoided, I force my eyes open and then whisper in a trembling voice, “Henrik, what are you doing here?” He remains quiet for a moment, and I close my eyes again because I can’t look him in the eye when he breaks my heart. I pray he makes it quick.
“I’m here for you,” he rasps. Confusion spins wildly in my gut. I’m doubtful I can trust him. He said he loved me, but how he reacted showed me the opposite.
“F-for me?” I stutter.
His gorgeous blue eyes are dark, captivating me. He says nothing, only nods his head. My doubt from earlier nags at me.
Needing to know this moment is real, I pinch myself. “Oww,” I say, rubbing the tender skin of my forearm. Henrik makes a disapproving sound deep in his throat, and I lift my eyes to his. Already stormy, they’re now wide and filled with concern.
“Why did you do that?” he asks.
“I wanted to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.”
He pushes off the doorframe and rises to his full height.
He steps closer to me and tentatively cups my chin, rubbing his thumb tenderly back and forth before he tips my head up.
“You aren’t dreaming, Carina. I’m here. And we need to talk.
” The seriousness of his words crashes down on me.
Now that I’m getting what I’ve been waiting for, I don’t want it.
I’m not ready to wade into what happened.
It’s too painful. And I’m still unsure what it means for us.
Questions form a line in my brain, waiting for their chance to be heard.
They’re all familiar, seeing as I’ve been asking them repeatedly since I found out he was angry with me.
Nerves buzz in my stomach like a swarm of agitated bees. “Okay,” I mumble. “Do you want to come in?” He nods, and I lead him over to the couch where I see my abandoned dinner. Needing a moment, I grab the plate. “Give me a second to wrap this up.” He sits down as I carry the plate into the kitchen.
When I head back to the couch, I try to calm my rapid breath. Not needing any distractions, I grab the remote and turn off the television. Slowly, I lower myself to the couch while I run through the apology I’ve been practicing for days.
I turn to him and open my mouth. But we speak at the same time, apologizing to one another. My cheeks grow hot. What does he have to apologize for? Just as I’m about to tell him his apology is unnecessary, he says, “Sorry, ladies first.”
Before I start, I reach out and set my hand on his arm.
I desperately need a physical connection.
“Henrik, first off, you have nothing to apologize about. I withheld information from you. I never should have done that because it could be interpreted as deceptive. I want you to know that was not my intent. Before you left, I had only just heard about the Hawaii job and didn’t think it’d be a possibility.
I wanted to gather all the details before I talked to you.
Honestly, I never thought I would be selected for the position because of my lack of experience in my current job.
I’d heard the position was temporary and was only interested because it would correspond with your crabbing schedule.
It seemed too good to be true. When I learned KFCR would not authorize a sabbatical for me, I turned it down.
I never planned to leave Kodiak or you. I was trying only to distract myself with something I loved while you were at sea. ”
Henrik reaches over and grabs my hand. Holding it like it’s the most precious thing.
His voice is low and gritty as he says. “I’m so sorry I jumped to conclusions.
I never should have allowed myself to believe you were going to leave me without a word.
” He brings my hand to his lips and places a chaste kiss on my knuckles.
His next words almost shattered my fragile heart. “Can you ever forgive me?”
I feel my chin wobble as my eyes fill with tears. “Yes, but can you ever forgive me?”
He nods before pulling a beautiful sea glass out of his pocket.
His large, calloused hand dwarfs it, making it appear miniature, but the shape is undeniable.
A heart. Handing it to me, he says the most beautiful thing.
“Sea glass is the ocean’s way of saying that nothing is truly broken, everything is in the process of being transformed. ”
“Henrik,” I say while staring into his blue eyes.
He reaches up with his free hand and tucks loose hairs behind my ear.
His hand lingers at my jaw just before moving behind my neck.
Nudging me forward, he meets me in the middle.
Only an inch apart, I can feel the heat of his breath on my lips.
The smell of minty toothpaste surrounds me as he waits for me to make the next move.
Closing my eyes, I touch my mouth to his.
From the moment we connect, sparks ignite within me.
“I’m so sorry, Henrik,” I whisper against his lips.
He pulls his head back, catching my eyes, and says, “I’m sorry, gorgeous.
I love you.” Then he lifts me onto his lap.
Leaning forward, I kiss him slowly, tasting the saltiness of our combined tears.
It’s the taste of forgiveness. Of the incredible gifts he’s given me, this, his forgiveness, is the best.
“I love you, Henrik.”
He wraps his arms around me, hugging me to his chest. “I missed you so much.” Releasing his tight hold and looking down at me, he waggles his eyebrows and murmurs, “I can’t wait to show you.”
That sounds like fun.
My cheeks grow hot as my mind fills with images of us. “You know, they say make-up sex is supposed to be the best.”
He smirks and cuts off further conversation by kissing me passionately.
Waring tongues, clashing teeth, and sloppy kisses are how we rediscover each other.
Our movements are rough, rushed, and frantic.
We’re desperate for each other. Henrik separates our mouths, panting.
He curves his hands around my hips and pulls me closer.
My center rubs up against his cock, and I release a guttural moan.
“Does that feel good, gorgeous?”
“Mmm,” I hum as he rocks my hips back and forth. Every brush of his hard cock against my clit is bringing me closer to what I know will be an epic orgasm. My toes curl as my impending release strengthens. “Ahhh. Right there.” I moan, and Henrik halts all movement. “Why did you stop?”
“Because I didn’t want our make-up sex to be on a couch.” He picks me up, tosses me over his shoulder, and stalks to my bedroom. My eyes bug out when I remember I haven’t made my bed in days. I also have a scattering of dishes I haven’t returned to the kitchen.
When we get to the door, I’m about to apologize for the mess when Henrik laughs.
“I like what you’ve done with the place,” he says before he sets me on the bed.
“Lie back. I need a taste of what I’ve been missing.
” Hooking his fingers in the waistband of my sweats, he easily pulls them off, leaving me in my black, lacy panties.
He pushes my tank top up, revealing my stomach.
He kneels in front of me and tugs me to the edge of the bed.
With his tongue, he traces from the bend of my knee up to the crease of my thigh.
Repeating the same thing on the other side, I wiggle my hips the closer he gets to my center.
He places a kiss over my panties before he taps my hip and orders me to lift.
I obey, and he snags my panties and pulls them down.
Once they’re off, he moves me even closer and tucks my legs over his shoulder.
He trails his fingers through my wet folds, separating them and opening me up.
Dipping his head, he runs his tongue through my lips to my clit.
With his teeth, he gently nibbles on it before finally sucking it into his mouth.
The sounds he’s making as he pleasures me are erotic and a complete turn-on.
“Ohh,” I moan, pulling my bottom lip through my teeth.
He slips two fingers inside me and curls them, rubbing against the spongy bundle that makes me wild.
My inner muscles squeeze his fingers, and he grunts.
My orgasm sets off fireworks behind my eyelids.
My back arches, and pleasure rolls through my body as my legs fall farther apart.
When he’s sure I’ve recovered, he squeezes my knee.
Panting, I open my eyes when I hear him growl, “Scoot back, gorgeous.”
As soon as he loses his clothes, he’s on me.
He holds his massive body over mine. I drag my fingertips down his abdomen, loving how it flexes.
His long, hard cock bobs between us, and I can’t resist the urge to stroke it.
Wrapping my hand around it, it’s hot and throbbing.
“Carina.” Henrik’s deep groan fills the room.
Dragging my hand up his shaft. His skin is soft and smooth.
I rub my thumb over the tip, and he tips his head back, extending his neck, before he lets out a contented hum.
Moments later, when he looks down at me, he gives me a panty-melting smile and says, “That feels amazing, gorgeous. But you know what would feel even better?”
I smile and release a playful hum.
Kissing my forehead, he answers, “Me inside you. Are you ready for me?”
“Please,” I beg.
Sitting back, he rolls on a condom and moves above me. Holding himself with one hand he drags his cock through my wet folds with the other. When he lines up, my hips flex forward. Then I wrap my legs around him and pull him into me.
“I see you’ve missed me too.” He laughs before dropping back to a push-up position. He lowers his lips to mine, giving me the sweetest kiss. “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me,” he teases as he pumps his hips. His movements are deliciously slow, but I need more.
“Faster, please,” I say, and he increases his speed.
He grunts. “Fuck, you feel so good. You’re choking my cock. Touch that pretty clit of yours. I’m about to come.”
With quick fingers, I rub circles on my pulsating bundle of nerves.
My toes curl and my back arches as I squeeze my legs tighter, forcing his hurried strokes even deeper.
“Almost there,” I pant. Henrik lowers his mouth to my breast. He runs his tongue around the pebbled nipple before sucking it into his mouth.
He bites down, triggering a current to run from breast to my pussy.
My entire body tightens, and a growl echoes through the room before Henrik collapses on top of me.
Breathing heavily, I lift my hands to trace over the heated skin of his back and down his arms. When I trail my palms down to his waist, goose bumps and a shiver chase them.
He lifts his head and kisses me. “I love you. I’m so glad we’ve made up.”
Smiling, I agree. “I love you too.”
Henrik slides out of me, rolls to the side of the bed, and goes to clean up in my bathroom. He returns a few moments later with a warmed washcloth, which he uses to clean me up. After draping it over the side of the hamper to dry, he snuggles into bed with me.
Curled against his chest, all the unpleasant emotions I’ve been drowning in fade away. Is everything fixed? Hardly. But I know we’re committed to more discussion and ensuring nothing like that will ever happen again. We both learned that not being together is something we want to avoid.