Chapter 22 Lily
I’ve read the same email three times already, and I have no idea what it says. I squeeze my eyes close, open them, and lean in closer to my screen, reading each word out loud like I’m in second grade again.
It’s not sticking. Something something about PTO requests and missing emails and plane tickets already booked. I sigh. I don’t care about this. Seems like the one with the plane tickets needs to win this one on principle. I try to follow the rules, but the girl bought tickets.
I sigh and put my head down on my desk. Every time I close my eyes, I feel the kiss I shared with Javonte. I want to lay down on my couch and just replay it over and over again.
I sit back up and stare at my office door, remembering what his lips and hands felt like on me.
Edie’s face appears in the window of my door. She squints her eyes at me, then comes in. “What the hell is up with you?”
“What? Nothing.”
“No, you were staring into space like you were replaying something good. You found somebody to get up under this weekend?”
I cover my face and laugh. “No! You know I don’t do one-night stands.”
She puts her hands on her hips. “Well, you did something.”
She sits down at the chair in front of my desk and slowly closes my laptop. We stare at each other until we both start laughing.
“You ready to talk?”
“I kissed Javonte.”
She shrugs. “Yeah, you already told me that. He painted you like a French girl.”
“Edie!” I squeal. “No, I kissed him at the Vipers Summer Bash on Saturday.”
“Since you’re sitting here all coy and giggly, I think I have to ask what kind of kiss was it?”
“A hot kiss with tongue and touching.”
“Oh.”
I cover my face again. “Something just came over me after he politely checked Tank’s girlfriend when she called me his little painter girl.”
“Little what?”
I nod. “Exactly. She’s got some kind of problem with me. But he defended me...”
“And it made your panties drippy?”
“Edie.”
“Did it?”
“A little.”
We laugh with our whole bodies, slapping our legs and throwing our heads back.
“Whew, I needed that laugh,” Edie says, wiping tears from her eyes. “I’m so tired of dealing with everyone’s pettiness.”
I roll my eyes and nod. “Me too. This mediation is about PTO. The girl already got plane tickets.”
“Then she wins, if she has the actual time off.”
“Right? I don’t know why people complicate this.”
Edie leans in close. “It’s because people are hungry for what little power they can hold over anyone they think is beneath them. It’s actually pathetic.”
Power-hungry people are the worst kind with prideful people as a close second. I really wish everyone would just do what good they can in this world and find joy in life..
“It’s very pathetic.”
“But anyway, back to you and your kiss,” she bats her eyes. “What’s next?”
“Honestly, the ball’s in his court. I’m open to exploring us reconnecting, I think, but I’m not about to be chasing after him.”
“I see what you did there.” Edie wags her finger at me and grins. “And I think you’re right. He has to take the lead. What do Charisse and Porsche think about this?”
“They don’t know we kissed.”
“Oh my God! Am I first in line? Am I your true and real best friend?”
My phone buzzes on my desk.
Edie hops up and reaches for my phone. “Is that him?”
I grab it first and turn away from her. It is him.
Javonte: You busy today at lunch? I know a place with fruity teas.
I turn the phone towards Edie. “Tell him no.”
“But I am. I have that PTO mediation.”
“Girl, I got that. Go eat lunch. No. Go take the rest of the day off. You know you want to.”
I do want to. I don’t want to be here at all, and hanging out with Javonte would be the perfect distraction.
“I’ll just go to lunch. You sure you can handle it?”
She purses her lips. “First of all, I can handle anything. Second of all, why just lunch?”
“Because I’m not dropping everything and running to play with him.”
I do want to drop everything and run to play with him. I just refuse to admit it.
Edie sucks her teeth. “Whatever you say. Just text him back and go get your man.”
I hold my phone in my hand. “He’s not my man.”
“Not yet.” Edie grins at me, showing all her teeth.
I opted to drive myself this time, and I spent a few minutes in the car preparing myself. I will not melt into this man’s arms. I will not fall into the same trap of loving him more than I love myself. Not today.
But that wall cracks a little bit when I see him standing outside the restaurant. All tall and handsome and... shiny. Like, you moisturize just so we can see you. A well-moisturized man gets me every time. And there’s something about Javonte Kind anyway that gets me.
His smile when he sees me draws my smile out, and it pulls me right into his arms. I do melt into him, but that’s all I’m doing. That’s what I tell myself. I can melt, but I can’t fall apart. I can’t give him everything. I’m not going to.
At least, like Edie said, not yet.
“Hey,” he says into my hair as we hug.
I look up into his eyes. “Hi.”
Damn, I want to melt and break and mold myself into whoever I need to to be his girl. The love I had... still have...hits me hard in my gut. When we were good, I felt like we could conquer the world.
A wave of sadness hits me next. We should be deep in it right now instead of starting all over again. I look down, avoiding his eyes.
“You good?” He asks, lifting my chin with his finger.
“I don’t know.”
“Is it me?”
I bite the inside of my lip. “A little.”
He takes my hand. “Let’s sit down and talk, then.”
I look up at him, surprised at how he’s moving now. The old Javonte avoided problems and conflict. He hated talking and just wanted to brush everything under the rug. This Javonte wants to talk.
He walks me into the cafe and back to the same table we sat at the last time we came. Two fruity teas sit on the table along with two cups of water.
He squeezes my hand before he releases it and pulls out my chair. I try so hard not to smile.
I fail.
“You want to order first?” He asks, his face serious, all business.
“We can talk,” I say, staring at my menu.
“What’s up?”
“I miss you.”
He sits back and grins. “That’s not a bad thing.”
I give him a half-smile. “No, it’s not. It’s just that I wish I didn’t have to miss you. You know?”
His brows furrow and he stares at me. “What do you mean?”
I set my menu down. “I mean, we could’ve been locked in by now if what happened hadn’t happened. I’m kind of mourning what we could’ve had and sad that we have to rebuild.” I look into his eyes. “That I have to learn to trust you with my heart again.”
The realization that flashes across his face almost makes me laugh. “I know I already apologized, Lily, but I want you to know I really do see it now, and I–”
I take his hand. “I know, and I see how you are now. I just wish, you know?”
He nods and runs his thumb along the back of my hand.
“Can we try again?”
His eyes plead with me.
I exhale slowly. “We can try.”