Chapter 23 Javonte
I almost hate myself for the way I’m standing in the mirror right now, turning around and checking out how my outfit looks. This isn’t me. I’m confident. I got this. But I’m going out with Lily to get some smoothies. It’s our first date after she said we could try again. I need it to be right.
I just have on some jeans and a graphic tee. Nothing crazy.
And I’m not sure if it fits the vibe. I try to imagine what she’s wearing today, and I can’t. Lily could wear anything.
I step away from the mirror because I can’t keep doing this. I look fine.
In the bathroom, three bottles of cologne sit lined up on the counter. She liked all of them. One was her favorite.
I stare at them too long.
How do I not remember which one?
My phone lights up with the time, and that settles it. No more standing here acting like the right bottle will fix anything. I grab the one in the middle, spray it on, and head for the door.
I’m doing this.
She insisted on driving herself again. I don’t want to take offense to it, but why can’t I pick my girl up?
Because she’s not my girl yet, I remind myself as I drive to the smoothie place.
She pulls up a second after I do, and I hurry up and get out of the car so I can greet her, touch her, put my arm around her.
She steps out of the car in an all-blue romper that makes me forget how to stand like a normal man. It’s classy and sexy, fitted enough to ruin my focus without looking like she tried too hard.
Damn.
“Hey,” I call out, lifting my hand in a wave.
The second I do it, I want to take my arm off and throw it in the bushes.
She laughs as she walks up to me. “Hey. Did you want to shake hands too?”
“Wow. You got jokes?”
“You’re awkward.”
“I know.” I drop my hand and try to recover. “I don’t know why.”
“You’re always nervous when you’re excited about something.”
That’s a little too close to the truth.
She always notices.
We step inside, and the place is quiet enough that I don’t have to compete with too many people, too much noise, or my own nerves. Good. I need fewer things between me and Lily.
She walks straight to the counter and orders a strawberry hibiscus smoothie.
I find it on the menu, and before I can pretend to have my own personality, I order one too.
She looks at me and raises an eyebrow.
“It looks good, okay? I’ve never been here, and I trust your judgment.”
“You’re a copycat,” she says, and we both laugh.
We sit and wait for our smoothies, the sound of the blenders fill the air. I could sit and stare at Lily all day, just laying in my bed, kicking my feet around and watching her.
I laugh out loud imagining that.
“What?” she asks, the corners of her mouth curving into a smile.
“I really don’t want to say.”
Lily leans forward. “Now I really want to know.”
She’s gonna walk up out of here if I tell her what I was just thinking. I shake my head. “No, really. It was an inside thought, and I’m keeping it there.”
She scrunches her face up and opens her mouth to say something.
“Lily! Javonte! Your order is ready!”
I jump up and go to the counter, running new conversation starters around in my head for when I get back to the table. I grab the smoothies, two terrible paper straws, and walk back to the table.
I hand her a straw. “I hate these.”
“They’re better for the environment,” she tells me as she unwraps hers and puts it in her drink.
“I know. But I don’t want to wrap my lips around paper.”
She tilts her head forwards and presses her lips together.
“Walked right into that. You’re childish.”
She laughs, and all the tension in my body melts away.
“How’s work?”
“Work work?”
“Yeah, your job with benefits.”
She rolls her eyes. “Awful. At this point, I’m only there for the benefits. I hate it so much.”
I study her face. She’s not the type of person to stick with something that makes her miserable.
“I never wanted to be in HR. I always wanted to be an artist and help others.”
“What got you into HR?”
She sighs. “My parents. They kept reminding me that ‘starving artist’ was a term for a reason. I landed in HR almost accidentally, but I ended up being really good at it.”
She waves her hand in front of her face. “Let’s talk about something else.”
“Tell me how Lit with Lily is going?”
She sits up straight and smiles wide. This is her true love.
“It’s hard work. I won’t lie and say any part of it is easy.”
I nod. “You’re like a moving company.”
She laughs. “Yeah, that’s physical labor.
There’s a lot of mental labor too. I’m running a small business.
I do the scheduling, the finances, buy supplies, find and pay for venues.
And, I have to create the actual art. I try to change up what I do for almost every event, but it’s easy to get burnt out.
I scour the internet for inspiration, and I'm always thinking about what else I can create.”
She holds the cup up. “I just got an idea for a smoothie cup.”
I take out my phone and take a picture of her cup and send it to her. “There you go.”
She opens the text and smiles. “Thanks!”
Moving all the chairs and tables already felt like too much for her. The business side never factored in. Lily’s working her ass off at two jobs.
“Ok, what about you? When’s preseason and all that jazz start?”
“About 3 months.”
“Oh, you get a summer break like teachers?”
I chuckle. “That’s not a good comparison. Teachers work way harder than I do. And my break is so long because we didn’t even make the first round of the playoffs.” I hang my head a bit, knowing it was because of me.
“Oh. I was just starting to get into basketball before we broke up. Then I just stopped watching or caring all together.” She looks up at me. “I had to.”
Now I feel even worse.
“Ugh, we keep dipping into darkness.”
“No, we’re talking about real life. These things happened.”
Sipping from her smoothie, Lily’s eyes meet mine. “Thank you for checking Joy the other day.”
“Her personality doesn’t match her name. And she’s really mad that Tank hasn’t married her yet. We all see it, but Tank’s oblivious.”
Her mouth forms an O, and she nods. “Tank is the big, big guy, right?”
“Yeah, Tank’s 6 foot 11. And he’s not skinny. He’s the big, big guy on our team.”
“Why hasn’t he married her? They have kids, right?”
“Three kids. All of them were huge babies.”
Lily cringes.
“Bloggers bring that up a lot.” I laugh. “They’ve been together since 11th grade.”
“Oh, I forgive her.” Lily shakes her head. “She’s fighting her own battles.”
“We all are,” I say.
Lily studies me for a second, like she’s trying to figure out if I mean it.
“You changed,” she says.
“I’m trying.”
She nods slowly. “It’s working.”