Chapter 8
FARLI
My mate has such a kind heart.
I do not know why the others from his ship did not act the moment Har-loh collapsed, but he took action right away.
He helped bring Har-loh directly to the ship itself and laid her in the same bed that Chahm-pee was healed in.
This time, though, it gets sucked into the wall and all the screens light up as it runs tests.
I can tell Rukh is panicking, so I pat his arm and try to keep him calm as Mardok explains what the machines are doing.
We all knew Har-loh was struggling and that her khui is not as strong as most. We knew the pregnancy was hard on her. I just did not realize how hard. Looking at Rukh’s devastated face, though, I think he knew she was not well. I see sadness but not surprise.
The thin healer of Mardok’s small tribe, Niri, eventually enters med bay and shoos us all out.
We are just in her way, she says, and closes the door on us.
Then it is just myself, Mardok, and Rukh.
Mardok takes us to the dining hall and gives us bland food and funny-tasting water.
I try to eat to be polite, but Rukh just stares ahead at nothing.
I hope his little Rukhar is not crying. Jo-see will try to keep him occupied. She is good with the kits.
Time passes, and Mardok sits down next to me.
He looks stressed, my mate. The lines of his face seem to be deeper and sadder than ever.
I take his hand in mine, and he holds on to me tightly.
It is like he needs comforting, too. So I put my head on his shoulder and let my fingers run up and down his arm.
Just a light touch, just to let him know I am here, at his side.
Niri comes in a short time later. Rukh jumps to his feet, his big body trembling with worry. “How is my mate?” he asks.
“She’s weak,” Niri says in that flat, unfriendly voice of hers.
I wonder how someone so impatient with people can be a healer, but I suppose not all that are called are kind and gentle like Maylak.
“She has a very large malignant mass in her brain that is pressing against her frontal lobe, and it looks like it’s been there for a while.
I take it humans aren’t technologically advanced enough to remove it? ”
I am surprised to hear such a thing, but Rukh only nods. “She said it has been there a long time, and the khui keeps it at bay.”
“Well, it’s failing,” Niri tells him bluntly. “Do you want me to remove it? The mass? I can do it, but…” She looks over at Mardok.
I look at him, too. I do not understand. If we can save her, why do we not do it?
“But it’ll be expensive and the captain won’t like it?” Mardok’s voice is bitter. “I don’t care. Dock my pay. Just save her. I can’t believe you even have to keffing ask, Niri.”
“I don’t work for you. I work for Chatav,” she retorts. “But I’ll do it as long as her husband signs a release that this is what his woman wants.”
“Anything,” Rukh says tightly.
Niri nods. “Come with me, then. I’ll show you where to input your signature.”
They leave, and then it is just me and Mardok. “I do not understand,” I tell him softly. “Why did she hesitate?”
He just shakes his head. “It’s complicated. Too much worry over money and job security. It’s what happens when you get rescued by four loners.” The smile he gives me is faint. “None of us are very good at being compassionate.”
I think he is very compassionate, but it is clear he is troubled, so I do not press the matter. There will be time enough to discuss it later. “As long as your heart is good, it does not matter.”
“My heart is not good,” he says. He turns and cups my face in his hands, his strange, pale eyes wild. “Most of the time I’m just…tired. Existing. But around you, I want to be better. I want to be more than what I am. Is it crazy to be this addicted to someone I just met?”
“It is resonance,” I tell him happily.
“Even without a khui?”
I shrug. “Does it matter? You are my mate and I am yours. That is all we need.” He will have a khui soon enough. I talked with my father and the other hunters while Mardok sat at the fire, and they agreed to do a sa-kohtsk hunt the moment I give the word.
He kisses me. I am surprised when his lips brush against mine—because I have always initiated our contact—but his tongue presses against the seam of my mouth, and I am lost. As my khui sings to him, we kiss, lips and tongues entwined.
It is like nothing I have ever felt before, and I am always hungry for more of it, even when we break apart.
“Stay with me tonight,” he murmurs. “Either here on the ship or in the village.”
I nod. It is no hardship to be with him. As long as I can lie in his arms, I do not care where we are. “Of course.”
He presses another hard, fervent kiss to my mouth. “Stay with me. Forever.”
I kiss him back, dragging my fingertips along the stubble of his scalp.
At first I thought his lack of hair strange, but I find the feel of it against my skin arousing.
“Always. We are mated. You will get a khui, and then you will resonate to me and all will be as it should. You can move into my house with me. It is small but pleasant.”
Mardok pulls back, his delicious, fascinating mouth flattening. “I want you to come with me.”
“With you? Where?” Surely we cannot leave now, not with Har-loh in med bay—
He shakes his head. “I mean when we leave here. Come with me. Leave this planet behind.” His fingers twine in my mane, and he presses more light, dizzying kisses to my face. “Be at my side, always.”
“I cannot leave,” I tell him softly. He does not yet understand how a khui works, it seems. “I was given my khui many, many years ago. Once a khui is placed inside someone, it cannot be removed. If I take it out, I will die. If I leave, it will die. I must remain on my world.”
He presses his mouth along my jawline and then moves to nip my ear. I gasp, because when his teeth brush over my lobe, it sends sensations skittering through my body and distracts me from his next words. “We can remove it.”
It takes a moment for me to realize what he is saying. I pull back, gazing up at him, surprised. “What do you mean, you can remove it?”
“The med bay. It can remove it, easily. You can have it taken out, and then you can come with me.” He grins as if this is a wonderful thing.
“Don’t you want to see the stars? Other worlds?
There are some that are so warm and pleasant that it’s like being wrapped in a blanket.
There are worlds where there is no such thing as snow.
And beaches as far as the eye can see. I bet you’d love beaches. ”
I shake my head, pulling away from him. I take a few steps, because I need time to think. “You would take my khui out of me?”
“It can be done. I promise you wouldn’t feel a thing.”
“But…” I touch my chest, where it is singing even now. “It is what connects us. It is what makes us mates. If I remove it, we are just…two people who do not resonate.”
“You just said it doesn’t matter, Farli.
That as long as we choose each other, that is all we need.
” Mardok approaches me, puts his hand over mine, where I have it pressed over my heart.
“I don’t care if you have this or not. I don’t care if you never sing another note.
What you and I have feels special. It feels right.
And I want to be with you. Not just for a day or two while I’m here on this planet. For good. Forever.”
My heart feels as if it has been clawed to shreds.
What you and I have feels special. But…what if my khui is removed and it feels like nothing?
Terror lances through me at the thought.
Remove it? Lose my bond to him? But if I don’t…
he will only be here for days. “You could stay,” I say softly. “Stay with me.”
He blanches.
I hurt, deep down in my soul. “Oh.”
“It’s not you, Farli. It’s…me.” He glances around, as if he can see outdoors.
“I can’t be left behind. I can’t. Not here.
It’s so keffing cold that it makes me feel numb.
The suns barely come out. And your people have little to no technology.
I’m a mechanic—what would I do? I bring nothing to the table, no skills of value. ”
“I do not care,” I cry out, my heart breaking. “You can still be my mate. I can teach you to hunt.”
Mardok looks sad. “If I stay here, I leave behind everyone and everything I have ever known.”
“If I go with you, I do the same.”
We are both silent. He will not stay and I…I am not sure I want to go.
MARDOK
The human Harlow will live.
That’s about the only good thing to come out of the afternoon.
Niri finishes her work late in the day, and by that time, several of the tribe have arrived.
Vektal and his wife are closeted with Chatav, and Trakan has made friends with a pair of hunters called Bek and Vaza.
Two humans named Maddie and Lila have brought Rukhar to visit his mother, and Rukh has not left his mate’s side.
Harlow looks better post-surgery, though a long strip of her orangey hair has been shaved away.
She sleeps, with her family watching over her.
Farli has not spoken to me. Not since I suggested removing her khui.
I had no idea she viewed it as an integral part of her life.
I guess I’m still struggling to see it as anything other than a handy parasite.
But to her, it has created a bond between us, and if she has it removed, we lose that bond. She doesn’t want to lose it.
I…I don’t want to lose her.