Chapter 8 #2
We’re at an impasse. I tell myself maybe I should consider staying here on the ice planet, but the thought makes me shudder.
Left behind? Watch the ship depart, knowing I’ve been abandoned for good?
The thought makes me sick in my gut. Staying here is a one-way ticket.
There will be no rescue, not ever. I would be here for the rest of my life, eating meat and saying goodbye to the warm sunshine of a summer day. It would change…everything.
It is my worst fear, and yet…
And yet I am obsessed with Farli. I hunger for her. I might even love her, though it’s hard to say after only knowing her for a day, but is it enough to turn my back on everything I have ever known and embrace a primitive life? I don’t know if I am that man.
More than anything, I hate that I’ve hurt her.
Even now, I am drawn to her. She sits with the two human females. They stare at each other and their hands gesture, and after a moment, I realize it is a primitive sort of signal language that they all know. I approach, unable to stay away. “Do you need anything?”
The blonde one looks to her darker-haired sister and makes gestures. When she gets a response, she shakes her head. “We’re fine.”
Farli is silent. She will not look at me. I feel as if I have somehow betrayed her trust, and it does not sit well with me. Already I miss her cheery smiles and boundless joy. She should not be sad. Not ever.
“I, ah, noticed you gesturing,” I say to the blonde sister. “Is it a signal language of a kind? Do you need a language file to learn to speak Old Sakh? That’s what Farli and the others speak.”
“My sister Lila is deaf,” Maddie says. “We’re actually waiting to talk to Niri, to see if she can help.”
Oh. “Your sister cannot hear?”
The dark-haired one gestures something and smiles.
“Not a thing,” her sister translates. “But she does read lips a little. And guesses a lot.”
Lila smiles at me. She begins to gesture again, and Maddie translates, taking a moment between words for her sister’s signing to catch up. “She wants to know if you think Niri’s medical computers can fix it.”
“I would imagine so. I’ve never met anyone that suffers from deafness.” The thought of being unable to hear and struggling to survive on the planet seems like a double issue to me. I cannot imagine.
Her sister translates with a few gestures, and Lila keeps signing.
“She says that it’s not a problem for her.
That she doesn’t feel broken. But her son does not understand why Mama does not hear him.
She would like to hear his voice.” Maddie gives me a rueful smile.
“And she says her sister is pushing her to do it, too.”
“Her mate?”
“Not her mate. He likes her how she is. He is fine with whatever decision she makes. It is her life.”
I nod slowly, and somehow, I feel worse. Lila’s mate loves her enough to not care if she can hear him. He does not mind if she lives missing one of her senses, if that is what she chooses. And yet, the thought of staying behind on this planet…it fills me with an aching dread.
It’s not the same as Uzocar IV, I remind myself. It’s not. I would be left behind by choice, not by mistake. It’s not the same.
But the knot of dread remains in my gut all the same. I smile faintly at the women, but my mind is in other, darker places. I’m back on Uzocar IV, with that same trapped, helpless feeling. And I can’t stay here, not with Farli’s sad eyes making me feel like I’m making a mistake.
I need to leave. To get a breath of fresh air. Something. Her disappointment eats at me, and I can’t take it. I exit the room, escaping out into the shadowy passages of the ship.
Even here, though, I cannot escape. Vektal and his mate stand with the captain by the ship’s exit hatch.
The primitive chief’s arms are crossed and he doesn’t look pleased.
His wife looks distressed, and her hand is hooked into her husband’s belt, as if she’s afraid of losing him, even for a second.
Captain Chatav is oblivious to the mood of his audience, though.
He holds a mug of his favorite drink and stands proudly, as if he’s delivering a speech to soldiers.
“Any of your people that wish to return with us, of course, will be given that option. Even though it is very costly, we cannot abandon a people in need on this gods-forsaken planet. I am sure we can be compensated for our time, fuel, and supply expenditures in some fashion.”
“Your offer is generous,” Georgie says politely as I walk past. “But I’m not sure that there is anyone willing to take you up on it.
The khui would have to be removed, and the bond is an emotional one as well as a physical one.
I’m not sure anyone wants to lose that. Even though we were stranded here, we’re happy. ”
“Nonsense,” Chatav says. “This planet is a deathtrap and barely habitable. There are so many other locations you could choose to colonize if you so wished.”
Georgie glances at her husband, but he appears lost in thought.
“We’ll think on it,” she says eventually.
I don’t stick around to eavesdrop. I can tell just what Vektal is thinking without him saying a word.
He won’t leave, but it doesn’t mean that he won’t encourage his wife or children to seek out a better life if one is to be had.
He’s going to think of what’s best for them and not for him.
It’s what I’d do for Farli.
Or…is it? Am I being selfish in wanting her to go away with me?
I just…can’t picture growing old here on this planet.
Living every day huddled away from the ice and snow.
Wearing leather and eating meat like a savage beast. There are better lives out there to be had.
Farli would love the beach. I imagine her in a tiny swim outfit, soaking up the warm weather.
I envision her taking a pleasure cruiser through the stars and showing her the sights.
Wouldn’t she love that? She has a sense of adventure and a hunger for new things.
Staying here on this iceball of a planet limits her.
I can’t be wrong in this. I can’t.
I head toward my quarters, but as I do, I see Trakan and two of the hunters hanging out in the lounge.
He’s showing them how to run one of the electronic gaming boards, though neither hunter seems very interested.
Trakan spots me and jogs out of the room into the hall. “Hey, good, I was looking for you.”
I stop, though Trakan’s the last person I want to see at the moment. “What is it?”
“I need the secondary remote for the game board. Have you seen it?” He rubs his hands. “I’m going to teach these boys to gamble.”
I snort. “Why? They’re a simple people. They don’t have anything you want.”
“Ah, my friend, but that’s where you’re wrong.” His tone is smooth, too smooth. And there’s a big grin on his face I don’t trust. “It’s about building relationships, you know? Something you can’t judge anyone on.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about the little bit of sweetness you’ve been keeping in your quarters.
But that’s fine—she’s all yours. I’m working on making friendships, you know?
Might be a reward for a long-lost descendant or two.
Or heck, they came here on a ship. Might be able to take some salvage off their hands. ” He winks at me.
Rage burns in my mind. Is that all these people are to him? A money-making scheme? Is that why he’s teaching them to gamble? So he can fleece them out of everything they might own that’s of some value? “Leave these people alone.”
“Hey, hey, don’t get greedy.” He puts his hands in the air. “Like I said, you’ve got your target, I’ve got mine. I’m not touching your little piece of tail—”
I slam my fist into his keffing mouth. How keffing dare he? Farli isn’t a piece of ‘tail.’ I think of her laughing eyes and her innocent smiles. I think of Trakan taking someone like her into one of the back rooms and trying to talk circles around her to get what he wants out of her.
And as Trakan staggers backward and mutters a “What the hell?” I go after him again.
I fling myself onto him, fists flying. Trakan tries to land a few punches, but I’m the security expert on the crew, and he’s just a skinny, underdeveloped navigator.
He tries to block me, but I’m stronger than him, and I know where to hit.
My fist slams into his brow, his mouth, and I can’t stop myself.
Over and over, I see Trakan in my mind, cornering Farli and trying to manipulate her.
I can’t stop, because the red cloud of anger over my brain doesn’t allow me to think.
Farli’s mine.
She’s mine.
Someone’s shouting in the distance, and then hands are grabbing me—extra sets of hands.
I’m yanked off of Trakan and hauled backward several feet.
I swing wildly despite the fact that I can no longer reach him.
I’m snarling furiously, because I want to make him regret the awful things he’s saying.
I’m not like him. I’m not. I’m not using Farli.
I’m not.
But then she’s there, at my side. Her hands go to my face, and she presses her warm, warm fingers against my cheeks.
Her eyes are full of concern and love, and I suck in a deep breath, trying to calm myself.
I’m lost in that shining, glowing blue and in her touch.
The thrumming sound of her khui fills the air, and I focus on it and the soft, breathless sound of her whispering my name.
My Farli.
“What is the meaning of this?” Chatav says stiffly.
I reluctantly pull my gaze away from hers and see that the captain and the chief are standing in the doorway, both of them frowning in my direction.
The elderly hunter, Vaza, is pulling Trakan to his feet.
There’s blood all over Trakan’s face, and his lip is swollen.
My hand throbs with a silent reminder of what I’ve just done.
I don’t care. If they let go of me right now, I’d attack him all over again. But Farli keeps touching me, and somehow, I manage not to lunge at Trakan once more.
“Kochal?” Chatav demands, glaring at Trakan. “Speak.”
“Kef if I know what’s going on with him, Captain.
I was just asking Vendasi here where the game board remote was and he lost his cool.
Started attacking me. Think he needs a psych evaluation if you ask me.
” He presses his hand to his split lip and winces.
“Been in space for too keffing long without a meds adjustment.”
I growl low in my throat.
“It is all right,” Farli murmurs, her hand stroking my shoulder. “Do not look at him, Mardok. Look at me.”
“Vendasi?” Chatav asks, wanting my side of the story.
I remain silent. Everyone’s staring at me, and I don’t want the others to feel humiliated at the thought of Trakan trying to take advantage of them. I sure don’t want to repeat what he said about Farli, because I don’t ever, ever want her thinking that I would use her. So I say nothing.
“Guilty, like I said,” Trakan tells everyone.
“Kochal, I somehow doubt very much that you were innocently asking for the remotes and nothing more,” Chatav says to Trakan, tone cold.
“That being said, I do think it wise if both of you spend some time apart. Everyone is under a lot of stress right now, and this ship isn’t large enough to hold two hotheads in close quarters.
I’m barring both of you from the common areas for the rest of the day.
Spend your time in your quarters and think about what you’ve done.
” It sounds like he’s scolding children and not grown adults.
“Come stay with me tonight,” Farli says softly, stroking my cheek. “Come back to the village. You can return in the morning.”
Vektal nods. “We will take Mardok with us. The other can stay here.”
“Very well,” Chatav says, clasping his hands behind his back. “I’m sorry you had to see this shameful display.”
“They are hunters,” Vektal tells him with a shrug. “Tempers run hot. It happens from time to time.” He seems unconcerned, and my respect for him goes up a notch for treating us like adults. His strange glowing blue gaze focuses on me. “Do you need to see a healer?”
I flex my hand. To use med bay for something so small would be ridiculous. “I’m fine.”
“Let us get your fur wraps,” Farli murmurs to me. “And we’ll go back down to the village. Come.”
I let her lead me away, though the urge to pound my fists into Trakan’s face is still overwhelming. You’ve got your target, I’ve got mine.
It’s not the same, I tell myself. It’s not.