Chapter 13
MARDOK
It feels wrong. All of it, just wrong on every level.
I can’t get over the feeling that a mistake has been made as we fly The Tranquil Lady back to the village.
Rukh, Harlow and their small son are glad to be returning.
They talk of visiting the Elders’ Cave—I think in their eyes it will always be a cave and not a ship—and working on it again soon.
They are excited for the future and what this means if Harlow can get the computers to work again.
Her eyes are bright with excitement and she looks much healthier than before, so I am glad about that.
I cannot help but notice that Farli is quiet as the Lady lands on the ridge just at the edge of the crevasse for the last time.
She is at my side, her hands on me and a smile on her face, but silent.
I remember how she cried last night in my arms. Gods, it made me feel helpless.
I think she didn’t want me to know…but how could I not?
Her sadness eats at me, but I’m not ready to give her up.
I need her with me, at my side, for whatever the future may hold.
And she wants to be with me. So why does this feel so hollow?
I squeeze her hand as the ship settles to the ground with a little bump. She looks at me, and her smile brightens. Her khui hums gently in her breast, the song barely loud enough to catch my attention.
She’s not pregnant.
I don’t know if I’m happy about that, or sad.
Sad, I think, but maybe it’s for the best. Maybe now’s not a good time for her to get pregnant.
Maybe we can be like Trakan and his girl.
Find a nice space station and settle down.
I can get a job fixing ships at a dock or running security.
Something that won’t involve me leaving her behind.
But a space station seems like the wrong place to take someone as wild and free as Farli.
She needs to go planetside, even though that’s far more expensive than what a simple mechanic can make on his salary.
I’ll figure something out. I have to. She’s the most important thing in the world to me.
The entire village shows up to greet us, and as we descend down the pulley, Farli flings herself off the platform and races into her mother’s arms. She holds her tight and then hugs her father, then her brothers, and finally showers attention on her prancing Chompy.
She seems to be on the verge of crying, keeping a desperate grin on her face as she hugs everyone again.
I realize that she’s trying to get it all in before she has to leave.
And the feeling of wrongness slides under my skin and won’t leave.
I am silent, unsure what to do or say that will make this better.
I am taking Farli away from everything she knows and loves to come live with me in some tiny apartment in space, all because I cannot bear to leave her behind.
She will lose her family, her khui, everything.
Getting me in exchange doesn’t seem like much of a deal.
I don’t have family waiting for me. My father was the last one, and he died months ago. I can’t even say that I’m sad that he’s gone, just filled with regret that we were never close. I can’t give her a big family like the one she’s leaving behind.
Farli’s mother has a sad expression on her face as she hugs her daughter again and holds her close.
It’s as if she knows what Farli’s going to say before anything is spoken.
Harlow and her family are enveloped back into the tribe, showered with hugs and happy exclamations about how good Harlow looks, how healthy, and I notice that Maddie and Lila are standing close by.
Lila holds her little son, and he whispers something in her ear, and she smiles.
So perhaps our visit was not all bad, then. Maybe they’ll remember us with fondness instead of as just those assholes that took Farli away. Doesn’t give me much comfort, though.
Chatav moves forward, and Vektal and Georgie do, too.
“We cannot wait here any longer, Chief Vektal,” Captain Chatav says.
His posture is stiff and formal, as if meeting the most respected of dignitaries, and I admire the guy for that.
However I feel about Chatav, he knows to do the right thing.
“Your people have welcomed us graciously,” he continues.
“In exchange, we have offered to take anyone that wishes to return to civilization back with us. You said you needed time to think. Have you made your decision?”
Vektal looks at his mate, and then back at Chatav. He nods gravely. “I have spoken with each of my tribesmates in private. No one wishes to leave.”
Chatav is utterly still, as if he isn’t sure he’s heard correctly. “Are you quite certain?”
Vektal nods. “No sa-khui wishes to leave their home, and the humans are happy here.”
Chatav turns to Georgie, as if in disbelief. “Even the humans do not wish to leave? But you have not been here except for a handful of years. Surely you wish to return home?”
She shifts and moves closer to her mate, her younger child in her arms. The other clings to Vektal’s leg, staring up at Chatav with big, worried eyes.
As if she can sense her child’s distress, Georgie puts a hand on her daughter’s curls to comfort her.
“There are things that I miss about Earth, I’m not going to lie.
I think we can all agree that life isn’t the same here that it was there.
But I have a mate and children. I will not leave them behind.
Humans are not accepted on your planets, save as oddities.
And it would be the same at my home world.
To them, aliens don’t exist yet, and if I showed up with a blue husband and blue children, I’d be hidden away by the government so fast our heads would spin.
We would be freaks. Here, we’re normal.” She looks at Vektal, and her gaze is full of love.
“And we have resonance that bonds us together. I love what we have, and I wouldn’t threaten it for anything.
Earth might have been my home once, but this world is my home now. ”
“You are thinking too negatively,” Chatav says in a placating tone. “If you do not wish to return to Earth, I am positive you would be welcomed on Homeworld and made comfortable there, both you and your family. It will not matter if you are human.”
“But why change a good thing?” someone says, speaking up.
It is Lila, the dark-haired one that had her hearing restored.
Her mate has his hands on her shoulders, and she holds her son tightly.
“I thank you for what you did for me and for saving Harlow. But I want nothing to change. I don’t want to leave the people here, and I don’t want to leave this place.
It might not look much like Earth, but I like the snow.
I like the culture. Most of all, I love the people.
Nothing offered on either Earth or your homeworld is worth leaving that for.
I’m sorry. You’re not going to find many takers. ”
“And you all agree?” Chatav glances at the crowd of gathered people. “Every one of you?”
Farli pulls herself from her mother’s arms. She gives Kemli a sad look, but her mother just nods and squeezes her shoulder, as if telling her she understands. “I am going with you, Cap-tan,” Farli says. “I wish to stay with Mardok.”
Someone gasps. Her brothers look incredulous. “You are leaving, my daughter?” Borran says. He looks devastated.
The sick feeling of wrongness in my gut continues.
She turns to her father and clasps his hands. “Mardok is my mate, father. I resonated to him the moment we met.”
“But if you leave, you will not have resonance to bind you together.”
“I know. But it does not matter. We love each other and wish to be together, regardless.”
“You must do what you feel in your heart is right, my daughter.” Kemli puts her hand on Farli’s arm. “We will miss you terribly, but you must walk your own path.” Her smile wobbles. “Even if it is not with us.”
“Oh, Mother, I will miss you!” Farli flings herself back into her mother’s arms, sobbing.
Her father and mother embrace her tightly, stroking her hair and whispering to her.
Farli’s three brothers look shocked, but they move to hug their sister as well.
Soon, she is enveloped by the entire tribe, as each person wishes her goodbye.
She has made her choice, I remind myself.
It shouldn’t feel wrong. Farli is an adult.
You both want to be together. But I can’t get over the feeling that this isn’t how it should go.
I watch as she moves to her pet and hugs him one last time.
She strokes his shaggy fur and murmurs to him, and the dvisti licks her face and bleats happily.
She eventually moves away, heading back to my side, and he tries to follow.
Kemli grabs the dvisti by the collar and pulls him back, and it looks as if Farli will start crying all over again.
I turn to Chatav. “Captain—”
“Before you ask, Vendasi,” Chatav says in a cool voice. “That animal will never make it past quarantine. Better for it to remain here.”
He’s right, of course. Doesn’t mean that it’s not tearing my heart out to watch Farli have to give up everything and everyone she loves. Except me, of course.
The wrong feeling seems to be permanently lodged in my gut. I pull Farli into my arms and hold her close, pressing a kiss to her brow. She buries her face against my neck, and I can feel her tears freezing against the collar of my enviro-suit. I wish I could make this easier for her.
I wish she didn’t have to do it at all. There’s still time, though. I could change my mind. Stay behind with her. Let the ship leave me. Stranded. Again. The thought fills me with endless, deep terror, and I hold Farli tight.
“If you wish to remain, then I must honor your choice,” Chatav says. “I do not understand it, but I honor it.”