Chapter 36 – Anna
THIRTY-SIX
ANNA
She wanted to be the one to leave first. Maybe just this once in her life, she wanted to be the one who abandoned.
Daniels Enterprise, Inc.
“Do you plan on getting your degree?”
“I do,” I said. “I’ve enjoyed the classes I’ve taken so far. I’ve done well in them, and now I can see a clear path forward. Previously, college was this murky idea of a place that just cost a lot of money without direction. I wanted to make sure my investment would pay off first.”
The man sitting across from me smiled briefly but then went back to studying my resume like it held all the answers.
Tom Daniels, of Daniels Enterprise, Inc.
, ran a software company. Software he’d originally created himself but now relied on a team of programmers to keep it updated.
It wasn’t sexy. Not a fancy app for the phone or anything like that.
It was medical billing software. Not that I needed to know much about the software.
I was here to interview for the job of administrative office manager.
It was only a matter of time before E.G. found me a job himself and cut me loose.
The writing was on the wall in bold Sharpie.
He didn’t want to fire me. He needed to fire me.
If I don’t do this now, leave him now, he would have all the control in our separation.
“And you think you can keep up with both? School and this job?”
“E.G. is a pretty demanding boss and I’ve had no problem making my schedule work,” I told him.
Tom nodded. He was an attractive man. Dark hair, dark eyes. Maybe the same age as E.G., maybe a little older. There was a seriousness about him, which in a way was very different from E.G.’s somberness. At least the E.G. I’d first met.
The man I knew now was anything but somber. The man I knew now was a firecracker. Constantly filled to the brim with potential explosions.
“Does he know you’re here?” Tom asked me.
Uh, no. He would freaking kill me if he knew where I was.
“Here, specifically? No. But we both agree it’s time for me to move on. He’s looking to scale back his operation and won’t be needing full-time assistance.”
“He would give you a positive reference if I asked for one?”
“Yes,” I said. “He would.”
It wasn’t a lie if you believed it was true. I knew for a fact E.G. was looking for a job for me. I’d overheard him on the phone with potential employers asking questions about hours, salary and commute times.
Okay – I’d stood on the other side of his door with my ear pressed to it. E.G. never closed his office door, so when he began doing it, I knew something was up.
All I was doing was getting out ahead of him. Before he could fire me. Before he could leave me and walk away.
When push came to shove, and he understood why I was doing this now, he wouldn’t lie about the work I’d done for him. Instead, he would grudgingly admit I had a right to find my own position. To take control of my life, rather than letting him steer me in the direction he’d decided.
I was so fucking pissed at him there were times it was hard to breathe. I wanted to hit him with a blunt object. I wanted to stab him with a letter opener. I wanted to break him in half so he could see what he was doing to me.
What he was doing to himself.
Because that hurt the most.
The pain he was inflicting on himself. The punishment he was enduring for having slipped in his perpetual evergreen grief for Allison.
Tom set the resume down on his desk and looked at me. “I don’t know Evan Allen personally, obviously, but I’ve certainly heard about his reputation. If he vouches for you, then I would be lucky to have you on the team.”
I nodded. “Can you…well, I would like to tell him myself, to expect your call. I don’t want it to be a surprise. Like I said, we both agreed it’s time for me to move, but you know, it’s hard. We’ve been a pretty tight team for several months.”
Not even a full year.
How was it possible my whole life had been upended in a timeframe measured in months? It didn’t feel normal, but maybe for someone my age, starting their independent life, it was. I had no reference.
“Of course.” Tom opened a top drawer in the desk he was sitting behind and extracted a business card.
He handed it to me and I took it. “You let him know you’ve been offered a position contingent upon his reference.
Once he calls and confirms what you’ve told me, I’ll have HR put together an offer letter. Sound good?”
No. It sounded tragic. But E.G. had left me no choice.
I smiled. “Thank you.”
Back at the office
“You’re late getting back from lunch.”
I’d just walked through the suite door when I stopped at the sound of his voice. He was lingering in his office doorway, almost as if he’d been waiting for me.
Since our confrontation a week ago, where he’d all but pinned me in the corner of his office, he’d been careful to keep his distance. And I’d been careful to keep mine, while still maintaining as much professionalism as I could muster.
Whatever that meant.
I’d been a student, a waitress and homeless before this job.
Oh. And a thief.
Just like we had every day for the past week, we moved like two boxers in the ring before the actual fighting began.
Constantly in motion.
Always assessing the opponent.
Waiting for an opportunity to attack.
Now was the time to throw the first punch.
“I didn’t go to lunch,” I swallowed.
I walked through the waiting area into my office. I took off my coat, placed it on the coat rack in the corner. My hands were shaking and I was having a hard time breathing. I needed to get my shit together.
This was hard. This was so freaking hard. Maybe the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life. In a life of really hard things.
“Where were you then?” he asked, now standing just inside my office.
I swallowed, then turned to face him directly. I tried to memorize his features. His brownish red hair, his impossibly green eyes. His stubborn jaw. I wanted to make sure this was the face I saw in my dreams. Not the contorted, angry one that was about to come.
I’d put Tom’s business card in my blazer pocket. I took it out and placed it on the desk, then slid it towards the edge.
“I was at an interview. That’s Tom Daniel’s business card. He owns a software company. Medical billing. If you call him, and give me a good reference, he’ll hire me as his administrative office manager.”
A muscle in his jaw ticked, but other than that, he didn’t say anything for a minute. Then he stepped further into the office and picked up the card. Looking at it, but not seeing it, I didn’t think.
“Is this what you want?” he asked me.
“This is what you want. I’m just doing it on my terms.”
When he looked at me, the pain I saw in his eyes was crushing. I wanted to fall on my knees and crawl to him. Beg him to…
What?
What did I want from E.G., really?
For him to get over his late wife?
For him to love me instead?
Who was I to beg him for that?
I was Anna Flowers. My own parents didn’t fucking want me and I thought I could have him?
Yes. Apparently, I did. How ridiculous was that?
“I’ll call him,” he finally said.
I nodded. “It’s a good opportunity.”
“Flowers, you know I…I never wanted…”
“Stop,” I told him.
I couldn’t handle an apology, or regret. I couldn’t handle the overwhelming sadness. Suddenly, I was agitated. Jumpy. Like my skin didn’t fit anymore. I took off my blazer. Undid the top three buttons of my shirt so I could breathe.
It didn’t help.
Then E.G. was there. Like he knew. Like he understood exactly what I needed. He picked me up and sat me on the desk. His body was between my legs. He undid the rest of the buttons and tugged at the shirt until it was down around my arms.
He kissed me.
He’d never kissed me. Not once. Not when we made love. Not the morning after. Never.
I’d only now just realized that.
Only now his mouth was on mine and his tongue was inside me.
Yes, this was what I needed! The scratch of his afternoon beard on my cheek. The slick heat of his mouth.
At some point he’d removed my bra, because his hands were cupping my naked breasts. And he wouldn’t stop kissing me. He kept kissing me and kissing me and he wouldn’t let me breathe. But that was okay because I didn’t want air. I only wanted him.
I reached up to cup his face. Were his cheeks damp?
Then his fingers were at the fastening of my pants.
I heard the zipper, and then he was lifting me, pushing his hands into my pants, shoving them down until they fell to my ankles.
He pressed his hand between my breasts, forced me to lay back on the desk, my legs still sprawled on either side of his hips.
“Anna?” he gasped. “Yes?”
“Yes.” A thousand times, yes.
I heard the sound of another zipper. His.
And then he was there inside me. Hard. Deep. Endless. I made a noise, a whimper maybe. A plea for more. He adjusted his hips and slammed back inside of me so hard, I came right then.
Keening and writhing on the desk, while he continued to fuck me.
He bent over me, lifted my head with his hand and kissed me again.
Yes. More kissing. I needed the kissing.
I reached for him, clutched at him, while he pushed inside me in an unsteady rhythm. Like he was desperate. He groaned his release into my mouth. And when he was done, I screamed as if I’d won the most important race of my life.