Chapter 8
EIGHT
They dropped by the room to change into their trunks.
The last thing that their impending conversation needed was for Lee to catch Alex staring at his behind, so Alex made sure to keep his eyes averted.
It seemed like Lee was of a similar mind because he kept his back to Alex even after he was done changing and didn’t turn until Alex uttered a soft, “Let’s go? ”
“Yeah.”
Back to one-syllable sentences, were they? Jesus, Alex never should have told Lee, or maybe he just shouldn’t have kissed him out of the blue. It had seemed like a good idea at the time, actions speaking louder than words and all that.
Quietly, they made their way down to the pool, blessedly deserted with all their teammates and most of the staff on the training field.
The water glittered turquoise in the afternoon sun, a small breeze rippling the surface and distorting the mosaic tiles that lined the basin.
White sun loungers and umbrellas were arranged around the space, rich lavender bushes scenting the air, and a neat stack of towels awaiting use.
As soon as they dropped their phones and room keys by the side of the pool, a hotel employee showed up to ask whether they needed additional towels or any help with the umbrellas.
They declined, and the man melted back into the garden.
It was a reminder that they were not alone. Sure, everyone here had signed non-disclosure agreements, but no harm in keeping their voices down.
Alex stripped off his T-shirt and left his sandals on a sun lounger before he sat down at the edge of the pool, cool water sloshing around his ankles.
He waited for Lee to do the same, an arm’s length between them that Alex was keenly aware of.
He squinted at the water, blinding sunlight making bright spots dance through his vision whenever he blinked.
Right, then.
“I’m sorry,” he started. “For, you know. Not telling you sooner. And for the way I went about… telling you. So to speak.”
Lee snorted but remained otherwise silent. When Alex turned his head, he found Lee watching him with a quizzical frown—searching now, earlier hostility gone. Alex swallowed.
“In my defense,” he added after a second, “it was my first time telling anyone. Between that and your porn-inspired attempt at flirting with me all those years ago, maybe we’re kind of even?”
A reluctant chuckle escaped Lee, and it was hard to tell under the tan, but his cheeks looked a little flushed. Might be the sun. “Fair point.”
Okay. This was starting to feel… better. Like the dust was settling.
Alex chanced a smile, just wide enough to flirt with an indentation of dimples. “I have my moments.”
“Do you, now?” Lee’s voice was dry, but it lacked the acidic bite that it had carried this morning. He tilted his head, sunlight sparking in his dark irises. “You really haven’t told anyone else?”
“No.” It came out rather harshly, so Alex shook his head and repeated, softer, “No. Just you.”
Expression turning thoughtful, Lee drew his bottom lip between his teeth. He released it when he caught Alex staring, and Alex glanced away, at the reflections of light on the pool’s surface.
“Sorry,” Alex mumbled.
“What for?” It was light, almost sweet. Lee didn’t leave Alex a chance to react, though. “I guess I’m honored to be your first, then. But you may want to work on your reveal methods.”
“You mean I can’t go around sticking my tongue down a guy friend’s throat as a way of saying ‘hi, mate, so I’m also into blokes’?”
“Might get you punched in the face by someone less lenient than me.”
“Back to the drawing board it is.”
“Hashtag sad.” Lee’s grin lit up his eyes as he splashed Alex with a bit of water.
Alex reacted by letting himself tip face first into the pool, holding his breath as the water closed over his head.
He heard a muffled second splash, and when he resurfaced, Lee was floating next to him.
They treaded water for a minute, watching each other.
It felt different now—heavier, like standing on a fifteen-foot platform for the first time, trying to work up the courage to jump into a swimming pool that seemed tiny from this high up.
“What makes it so hard?” Lee asked eventually.
Ha.
Alex raised a meaningful brow. When Lee laughed, the heaviness evaporated, Alex’s pulse slowing to a normal rate for maybe the first time since that morning.
“What makes it so hard to tell people, I mean,” Lee clarified.
It was a fair question, yet not one that Alex found easy to answer.
He shoved wet hair off his forehead and forced himself to hold Lee’s gaze because yeah, maybe he owed him some honesty.
“I’m used to fitting in, I guess. Like, I was never the odd one out, you know?
I was the popular kid, the one everyone wanted on their team. ”
“Tough being you.” Lee’s tone held a note of…
not envy, no. Self-deprecation, maybe? It figured that being a teenage boy who had a weird mum and was essentially raising two younger sisters—well, it wouldn’t have put him on an instant track to popularity.
“Soccer was about the only thing that made me feel good about myself,” wasn’t that what he’d said?
“I know I had it easy, yeah?” Alex drifted over to the shallow end of the pool until he felt tiles under his feet.
“What I’m trying to say is… maybe I got a bit dependent on being liked.
Perhaps it’s how I balanced out”—he sent Lee a lopsided smile—“that my parents didn’t hug me enough when I was little.
Which, just for the record, might be why it threw me when you didn’t like me, back then. ”
“I did like you.” Lee’s voice was even. “Rather more than I was comfortable with, as we discussed.”
“I could pretend to be sorry if you’d like?”
Amusement sparked in Lee’s eyes. “A handwritten letter of apology bearing your family seal would mean a lot.”
“I’ll see what I can do.” Alex let the brightness of the moment carry him forward. “But, like. What I’m trying to say is that fitting in… It’s something that matters to me. I’m not ashamed or anything—I just don’t want to be different.”
Lee fixed him with a dark look. “Welcome to my world.”
“I know, okay? Like I said, I fully admit that I didn’t exactly suffer here.
And I also know I shouldn’t care quite that much about what others think.
” Alex leaned against the side of the pool, briefly closing his eyes against the sun, warm orange flooding his vision.
He continued quietly. “I know all that. But I still care.”
Lee was quiet for a moment. “Yeah, all right. And I guess your dad wouldn’t exactly throw a coming-out party if you told him.”
“I’d pay good money to see him perform Dancing Queen in a rainbow shirt.”
“The Sun would, too.”
“‘Shock: Duke’s Disco Debut!’” Alex let his grin fade. “I mean, in all seriousness—my parents wouldn’t kick me out, nothing that extreme. But it would be another layer of disapproval, along with the express expectation that I’d keep it under wraps.”
“Seems like the only way you can make them happy is by means of a personality transplant.” It wasn’t said unkindly. “Maybe that’s your cue to stop trying?”
Alex looked away from the glint of sunlight on Lee’s collarbones. “Maybe.”
A server appeared at the far end of the pool, effectively putting an end to their conversation.
He approached to inquire whether they needed anything from the bar or kitchen in a slightly accented English, his smile bright.
They shook their heads, and when he turned to leave, Lee seemed to watch him go for a second longer than necessary.
Alex followed the direction of Lee’s gaze—admittedly, the guy was fairly young and fit, his lean body tanned from the sun.
So what if Lee found him attractive? It didn’t matter to Alex.
“How about a walk?” Alex asked, and Lee’s attention returned to him.
“And they say romance is dead.” Lee appeared to regret his playful tone almost immediately, the corners of his mouth tilting into a frown. “I mean, yeah. Sure. Haven’t really made time to explore the grounds yet, and hopefully we’ll be here for a few more weeks, so…”
“Hopefully,” Alex echoed.
They traded small smiles, and when Alex turned to the stairs that exited the pool, it wasn’t just his imagination that Lee’s gaze lingered. The warmth that sparked in Alex’s belly had very little to do with the pressing afternoon heat.
After slipping on their T-shirts and sandals, they followed a winding stone pathway to a cobblestone courtyard lined by rosemary and lavender bushes, palm trees above their heads and the manicured golf course visible just beyond.
The silence that hung between them was thoughtful, and Alex wasn’t quite sure how to pick the thread of their earlier conversation back up.
It was Lee who spoke first, gesturing ahead. “You ever play?”
“Golf?” Alex snorted. “With a father like mine, what do you think?”
The smile Lee flicked him held genuine warmth. “Didn’t want to presume.”
“Since when?” Alex bumped their hands together to show that he was teasing. “Golf, polo, cricket, sailing—I’ve done it all. Soccer is the only thing that stuck.”
“Well, you’re bloody good at it.”
Even though it wasn’t the first time Lee had paid him a compliment, it made Alex duck his head. “Thank you.”
Another quiet minute followed as they ambled towards the trail that curved through the golf course, lush green contrasting with the bright blue of the sky.
“I guess there’s also…” Alex paused to sort through words in his head that he’d never put out there before.
“Sorry—mind leap, back to what we talked about before. Like, me being bi. Some people think that just means I’m too scared to be simply gay, or that I can’t make up my mind.
Or that I just don’t care where I stick it. ”
“Yeah.” Lee swayed his head from side to side. “And some people think the Earth is flat, so…”