Chapter 8 #2
“But one of those things is an outdated belief that no one in their right mind would state in public.”
Lee pursed his lips, expression grave. “You mean that bisexuality is just a cowardly, promiscuous version of homosexuality? True.”
Alex let one corner of his mouth twitch upwards. “You’re not taking this seriously.”
“I’m taking it exactly as seriously as it deserves.” Lee’s frown smoothed out and he stopped walking, shielding his eyes against the sun. “And just so we’re clear, I don’t have a problem with you looking both ways. That’s not what my reaction was about.”
“So it was really mostly about—well, a little about the whole…” Come on, it wasn’t that hard. “The whole kissing you thing. But mostly about how I didn’t tell you sooner.”
“Yeah.” A pause. “I kind of get it now, though. It’s not easy, first time you tell someone.”
“No kidding. It took me days to work up the courage, and then I still messed it up.”
“Just a little.” Lee held his thumb and forefinger apart by a small margin. “Anyway, though—I guess I’m honored to be your first, so to speak.” A sly glance before Lee continued. “Why not Jeff, though? There’s no way he’d have an issue.”
“No. But he’d appoint himself my one-man army and would take offense easily.”
Lee chuckled. “Yeah, I see how that could be the case. He’s a good friend, isn’t he?”
“The best,” Alex said with emphasis. “I know he can come across as, you know… a lot. But if you need someone to have your back? He’ll be there with waving flags and a marching band.”
There was something assessing in Lee’s eyes as he studied Alex, and it took a moment to click. Then Alex laughed, feeling his entire body lighten with it.
“No. Just… no. I love the guy to bits, but not like that.”
“Just checking.” Lee’s eyes were bright, and holy hell, he was beautiful. Alex dragged a hand through his hair and focused on their surroundings—the undulating hills of the golf course, a stone bridge crossing a stream.
“Who did you tell first?”
“My sister Kira—she’s four years younger.”
“The one who studies biology, with the ticklish rats?”
“The very same. It was just before I left for Milan, so I was twenty-two, I guess. A bit younger than you now.”
About two years after Lee and Alex had first met—meaning that was how long it had taken Lee to move from realizing he was gay to telling anyone about it.
Alex had known he was bisexual since seventeen or so, and he’d needed six years to work up the courage.
Then again, his closet might have left him with a tad more room given that dating women wasn’t a hardship.
“How did it go?” he asked.
The corners of Lee’s eyes crinkled. “She’d only just taken down her poster collection of hot guys—told me I could take my pick.”
Alex grinned. “Generous.”
“She thought so too.” Affection warmed Lee’s voice, and it wasn’t like Alex didn’t have people he could turn to—Jeff, for one, and a few friends from his childhood and Harrow who hadn’t grown into entitled pricks—but it must be different with a sibling.
Not that Alex had an excessive habit of turning to people anyway.
“Which poster did you pick?”
“Yours. Who else’s?” Lee’s smarmy tone deserved a “slip hazard” sign.
With a laugh, Alex started walking again, Lee falling into step. “Were you scared?” Alex asked. “When you told her.”
“Shitless.”
“Well, I was scared this morning.”
“You really thought I might react badly?” Lee sounded as though he was considering whether to take offense.
“Did you really think your sister would react badly?” Alex slid Lee a sideways glance, so he caught the moment Lee’s brows, previously knitted together, softened.
“Not rationally,” Lee said.
“But fear isn’t rational, is it?”
“I guess not.” A small chuckle. “Still, as far as coming out methods go, kissing your same-sex friend is not industry standard.”
“Industry standard?” Alex shook his head as they crossed the stone bridge, a thin rivulet trickling below. “You sound like some Soccer Association bureaucrat trying to justify that our jerseys are made wherever it’s cheapest, screw ethical standards.”
“Touché,” Lee said. “My point stands, though.”
“I just… couldn’t find the right words.”
“Let me help you out.” Lee grasped Alex’s elbow, pulling both of them to a halt. His serious expression was at odds with the impish sparkle in his eyes. “Repeat after me—‘Lee, I’m bi.’”
“Lee.” Alex lowered his voice. “I’m bi.”
“There you go.” Quieter now too, Lee’s fingertips still light on Alex’s elbow, and Alex was right back at the edge of that diving board, rapid pulse fluttering in his throat. He inhaled on a measured breath.
“When I kissed you… You didn’t hate it, did you?”
“Not one bit.” There was something deliberate about the way Lee held Alex’s gaze. “Doesn’t make it a good idea.”
“Why not?” What Alex had intended as a challenge came out as a murmur.
Lee cleared his throat. “Other than how I used to like you?”
“Don’t see why that’s a bad thing.” Alex aimed for a smile that brought out his dimples, and Lee’s gaze dropped down to Alex’s mouth.
“You really need me to spell it out?” Lee’s voice sounded slightly husky.
“Please do.”
Tension stretched thick between them—and snapped when Lee looked away, removing his hand from Alex’s arm. “One.” The word was soft. “We’re here to win the bloody World Cup. Can’t afford to get distracted.”
He had a point. But also, “I’m distracting?”
“Fishing for compliments, Beaufort? So unbecoming.” Lee shot him an amused glance. “Two, we’re teammates, and we’re rooming together. Throw sex into the mix, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. Especially if for one person it’s just a fun little experiment, while it’s quite real for the other.”
Alex drew a slow breath. “What do you mean—real versus not?”
“I mean that for me, being with a guy isn’t just something I try behind closed doors before I go back to women because that’s the family way.”
“That’ s…” Not fair. Except… was it? Maybe a little? Because the expectation always had been that Alex would marry a suitable woman from a good family, and their children would continue the family line. “It could still be real.”
“Yeah, I’m just not so sure about that.” Lee shook his head, voice softening. “Also, I used to like you a bit, which puts us on uneven ground. It’s just not a good idea.”
Rationally, Alex could see where Lee was coming from.
But that didn’t stall the acid burn of disappointment in his stomach.
“For the record”—Alex let his gaze drift past Lee, over to a row of manicured hedges—“it wouldn’t be just a fun little experiment with the first guy who happens to be conveniently available.
I like you. And I think you’re very attractive. ”
Wow, could that have come out any more awkward? Usually, Alex was much smoother than that.
“Thank you.” It was quiet, slightly delayed. When Alex chanced a look at Lee, he found Lee looking at him already, eyes a little sad. Which—hey, Alex had just paid him a compliment. Shouldn’t Lee be looking much happier?
“So, uh.” Alex pressed his lips together. “A bad idea, then?”
“Yes,” Lee said firmly.
Alex huffed out a half-formed laugh and averted his gaze. “All right. I guess I’ve just been shot down, huh?”
“First time?” Lee’s tone held a trace of humor—no meanness in it, though, and when Alex glanced at him once more, Lee’s frown hadn’t faded entirely. “You’ll deal, babe.”
Babe?
“Some sympathy would be nice.”
“Eating a thick slice of chocolate cake would be nice too, but you don’t see me doing that either, do you?”
All right, back to wheelchair-accessible emotional territory. Alex could do that. “My earldom for a pizza.”
“Double cheese,” Lee said, reverent.
“With salami. And none of that whole-grain crap.”
Lee’s chuckle was quiet. “You know, I’ll probably inflate like a balloon once my active career is over.”
“Nah, you’ll always be hot.”
“Such a charmer.”
“Learned it from my father.”
“And on that note…” Lee pulled a face. “I need to scrub my brain with bleach.”
Alex’s smile came easily, his lungs no longer quite so narrow. “You’re welcome.”
For a moment, they watched each other in comfortable silence. Then Lee ducked his head, the warm afternoon sun highlighting the slant of his cheekbones. “For the record? It’s mutual. The attraction and all.”
Funny how it didn’t change a thing—and yet it did. Alex exhaled through the tiny flutter in his stomach. “Good to know.”
“Yeah.” Lee was quiet for a second. “We’re okay?”
Alex nodded. “We’re okay.”
They were. Even if Alex wanted more, even if each time he blinked, he still felt the weight of Lee’s body against his, Lee’s fingernails digging into his waist…
They were okay.
Posted by @AlexanderBeaufort (June 21, 6:48 p.m.):
At some point in the near future, I will eat an entire pizza with extra cheese, and it will be glorious.
Dinner that night took place under a magnifying glass.
At least that’s what it felt like to Lee—heads turning as they sat down together, subtle glances flickering their way. Faking obliviousness seemed like the best course of action, so Lee ignored everyone else as he reached for the bottle of water on the table. “Want some?” he asked Alex.
“Yeah, thanks.” Alex seemed to have drawn the same conclusion. He kept his gaze on Lee, his smile wide, hair artfully tousled.
“Is it just me”—Lee smiled back—“or are we suddenly the most interesting people on this terrace?”
Alex heaved a dramatic sigh. “The burden of fame.”
“All right, lads?” Oliver asked, dropping into a free chair at the table, Jeff following suit.
“All right,” Lee told him pointedly, and Jeff grinned.
“So you kissed and made up, then?”
It was just Jeff being Jeff. Still, Lee might have flinched the tiniest bit, shooting Alex a quick look just as he glanced over, too. When Lee pulled his attention away, he found Oliver staring at him with wide eyes.
Well, shit.
Lee gave Oliver a tiny headshake just as Alex laughed, a beat delayed. “Something like that,” Alex told Jeff, voice light.