Chapter 15 #2
Usually, Lee would look away, close his eyes—this time, he held Alex’s gaze when he came, adding to the mess on Alex’s belly.
Alex drew him into another kiss right after, both of them still breathing harshly, sticky skin and wandering hands, tiredness creeping in around the edges.
They stumbled into the shower together and brushed their teeth side by side, hips bumping, exhaustion turning Lee’s vision a little hazy by the time they fell into bed.
He slid up against Alex’s back and curved an arm around his chest, Alex tangling their fingers.
It should be enough.
“I don’t want this to end.” Lee hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but now that he had, there was no turning back. He pressed his nose against Alex’s neck, eyes closed. “No matter what happens tomorrow, whether we win or lose—I don’t want this to end.”
He could feel Alex’s chest rise with a deep breath, then Alex twisted around to catch Lee’s mouth for another kiss, slow and deep. Maybe it was an answer or maybe it wasn’t—either way it was all Alex offered.
Lee fell asleep with Alex in his arms and a dozen questions pressing up against the back of his mind.
The soft patter of rain woke Alex. They must have moved during the night because he remembered going to sleep with Lee tucked up behind him while now it was Lee lying on his back, Alex curled up against Lee’s side with his head in the crook of his neck.
He inhaled—warmth and a faint trace of the hotel’s shower gel.
I don’t want this to end.
The words crept through the cracks of Alex’s lingering sleep haze and broke it apart.
Whether we win or lose—I don’t want this to end.
But it had to, of course. This wasn’t real.
It was a bubble, and they couldn’t just pretend that it wouldn’t burst once it collided with reality.
Maybe it was different for Lee because he didn’t have family expectations resting heavy on his shoulders. But Alex did, and he had, and… and…
Except his father might go to prison.
Something clamped down on his chest because what did that mean? What did that fucking mean?
Alex inhaled through his teeth, brief dizziness washing over him. He needed… air. Needed space to breathe. It was too hot in here, and Lee was too close, too much.
He slid out of bed like a thief in the night, pulling on whatever clothes he found on the floor, the jeans his own, the T-shirt not. After grabbing his phone off the bedside table, he paused for just a second to stare at Lee’s peaceful face.
Was there a way for Alex to keep him?
Alex padded out of the room on socked feet, quietly closed the door, and laced up his trainers in the hallway outside.
Jeff’s room lay further along the corridor, but he was sharing with Mason, another striker, and Alex didn’t want a random teammate to witness his epiphany with a healthy side serving of freaking out.
So instead, he unlocked his phone and sent a text to Jeff.
You up?
Since Alex didn’t want to linger in the hallway, he headed for the lifts. Jeff’s response came just as Alex exited into the lobby.
Part of me is
Trust Jeff to take any harmless question straight to the gutter.
That could be mistaken for an invitation
After a nod at the receptionist, he stepped out into the fresh morning, the rain that had woken him no more than a misty drizzle by now, dense humidity more than actual drops.
Ah, I wouldn’t want to compete with Lee.
Lee, yes. Lee, who’d said that he didn’t want this to end.
Lee, who Alex was maybe kind of in love with—because what else was he supposed to make of the radiant warmth that fluttered in his belly at even just the thought of him?
And God, that sounded like a song, didn’t it?
A sweet and slightly cheesy song that could be on the soundtrack to an old black-and-white film.
Get a fucking grip.
Alex tipped his face into the drizzle and took a slow, controlled breath. Already, he could feel the heat of the day lurking just out of sight, ready to press in as soon as the sky cleared, sweltering temperatures predicted for the match tonight. Hopefully, the humidity wouldn’t linger.
He set back into motion, replying to Jeff as he walked.
Can we talk? I’m by the pool.
It’s raining.
It’s barely raining and there’s a canopy for the wimps among us.
Insulting me isn’t half as cute as you seem to think it is.
Alex stared at his phone for a second before he replied.
Please?
Three little dots showed that Jeff had started typing an answer. Then they disappeared, only to return a few seconds later. When the response came, it was simple.
There in 5
The drizzle had stopped completely by the time Jeff arrived, flashes of blue sky showing between the clouds. He plopped onto a lounge chair next to Alex’s with a, “You called, my love, so I came running.”
Alex meant to counter with something suitably light, he did. “Thank you,” he said instead, much heavier than intended, and Jeff’s attention zeroed in on him.
“All right, talk to me. What’s going on?”
“Okay, so…” Alex faltered, struggling to pick just one of the half-dozen thoughts swirling through his brain. “So, what you said a few days ago—about how life is much more fun if it’s my own. What if I took control?”
“Sounds generally good to me.” Jeff nodded his approval. “What exactly does that mean, though?”
Alex wished he had a ready-made answer rather than fragments of one.
“It’s like… There are all these expectations, right?
And I’m so used to letting that define me.
But I’m already defying my parents—it started with soccer, and now, with this whole mess, I’m refusing to do as I’m told. So why not go all the way?”
“All the way?”
“What if I came out?” It sounded… God, it sounded big, said out loud like that.
Really fucking scary. Alex forced himself to push on regardless.
“Someone’s got to follow in Ben Jimmer’s footsteps eventually, right?
And maybe, if Lee is—I haven’t asked him, mind.
Hell, I barely know what the fuck I’m saying.
I just… I’m so tired, Jeff. I’m so fucking tired of being what others want me to be. ”
“Good.” With that, Jeff scooped Alex up in a brief but heartfelt hug. “I’m all for it, yeah?” he said when he pulled back. “I’ll be right here cheering you on with my pom-poms and all. Just making sure, though, because it’s a bit sudden and all… What brought this on?”
I don’t want this to end.
“Kind of… everything, I think?” Alex made a sweeping gesture. “My dad facing a corruption charge, me being in this bubble for all those weeks and away from my daily routine. Starting to feel like I actually belong here, like I’ve earned this.” He cleared his throat. “Lee.”
Jeff’s smile was huge. “You finally put a label on it, then?”
Had they?
“In a way,” Alex said. “I think? Lee told me last night he doesn’t want it to end, the thing with us—that even if we lose tonight—”
“Let’s not,” Jeff interrupted.
“Let’s not,” Alex agreed. “But even if we do, he said he wants to… keep going. So.”
“And what did you say?” Jeff asked.
“I mean, well.” Alex thought back to the night before—darkness wrapped around them, Lee’s solid warmth against his back and the velvety murmur of Lee’s voice, the words slotting into the gaps between Alex’s ribs and settling in for the long haul.
“I didn’t really, uh… say anything? It was just before we fell asleep, and it wasn’t like Lee asked for an answer or anything.
He just put it out there, and then we kissed and went to sleep. ”
Jeff narrowed his eyes. “And what did you say this morning?”
Alex was starting to get a bad feeling about this. “Lee was still asleep. I needed to sort myself out first, hence our chat here.”
“So let me get this straight.” Jeff’s tone was dangerously patient. “Lee says that to him, this thing between the two of you matters—you say nothing. And then you sneak out before he wakes up.”
Alex scuffed a hand through his hair. “It sounds bad when you put it like that.”
“You think?”
“I should…” Alex pointed at the hotel, and the sharpness in Jeff’s eyes faded slightly.
“Yeah, you really should. Oh, just one more thing? Whatever happens with you and Lee—something great, hopefully—it doesn’t mean you have to come out immediately.”
Okay, true. But there was a part of Alex that felt eager to just fucking do it—rip off the band aid and jump in the deep end and learn how to swim across the bloody Atlantic.
That didn’t make it a brilliant idea, though.
“Point taken.” Alex rose from the sun lounger and paused for a smile. “Thanks, mate. You’re the best.”
Jeff looked pleased. “Eh. You’d do the same for me.”
“I would,” Alex said. “Anytime you face some life-altering decisions? Just give me a call and I’ll be there.”
“I’ll hold you to it.” Jeff made a shooing motion, eyes bright. “Now go, yeah? Get your man before he realizes you’re kind of an idiot and finds someone a little less ridiculous.”
“I’m going.” Two steps, then Alex turned right back around and gave Jeff a hug that he returned, laughing. When Alex made his way back to the hotel, he felt weightless, damn near invincible.
This was his life, and he intended to finally act like it.
Lee woke up alone.
The pillow was dented on Alex’s side of the bed, but Alex himself was nowhere to be seen, the room silent.
He’d never slipped out without a word before.
Something ugly unfurled in Lee’s stomach that wasn’t quite dread, wasn’t quite anger.
Disappointment maybe or betrayal, a heavy sense of I fucking trusted you—Brandon all over again, deciding that he couldn’t hack a nutjob girlfriend, shame about the children.
Lee rolled out of bed and stood in the middle of the room until it stopped spinning around him. Then he got dressed and went to brush his teeth against the bitter taste of bile, pushing away the memory of last night, of telling Alex—
Fuck.