Chapter Thirty-Seven
ADELE
Anxiety and stakes
“Is this funny?” Cole asked.
“In a black humor sort of way,” I offered dryly. “I’m fine, Cole. Rowan’s right. I can be stubborn and wait too long. But I’m fine.”
There was another knock on the door. “It’s me!” Holly called in her singsong voice as she walked into the room. “How are we doing?”
“We’re fine,” I called back. “I feel so much better. Please, please, please, please, discharge me.”
Cole still looked dismayed, his brows hitching high. “Please don’t discharge her until she’s one hundred percent ready to go.”
Holly was already at the laptop, tapping at the keyboard and reviewing my numbers. “Looking good,” she said. “Let’s give it another half hour. How’s your anxiety, actually?”
“My anxiety is great.”
My sister burst out laughing. “She’s feeling good,” Rowan said.
“Is she high on anxiety meds?” Cole asked.
“Nope. She’s just finally relaxed. Adele’s baseline is pretty high for anxiety, so just a little bit knocks her down quick,” Rowan explained.
“And now we know,” Holly added.
“Know what?” I asked.
“That if you show up here again, we need to get a dose of this in you ASAP. Medical anxiety is not unusual, but it makes everything worse.”
Cole glanced from me to Holly to my sister, his brow furrowing. “Is there a way to make it stop for good?” When his gaze made its way back to mine, warmth flared in his eyes. I almost cried. It was so rare for me to trust like this.
Holly answered his question. “The best we can hope for is to keep her anxiety from spiraling into a panic attack. People who experience a lot of medical intervention when they’re young, well, it’s not easy.
Hospitals aren’t fun, or all that comfortable.
We try to make them friendly, especially in children’s hospitals, but it’s still loud and can feel overwhelming.
Kids often wake up with tubes, machines beeping, and maybe in pain, sometimes alone.
That can create trauma. If they get triggered, it can be terrifying. ”
“That makes sense,” Cole said, letting out a deep breath. He glanced toward me again. “So we’re going to wait a half hour. Even though you told all of us before the hike that you’d speak up if you needed medication, now I know you might wait too long.”
I sighed. “Not when I’m out on a hike.”
“What’s different about that?” he pressed.
“Because I know medical help isn’t close. I wouldn’t risk it by hoping it gets better on its own.”
“Okaaay,” Cole said doubtfully.
“Okay, we’re outta here,” Holly said, grabbing Rowan’s hand and dragging her out of the room.
Cole sat down on the edge of the bed, in the spot Rowan had just vacated. “How are you really feeling?”
“I’m fine. I just feel stupid.”
“Why do you feel stupid?”
“Because I know better, but I’m stubborn sometimes. And I’m sorry again I didn’t talk to you about Chad before.”
“You don’t need to apologize. It’s kind of unsettling as a man to realize most women have some kind of story or experience like that.
There are close friends who don’t know everything about what our family went through.
They might know the outline, but not the details and the mess of it all.
And, in this case, what almost happened to you is your story, no one else’s. You’re a fucking badass.”
I snorted. “Okay, now you and Rowan have both called me a badass.”
“Well, you are,” he replied with a shrug. “I’m sure Ashley would’ve been able to fend for herself and already did, but it’s a damn good thing you came along.” He leaned close and gave me a quick kiss.
When he lifted his head, his gaze was so intent, it stole my breath for a few seconds. “I love you, Cole.”
“So what do we do now?” I asked a moment later as we sat together, just soaking in the emotion shimmering around us.
“I guess we wait. I don’t want you leaving until Holly says you’re good to go.”
I rolled my eyes. “Here’s the thing. She could clear me for discharge right this second, and it’ll still take an hour or two before I’m walking out the door. Hospitals are sort of like entering a tunnel, where all you can do is wait until you’re through to the other side.”
He pressed his lips together, trying not to laugh for a few seconds before he gave in, his head dropping forward as his shoulders shook. “You are something, Adele,” he said a moment later.
“Am I, though?” I teased.
“Yeah. I love you. All of you. Including the stubborn ‘hurry it up for my medical emergency’ you.”
I giggled. “Fine.”
Cole shifted gears in the conversation. “Should I just move in over the barn?”
“I don’t know. Is that where we want to stay long term?”
He shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not. We’re planning to build some new small houses for the resort, so that could be an option for us later. But for now, I’d like to stay with you. Unless you kick me out.”
“Really?” My heart kicked up its heels, and an unfamiliar warmth spun through my belly. I wanted this, with Cole, so very much. It was difficult not to become afraid of it. It was all so big and fragile at once for me.
“Yes, really,” he said firmly. “Because I love you, and I want to be with you, and I want to make sure you’re okay.”
My eyes were hot with tears. I had so many fears about depending on anyone, but I knew I could depend on Cole. He was safe for me emotionally.
“Okay,” I whispered.
“To be clear, I know you can take care of yourself,” he added. “I just want to be with you.”
“This doesn’t happen often, you know.” I gestured toward my chest. “This whole thing—it’s the first time in a few years this happened. It’s never happened on a hike.”
His gaze was warm. “Well, good.”
Eventually, I was discharged, and it went just as I’d predicted. Holly cleared me for discharge not too long after I told Cole exactly how it would go down. Then, we waited another hour and a half before I could actually leave.
“Do you want to stay out at Heartfire Falls?” Cole asked Rowan as we walked out of the room to head home with Haven.
She hesitated. “Come on,” I coaxed. “I’d love for you to see it. Because it’s going to be where I live. Well, I already live there, but it’s going to be long term.”
“Okay,” she said finally.