Chapter 10 Brianna #2
As soon as I exit the salon, I’m pulling up the Uber app and requesting a ride.
Soon enough, I’ll be in the comfort of my own home.
I can, albeit barely, manage to get into a car with somewhat manageable anxiety.
I put my headphones on to block out the noise.
My eyes are shut so hard, it borders on painful.
But thoughts of driving again? That causes a full-fledged panic attack.
Where I can let the tears cascade down my face.
Where there’s absolutely no way I can disappoint anyone again.
After my allotted time was up, I sent a text to my boss letting her know I needed more time. I didn't want to meet with her in person, so I messaged her. I am so thankful I have an amazing, understanding boss. She put me on temporary leave and told me to contact her when I’m ready.
But working at the salon doesn’t call to me anymore, not like opening up my own bookstore would.
Or, should I say, did. My heart hurts too much to follow through on that dream without my brother.
Max and I used to plan everything together, especially with his work as a carpenter.
I had everything planned out. I even went as far as creating a full business proposal and was planning to ask a bank for a loan.
But my dream shattered the day my car did, dead and useless.
I just want to fall in love with something again.
And speaking of falling in love, that’s also something I want to do.
After watching my bestie find her forever partner, a part of me yearns for that.
I look at my parents' relationship with envy and longing.
I grew up in a loving household, watching my parents be sickeningly affectionate with each other.
I want the fantasies I read about in books to become my reality. I want a real life book boyfriend.
I scan my surroundings looking for a scrap piece of paper to write all these down so I don’t forget.
Fall in love with my body
Fall in love with sex (again)
Start living for myself (aka take risks)
Asking for help (go to therapy)
Find my true purpose in life
Get over fear of driving
Fall in love
I’m so involved in scribbling things down that I don’t realize Asher has snuck up behind me.
“Fall in love with sex, huh?” he chuckles. Out of all the things he could have focused on, he chooses that one. I turn to look at him, and his laugh instantly falls from his face.
Way to go, Bri. You think this silly little list will get rid of us? Think again. How desperate are you if you have to create a list?
“Shit, Bri. I’m sorry. I wasn’t making fun of you. I…um…That was just the first thing I saw. God, that was such a dick move. I’m so sorry.”
I pull the piece of paper against my chest as an embarrassed blush creeps up my neck.
“You don’t have to be sorry. It’s just something I was thinking about since our conversation this morning.
It’s just a silly little list.” I force a smile on my face that I know he doesn’t believe, and change the subject.
“Did you get the boxes?” I ask, hoping he’ll just drop the subject altogether—which, of course, he doesn’t.
“It is not a silly little list. I’m proud of you for making it. Can I…Can I read it?”
His palm is outstretched toward me, allowing me to make my own decision. I mean, I did say that Asher was the perfect person to help me. This could be my first risk: ask Asher to help me with my goals.
I stare into his stunning blue eyes, and I feel no judgement.
He’s genuinely curious, and I trust him.
Not only to help me with each task, but I trust he won’t make fun of me for it.
I want him to know what he’s getting himself into before asking for his help.
My shaky hands loosen their death-like grip on the now crumpled piece of paper and place it into his waiting hand.
I’m mentally playing a game of tennis with my anxious thoughts.
My self-confidence holds the racquet and swats away any negative thoughts that try to sneak their way past my defenses.
He’s gonna think you’re dumb. It’s because you are.
It’s only been a few seconds, but it feels like an eternity.
My fingers tap out a nervous rhythm on the table up until Asher places his hand over mine.
He meets my eyes and smiles. His smile exudes pride and some other feeling I can’t quite decipher.
Before I know it, he’s pulling me up, and his arms wrap around me.
“This is incredible. You created a rediscovery list.”
“A what?”
“A rediscovery list. You put things on there so you can relearn who you are. I’m so fucking proud of you for wanting to do this.
And before you say anything, it has nothing to do with what I said this morning and all to do with you.
Our conversation might have sparked something, but this is all you.
I hope you feel as proud of yourself as I do. ”
I look down at my list as the words rediscovery list rattle around in my brain.
I grab the pen and add the words My Rediscovery List on top of the notebook paper.
I stare at it a moment as satisfaction and joy swirl in my body like the Northern Lights.
It’s bright, and brilliant, and it's all me. I want to cling to this feeling for as long as I can, and I think this list will help me. I’m basking in my bravery, so I decide to ask the difficult—well, difficult for me—question.
“Will you help me?” I’m surprised at how strong my voice sounds, not a quiver in sight.
Asher cups my face with his hands, and we remain locked in an intense, slightly sexual staring contest. I refuse to allow self-doubt to slide through the cracks, so I keep my eyes locked on his.
“It would be an honor to help you. I do have one question, though. About the sex thing—” His sentence trails off at the end, and my eyes widen with mortification. Oh, shit, why didn’t I think about that one? I know exactly how it looks to him.
“Oh, yeah, that one. Um, I don’t expect you and I to have sex. I don’t want to put you in an awkward situation. I mean, you’re my brother’s best friend. This has to break some sort of, like, code—” I’m interrupted when his lips crash into mine.
The kiss is beyond passionate. It’s raw. Hungry. It’s pure desperation, and I’m craving more.
I open my mouth, giving him the invitation to deepen the kiss.
Our tongues dance together, and I can feel my blood begin to boil.
My arms snake around his neck until my fingers grip his hair.
The second I pull, he’s lifting me up and walking me to the counter.
I flinch briefly from the cool contact of the granite against my thighs.
Asher stops, thinking he’s maybe taken things too far, but I’m pulling his lips back to mine.
I’m dehydrated, and the only solution is to kiss him.
I tug his bottom lip between my teeth and suck.
His groan stirs some primal need inside me.
A need I haven’t felt in months—if ever. Has kissing always felt like this?
I feel the sensation from my head to my toes.
I’m dizzy with want, and if I pay close attention to my feet, they’ll probably hurt from how hard my toes are curling.
Asher taps on my thighs—a silent invitation for me to spread my legs.
The second he’s between my legs, I lock him in by wrapping my legs around his waist. Asher’s response is to thrust his hips into me, and that’s when I feel it.
His dick is pushing against his jeans, and I can only imagine how painful that must be.
I remove one of my hands from his hair. My fingers slowly glide down his chest, feeling the rock hard body underneath. I don’t stop until I reach his cock. My fingers lightly brush against it, coaxing Asher’s hips to thrust forward again, which in turn has my grip tightening.
Holy shit, he feels big. Like, I won’t be able to walk normally for the next twenty-four hours kind of big. It should be illegal to have a dick that huge. I squeeze him through his jeans, and Asher pulls away from my mouth and utters a fuck.
“Bear, if you keep doing that, I’m going to come in my pants, and that’s the last thing I want to do.” Asher lets out a breathy chuckle.
We sit in silence, foreheads pressed together as we gasp for air.
Holy shit. Did I just play with his dick?
While I’m disappointed he stopped us from continuing, I can’t help but smile at the glimpse of the old me.
That was hot as fuck. Maybe I’ve just needed to put shit I want to do on a list for it to actually happen. Good to know.
“Baby, I’ve already said fuck the rules.
Fuck whatever damn code you think there is.
I think it’s great you want to fall in love with sex again.
You should enjoy it, but if you use any other man to help you with that task, we’ll have problems. I’m not violent by nature, but being around you has me throwing caution out the window.
No man touches you. No other man will help you with that item. No one but me, understand?”
Asher’s hand wraps around my throat, squeezing with just enough pressure to have my nerve endings go haywire.
Asher is giving me a hand necklace. I repeat, Asher fucking Larson is giving me a hand necklace.
And now my panties are soaked. Who knew possessive men would be such a turn on for me?
Who are we kidding, I used to live for morally grey men.
I channel my inner brat and remain silent, testing the waters of just how possessive and demanding Asher will be.
Asher squeezes my throat even more before fusing our lips together. The kiss is everything I hoped it would be, but he pulls away too quickly. His stare is so intense I could come just from looking.
“Answer me. No other man gets to touch you. Only me. Do I make myself clear?”
I lick my lips before responding, “Yes, sir.”
A growl comes deep from Asher’s chest at hearing the title. “Good girl. Now, let's get to work. I’ll prepare the boxes down here while you get the books ready. I need the space before I say screw it and fuck you right here.” Asher squeezes my hips before gently lifting me off the counter.
I briefly lose my balance, but Asher’s grip on my hips prevents me from falling. He looks at me like I’m his favorite meal, making my knees tremble.
He’s off before I have time to process that look.
As I make my way upstairs, I can’t help but think about our arrangement.
We should probably come up with some ground rules, but honestly, why not live a little dangerously?
Afterall, it’s a part of finding myself again.
I daydream of all the possibilities, and I can’t help but smile.