Be Your Somebody (Love in the Suburbs #1)

Chapter 1

Goodbye is never easy

Avery

Goodbye is never easy

The black cursor on my computer screen mocks me with its constant blinking. The document is blank, but my mind is not. Goodbye is a short, simple word with the ability to inflict heart-wrenching pain. A two-syllable word that has the power to shatter someone's soul into a million pieces.

That’s how I feel right now. Everything was good until it wasn’t.

Promises broken, trust demolished all within a matter of seconds.

Cas said this time would be different. He said he changed—he even had the damn proof to show me.

Plus, he was different. He was goofy, kind, and thoughtful.

I waited years for him to come back, only to be robbed again by his vices.

Everything feels up in the air. Uncertainty about our friendship threatens to hold me captive.

But I know better. History repeats itself, but they never said I had to be along for the ride.

So I made a choice…I just don’t know with one hundred percent certainty that it’s the right one.

The only way to know is by ripping off the Band-Aid.

My heart's contents begin to spill onto the page, the delete button being abused the most. No more dancing around Cas and his struggles with addiction. It’s not even a dance I enjoy, despite my knowing it all too well.

Lying on my desk is a white envelope with his name scrawled across it.

Tears cloud my vision as I place the printed letter inside, but it isn’t until it's sealed that I lose it. My body collapses to the ground and I wonder if this is how it ends for me. Death from a broken heart. My lungs can’t seem to get enough air despite how desperately I gulp for oxygen.

My heart never reaches its resting place, no matter how much I remind myself this is for the best.

The off-white envelope now weighs heavy with sorrow.

Memories of our friendship cover every inch of my childhood bedroom and it's suffocating. They say if you love someone, let them go. If they were truly yours to begin with, they’ll come back.

The question I ask myself, though, is do I want him back?

My heart has already withstood so much when it comes to Cas.

I know if we repeat this cycle for a third time, I won’t survive.

I’m exhausted both physically and emotionally.

So for now, it’s time to let him go. I truly believe that for Cas to thrive in this lifetime, we need to go our separate ways.

I refuse to enable him further. I once believed that if you loved someone fierce enough, loved someone hard enough, it would help them change.

Given my history with Cas, that has proven to be false.

I can’t force someone to change if they don’t want to.

But what I can do is put myself first. By putting myself first, I’m showing him how he should be treating me.

Maybe we can be friends again someday, but for now, I just can’t.

Something tells me Cas has to hit his rock bottom for the necessary changes to be made permanent.

My phone rings incessantly, but I have zero motivation to answer it.

Silence fills the room for about three seconds before the ringing begins again.

My intuition has me on my feet and picking up the phone to see Evelyn, Cas’ grandma, calling me.

My heart plummets to my feet, instinct telling me my whole world is about to crash.

“Hello?” I answer, right before she utters the seven most gut-wrenching words I’ve ever heard.