Chapter 7
Avery
He can’t be serious
When I open the door, the last thing I expect to see is Cas standing on the other side. It's been months since he’s been home. I take a minute to assess the man before me and instantly frown. He looks good. He always looks good.
The tall, lanky boy in high school is now all man with a broad chest and the sexiest forearms I have ever seen.
His eyes are still piercing as ever, reminding me of a wolf, all gray and intense.
His jawline is so sharp it could cut glass.
My fingers yearn to touch him, but I restrain myself.
Fuck, he’s sexy. The last time I saw him, his skin was gray and sunken, but now it’s healthy and glowing.
Cas has naturally tan skin and it looks like he’s stepped out of a tanning bed.
My eyes land on his lips and my mouth waters, thinking about what they’d taste like. Then he opens his mouth.
“Hey, freckles.”
Freckles? How dare Cas use my childhood nickname. I’m so pissed off, the only thing I could think to do was slam the door in his face. How dare he call me that? What gives him the right to use that name? I stand against the door, praying he’ll go away.
“I know you're leaning against the door right now, Aves. I'm not leaving until we talk,” Cas says, irritation coating his voice. Of course, he’s frustrated. The nerve of this man to be frustrated with me after all he has put me through. I grab my jacket, open the door, and slam it behind me.
“You don't get to use my nickname anymore, Cas. We aren't friends anymore.” My voice shakes angrily.
“Since when? I know I fucked up but—” he responds.
“You did fuck up. You fucked up when you chose drugs over me, for like, the millionth time.
You fucked up when you had me in a constant state of anxiety thinking you wouldn't wake up one morning because you took too much.
You fucked up when you shut me out of your life again.
So yea Cas, you fucked up. And I'm done playing second fiddle to your addictions.” I shout.
Goddamn my therapist will be proud of me.
Anger and hurt flicker like flames behind his eyes.
I should have considered his feelings, but then again, he never cared about mine.
I feel myself begin to over analyze everything I’m saying in my head, but I reel it back and repeat the mantras my therapist taught me.
I’m deserving of love. I am allowed to put myself first. I am a strong, independent woman.
I am not selfish in prioritizing my own needs.
“I-I’m sorry, Avery. I never meant to hu—”
“Never meant to? Then why hurt me repeatedly if you never meant to? It's like you never stopped to think how your actions would affect me. You were more obsessed with being high to give a damn about me.” My voice cracks at the last word. I know the last part wasn’t fair, but I am too angry to care.
“You know that's not true. I've always cared, Aves.
I still fucking do. How can you just stand there and not know how much you mean to me?
I'm better now. So excuse me for being upset when you're standing there throwing my past in my face. That’s a low blow, even for you,” he scoffs. My hands curl into fists at my sides.
“Don't tell me it's a low blow. Yes, you may have gotten help and I'm so happy for you.
But don't you don't get to stand there and come at me.
You have no clue how hard it was to watch you destroy your life.
I'm still picking up the pieces you demolished with your carelessness.
And you want me to just forgive and forget?
Unbelievable. You're seriously unbelievable.” I start heading back into the house, but he grabs my arm and stops me.
“You wrote me a goddamn letter, Avery. Are we not gonna mention the fact you took my heart and smashed it to pieces?
Forgive me if I'm upset that you decided to end years of friendship with a goddamn piece of paper.
I have every right to be pissed off. I can't put words in your mouth, but you can put them in mine? Real nice, Ave!" He shouts.
I yank my arm out of his grip and spin around so fast I'm surprised I didn't get whiplash.
I push at his chest a couple of times while yelling at him.
“How dare insult me right now. You hurt me, Cas.
I couldn't take the pain of being second best anymore.
Drugs were always your priority, and you threw me to the side like I was trash.
" Hot, angry tears cascade down my face and my body shakes with emotion.
“I never tossed you aside. You're my best friend, Aves. Well, at least I thought you were. Now, I'm not so sure. Avery, can we just start over?"
I let out a slow, shaky breath. Years of therapy have taught me not to say anything in the heat of the moment. I said some hurtful things in retaliation, so I need to step back to maintain my peace.
“I don't think we can, Cas."
"But I—," Cas stops midsentence when I place my hand in front of his face.
"I think you should leave now. We're talking in circles, and I don’t want to keep fighting with you. We are grown-ass adults, not teenagers. Yet here we are, fighting like we did in high school. Please, just go home.”
“I’m not leaving until we fix this. I’m sorry—" Cas pleads.
“Sorry? Cas, do yourself a favor and look up that word in the dictionary. If you were actually sorry, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
I deserve to be treated with respect and love and right now you aren't understanding where I'm coming from. If you really want to fix things then you need to leave before you hurt me any further.”
“Avery. We can't just throw away our friendship. Can we just forget—" he pleads again.
“No, Cas, we can’t. Until you understand where I'm coming from, I don’t see a future in being friends. Just go,” I reply.
“Avery, you don’t—" He abruptly stops as Bri places a hand on his shoulder.
“I believe she asked you to leave, Cas,” Brianna says. The sound of her voice has him jumping back in shock.
“This doesn't concern you, Bri. It’s between Avery and I,” he responds.
“Avery is my best friend, so that makes her my business. I know you care about her, Cas, but she asked you to leave. You think you mean well, but you both need to cool off. Listen, I’m happy you got the help you needed, and I’m proud of you, but she needs some space right now,” she replies in a firm tone.
He looks back at me for something I’m unsure I can give him.
His words sting and my tears cascade down my face more freely.
Devastation replaces his anger and that look cuts deep into my core.
I don’t like seeing him so hurt, but I can be sad for him and heartbroken for what he put me through.
As he walks away, his body hunches. His footsteps are rushed as if he’s trying to run away from the pain of our conversation.
Hell, even I want to run away from the pain, as well.
“Let's go inside, Avery. It's cold outside, and I think we need some hot cocoa and a good cry,” Bri says while wrapping her arms around my body. Fuck, my heart hurts and I wonder to myself if it will it always be like this.