Chapter 8
Avery
UNO is a dangerous game
I clutch at my heart, hoping to keep it from shattering in a million pieces.
This hurts too much. I glance at Bri who’s standing next to me with a soft, comforting expression on her face.
She’s always been that for me. When life gets tough or I fall into an anxious spiral, there’s Bri, ready to tackle anything I throw at her.
I glance at my best friend and take a moment to admire her. Bri is a tall, curvaceous woman with long, wavy, chestnut brown hair and the most beautiful amber eyes set in a permanent smolder. She’s a walking sexual fantasy for men; and they buzz around her like they’re bees and she’s their queen.
Bri accepts me for who I am, but she also challenges me to step outside my comfort zone.
In Brianna’s world, there’s no room for second guessing.
She just goes for it, something I envy. Yet, since our first meeting sophomore year of college, I have started to blossom.
Going out for trivia nights once a month with my coworkers.
Karaoke nights have also made a triumphant return which is something I missed doing dearly.
Hell, I’ve even attempted to date. Attempt being the keyword.
I have my standards, and no one ever seems to measure up.
It’s either that, or the date goes so poorly that I practically crawl out the bathroom window of the restaurant.
The last disaster date I wasn’t feeling particularly myself—the anxiety monster was winning hard that day and he had the audacity to ask if it was my time of the month.
Needless to say, I bolted out of there like an Olympic track star.
If I hadn’t met Bri, I wouldn’t be doing any of these things.
Other than Cas, she's the only person who knows me.
At one point in time, the three of us were inseparable.
We spent lots of nights together playing games and laughing until we cried.
As Bri and I walk into the house, I notice UNO cards sitting on the table from a game night I hosted with some work friends and I laugh.
“What are you laughing at? I only caught the tail end of that conversation and it didn’t feel that lighthearted.”
I smile while pointing to the UNO cards. “I’m just thinking about all those game nights we used to have. If I remember correctly, you both teamed up against me, making me draw like eight cards every other hand.”
Bri looks at me with false innocence while placing a hand to her chest. “Us do that? Why, we’d never. How dare you accuse me of such a thing.” That statement would have been believable if not for the giant smirk on her face.
My sophomore year of college felt like the year of Murphy’s Law.
I was struggling to finish my classes due to my anxiety being at an all-time high.
Then I got the call that my parents passed away in a car accident.
And days later, Cas comes strutting across campus looking for me and it was just all too much.
I was having daily panic attacks. Trying to cope with my parents’ death while repairing my friendship with Cas was a lot.
While it was a lot to handle, I was thankful for Cas and Bri. They were my lifelines and game nights became my sanctuary. Without them, I’m not sure If I’d be the person I am today.
I wrap my arms around my best friend, allowing her comfort and love to seep through me. “Thank you,” I mutter.
“Always.” Bri’s response, while simple, is powerful and just what I needed. Bri points to the couch and then motions toward the kitchen with her head. She doesn’t say anything, but I know she wants me to crawl under the covers and get comfy.
I'm sitting on the couch when Bri brings over two mugs of hot cocoa. I whisper my thanks as she cuddles with me under the fleece blanket. We sit in comfortable silence, and I’m eternally grateful, because I'm not ready to talk yet.
After a while, Bri puts her empty cup down and turns to face me. “So, are you ready to talk?”
I nod my head and turn to face her. “I-I wasn't expecting to see him so soon, you know? He caught me off guard. It got heated and we said some things. Some I stand by, but some I regret. I know he cares for me and wants me in his life. I want to be in his life, but…”
“But?” she prompts.
“But I'm not ready yet. You remember what it was like when Cas was sober. How we hung out all the time, laughing and playing games. You also saw what his relapse did to me. Cas is a living, breathing version of that Katy Perry song, pulling me in with his promises only to turn around and go back on his word. The day he overdosed, I wrote him a letter letting him go. It tore my heart out to write it, but it needed to happen. If both you and my therapist taught me anything, it’s the importance of putting myself first. So, that’s what I did. ”
“Ahh, that makes sense. That’s why he was acting that way today. It doesn’t give him a right to treat you that way, but it all fits.”
“No, it doesn't give him the right. He was hurt and angry. While I understand that, it seemed he wasn’t seeing things from my perspective. Cas can sometimes get tunnel vision, only focused on one thing. He just wanted to go back to before and I can’t do that.
” My throat is so thick with emotion that I’m surprised I could even speak.
She nods. “I get this is difficult for you, but I am also proud of you for standing your ground. You and Cas have always had an intense connection. I can’t imagine how difficult it is to hold him off, especially when he finally got the help he needed.”
“Ugh, it was so hard. There were moments that I thought about saying fuck it and letting Cas back in. But I know better than that. Still, he looked good, though,” I say.
“Girl, that man always looks good. I want to lick him from head to toe while also wanting to punch him in the face,” she says. My laugh comes out shaky. This woman knows how to cheer me up. I lean over, press a friendly peck on her cheek, and wrap my arms around her.
“Thank you,” I say softly.
“Girl, you’ve already thanked me already. What are you thanking me for now?” she asks.
“For being you. For always being my support system, my bullshit detector, my comedian, and most importantly, my best friend. For encouraging me to step outside of myself and let the true Avery shine. I'm glad you bumped into me in the hallway all those years ago.” I turn to smirk at her, knowing I’m poking the bear.
“Excuse me, but you bumped into me. How many times are we going to have this debate?” She laughs.
“All jokes aside, you are the best person I know. Right now, things are all over the place, and it seems like you and Cas are heading in separate ways, but I have a strong feeling you’ll find your way back to each other,” she says.
“Yeah, maybe.”
Exhaustion takes over my body, so I rest my head on her lap. When I woke in the morning, Bri had gone off to work and left me a note that said she loved me and would text me later. It causes me to break into my first authentic smile since my interaction with Cas.
I push all Cas related thoughts begging to take over my mind aside as I get ready for the animal shelter.
I was never allowed to have a pet growing up due to my parents' allergies, so volunteering at the shelter in high school was the only way I could safely satisfy that urge. I knew one of my purposes in life was to work with animals. In college, I wanted to major in veterinary medicine until I realized I would have to put animals down. That realization had me so distraught I didn’t leave my dorm for three days.
Bri dragged me out of my dorm room and called me her little Eeyore the entire evening.
The next day, I changed my major to animal science and never looked back. It just felt right. It felt like me.
I’m now the adoptions counselor and it’s everything I’ve ever dreamed career wise.
I have the best coworkers in the world. I technically don’t have to work.
With my inheritance and my parents’ life insurance, I have enough to live comfortably.
I enjoy watching my furry friends find their forever homes.
It also satisfies the urge to adopt one of my own, but unjustified guilt overcomes me every time.
It feels like I would be betraying my parents somehow by bringing a cat into the house.
It makes no sense, but it’s a feeling I can’t shake.
As soon as I step into The Furry Hearts Sanctuary, I beeline for the cat jungle gym in search of my favorite feline friend.
The room is painted in a soft wisteria color with little wall decals in the shape of paw prints scattered throughout.
Running along the wall are cat scratchers and ledges mounted for our more adventurous cats.
Every corner has a cat tree of different shapes and sizes.
There, perched on top of the avocado-themed cat tree, is the gray cutie with green eyes I’ve grown attached to.
I walk over to her and she all but leaps into my arms, purring and marking her scent against my neck.
The thought of her getting adopted has me feeling melancholy.
If only I could pull the trigger and just adopt her…
.maybe someday. I let out a soft sigh before putting her down and getting a head start on my morning tasks.