Chapter 17
Avery
Best friend bootcamp item one: play at the playground.
Nine weeks. It’s been nine weeks and I’m still waiting on Cas.
Men. You set boundaries with them and they get butt hurt.
My feet move around the kitchen in a frustrated blur when a knock interrupts me mid-stride.
I make the short walk from the kitchen to the front door.
When I open it, Cas is on the other side.
His hair is an unkempt mess like he’s been running his fingers through it.
One wavy tendril rests against his forehead and my fingers ache to touch it.
He's dressed in a navy shirt, black jeans, and his favorite black Converse. My gaze travels upwards and notice he has an adorably nervous smile on his face. Cas taking his time has been fueling my anxiety. Maybe he didn’t forgive me for all the hurtful things I said to him.
Maybe the damage is done and there’s no coming back from it.
My mind keeps spiraling, but then Cas’ words snap me out of it.
“I know. I took my time. I’m sorry. I’ve wanted to come so many times in the last month—"
“But?” I interrupt. My anxiety sits heavy in my throat as I wait for his response.
“I took what you said seriously. I spent a lot of time coming up with a plan to show you that this time is different. That I'm different. My trash can is an avalanche of one bad idea after another. Everything had to be perfect because you deserve to know how much you mean to me,” he says.
Damn it, my heart is swooning. Why does Cas have to be so charming and considerate?
I let out a long sigh before speaking. “I’m sorry. I jumped to conclusions. You gotta admit, two months is a long time to wait for someone. I thought you…I thought you changed your mind…”
“I would never change my mind, but I get why you thought that.
I promise I didn't mean to take so long.
I went to Asher for advice on how to get you back.
Well, after he chewed my ass out for my toxic behavior.
Remind me not to get on his bad side." Cas laughs while rubbing the back of his neck—a tell that he's nervous.
“Asher Larson?” I ask, completely stunned.
“Yeah. He said you knew him,” Cas responds.
“Oh I do. I just didn’t realize you guys were friends.”
“It surprised me too. The amount of times he kicked my ass out of his bar, I thought he'd always hate me. He's a good dude. He told me I fucked up with you one too many times. He told me to get my head out of my ass and remind you of what our friendship used to look like.”
“Smart man. So, why are you here?”
“Got any plans right now?”
“No, I—" was all I got out before he dragged me to his car. “Wait, where are we going? Am I even dressed okay? What’s going on?” My questions are coming out in rapid succession.
“You’re always dressed okay. We’re going to the park like we used to,” he says matter-of-factly.
“The park? Wait, why?” I ask, dumbfounded.
“All part of my plan to fix our friendship,” he repeats as if I should know what that means.
I notice a piece of paper in Cas’ other hand.
My attempt to read what it says fails because he quickly tucks the piece of paper into the pocket of his jeans.
My frustration only lasts a second when I see the giant grin on his face.
There’s this sense of determination in how he looks at me, with his hands on his hips and his face looking confident.
I haven’t seen Cas look like this since we were kids.
We stand in a semi-awkward silence, mostly on my end, until he chuckles before opening the passenger side door, waiting for me to get in.
I do and watch as he rounds the outside of the vehicle, getting in himself.
He’s still wearing that goofy grin, and my heart melts like a snowman against the summer sun.
We’re all buckled in when Cas moves closer to me and my mouth goes bone dry.
I can feel my pulse in my throat. “What are you—" I ask before he shifts his body, grabbing something from the back. He puts it in my lap and I just sit there, ogling him. It isn’t until he clears his throat that I look down. His camera?
"Wow. I haven’t seen this in ages. Wh-why are you giving it to me?”
“Not giving it to you, Aves. I need you to hold onto it until we get to the park. I don’t want it shifting around in the back seat.” This is the second time he’s used this nickname, but it doesn’t make me as angry as when he first used it.
I can’t help but feel conflicted about everything as we make our way to our destination.
I’m desperate to believe things are different this time.
That this time he’ll remain sober. I’ve waited forever and a day for the old Cas to come back.
I pine for the compassionate, kind, and loving boy who meant everything to me.
But him taking his time coming to me gave all the ammo my anxiety needed to go off the rails.
My heart threatens to leap out of my chest and fall at his feet, declaring my love for him.
I want nothing more than to beg for him to not fall back into his old patterns, but now isn’t the time.
Instead, I choose to look out the window.
I must have been lost in my thoughts because the sound of a throat clearing has me jolting out of my seat.
“A penny for your thoughts?” he asks.
I have two choices here: aim for total transparency or keep it all locked away.
“I’m just thinking about random stuff.” I chicken out, not wanting to spoil this moment. I sneak another glance over his way and he seems nervous. His fingers rapidly tap out a beat on the steering wheel. It feels like he’s purposefully avoiding my gaze.
“A penny for your thoughts, Cas?” I repeated his question back to him. I don’t expect him to be honest, so his vulnerability takes me by surprise.
“I’m nervous that I'll fuck this whole plan up. I don’t want to disappoint you,” Cas replies.
“Oh,” is all I manage to say. Oh? That’s all you can think of saying, Avery?
Cas glances over my way. His body slumps and his eyes hint at disappointment, but it’s gone as quickly as it came.
Guilt threatens to slice through me like a sword, but when I open my mouth, no words come out.
Cas begins talking before I can attempt to try again.
“You don’t want to do this, do you? Damn it.
I knew this list was a stupid idea. I'll turn the car around and we can—" I stop him by gently squeezing his forearm, ignoring the jolts of electricity that flow through my veins in response.
“No, I love it! I’m impressed and touched that you’d go through all this trouble for someone like me.”
“Avery. I would do whatever it takes for you. It's not because it's someone like you. It's because it's you,” he admits. I blink back the tears that threaten to fall. I remove my hand from his arm and cradle it against my chest.
While the car may be silent, my mind is anything but. When Cas asked me what I was thinking, I wimped out. I wasn’t expecting him to be so open with me. I bite my lip as I contemplate my next move. I should tell him something.
“Bri thinks I should enter a songwriting competition,” I blurt out.
Well, shit. That's not what I meant by sharing something honest. You went from zero to one-eighty with that tidbit. I peek out the window. I try to gauge if I could tuck and roll safely without injuring myself, but we aren’t going slow enough for that.
So, being the masochist that I am, I look at Cas to get a read on his thoughts.
Cas’s silence is deafening while my anxiety shouts through a megaphone.
He doesn’t say anything the rest of the drive.
I shift in my seat to stare numbingly out the windshield, my hands folded neatly into my lap.
We pull up to the park and Cas practically leaps out of the car.
My freeze response has kicked in. It isn’t until Cas knocks on the passenger side window that I realize I’m under the safety of the seatbelt.
I let out a soft sigh before unbuckling my seatbelt and opening the car door.
I place the camera on the vehicle's floor, and the second my feet touch the ground, his arms wrap around my waist like a boa constrictor. He’s spinning me in circles, sending jolts of shock and electricity to buzz throughout my body.
“I'm so proud of you! Please tell me you’re entering because people need to hear your voice.” His giddiness is contagious, and I can’t help but throw my head back and laugh.
“Cas put me down. I don't think you want me puking all over you.” My voice is a mix of laughter and shouting. Can someone laugh-shout? Well, I just did. He eventually stops spinning me, and his hands move from my waist to my shoulders.
“I’m serious. I want you to think about this. Think of the lives you’ll change with your voice. Before you say you aren’t good enough, just promise me you’ll do it,” Cas begs.
Cas hits me with a pleading expression. He could ask me anything at this moment and I’d say yes.
He has this effect on me. Despite our ups and downs, I want to do everything to make him happy.
Insecurity usually threatens to play its mind control games with me, but with Cas, they’re silent.
I need to trust my abilities, but having Cas believe in me makes it easier.
With him by my side, I can be the fearless woman he claims to see.
Cas reaches out to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear before leaning in. His hot breath against my ear causes a tingling between my legs, making me press my thighs together.
I’m not sure what I thought he planned on saying, but it wasn’t this. “Wanna race?” he asks. But before I can answer, he takes off running.
“Cheater!” I shout at his retreating back before running after him. The sound of his laugh has me momentarily stunned. Damn, I didn’t realize how much I had missed hearing his laugh until now.