Chapter 17 #2
When Cas shouts at me to move my ass, I realize I’m supposed to be chasing after him.
Cas is already halfway to the swings. I take off after him, quickly closing in on the distance between us.
Without giving it much thought, I jump on Cas’ back, causing us to come crashing down.
It feels like we’re recreating the scene where Simba jumps onto Nala after they reunite.
We roll around in the grass, but instead of it being soft, it’s dry, almost hay-like.
From an outsider's perspective, we probably look like animals rolling around in a barn. I find myself hovering above him, with his hands gripping my waist. My attempt at escaping from his clutch fails. Within seconds he reverses our positions with the swiftness of a pro wrestler, knocking the breath out of me. Thank God no one else is here as we lie on top of each other in the park. The desire in Cas’ eyes makes my blood heat, and my body pulses like the bass in a car.
His hand reaches out toward my face and my body stiffens.
Um, what is he doing? Is he going to kiss me?
Holy shit, it’s going to happen. Does my breath smell bad?
It’s not like I can check without giving myself away.
My eyes flutter closed and my lips part automatically.
This is the moment I’ve been waiting for.
Remain calm, Avery. It’s not like you're a terrible kisser. Wait, what if he thinks you’re a lousy kisser?
Ugh, the embarrassment alone will be devastating.
Instead of cupping my face, his fingers briefly brush my hair before pulling back, taking the excitement with him and leaving disappointment in its wake.
My eyes snap open in time to catch him licking his lips as he stares at mine. I hold my breath, waiting for Cas to make his move. The moment disappears as quickly as it comes, and discontentment weighs heavy in my chest.
Cas clears his throat before showing me a leaf.
“You, uh, had this in your hair.” His voice comes out rough and gravelly.
He cages my head between his forearms, locking us in a sexually charged version of the try not to blink game.
If I moved just the slightest bit, our noses would touch. I could make a move.
I’m giving myself a mini pep talk internally while Cas stares at me with a heat so intense it threatens to give me third-degree burns.
I momentarily lose my breath as his eyes drop toward my mouth for the second time.
I just want to grab his face and pull him toward me, but that seems aggressive.
Our bodies are so close that I can feel the sledgehammer pulse beating inside his chest. His eyes meet mine and I jut my chin out, giving him the green light to rip the cord of tension and put his mouth on mine.
Just as I think he’s about to grant my wish, his entire body tenses.
Cas’ heart rate spikes dangerously, thrumming in his neck, and his eyes flit past our intertwined bodies while searching for something or maybe someone.
I squirm beneath him, hoping to glimpse what he’s looking at.
Cas’s attention snaps back to me and his expression goes from intense to playful in less than two seconds.
He’s jumping off of me, taking the warmth with him.
“Stay right there!” he yells before returning to his car.
I’m just lying on the ground wearing a dumb look.
I try to get up, but Cas shouts to stay still as he runs back toward me with his camera in hand.
All I hear are the sounds of my heart thudding and quick shutters.
I love watching Cas’ eyes shine with passion as he takes photos.
With all the different angles and him moving this way and that, it’s easy to get lost. He clicks the camera again, and his face changes when he looks at the photo.
Cas’ throat bobs and his eyes darken slightly.
Before my brain can compute the look he gave, Cas slings the camera around his neck, yanks me to my feet, and moves us toward the swings.
I’m still in my head, attempting to decipher the look he gave me when Cas pushes me toward one of the swings.
Cas is a jungle gym kind of guy, so the fact that he wants to put my favorite before his own has my heart soaring with happiness.
That’s one thing Cas excelled at when we were kids, going above and beyond to make me happy.
Snapshots of Cas and I playing at the park during our childhood flutter around in my mind.
No matter how often I asked him why we didn’t do what he wanted first, he’d shrug it off like it wasn’t a big deal.
After about the fifth time I asked, he caved and said he loved how my face lit up whenever I was on the swings.
Being a full-grown adult sitting in the swing hits differently.
The seat is snug and uncomfortable as it hugs my hips.
I don’t remember the rubberized tire tread of the swing being this cold.
The silver chains holding the swing in place are more difficult to grasp onto and one wrong move of your fingers and you’ll get pinched.
The smell of freshly laid mulch causes my nose to scrunch in distaste.
I don’t remember it smelling this badly.
It’s not the same as when I was a child, but I don’t care. I close my eyes and just let go.
“I almost forgot how much I loved feeling like I was flying.” I pump my legs faster and faster, going as high as I can while listening to the creaking sound of the chains.
I open my eyes to see if I'm going higher than him, but he must have stopped swinging a while ago. He’s sitting there with the same expression he had earlier.
“Why are you staring at me like that? Come on, start swinging with me,” I say.
He shakes his head, reaches for his camera, and snaps one, this time only taking one photo. He momentarily stares at the electronic viewfinder on his camera before his gaze meets mine. His expression holds something I’m not used to seeing from him: lust mixed with what seems like awe.
Cas clears his throat before speaking, “I love watching you swing.
You're face lights up and you…you look beautiful and carefree.
I missed that." The emotion in his voice causes butterflies to swirl in my stomach.
I forgot how affectionate he can be sometimes, and his words threatened to pull me into his orbit.
Thanks to his little confession, I am no longer swinging as high as I was.
He jumps out of his swing to stand behind mine to grip my chains.
Even if I didn’t see him move with my eyes, my body would have felt his presence instantaneously.
Goosebumps break out across my skin and my body hums with sexual tension.
Then he started pushing, which only amplified my senses.
It’s like I’m in one of those sensory deprivation tanks.
Every time his hands press against my back, tingles shoot throughout my body, leaving me wanting and breathless.
He then rushes to the front of the swing to push me some more, but this time, his hands are near my hips.
Heat begins to pool between my legs, and even though there’s a slight breeze in the air, I feel hot.
“Oh my god. Remember when we used to run around to the other side before the swing beat us there? I loved doing that.” He laughs, causing that flutter in my belly to increase.
I nod my head as words fail me. Of course, I remember.
I just don't remember it ever being this intense.
The tension in the air is a taut bowstring, and I can't help but wonder if he feels it, too.
He's in front of me again, stopping my swing instead of pushing me, causing my body to slam into his. He places his hands atop mine. My eyes lock onto his face and his expression causes my entire body to shiver. He stares at my mouth and I bite my bottom lip in response. Cas’s throat bobs and his chest heaves as my lips to part on their own accord.
He's finally going to kiss me. I've wanted to do this since I was fourteen.
I clear my throat, breaking the tension, and he jumps back as if my body is a taser. I immediately miss the warmth of his hands on mine. I need to speak before something happens that we can't take back.
“Want to go to the jungle gym?” I say, wanting to extend our time here as much as possible. When he shakes his head no, disappointment washes over me.
“I think we should probably head home. I should get you home before the park closes and the cops come and kick us out,” he says.
“Oh, okay, that makes sense.” I can't bring myself to look into his eyes. I have this sudden urge to cry and don’t want to do it in front of him, especially because there’s no real reason for them.
Of course, he knows something’s up. Cas waits for me to look at him, but I refuse.
“Avery, please look at me.” I shake my head.
The tears that threatened to come are now pouring out of my eyes.
“Avery,” he tries again. When I look into his eyes, I expect him to say something, but he just brings me into his arms and holds me.
He strokes my hair while whispering comforting words.
“God, I don't know why I’m crying. It's, well, we haven't done this in so long and it's bringing so many feelings. I-I don't want this to end,” I say, tightening my grip.
“You don't want what to end? This moment or our friendship?” he asks.
“Both. I don't want you to go away again. I loved doing this with you today. It reminded me of how it felt to be carefree, like when I was a kid. I forgot about it until you reminded me. So, I guess I’m trying to say thank you for today.”
Cas lets out a soft sigh. “Avery, I can’t say I'm sorry enough times for what I put you through.
I'm not going to be perfect at this, and I'm guaranteed to fuck up, but I'm willing to try.
Seeing you smile does something to me. I'm not sure I can explain it yet.
It's the best feeling in the world, making you happy.
But it's getting dark and I don't want us to get in trouble.”
“Okay,” I respond. We stand there for a few more moments, neither wanting to let go. Then something that happened earlier comes into my head, and I’m asking the question before thinking it through. “Cas?” I ask.
“Hmm,” he responds.
“What happened earlier? When we were, uh, on the ground. You were with me one minute, and you were somewhere else the next.” I bite my lip and try to control my rapid breathing. I'm not sure why my body is reacting this way, but that moment spooked me a little.
“Oh, uh, nothing. I thought I saw something weird. It’s nothing.” His words say one thing, his body language says another. I know Cas isn’t telling the truth, but I let it go for now.
We reluctantly pull out of our embrace and head towards the car.
I look back at the swings and smile. New memories hold hands with the old ones in my head, and the person next to me is responsible for it all.
Today reminds me of how we used to be and how we can be.
I peek in his direction and notice him writing on that piece of paper from earlier with a massive grin before putting it back in his pocket.
I can’t remember the last time I’ve ever felt this content.
I’m so content that I almost missed his reaction to something on his phone.