24. Chapter Twenty-Five #5
“You aren't.” I told Malek as I curled my fingers around his.
“And I don't want to assume every protective instinct you have is automatically a threat to my independence either.
If we're going to keep doing this, I need to trust you enough to tell you when something matters to me, even when I know you won't like every part of it.”
Malek watched me for a long moment, the tension in his face easing a little.
“I can do that.” Malek told me as the cedar around him returned to its familiar steadiness. “I might not do it perfectly.”
“I don't need perfect.” I told Malek as I squeezed his hand. “I need you to talk to me.”
“I can do that too.” Malek replied as the faintest hint of amusement touched his expression. Listening to him, I had the sudden urge to say the words I'd spent half the afternoon trying to process.
I love you.
They were right there.
I didn't say them.
Not because they weren't true. Sitting there with Malek admitting something that frightened him while Tavian and Luca tried to understand a world completely outside their own only made me more certain.
I simply wasn't ready to say it yet, especially not in the middle of a conversation about a job I hadn't even officially accepted.
One emotional crisis at a time seemed reasonable.
The full Wild Terrain project brief arrived after dinner.
Since I'd deliberately brought the laptop with me, I took it from the padded compartment of my work pack, set it on the table Luca had moved for me, and connected the small drive I'd brought from the station before opening Caroline's attachment.
The men stayed nearby while I worked, but instead of the conversation turning into endless jokes or repeated complaints about the separation, they started asking real questions about what the assignment actually involved.
“So you can spend all day looking for one animal and never see it?” Tavian asked as he leaned over the reference map on my screen, fascination replacing some of the concern he'd carried earlier.
“Absolutely.” I told Tavian as I zoomed out enough for him to see the size of one protected area. “Sometimes that's most of the job. Wildlife doesn't care about schedules, budgets, magazine deadlines, or how long I've been lying somewhere waiting.”
“I think I'd be good at finding them.” Tavian told me as he traced the general shape of the region in the air above the screen, confidence returning to his voice.
“You probably would be.” I admitted to Tavian as I considered how easily his tracking skills could translate. “But protected wildlife comes with rules. You can't follow every trail because you know where it leads, especially if doing that disturbs the animal.”
“Then I'd learn the rules first.” Tavian replied as he nodded, his answer making it clear that his earlier question about traveling with me hadn't been entirely impulsive.
Luca wanted to know what happened when weather prevented me from reaching a planned location, which led to a longer conversation about flexible shot lists, backup subjects, field delays, and the frustrating amount of professional photography that involved waiting for conditions outside anyone's control.
“And people still blame you when weather changes the schedule?” Luca asked as disbelief creased his brow, his fingers pausing over the small piece of metal he'd been working on.
“Some clients try.” I answered Luca as I scrolled through the contingency plan Wild Terrain had included. “The good ones understand the difference between something I can control and a mountain deciding it doesn't care what we planned.”
“I already prefer the good ones.” Luca replied as he resumed his work, his practical disapproval clear in the small shake of his head.
Malek asked fewer questions, but his attention remained fixed on the schedule and maps.
“How long would you be away from the main field camps?” Malek asked as he studied one of the routes from across the table, focusing on concrete details instead of everything that could hypothetically go wrong.
“Most of the remote sections sound like one to three nights.” I explained to Malek as I brought up the schedule. “Sometimes longer if weather holds the team somewhere, but I'm not disappearing alone into the mountains for weeks.”
“And someone knows where your team is?” Malek asked, his attention moving to the communication section.
“Yes.” I answered Malek as I pointed toward the check-in procedures. “Different setup from Mara's, but the same basic idea. Routes, expected returns, communication plans, emergency procedures.”
Malek nodded once, studying the information for another few seconds before looking up.
“This isn't your first time doing something like this.” Malek said, his voice quieter now as though he was reminding himself as much as speaking to me.
“No.” I answered Malek as I held his eyes. “Just my first time doing this particular job.”
“I want to understand this one.” Malek told me as his gaze returned briefly to the screen. The difference mattered enough that I reached across the table and rested my fingers over his for a moment.
By the time I reached the final contract terms, I knew enough to decide.
The compensation matched Caroline's original message, the safety planning was thorough, the field partners were legitimate, and the publication terms were fair.
Nothing in the full brief gave me a professional reason to refuse.
I opened Caroline's reply window and rested my fingers over the keyboard while the sounds of the temple carried around me.
Malek sat across from me with one forearm against the table, Tavian had somehow acquired another piece of fruit and was studying a photograph of a condor with deep suspicion, and Luca sat beside me with his knee lightly touching mine while the repaired strap lay finished near his hand.
My nest waited in the next room, while an entirely different landscape filled my laptop screen.
I wanted the assignment.
I wanted them too.
Those things didn't have to fight each other.
“I'm accepting it.” I told all three men as I lifted my eyes from the laptop, wanting them to hear the decision directly from me before I sent anything. Tavian stopped chewing and set the fruit onto its wrapper.
“Okay.” Tavian said as he nodded, reluctance and support both visible on his face. “Then I want pictures of the llama relative, and I want to see what a puma looks like when it isn't tiny on your screen.”
“I can manage that.” I promised Tavian as I smiled at him, relieved that he could admit he hated the distance without making the entire conversation about it.
Luca turned his hand palm-up beside mine rather than simply taking it.
“I'm proud of you.” Luca told me as he waited, his quiet sincerity tightening my throat. “It's a good opportunity, and they asked for you.” I slid my fingers into Luca's, the familiar calluses rough against my palm.
“Thank you.” I told Luca as I squeezed his hand, appreciating that he understood why being asked specifically mattered without needing me to explain it.
Malek held my gaze from across the table.
“I still hate the distance.” Malek admitted as cedar deepened faintly around him, his voice level but honest.
“I know.” I told Malek as I gave him a small nod.
“But I want you to take the work you want.” Malek continued, his expression serious. “I don't know what every part of this will feel like yet. We'll deal with that when it's real.”
Something in my chest eased at the fact that he hadn't promised he would suddenly be perfectly comfortable with everything. He was offering effort instead.
“That's what I want too.” I told Malek before looking toward Tavian and Luca. “I don't expect any of us to know exactly how this works yet. I just don't want us deciding it can't work before we even try.”
“We won't.” Luca assured me as his fingers remained loosely threaded through mine, his purr warming the quiet space between us.
“I've already decided I want to see an airport someday.” Tavian reminded me as he leaned back in his chair, some of his usual humor finally returning. “Even though nobody has explained why they require so much warning.”
“You'll understand when one makes you take your boots off in front of strangers.” I told Tavian as I smiled at the confusion immediately appearing on his face.
Tavian stared at me.
“I no longer want to see an airport.” Tavian replied gravely, his amber eyes narrowing as though airports had personally betrayed him.
“You'll survive.” I told Tavian as I laughed and turned back toward the laptop.
Then I typed my acceptance.
I read it through once because I was still a professional even while my personal life became more complicated by the day, corrected one unnecessary comma, and rested my finger over the trackpad.
Nobody asked whether I was sure, tried to change my mind, or made me prove that wanting the job didn't mean I wanted them less.
I clicked send, and a moment later the message appeared in my sent folder.
The Patagonia assignment was officially real.
Excitement came first, carrying my thoughts toward pumas, mountains, cold-weather gear, and the photographs I might bring home. The ache followed, but it didn't spoil any of that.
Tavian leaned his shoulder against mine without speaking, his warmth solid along my side. Luca's fingers remained threaded through my hand, while across the table Malek's purr started low enough that I felt the vibration before I properly heard it.
I was going, and I wanted to go. I also already knew I would miss them.
For most of my adult life, leaving had been easy because there had rarely been much attached to the place behind me. Falling in love with Malek, Tavian, and Luca hadn't changed the part of me that wanted the next assignment, the next animal, or the next place I'd never seen.
It had simply given me somewhere I wanted to come back to.