Chapter 19
Well, this sucked. Now Cassie remembered why she had tried so hard not to let anything happen between her and Drea.
The past two days at work had been nothing short of miserable and so incredibly awkward.
She had tried to be professional and civil, but her eyes seemed to wander to Drea on their own accord during the Monday morning meeting.
Once or twice Drea caught her, and the way she had looked away without communicating anything between them felt like being broken up with all over again.
She cursed the fact that Drea’s desk was in her sight line, something that had brought her great joy and other positive emotions only a week ago.
Occasionally, Cassie would risk a glance, trying to get some glimpse into how Drea was feeling.
Drea was quiet for sure, but Cassie wasn’t sure if it was just due to the rush of projects before the holidays since everyone in the office was working nonstop it seemed.
She was thankful for the busyness because it gave her some reprieve from her incessant thoughts.
Beyond the quiet though, Cassie sensed an emptiness in Drea.
Maybe she was grieving too? She didn’t want Drea to be sad.
She wanted to know she wasn’t alone in caring about what happened. That it had mattered to Drea too.
As she started timing her trips to the break area and the bathroom so she wouldn’t run into Drea, trying to decrease the chance of awkward encounters and more heartache, she chastised herself for getting into this position in the first place.
She knew better. She knew this would happen all along.
How could it not? And yet she still gave in, to Drea, to desire, to temptation.
She sighed. To love. She swallowed the emotion in her throat and took a deep breath to temper the impending tears.
No, she would not cry at work. She could break down again when she got home.
The office phone rang and she steeled herself.
She could do this. It might take some time.
She glanced at Drea, and her beauty and distance sent a shot of arousal quickly followed by pain through her body.
Okay, maybe a lot of time. But she would get through this.
The phone rang again and she grabbed it, willing her voice to match the normalcy she hoped she would eventually feel.
Drea smirked as the men at the poker table groaned.
“Damn it, she got us again,” one of them said. Drea thought his name might have been Bill.
Drea corralled the one-dollar bills toward her.
“One more round?” another asked.
“Nah, this is enough to cover my tab,” she said.
“Well, you didn’t need to beat us in poker for that.
George here woulda bought all the drinks you could want.
” The man speaking shoved his friend’s arm.
Drea glanced at George, the quiet one of the group.
He was probably in his late sixties like the other guys, but there was a sadness in his eyes that she recognized.
She had seen it in several of the other patrons at the bar as well, this place that seemed to be a hideaway for people struggling with grief and other turmoil.
She smiled and tilted her head toward the cards on the table. “This is more my style.” She nodded at George and headed back to the bar.
“Want some coffee, hon?”
Drea raised her eyes to meet those of Cherie, the bartender and owner that she had grown to know over the past few nights as she avoided going home, her apartment just a sad and empty reminder that Cassie was gone.
She glanced around the bar, seeing that only a few people remained. “That would be great.”
Cherie poured a mug for Drea and herself and joined her at the bar. They had chatted a little about unimportant stuff and the weather over the past few nights, and Drea appreciated that she could come here and just be.
There was something special about the bar.
It wasn’t pretty or charming in any typical way.
Maybe it was the low lighting or the other patrons who were going through the same stuff.
Whatever it was, Drea had felt like she had found her place the moment she walked inside.
She had felt like her life was spinning out of control and she wasn’t sure exactly what she needed.
And she still didn’t know, but she felt safe here, like she didn’t need to hide anymore.
She could be herself, fucked up as she was.
Cherie was a big part of that feeling. It wasn’t some seedy bar.
It was a safe place for the downtrodden.
Those that most people either ignored, avoided, or never saw in the first place.
And in the short time she had gotten to know Cherie, it was clear she was an ever-present pillar of acceptance and love.
That’s what Drea saw and felt when she thought of this place.
She had wondered why a woman like Cherie would ever spend her life running such a place though.
Drea sipped the black coffee, letting it push the sadness out of her mind. She took a long look at Cherie and gestured around them. “How do you do this every day?” she asked. “I mean, does it get to you?”
Cherie smiled, awaking the deep creases around her lips and eyes. “It’s life. It’s all around us wherever we go, maybe just a little more obvious in places like this. I wanted to make sure people had a safe place to go when they needed it.” She raised her arms. “So here we are.”
“Well, I appreciate it.” Emotion tugged through the haze of alcohol and she sipped her coffee to curb it.
“You definitely learn to spot it after so many years here,” Cherie said.
“Spot what?”
Cherie’s warm eyes held hers. “Suffering.”
Drea’s eyes dropped to her mug, the recognition too direct. Cherie placed her hand over Drea’s for a moment, and they stayed there together in silence.
Light music hummed in the background at Rosie’s. Cassie took a seat across from Janay, eager to hear about her date. “So, how’d it go?”
“Girl, I don’t know.” Janay’s dark hair was pulled back into a tight, high ponytail, and big silver hoops hung from her ears.
A thin, tan sweater clung to her in all the right places, showing off the curves and fit body she normally hid under T-shirts and athletic gear, and accenting her flawless complexion perfectly.
She was putting up her hard front, but Cassie could see the little grin behind it.
“You like her,” she teased.
“She was all right, but damn if you think I’m gonna tell Renee that. I’d never hear the end of it.”
Cassie laughed. Janay and Renee loved each other, that was clear, but they had a healthy dose of competition between them as well and had kept Cassie entertained over the years with their antics.
Janay started giving her the details of the date and it sounded promising.
“So did you ask to see her again?” Cassie asked, hoping her friend hadn’t shut down a potentially good thing.
Janay pulled a small piece of paper from her pocket and waved it in the air. “Girl, you know I got the digits.”
Cassie laughed. “Old school. I like it. I hope I get to meet her sometime.”
“Well . . .” Janay’s eyes danced. “How about Saturday? I asked her to meet me here, if you’re free.”
Cassie’s jaw dropped. She was so proud of Janay for putting herself out there. She had been so focused on the step team that her personal life had become an afterthought. “I am now.”
One of Cassie’s favorite Robyn songs came on the speakers and for a moment, with her best friend happy and good music playing, things seemed to be okay.
“How are—ah shit.” Janay stared off into the distance.
Cassie bristled at the change in tone and started to turn to see what Janay was looking at.
“Don’t look, don’t look. Okay, it’s going to be okay.” Janay patted her arm, but there was no calming the nervousness in Cassie at that moment. “Drea’s here . . . and she’s with someone.”
Fuck. She had been worried they might run into her here, but she didn’t have the heart to tell Janay no when she was excited about a date.
And she knew she couldn’t avoid her favorite places just because Drea liked them too.
Maybe it wasn’t what it seemed. “Like with someone or with someone?” she asked.
Janay looked off to assess the situation further and Cassie watched as her body language answered the question for her. Janay frowned and Cassie’s heart dropped into her stomach. She wasn’t sure what was worse, that Drea had moved on so quickly or the pity in Janay’s eyes.
“You wanna get outta here?” Janay asked.
She nodded, not in the mood for anything anymore.
As she followed Janay toward the door, curiosity got the best of her and she glanced toward the dance floor.
Some blonde girl was grinding against Drea, who was giving as good as she got, an easy smile on her face.
Cassie’s eyes dropped to the navy-blue dress shirt she had worn the first night they slept together as memories of that night sucker punched her.
The blonde ran a hand through Drea’s hair and Cassie had to look away.
When the morning sun stirred Cassie awake, she groaned as thoughts from last night seeped into her mind.
She was generally pretty good at staying positive or at least getting back to a positive state after being derailed.
Well, with most things. Though the situation with Molly had definitely thrown her. But Drea was an even bigger exception.
She had stayed up late, unable to keep her mind off Drea and the blonde.
Her mind wandering to truly crappy places as she envisioned what Drea’s night might have entailed after she left the club with that girl.
She hoped she was wrong, but from the way they acted on the dance floor .
. . a wave of nausea ran through her at the memory and she groaned and rolled over, eliciting a disgruntled meow from Digit, who had shifted his companionship from Molly back to Cassie given her current situation.
“When will it stop hurting so much?” she asked him.
He readjusted and slammed into her side on his way down.
Cassie sighed at the unsupportive gesture.
By the time she made it to the office, with some strong coffee seeping into her veins and a little breakfast steadying her physical and mental energy, she had begun to think the negativity of the morning was behind her.
And then Drea walked in.
She was wearing the same navy-blue shirt from last night.
Her curls a little more wild than the night before, the dark tint of smeared eyeliner making her eyes even more striking than usual.
Of course she would look even hotter after a sleepless night.
The stark realization that Drea had slept with the woman from last night hit her like a two-by-four, and this time she couldn’t stop the tears from coming.
She pushed her chair back and rushed to the bathroom.