Chapter 25
When I get back to the mansion, I’m still floating on air. And it’s not just because I got to go to Paris. Sebastian won me over. He’s so much more than he lets people see, and I love everything I’ve learned. He’s nothing like the long string of selfish users in my dating history. I think I might actually have a winner. The thought of marrying him so quickly is still scary, but I can admit I like the idea of us being an us.
Emma, Katie, and Willow pounce on me the second I come through the door. I’m exhausted after my twelve-hour flight, but I give them the full story and only feel a little bad when I wonder if Emma is disappointed.
As tired as I am, I don’t sleep well. My head is too full of racing thoughts. Sebastian said he loves me. He plans to ask me to marry him. It’s something I’m finally willing to really consider. Can I see a life with Sebastian? The answer is yes. It’s surprisingly easy to picture. The two of us living together in his penthouse downtown. I’d pursue my career while he runs his company. We’d have dinner together every night that his chef prepared. Not going to lie, that’s one aspect of his wealth that I’ll have no problem taking advantage of. That, and his apartment-size closet. We’d visit his family or mine every Sunday. Occasionally, we’d travel and see the world together. Eventually, even have a kid or two of our own.
The next time I see Sebastian, I’ll be introducing him to my family. As what? As my boyfriend? My potential fiancé? The man I might love? I don’t know what Sebastian considers us. I don’t think you could call what we have a relationship. Not yet. But labels aside, the stakes are real. Love? Marriage? The rest of our lives?
I’m not one of those negative people who get hung up on how half of marriages end in divorce. I know it doesn’t have to be that way. My dads have given me the best example of what real love is like. It can be complicated and messy at times and beautiful at others. It takes work. It takes patience. It takes dedication. But when it works, there’s nothing greater. I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it. That’s why it scares me so much. I want what my dads have. I don’t want to just jump into something I regret and risk missing out on a lifetime of joy.
Why couldn’t I have met Sebastian any other way? Why couldn’t we have a year or two to do the relationship thing, and then talk about marriage? And he’s already thirty-one. Is he going to want kids soon? Do I want to be a mom in my twenties?
It”s a lot to think about.
When my wake-up call comes at 8 a.m., I groan and zombie-shuffle my way through a shower. Not ten minutes after the four of us remaining contestants gather in the family room, dressed and ready for the day, Aaron shows up. “Since Jalisa chose to go home after her destination date, there will be no rose ceremony tonight.”
Emma, Willow, Katie, and I exchange looks, but none of us are surprised. We know how the show works. There are always four women for the Meet the Family episodes.
Aaron claps his hands together as if to rally our excitement. “That said, we’ll be jumping right into the family visits. We’ll start with Vivian.” He smiles at me. “Pack your bags. You’ll be heading home in just a few minutes.”
Now, that surprises me. I didn’t necessarily think I’d be last again, and I know they’ll edit the show in whatever order they want later, but I thought they’d at least give me a day to recover from my trip halfway across the world. And poor Sebastian. He’s been jet-setting all over the world for weeks. He’s got to be exhausted.
After gathering up my things and a quick round of good-bye hugs and good-luck wishes from the girls, I’m whisked away in a limo and headed back to Los Angeles. Though Sebastian and I were both staying at the mansion, for some reason they drive us to my apartment in separate cars. It gives me lots of time to think on what’s about to happen. How will my dads react to Sebastian? How much do I want to tell them about our relationship? Will I get the chance to talk to them alone? I really hope I can get their advice. Especially after they get to know Sebastian a little. Will they like him? Will they be able to get over their anger toward him to see the man I’ve come to know? Will they think I’m crazy for even considering Sebastian’s proposal? Am I considering it?
I pull up to the small apartment complex in Silverlake, where I’ve lived for the last eighteen months or so. Like most of LA’s buildings, it was built back in the fifties. It’s old, but well-kept. It looks like an old motel. It’s two stories and every door faces outside. There are four apartments on each floor. Mine is the last one on the second floor. There’s not a lot to it, but it’s home, and after the last two months, I’m really glad to see it.
Sebastian shows up and heads straight for me when he steps out of the limo. Shyness sweeps through me. When we parted ways last time, things were good. Really good. We’d gotten a little heavy with the kissing, and I don’t know how far things would have gone if the cameras hadn’t been there. But it’s been almost two days since then. He’s had time to think about what happened. What he said. Does he regret it?
Sebastian doesn’t seem to be struggling like I am right now. He walks right up to me, cups my cheeks in his hands, and pulls my mouth to his. The kiss isn’t heated, but it’s not a quick peck, either. He takes his time. And like all of our kisses before this, I melt at his touch and surrender to him. He pulls back slowly and smiles down at me. “I’ve missed you.”
So…that’s a no on the regretting it question. My heart flutters, and I have a feeling it’s not going to stop any time soon. But does that mean this is love? I clam up and can’t look him in the eye. He puts a finger under my chin and lifts my face until we’re looking at one another. “Don’t get shy on me now.”
It’s a command, almost bossy.
“I can’t help it,” I say, and then blurt out, “You dropped the L word.”
The side of his mouth lifts into a crooked smile. “I know. And then we made out like a couple of teenagers. Where’s that Vivian?”
My face ignites. He’s not wrong, but is it necessary to bring it up like that? “That Vivian was caught up in the moment. I’ve had time to think about it.”
Sebastian links our hands together. “There’s your problem. Stop listening to your head. What’s your heart telling you?”
I give him a skeptical frown. “Are you saying you’ve thrown all rational thought out the window?”
He smirks. “I’m pretty sure I stopped listening to my better judgment the moment I agreed to come on a reality dating show.”
I snort. “You and me both.”
He smiles, happy to have successfully broken up the awkwardness. “Come on. Let’s go meet your family.”
I look up at my apartment complex. “Actually, we’re at my place, not my dads’. I guess the show wants you to see where I live first.”
He smiles again as if this pleases him.
We head upstairs, and when I unlock the door, James and crew enter first. They take shots of the apartment, then position themselves to get Sebastian’s reaction to my space. Or, lack thereof.
Sebastian doesn’t disappoint. When they’re ready, we step inside, and I wave my hand around the place. “No need for a ten-cent tour. This is it.”
Sebastian blinks. His mouth goes slack. To his credit, he doesn’t cringe, but he can’t hide his shock. “This is it?”
I laugh and try to imagine what it looks like to him. They call it a studio apartment, but it’s not much more than a glorified bedroom with a small bathroom and a kitchenette. I’ve got a day bed that serves as both my sleeping arrangements and my couch, and in the corner near the kitchenette I’ve taken a page out of my dads’ playbook and turned my two-man dining table into a sewing station. Along the far wall I’ve got several clothes racks set up since I have no closet. “Home sweet home. Welcome to life in the lower middle class.”
He gapes at the room again, then turns to me in disbelief. “You really live here?”
I nod slowly, smirking. “Believe it or not, this is a step up. The neighborhood is safe, and I no longer have to have roommates. If I didn’t live right in the heart of LA, I could probably afford something bigger, but anything in the valley or further out wouldn’t be worth the commute, and like I told you before, I don’t need much.”
He shakes his head, still trying to come to terms with what he’s seeing. “Your reaction to my closet makes so much sense now. I think it’s bigger than this whole apartment.”
That makes me laugh. “Not quite, but yeah, your closet is impressive. I wouldn’t know what to do with the kind of space you have. Your estate is like something out of a fantasy. It doesn’t seem real. Not going to lie, your wealth is intimidating.”
Worry streaks across Sebastian’s face. He pulls me to him and slips his arms around my waist, clasping his hands behind my back. He holds me tight, as if he’s afraid I might run from him. “We’d only stay in Malibu on the weekends and holidays. We’d mostly live at my apartment downtown. It’s nice, but it’s not outrageous. You don’t have to be nervous. You can even do the laundry and the cooking, if it would make you feel better.”
The way he’s holding me is making it hard to focus, but his fear is cute and it’s just enough to keep me from getting flustered again. I place my hands lightly on his chest because he’s holding me so close, I’ve got nowhere else to put them unless I wrap them around his neck. It takes an obscene amount of effort not to grope his firm pecs. “Hey now,” I tease. “You promised me a Michelin Star chef. I’m counting on that.”
He jerks his head back in surprise, but then he smiles down at me. “Just the laundry, then.”
Silence settles between us. His arms around me tighten a fraction, and he wets his lips. His throat bobs. I think he’s going to kiss me, but he speaks instead. His voice is barely above a whisper. “That’s the first time you’ve sounded like you’re considering it.”
Suddenly there’s not enough space between us. I step out of his grip. His face falls, and he lets me go. His disappointment makes me feel bad. I plop down on my bed and shrug helplessly. “I don’t know, okay?” I can feel my desperation when I meet his gaze. “You’re not talking about any old relationship; you’re talking about marriage.” I rake my hands through my hair. “I’m twenty-three. I’ve never had a relationship last longer than a few months. It’s scary. And to jump into it so fast, when I’m not even sure…”
Sebastian sits down beside me, shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip. He grips his knees and rubs his thighs. “I wish I could give you more time. When I can finally explain, everything will make sense, but, Vivian, I’m sure.”
It’s like we’re back in Puerto Vallarta and he’s swimming in the ocean, trying to convince me to jump in with him. He kept me from drowning once. Can I trust him to do it again?
My head is screaming warnings, but my heart is pounding so loudly I can’t ignore it. So many thoughts and feelings are swirling around inside me. It’s chaos, and I’m not sure how to make sense of it all.
Sebastian leans over, closing the distance between us, and softly claims my lips. My racing heart calms, and my head clears. Sebastian is trying to prove something to me right now, and it’s working. This feels right. He’s so sure, and he doesn’t seem like the kind of man who would invest in something he’s not 100 percent positive about.
He breaks the kiss but only pulls back far enough that our noses won’t bang together when he murmurs, “Tell me you feel it.”
I can’t lie to him. I can’t lie to myself, either. “I feel it,” I breathe.
“Good.”
He kisses me again. This time he’s more passionate about it. It’s deep and full of heat that has me sinking into him. My toes curl in my shoes, and every doubt that was plaguing me disappears. I wrap my arms around his neck, and he leans into me so far we end up lying back. It’s a good, long minute before I realize we’re horizontal on my bed with him leaning over me, his body pressed firmly against me. It takes me another long minute to remember the cameras. “Sebastian.” I gasp. “We should go meet my dads.”
He sits up and pulls in a deep breath as if the air had left his lungs as much as mine did. He grimaces at the camera that’s a little too close. James grins at us shamelessly and holds two thumbs up. My face lights on fire. I sit up, straighten my blouse, and comb my fingers through my hair. I really hope I can see Tina and Sadie before we go to my dads’ place. I don’t need to show up looking like I was just making out.