23. Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lina
I wave to the rideshare driver after he drops me off two houses down from mine. I’m a safety girl. I went to brunch with the girls this morning and felt a little lightheaded from the bottomless mimosas. I’ll ask Zoe to take me back to grab my car when she gets home from our mother’s later this evening.
I take the steps two at a time up the stoop to the blue double doors of my townhouse. The only thing on my mind right now is to binge-watch some reality TV and fall into my fluffy couch.
“Lina?”
A warm, familiar voice startles me from behind. I almost fall back but catch myself by grabbing the low white fence to my side. Flipping my head around, I see Carter standing at the bottom of the stairs.
My palm flies up to my chest. “Oh my god. You scared the shit out of me.”
“Just getting home?” He’s wearing joggers, a black hoodie, and a baseball cap on backward.
He looks absolutely delicious right now. “Yeah.” I pull my bottom lip between my teeth. “What are you doing here?”
“I was out for a morning run. I thought I’d come by to see if you were home and wanted to join me,” he replies, slowly taking the first step.
“I would have, but they had bottomless mimosas.” Leaning against the door, I cross my arms at my chest and let my eyes rake up and down his sweaty body. “I never did find that bottom either.”
Carter takes the last two steps in stride and stops as his foot hits the same one I’m standing on. “I was waiting for you.”
“You know, stalking someone is illegal.”
“I don’t think you’d mind.” He leans in, grazing my lips with his.
My eyelids close. “Why didn’t you call?”
Carter’s hand snakes around the back of my head, twists, and then grips a handful of my hair. I gasp with pleasure. “Want to come in?”
He releases and loosens his hold. I blink a couple of times before settling my eyes on him. His eye color has changed from amber to light brown.
“Okay, we don’t have to go in. If you really want to run—”
He shakes his head. “It’s not that.”
“Is everything alright?” I ask, unsure about the sudden change in his demeanor.
“Are you seeing anyone, Lina?” he asks. His question catches me off guard.
I shake my head. “No.”
“I saw a guy drop you off a couple of houses down from here,” he says with a concerned tone.
Is he jealous? And why do I like it so much?
“I was out with the girls. Piper is in town, so Bailey, Avery, and I met her for brunch this morning.” My hands cup the warm stubble on his face and smile. “That was the Uber driver.”
Relief washes off his face like a lifeline. “Okay.”
“Carter Hernandez, were you jealous?” I joke.
But his expression remains somber. “When was the last time you were with someone else?”
Do I want to have this conversation? If I answer this one and his follow-up has anything to do with body count, then I’m out. He’s a 6’3” toned fighter pilot with mysteriously dark features that any woman would die to experience. And it makes me sick to think of how many have had the experience of being with him—because I know how well Carter rocked their fucking world.
My body count is high, but no one has even come close to fucking me the way he does. Carter’s a slow sensual lover who takes his time, but he can also be a ravenous animal who fucks like I’m essential for his survival. The last thing I want to do is imagine another woman getting that. It pisses me off to my core.
“Let’s go inside,” I suggest to him, then turn to unlock the front door.
After dropping my keys in the bowl and kicking off my shoes, I plop myself down on the couch, hoping Carter will follow. He does but sits toward the other side of the sofa.
“When was the last time you were with someone?” he continues our conversation by repeating his question. “I think this is something we should talk about since we’re sleeping together.”
I’ve thought about him possibly sleeping with other women while we’ve been hooking up, so I’m a little relieved he brought it up. But I'm also nervous because a conversation like this just adds another layer to our already convoluted situation.
I sigh, nervous to have this discussion with him. “I don’t know. A few months ago?”
He arches forward, resting his elbows on bent knees. “A few, as in two or three?”
I can only hide my sarcasm for so long. It’s how I’ve learned to cope with facing things that make me feel uncomfortable. “What about you? How long has it been?”
“A year,” he states in a firm and even voice.
A year? I was not expecting that answer. Why? I see how other flight attendants and even passengers drool over him, so I’m confident it has nothing to do with a lack of options.
“A year?” My forehead pinches together as I whisper his words back to him.
A million thoughts cycle in my mind. Why has it been that long? And why am I relieved at that length of time? Now, what’s he going to think about me? I definitely don’t want a repeat of what happened in New York when Finn texted me. But maybe these are all leading to the fact that Carter may have feelings for me. Oh fuck. I can barely handle my own. Now, I may have to try to bury mine, knowing he feels the same.
“Yes.”
I pull my mouth to the side. “Can I ask why?”
“I’m not willing to sleep with anyone. I’ve done that, and it hasn’t been something I’ve wanted for a long time.” He glances toward me with soft eyes, but my insecurities are about to take the best of me again.
“Are you hinting at something?” I ask, automatically becoming insecure with the choices I’ve made.
“Not at all.” He casually slips off his hoodie from over his head.
“It’s been long before you and I slept together.” Bringing my hands to my face, I exhale a heavy breath. “I don’t want to talk about this. We aren’t even dating, and it shouldn’t matter.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I shrug. “We’re just fucking for fun, right?”
“Is that what you think I’m doing with you?” he quips.
I run my tongue along the front of my teeth, trying to formulate a response that won’t insult him. “Yes.”
“You have it all wrong.” He shakes his head in frustration.
“Do I?” I rise to my feet. “This is what guys do. I’m a play toy. Something to be used and then pushed aside when they’re done.”
Carter rubs the back of his neck, pacing a few times in my living room. “What would ever make you think that?”
Nervously biting my bottom lip, I get a tang of copper from puncturing it. “It was a difficult lesson I learned when I was sixteen years old.”
“Not all men are like that, Lina.” He steps closer while grabbing my elbows to urge me into him. “Why do you believe that?”
Dipping my forehead into his shoulder, I shake my head, trying to indicate that I didn’t want to discuss it.
His strong arms tightly wrap around me. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
I’m grateful when he lets it go, but I know Carter, and he won’t for very long. “It’s not you. It’s me and my own darkness. ”
“We all have demons in us, baby. What matters is how you let it define you.”
Hearing his words—so soft and tender—liquifies my insides. I wish I wasn’t like this. I wish I could go back to that day and change that one choice I made that left me with these scars. That event changed my brain chemistry and my view on love. I used to think it was my way of protecting myself, but now I’m starting to wonder if it was a way of pure survival.
“You don’t have to feel pressured to say nice things like that. I know it doesn’t really matter anyway.”
“Everything about you matters to me.” I’m still as he tenderly brings his thumb and finger to my chin. Pitching it between them, he cautiously, but with authority, tilts my face up to his, forcing eye contact. “You are the most incredible woman I have ever met. Any man who is lucky enough to even look at you should feel privileged because if I had my way,”—his jaw clenches—“no man would lay eyes on you ever again.” Then he dips his head down, letting his lips hover over mine. He sucks in a breath, then exhales, forcing my lips to part and take in that same puff of air.
He gave me his breath of life—his oxygen—and it was the hottest thing any man has ever done.
“Now, tell me what happened in your past,” he demands. The act overpowers my thoughts and every single cell in my body. He’s injected into my veins. My insides pulse, and my stomach muscles tighten.
I can’t fucking take it anymore.
I crash my lips into him, sucking in his very essence. I’m addicted to it. I can’t think without it. I can’t breathe without it. I’m ravenous with a hunger for him. Sliding my hand between us, I squeeze his cock from the outside of his pants.
Carter places his hand over mine, gripping my hand tighter over his growing length. “Tell me how bad you want it.”
Without a thought, I respond, “I’m so fucking desperate for you.”
Carter’s arms come around to grab my ass. His strong arms lift me while my legs swing around his waist. While he holds me in place, our mouths remain connected. He sucks in my bottom lip, causing a tight murmur to slip.
Only a second later, he’s carrying me up the stairs and into my bedroom. He playfully throws me onto the bed, but I’m caught in the moment. He makes quick work of the ties on his joggers, and the sound alone makes my pussy leak for him. I overheat, and my body tingles. I frantically yank on my shirt, pull it over my head, and hurl it to the floor. It feels like I physically cannot get undressed quickly enough.
Now completely naked, Carter stalks over to me, stroking his cock. My heart picks up pace, and a puddle fills the base of my satin panties. I have never seen a hotter sight in my whole twenty-six years of life. That might not seem long, but I’ve experienced a lot of dicks in that time. And at this moment, I realize I never need another one again.
“Open up, Lina,” he groans, fisting his cock while crawling up my body.
My back falls against the feather pillows as I spread my legs. He positions himself between them. I drag my eyes across the hardness of his chest and the slightly misted sweat that glistens in the low glow of the light. Bringing my fingertips up to his pecs, my eyes fall closed, and I lightly trace his compass tattoo from memory.
Carter braces himself to the side of me on a bent elbow. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispers, rubbing his thumb over my bottom lip. “But I’m not going to feel bad when I tear up your fucking pussy,” he warns.
With a quick thrust that I’m not prepared for, he slams into me, causing my back to arch and a guttural moan from deep in my throat.
“Fuck, you feel so good,” I grit out, squeezing my eyelids shut.
With a sly laugh, he burrows his face under my hair and into the crook of my neck. He wraps his arm around my leg, shoving it into my chest to get deeper. As I fist the sheets on either side of me, my body trembles with excitement as all the blood rushes to the sensitive bud between my legs.
Unable to form words, a short whimper escapes.
“God, you take me so well,” he praises as he continues to roll his hips.
A single tear escapes from the corner of my eye. Carter immediately bends to kiss it. I fucking melt. Arousal coats the insides of my legs while he slips in and out. Before he has a chance to lift back up, I capture his mouth in mine, sucking in his tongue, desperately trying to absorb as much of him as I can.
I feel Carter’s frantic, unmeasured thrusting begin to slow into softer and more rhythmic rolls. Shifting his body to lie on top of me, both of his hands come around to cup my face. I smile up at him, lost in the euphoria of this moment. He dips his head and gently kisses my nose, my mouth, and along my jawline.
“Why does it feel so wrong for us to be together?” I blurt without thinking.
Carter’s body stills above me. His eyes bounce between both of mine, maybe searching for the words to say or considering my question to himself.
“I don’t know, baby.” His voice is quiet—almost strained. “But the moments when we’re together, it’s us. Let’s not worry about the next second, hour, or even day.”
My heart falls from my chest, crashing into the bottom of my gut. He’s something I’ve never experienced. I can’t even imagine the day I might not be able to have him anymore. Or the day one of us decides that whatever we’re doing isn’t working anymore. One day, everything will come crashing down in a giant, chaotic pile at our feet.
I push those thoughts aside. My eyes find his lips. I bring my mouth up and breathe him in.
This isn’t going to end well.