33. Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Three
Lina
I texted Carter earlier this evening to tell him that I left a key under the mat if he wanted to come over. I didn’t want to bother him by stopping by his place, especially after the day he’d had, but I also wanted him to know that I was here for him if he needed me.
It’s almost midnight, and I still haven’t heard from him. I peered at my phone on the nightstand about a dozen times, convincing myself to either call him or not. Give him space. I need a distraction. I think I should call the only person I know who will be up this time of the night, and she answers on the first ring.
“Hi, babe, you alright?” Piper’s voice is upbeat, sounding like she’s in the middle of tea on a Saturday afternoon. But it’s midnight.
“I knew you’d be up,” I joke, sitting against the backboard of my bed.
“Of course. You know how sleep eludes me,” she giggles. “Do you need to talk?”
“Yeah. Do you have a couple of minutes?”
“Always for you. Jack is asleep in the other room while I’m just sitting on the balcony staring at the stars. ”
“My Piper Moon, you are so special,” I muse, tucking one arm underneath the other.
“Spill it, Lina. You didn’t call me to tell me how amazing I am.”
I sigh, thinking about how I want to word the emotions bouncing around inside my chest right now. But Piper doesn’t wait for me to explain.
“It’s about Carter, isn’t it?” she asks in an empathetic whisper. She knows the ache I feel all too well because this was her not too long ago.
“Yes.” I rub my eyes. “How do you know?”
“Everyone knows.” She pauses. “We probably knew before you did.”
“I think I’m developing feelings for him that are stronger than I’d like or that I’m comfortable with.”
“He’s a great guy …” she trails off.
“I should be dating someone my own age—or at least someone who was born in my decade.” I sit up straighter, pulling my knees to my chest. “And he’s my dad’s best friend.”
“I know, and those things make the situation more complicated.” She sighs. “It’s such a taboo thing for two people to date who have a large age gap between them. Why is that?”
“I guess, whatever reason, it annoyed me that both my parents are with partners who have significant age gaps between them.”
“Why is it a problem?” she counters.
“I don’t know.”
“It shouldn’t matter.”
“And we’ve been spending so much time together. Things have become complicated. My emotions have taken on a mind of their own. I think about him. I dream about him. I crave to be with him all the time. And when I’m not, I’m mentally counting down the hours until I am once again.”
“Ahh. That’s so sweet. For a while, I thought you’d be single forever,” she says playfully.
“Avery called me an Ice Queen,” I say.
Piper laughs. “I love her.”
“I’ve never thought seriously about being with anyone.” I smile for a moment, living in the fantasy of being with Carter. I’m not the marrying type, though. “It won’t happen. I can’t let my imagination go there.”
“I think you’re the only one who can make that decision.” She audibly sighs. “I know how hard it is to be vulnerable. But your vulnerability will be safe with the right person.”
“I am safe with him, Piper, but is he the right person for me?” I elevate my voice, making sure I hear those words too.
“Does he make you happy?”
“More than anything.” I flip onto my stomach with my feet in the air. “I don’t think I ever told you that I was thinking about getting my pilot’s license.”
“No. Lina, that’s awesome!”
“Thanks. Well, I told Carter just in a casual conversation, and he made me apply to schools one night.”
“That’s so sweet. He believes in you, babe,” she points out. I hear rustling sounds in the background. “Jack is up. I’m going to go back to bed and cuddle with him.”
I expected my eyes to roll on their own, but when they didn’t, I was surprised that envy was the emotion that popped up. “Okay. Thanks for the little chat. ”
“Trust yourself,” she tells me before we end our call.
I thought talking it out with Piper would make me feel better, but it didn’t. I now doubt myself even more. I’m falling in love with Carter. The emotions come at me like a freight train, and as soon as it screeches to a halt upon impact, I’m going to be more damaged than I was before getting hit.
After a quick shower, I throw on little shorts and a tank top to sleep in. Lying on my back on top of the comforter with the music down low, I doze in and out. I’m restless because I already miss him. Something very real is going on. I’m anxious because he’s not with me. When I can’t talk to him, I feel out of place and even a little uneasy. It’s overwhelming to be borderline obsessed with another person.
Suddenly, I hear my bedroom door squeak open. I open my eyes to see a tall, dark figure enter the room. The lamp on my nightstand is on the lowest dimmer, only illuminating a small amount of light in the dark shadows of my room. I sigh in relief, seeing him standing at the door.
“Hi, baby,” I say, opening my arms to him. The relief and joy that washes over me is terrifying.
He doesn’t say anything. Instead, I watch as he removes his shoes, pants, and shirt. He climbs onto the bed and into my arms, resting his head on my chest.
“I was starting to get worried that you weren’t going to come.” I wrap my arms around him tightly and pepper his forehead with kisses.
He lifts his head to look at me. “I’ll always come to you.”
My heart aches while my pussy throbs—a full-body response to his words. Why does this man turn me on so fucking much? God, it’s unbelievable how I can’t get enough of him.
“And I’ll always be here waiting,” I say, threading my fingers through his hair.
Carter rests his head back on the bare skin peeking out from my tank top. His warm breath causes my nipples to harden. He must have noticed because his tongue slips under the hem of my arm to give my nipple a lick.
I gasp.
He moves his face over, pushing my tank top aside and exposing one of my tits. He licks a slow circle before capturing the whole thing into his mouth. Squeezing tighter, I hold his head in place while he sucks and flicks the pebbled surface.
“Mmm,” I moan, bowing my chest to give him more.
His hand glides along my stomach, lifting my tank top with it. I let him pull it over my head, exposing my bare chest to him. He moves from one nipple to the other, coating them in his saliva. They’re wet and pointed. While lying on his side next to me, one hand runs along my stomach and waist while he leaves kisses on my sternum and down to my belly button.
Without glancing up for approval, he props himself up on one arm while using the other to lower my underwear. My body trembles as he traces a line with his lips from one of my hips to the other. Carter has learned my body, and I’ve come to trust him fully.
My hand is on the back of his head, bracing myself for what’s to come. His mouth continues along the inside of my thigh, then he kisses on top of my throbbing pussy, but he doesn’t slide his tongue in yet. When he gets to my inner thigh on my other leg, he moves his body between my legs .
I open for him. The cool air hits my clit, making it swell even more. Carter loops both of his arms around the back of my knees and pulls me on top of him. Locking my legs with him directly underneath me, he looks up at me with a flare in his darkened eyes that I can even see with the small amount of light in this room.
“Sit on my face,” he commands, gripping me tighter. Leaning over him, I clench my muscles to keep myself upright with nothing to hold on to.
“I have nothing to keep myself up with.”
“Ride my fucking face,” he clarifies, then darts his tongue between my slit. The shockwave sent through my body loosens my posture, and I fall forward, landing on top of his mouth.
“Mmm.”
I hear his muffled moans.
My palms flat on the wall, I roll my hips over his mouth. Carter’s tongue slides in and out, sucking and licking. My body tingles and my head falls back. Getting lost in the moment, I relax on top of him. Carter turns his head to the side to get deeper. I feel him nip at my insides, opening and closing his lips with pleasure.
I slide back and forth over him, and when I get too far away, his tongue chases me. I lower to give him more. My stomach starts to clench, and my insides throb. I’m buzzing and ready to come. Carter turns his head a little, opens his mouth, and devours me entirely. My legs lock, and my chest flashes with heat.
“Oh god, I’m coming,” I squeak, rocking my hips. My legs relax a little while a powerful orgasm rushes through me. Riding my aftershocks, Carter grips my hips, holding me in place. His tongue swirls the walls of my insides until it becomes too much, and I fall forward.
“I’m not done,” he scolds, still seeing my body twitch. He flips around as I’m on all fours and positions himself at my back. He runs his wet tongue over my puckered hole that’s now in the air.
I yelp as my orgasm, which was winding down, reaches another peak. He licks one more time before tucking his head under me and taking one last suck on my clit.
“Fuck, Carter!” I fall to my stomach. Adrenaline is pumping through my veins. My eyes water.
In no time, he’s flipping me over once again. He fucks me hard and passionately.
When we both have nothing left, Carter wraps a strong arm around me and scoops me up into his lap. He slides a hand through my hair, tilting my head to one side. There’s anguish behind his eyes. I can tell by how he’s searching mine.
“Are you alright?”
He lowers his head. “Something is happening between us.”
My breath hitches because I know he’s right. I wasn’t expecting to have this conversation. I guess in my own delusional world, I thought we could go on living how we have been, and then everything would magically work itself out. But that’s not the case. Life doesn’t work like that.
There is something happening. It’s utterly terrifying. I know better than to think we can keep going the way we are. My feelings are intensifying by the second. Carter reaches my soul—parts that no one has ever seen and parts I never knew existed. I can’t quit what we’re doing, but I can’t acknowledge it either.
I force a smile. “We’re being us, like you said.”
His lips meet the tiny flicker of pulse on my throat. “I breathe for you.”
I bite my bottom lip, trying to breathe while my chest feels constricting. I can’t give our feelings life. If I do, then this will be over. I’d rather go along with how we have been.
“You’ve had a hard day and an even tougher week.” I track the outlines of his bicep tattoos. The word “jag” is another one of my favorites—his call sign, something that he’s been identified by for most of his life. “Let’s get some sleep and talk about it in the morning.”
“You can’t push this aside.” He lies back on his elbows while I stay securely on his lap.
“I’m not pushing anything aside,” I try to defend myself, but I know he’s right. “I don’t want to talk about it tonight.”
“Will you ever?”
The tips of my ears burn with frustration. I’m not ready yet. I’m fucking scared of what all of this means. The higher I rise in love, the harder I’m going to fall when it all comes crashing down.
“I’m not ready yet!” I shout, holding back tears.
“Lina,” he painfully says my name.
Carter’s forcing me to admit to something I’m fearful of. I’m not ready to leave our bubble yet. I refuse to do it. “I can’t. Carter. Please?”
He looks defeated. “Fine. We don’t have to talk about it tonight.”
“Thank you. ”
He lies back and pulls me down on top of him. Resting my head on his chest, feeling his heartbeat is the only reality I want right now. It’s all I can handle. I’d love nothing more than for time to stop.
“I’ve never met a woman like you,” he says.
I sniff as a few tears fall from my eyes. “I hope that’s a good thing.”
“It is.” His lungs rise and fall with a heavy breath. “But also, extremely frustrating.”