Chapter 11
“So, let me get this straight,”said Amelia over a bowl of raspberries while sitting in our building’s window-lined cafeteria. “You had the most amazing sex of your life, and now you want to avoid this man who is smitten with you?” She plopped a juicy berry between her pink lips.
“Shh!” My eyes darted wildly around the half-empty space. “Keep your voice down.”
“It is down.” Amelia’s voice was so not down, and my face was on fire. Anyone could have heard. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Nothing is wrong with me.” My eyes popped, and I finally sipped my now cold black coffee. “It’s only been three days. It’s not a big deal if I haven’t answered every one of his texts.”
“Um…and you’re supposed to be the older, more mature one.” Amelia shook her head, frowning. No, make that shaming me for my cautious actions. This was about my safety and emotional guard being up.
“I am the older one. Please don’t remind me.”
“Oh, it’s only a decade. When he’s eighty and you’re ninety, do you think either one of you will really give a shit about you being the older one? I think it’s thrilling. Fresh meat.” Amelia raised a wicked eyebrow. Why couldn’t I be as carefree and adventurous as Amelia? If only I could get over myself and these hang-ups.
I sighed, feeling like a teenager being scolded by her mother. Amelia was right. There was nothing wrong with Brett. It was my own insecurities that held me back. “It’s not just about the age gap, Amelia. Brett is so…free-spirited. I don’t know if I can keep up with him.”
“Then don’t keep up with him,” Amelia said with a shrug. “Let him take you for the ride.” She winked, licking the fruit before pushing it through her lips.
“Would you stop eating the fruit like that and just put it in your mouth and chew like a normal person?”
“What are you talking about?” Amelia’s mouth hung open.
“You’re eating like you’re fucking your food.”
And then we laughed. We needed this. That was the beauty of our friendship. Amelia and I could test each other like the craziest waves thrashing against one other, but we always came back laughing.
But even with Amelia’s reassurances, I still couldn’t shake off the nagging feeling inside. Maybe it wasn’t just about the age gap. Maybe it was about me not being ready to open up to someone, to risk getting hurt all over again.
“Julia, are you okay?” Amelia’s voice brought me back to the present. I realized that I had been lost in my thoughts for too long.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” I forced a smile.
“You don’t seem fine. What’s going on? Talk to me.”
I hesitated for a moment before finally letting out a deep sigh. “It’s just… I’m scared, Amelia.”
“Scared of what?”
“I’m scared of getting hurt… again. After my divorce, I thought I could never trust anyone. But then Brett came along, and he’s so different from anyone I’ve ever met.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“No, it’s not. It’s just… He’s so free and spontaneous, and I’m just so…not.”
Amelia scoffed. “You are not boring, Julia. You just need to let loose sometimes.”
“Amelia, I’m boring. Even Peter said I was boring toward the end.” I swallowed the lump in my throat that always formed whenever I reminisced about the end of my marriage.
“Yeah, you were boring to Peter because you were missing a dick.” She rolled her eyes.
“Amelia…” I warned.
“Are you still protecting him, Julia?” Once Amelia started to drum her red nails on the stainless steel table, it always meant one thing: she was pissed. “It was never your job to protect Peter during your marriage, especially now.”
“Ouch. What, did you have a bad night or something?” I twisted my face. Amelia wasn’t one to have a filter, but sometimes I wish she had just a tiny one.
“No. As a matter of fact, I had a great night.” She tilted her chin a degree upward.
“Sex?”
“Of course.” Amelia flashed a brilliant toothy smile.
“How do you do it?” I leaned across the table. “How are you so free? You went through a divorce. How did you bounce back?”
Amelia was about to speak but then frowned, and that was when I realized how silly I was acting. To a degree, she still hurt, but masked it better. “It wasn’t easy, but I made it back. And I know you will, too. Give Brett a chance.”
I squeezed the bridge of my nose while glancing at my watch. Shit. Only ten minutes before the next big meeting of the morning. “He’s never had a serious relationship before. Kinda guessing he’s a player.”
This got Amelia’s attention as she straightened her posture. “Players can be a lot of fun once they’ve found the one.”
“How do you know?” I chewed my bottom lip. “Do you think it’s a red flag?”
“Look who you’re talking to, and stop looking for the flags.” Amelia gnawed her inner cheek before shaking off any hesitation. “Don’t let it bother you. Just go with it.”
“Is this something I want to go with?” I held up a finger before Amelia could drown me with her impossible eye rolls and flailing arms. “Just hear me out. He’s younger than me. A playboy, okay? Never married. No kids. Does he want marriage? Does he want kids? His own children?”
Amelia was about to speak but clamped her mouth shut.
“Exactly.” I pointed between her wide green eyes. “These are things I want to consider before diving into something. Not just with him. With anyone.”
Amelia tapped her black stiletto heel against the gray-tiled floor. “Jules, I still think you’re reading too much into it. First off, stop ignoring the poor guy. You’re going to ruin this before it’s even begun. Don’t be that kind of person.”
“And what kind of person is that?” I swallowed, my throat clicking.
“Self-sabotage, Julia. It’s an ugly look.”
“I’m not self-sabotaging anything.” I crossed my arms. “How could you say that?”
“I don’t understand why you’re avoiding him when you had a great time the other night. And he seems to genuinely like you and keeps trying to talk to you. What are you afraid of?”
“Um, my heart can get gutted again?”
Amelia sighed, clicking her jaw. “Julia, you can’t live your life fearing getting hurt. I know it’s scary, and you’ve been through a lot, but you can’t keep using your past as an excuse to not take a chance on someone who could make you happy.”
“I’m not using it as an excuse,” I protested. “I just don’t want to rush into anything without thinking it through.”
Amelia’s phone chimed, saving her and me from another round of back and forth about what I should do. She whipped out the device and scrolled down the screen, pausing as she read an email. The corner of her mouth lifted, and a light flashed across her eyes. “I know what you’re going to do.” She pushed her phone to me, and I caught it.
I read her screen, frowning. It was a final email invite reminder for the annual advertising executive summit hosted in sunny Miami Beach—an event I always skipped that was happening in five days. When I lifted my gaze to meet Amelia’s, an idea was already brewing in her forever-spinning mind.
“I am not going to this.” I slid the phone back to her.
“Oh my God. But why?” Her eyes pleaded.
“Firstly, I never go. Secondly, everyone who does has either their spouse or a significant other with them. I don’t have either.”
“You have a Brett.” Amelia gave an exaggerated wink.
I groaned. “We’re not there yet.”
“But you could be,” Amelia insisted.
“I don’t think I’m ready for that,” I protested.
“You won’t know until you try.” Amelia wiggled her eyebrows.
I chewed my bottom lip. Maybe Amelia was right. Maybe I was just scared of getting hurt again. What if Brett was different? What if he was the one who could make me forget about all the pain in my past? Fuck it. Who was I even kidding? I wasn’t ready for this, but I was ready to face Brett where we first met: at the butcher counter. “After work, I’ll say hi to Brett at his supermarket.”
Amelia winced. “At his work? How would you like it if he showed up to your office unannounced?” She paused. “Stalkerish….”
The brilliant idea faded, and the color drained from my face. Fuck, I was bad at this. “Oh, come on. It is not stalkerish. So, what should I do then, text him?”
“You know what? Just go to the market. Pretend you’re shopping, and you bump into him. Life’s too short.” Amelia threw her hands up in the air, surrendering. I had been playing a game for three days with Brett and needed to break the cycle somehow. “But if you change your mind about the trip, just know I’ve already cleared that weekend to watch the girls if Peter can’t.”
“He and Joel are headed upstate that weekend.” I shook my head. If Peter could live, then why couldn’t I?
After my last meeting, I bolted out of the office, not even saying bye to Amelia, and raced to Brett’s work. When I entered the market, the smell of beef stew and roasted garlicky vegetables hit my nose. My stomach grumbled as I headed toward the back of the store where the butcher counter resided. In his apron with muscled arms on display, Brett talked to a female customer in her thirties. I hung back for a moment, observing him from afar. He sported a charming smile, laughing at something she said.
A pang of jealousy tightened in my chest. Was he flirting with her? Did he flirt with all the customers?
But no,I reminded myself. We weren”t anything official yet. We had sex once. I had no claim on him.
“There she is,” said a bubbly female voice from behind.
I spun around to see Natalie in an emerald-green apron, blonde curls perfectly pulled back in a tight ponytail, and ice-blue eyes burning into my soul. “Hi, how are you?” I cleared the grain from my voice.
“Nice to see you’ve come back.” Natalie smiled and crossed her arms. “Are you looking for something in particular today?”
Other than your son? Not really. “I’m trying to figure that out. I need something for dinner.” I quickly glanced at the butcher counter, spotting Brett staring directly at me, his fierce gaze locked on me. And did I just see him clenching his jaw? Was he angry? And then I remembered. We had mind-blowing sex, he opened up to me, and I ghosted him for three days. Was I surprised? Not really. Was I hurt? Probably. But I deserved it.
“Well,” said Natalie perkily. “I could help you with that.”
My eyes snapped to Natalie, who smiled brightly and pointed to the fish counter. “Help with what?” I glanced at Brett one last time, but I made a mistake. Natalie caught me, and her smile faded.
“All right, well, what about salmon? It goes great on a bed of greens with a lovely side of potatoes. It would probably keep your stomach full for at least a few hours.” She moved closer to me and leaned her head as if sharing a secret. “Why don’t you follow me?”
Except, I didn’t move. I planted my feet and pointed to Brett as Natalie’s orbs widened. “I want steaks.”
The color in Natalie’s face drained as her eyes darted from me to her prized son. “The organic section is back there.” Natalie pointed in a direction that faced the opposite of where I stood. “I’ll be with Brett if you have any questions,” she said softly.
“Hey, Mom?” Brett’s voice echoed. “Brand new catering order just came in, and we need pricing. Says it’s urgent.” He waved the cordless phone above his head.
Natalie pursed her lips before throwing me a final warning, looking to not overstep any boundaries. If only she knew. “Tell them to hold, Brett.” She smoothed the front of her green apron and marched into the back. I barely breathed and did not move a muscle until Natalie disappeared. The counter was empty when I peered back in Brett’s direction, and here was my opportunity to fix my mistake.
I took a deep breath and went over, trying to hide my nerves behind a confident facade. Brett was already waiting for me, arms crossed over his chest and a burning scowl.
“Hey,” I said softly. “I know I messed up, and I’m sorry.”
Brett’s expression softened slightly. “You disappeared for three days without a word. What was I supposed to think?”
“I was scared,” I admitted, looking down at my feet. “But that’s not an excuse. I shouldn’t have ignored you.”
“You’re damn right,” Brett said, his voice low and serious. “I don’t do games, Julia.”
“I know.” I met his gaze. “And I don’t either. That’s why I came here to apologize in person.”
Brett studied me for a moment. “Okay, so now what?” His eyes dropped to the assortment of meats under the glass display, refusing to meet my pleading gaze. “Do you need help or something with what to buy for the kids tonight?”
“Brett, I’m here to talk to you.” My heart pounded against its cage with the thought of losing him.
Brett sighed, eyes glued to the floor. “Okay, what do you want to talk about?”
“About us,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
Brett finally looked up, his piercing hazel eyes locking onto mine. “Oh, there’s an us now?”
“There could be. I don’t want this to end,” I admitted, stepping closer to the counter. “I keep coming back to our age difference and how we may be at different points in our lives, but…” I trailed off, searching for the words.
“But what?” Brett prompted, his eyes narrowing.
“But I’ll work through it.” I met his gaze head-on, my pulse thudding in my ears. “I’m willing to take the chance if you are.”
“I don’t know. That was pretty harsh how you just ghosted me.” Brett tousled his perfectly messed hair, squinting.
“I said I was sorry.” And I was, but I didn’t need him to act all pissy with me, either. “If you’re going to hold this over my head, just forget it.”
“I’m just insulted, that’s all.” He rubbed his tanned arms, hoisting up one of the sleeves to reveal delicious muscle.
“Come on. Like you haven’t ghosted a girl or two in your past.” There, I said it, and it felt…good. I sucked my bottom lip through my teeth, clasping my hands behind my back, feigning innocence.
He cracked first with a grin that showcased a set of subtle dimples I only first noticed now.
Brett planted his hands on the counter, bracing himself against the cool glass. “Fine. Point taken. So, what do you propose? You know I don’t just want to sleep with you. I meant it when I said I wanted to get to know you. And still do.” His eyes cascaded down my body, undressing me on the spot, and I fought a chill racing down my spine.
“Come with me to Miami this weekend.” My insides screamed as the words poured from my mouth. I was really doing this. I was finding my inner Amelia.
“So, is this a vacation or just a work event?” Brett motioned to my body as I fought a hard blush.
“It’s not a vacation. It’s a work event.” I swallowed. “But that doesn’t mean we won’t have fun.” My eyes dropped briefly, only to lift up and see Brett fighting a grin, his bottom lip trapped between his teeth. “Happens every year, but I always declined the invite. But this year, I realized I want to go, and I think it would be great if we went together.”
“How come you never went in the past? Why now?” Brett cradled his chin on his crossed forearms over the counter.
“My ex-husband never wanted to go. And maybe I never wanted to go with him.” I rolled my eyes. “Look, it’s not the type of event to go to alone. Anyone who attends is either with a spouse or partner.” I couldn’t keep up with the words falling from my mouth, but a glint of amusement flashed across Brett’s face.
“Ah, I see. So, what would I be? A boyfriend? Fake boyfriend? Potential suitor?” Brett took a step back, widening his stance.
I sucked in a heavy breath. “How about we just call it what it is? You’re my date for now.”
“Date? I think I could handle that right now.” Brett leaned back against the wall, his arms still crossed over his chest.
I moved closer until my body pressed against the counter’s chilled glass, the smell of fresh meat and his sweet cologne making me dizzy with desire. “Exactly,” I breathed. “It’s a chance for us to explore this thing between us and see where it goes.”
Brett let out a low chuckle, shaking his head slightly. “You know what, Julia? You’re intense as hell. But I like that about you.” He paused for a moment, his eyes scanning mine. “Let me think about it, and I’ll let you know.”
My heart lurched, and my stomach twisted. One thing I wasn’t prepared for was rejection, and a rush of shameful heat flooded my cheeks, sending my skin to a new scorched level. “Oh. Okay.” I shook off the disappointment. “Yeah, that’s totally fine.” I stumbled two steps away from the counter.
“Are you sure?” Brett raised an eyebrow.
“Completely.” I waved my hand in the air and kept walking away. “Well, I guess I’ll speak to you soon.”
“Do you need anything for the girls?” Brett pointed to the display.
“Nah. I think I’ll be lazy and pick up a pizza.” I paused mid-step. “Well, bye!” I threw a final awkward wave in the air and bolted from the market with a final vision of Brett tossing a puzzled smirk in my direction. I jogged to my car, opened the driver’s door, and locked myself in. I threw my head into my hands, panting. How embarrassing! But what did I expect, really? Was this Brett’s payback for now being the one to fuck with my head? I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t handle the unknown in relationships. This was torture, and I was a complete mess. I reminded myself to practice my breathing exercises when hot tears threatened to spill down my cheeks. Who was I even kidding? If Brett agreed to come with me to Miami, how would I introduce him to colleagues? None of this had been thought through, and I probably wouldn’t need to. He was going to turn me down. I just knew it.
My phone buzzed in my purse, breaking me from my spiraling mind. I whipped out my cell, and it was a message from Brett. I barely knew the guy, but already, he had affected my life. I opened his text and read what I never saw coming.
Brett
When do we leave for the Sunshine State? Oh, and I call dibs on the window seat.