Chapter 45
Chapter Forty-Five
Ben
I haven’t heard from Hallie all day, and it’s freaking me the fuck out. I figured she would call me after she talked to the girls. She said she was going to have the conversation as soon as she got to work. When ten o’clock came and went without a word, I wasn’t too concerned. I figured she either decided to wait, or she told them, and they got right into planning. When it was past noon, and she hadn’t called me or responded to any of my texts, I texted Julie.
Three times. No response.
I had to talk myself down from leaving the bar and going straight to the firm to see what the fuck was going on. My protective instincts were screaming, but I wanted Hallie to know that I believed in her to do this. If I rushed to the rescue before even knowing if anything was wrong, that would send the opposite message.
So instead, I stayed at the bar, trying, and failing, to keep myself busy. When Jeremy waltzed in at six, it was happy hour, and I was trying to restrain myself from snapping at every customer who made the mistake of asking me for a drink. It must be obvious on my face, because Jeremy walks directly behind the bar and starts taking drink orders.
“Everything okay?” he mutters. “You look like you’re about to take someone’s head off.”
I wait to answer until he serves the last customer in line. “I don’t know. Hallie was going to talk to Jules, Emma, and Molly about something important today. She said she would call me afterward, but I haven’t heard from her all day, and she’s not responding to any of my texts. Neither is Julie. I’m worried.”
“Did you try asking Molly or Emma?”
“I…No. I didn’t. I didn’t think of it.” And why the fuck didn’t I think of it?
Jeremy gives me a look. “Okay, so we’re not using our head today. I’m calling Emma.” He pulls his phone out of his back pocket and taps a speed dial contact before bringing the phone to his ear.
“Hey Ems. Thanks for getting me that info I asked for. I’m going to go over it and get back to you next week. But right now, I’m with Ben and he needs to talk to you.”
He hands the phone to me. I cover up the speaker and ask, “What info?”
Jeremy just shrugs. “She’s helping me with something else for the foundation. Talk to her, dude.”
I lift the phone to my ear. “Hey Em, is Hallie at the office? I haven’t heard from her all day, and I’m getting worried.”
“She didn’t tell you what happened?”
My stomach drops out of my ass. “No, she didn’t. But you’re going to. What happened, Emma?”
“She told us this morning about Charlie Callahan’s offer, and Julie…she didn’t take it well. It was bad, Ben. Really bad.”
Jesus Christ, Jules . I’ll deal with her later, but right now, I need to find my girl. “Where the fuck is Hallie?” I growl.
“She left right after Jules blew up. She said she was going home. I haven’t heard from her since.”
“You just let her leave?” I explode.
Jeremy shoots me an angry look and backhands me in the stomach.
“Don’t fucking talk to her like that,” he hisses.
“Ben, Hallie is an adult, and she was upset. She wanted some space, and we gave it to her.”
I run a hand down my face. “Sorry, Em. I didn’t mean to yell. I’m worried about her.”
“I’m sure she’s at home. You should go there. She’s been alone long enough.”
“I’m on my way.”
I hang up and hand Jeremy back his phone. Before I say anything, he jerks his head towards the door. “Go. I’ll handle the bar.”
“Thanks, Jer, I owe you one.”
“You really don’t.”
I grab my keys and drive to Hallie’s, breaking all the speed limits along the way.
When I get to Hallie’s, I knock on the door, but there is no answer. My anxiety spikes to intolerable levels. I need to get a grip. I check the handle, and the door is unlocked, so I push right in. The house is dark and quiet, except for the sounds of ragged breathing coming from the living room. I go directly there, and what I see has my heart twisting. Hallie is curled into a ball on the couch, blanket wrapped tightly around her. Her eyes are open but vacant. It scares the shit out of me.
“Hallie girl,” I whisper. I sit right down on the couch and gather her into me. As soon as my arms are around her, her tears spill over. I hold onto her and let her cry it out, murmuring things like “I’ve got you,” “I’m here,” and “Let it out, baby.” She sobs into my chest, soaking my t-shirt, her shoulders shaking with the force of it. I have never felt more helpless than I do in this moment.
And I have never been more in love with her than I am in this moment.
I would burn down the world for her. But all I can do is be here right now and hold her together while she falls apart. It doesn’t feel like nearly enough.
When her cries finally subside, she looks up at me, and my heart shatters. Her face is red and puffy, as if she has been crying since this morning, which I’m now sure she has been. Alone.
The part that absolutely kills me is that the coffee table is completely empty. No coffee cup, no massive water tumbler, and no seltzer can. The image of Hallie crying alone all day without her drinks spurs me to action. I kiss her forehead, murmuring to her that I’ll be right back before unwinding myself from her and going straight to the kitchen. I find one of her water tumblers and fill it with ice all the way to the top just how she likes it and then add water. I grab a seltzer can from the fridge and take everything back to the living room. I put both drinks on the coffee table, then pick Hallie up and settle down onto the couch with her on my lap and my arms tightly around her. She buries her face in my neck, and I hold her there for a few more minutes before reaching for the tumbler.
“Drink a little, Hallie girl,” I say quietly into her ear. She lifts her head and takes the water, drinking deeply. When she’s done, she hands it back to me, and I put it back on the table.
“I know you’re sad, Hal,” I murmur to her. “Em told me what happened. It’s going to be okay. We’ll figure it out. I swear we will.” I have to practically staple my mouth shut to keep from asking her to relay the conversation she had with Julie word for word. That’s not what she needs from me right now.
“It was so bad, Ben,” Hallie whispers, her voice scratchy from disuse. “I’ve never heard Julie talk like that. She was so mean and so mad. I convinced myself she would be okay with it, that she would want this for me. How stupid was that? This was such a big mistake. I never should have said anything. It’s never going to be the same.”
Fresh tears fall down her face, and I hold her tighter. There is no point in telling her that she’s wrong and that Julie will come around. That it wasn’t a mistake. Hallie isn’t ready to hear that yet. She faced her biggest fear today. She cracked herself open and told Julie—who she loves deeply—exactly what she wants, knowing it might make Julie angry, hoping that it wouldn’t. And Julie did exactly what Hallie was afraid of. She got angry and ran, her usual move. But too fucking bad for her. Julie is going to have to deal with this. I’ll make sure of it, but now, Hallie is my main concern.
“Have you eaten anything today, Hallie girl?”
“I haven’t. But I’m not hungry. I’m so tired, Ben.”
“Okay, baby, drink a little more, and then I’m taking you to bed. Do you want the water or the seltzer?”
She points to the tumbler, which I grab after lifting her into my arms. I take her upstairs, straight to the bathroom. I set her down on the counter and flip on the shower before undressing her and shedding my own clothes. When the water warms up, I help her into the shower, closing the glass door behind us. Keeping her back to the spray so that she stays warm, I reach for her shampoo. Pouring some into my hand, I lather up her hair, massaging her scalp with my fingertips. She lets out a sigh and melts against me. I rinse the shampoo out and then do the same with her conditioner. Then I grab her body wash and a loofah and wash her from head to toe. I do a quick rinse of my own, then bundle us both into towels, grabbing a third one to rub over Hallie’s hair to dry it off. Every step I take to care for her settles something inside of me. Feeds the deep need I have to be her person. The one by her side for all things. She’s here, she’s safe, she’s mine. As long as those things are true, we can handle everything else that comes.
I’ve spent enough time in her room to know where everything is. While Hallie sits on her bed, I grab her underwear and a sleep t-shirt and hand them to her. But she shakes her head.
“Not that t-shirt.”
“Something wrong with it?”
“No, but I like to sleep in yours.” Her face heats at the admission. “You, um, left one here once. I like it. It’s in there. Shorts too, if you want those.”
I smile at her, trying not to show her the burst of pride I feel at her taking comfort in wearing my clothes, wrapping my scent around her while she sleeps. How it sends my heart thrumming. She’s had a rough day. She doesn’t need me spilling my feelings all over her right now. I dig through her drawer and find an old University of Pittsburgh t-shirt I have no recollection of leaving here. I hand it to her, and she slips it on while I grab the shorts and tug them up.
“Under the covers, Hallie girl. Let’s get you some rest.”
Together we climb in and curl ourselves together, my arm slipping around her waist to hold her tightly to my chest. She covers my arm with her own and then scoots back, tucking herself further into me.
“Thank you for being here,” she whispers.
“You don’t have to thank me, Hal. I never want to be anywhere except for here.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call you today after it happened. I just needed to get home. And then, well, you saw where I ended up. I know I have to tell you everything that happened. I want to tell you. I’m just so tired.”
I press a kiss to the back of her head. My heart is cracked wide open and pouring out love for this girl who did her bravest thing today and wants to tell me about it. I will never take any part of this for granted. “Don’t worry about it, Hallie. I came looking, and I found you. I’ll always find you. Tomorrow is another day. Sleep now.”
She laces her fingers with mine and holds on tight. After a few minutes, her breathing evens out. I close my eyes, breathing her in, and before long, I follow her into sleep.