Chapter 60
SIXTY
MAX
Six months later
I love summer.
I love playing with my friends whenever I want without being stuck inside a classroom listening to boring Mrs. Wilson blab on and on about gross math.
Yuck . I hate math.
Luckily, I'll go to third grade soon and have a different teacher. I'm hoping for Mrs. Bee because she's the coolest teacher ever! Everyone likes her, and she doesn't give a lot of homework.
Unlike Mrs. Wilson, who thinks we should never get to have any fun and should do homework every night.
Gross.
I hope she retires soon because she's mean, and I'm happy I'm not in her class anymore. My best friend Ella says she's a witch because of her pointy nose and wrinkly face. I think she's right because she loves Halloween and dresses up as a witch every year. I'd wanted her to like me and not pass out homework over the weekend, so I dressed up as a witch princess for our classroom Halloween party last year.
When I showed her my costume, she clicked her tongue and said I can't be a princess and a witch. It made me sad, and I told my mom when I got home.
Mom called her a bitch when she thought I wasn't listening, but I heard it. I'm always listening, even when I know it's wrong to eavesdrop on adult conversations.
But if I hadn't been eavesdropping, I wouldn't have known that Mom has a new boyfriend. Well, not a new boyfriend, but he's not old, so I'm not sure what to call him. Regardless, Mom is dating Declan again.
My Declan.
The man I deemed my best friend the day I met him at five years old.
The man who would crawl around on the floor on his hands and knees with me on his back because I wanted to play horse. I was always the princess, and he was the horse I rode on.
Molly, my nanny, often tells me I have a wild imagination, but it was never too wild for my best friend—Declan. He always played with me, but he got sick and went away.
I used to ask my mom about him every night, but then she'd cry herself to sleep when she thought I was in bed and unable to hear her. After that, I stopped asking about Declan, and eventually, she stopped crying.
I used to ask Molly about him, too, but she'd tell me he was away getting better.
What did that mean?
When Ella was sick, she was back at school three days later.
Once, Molly had a cold but was back at our house two weeks after her cough had gone away.
I wanted to know what kind of sickness made Declan be away for so long.
One day, while I was at Ella's house, we asked her older brother Jacob to look up photos of Riot online to see if I could spot Declan. The pictures had been recent, and he didn't look sick as he stood in front of the crowd singing the songs that Mom cries to.
I don't think he's sick.
I think I'm the reason he's gone.
I've never told Mom what I said to him the day at grandma's funeral, because I don't want her to be mad at me. I didn't mean what I'd said to him. I was just sad about losing my grandma and not being able to see him like I used to.
One day, he was there promising he'd come home to me, and the next, he was gone without saying goodbye.
It's been a really long time since I've seen him, and I miss him.
Especially since finding out Mom still talks to him and sees him.
Thanks to my eavesdropping skills, I heard Mom talking to Aunt Lucy on the phone. She told her that she reconnected with Declan while we were in New York, and they were going to give their relationship another chance. She said she forgave him for the shit that happened, but what does that mean?
What shit happened?
I asked Ella if she knew what it meant, and she said it meant "stuff happened." But that didn't bring me any closer to the truth.
Sometimes Ella doesn't know shit.
I've been at the park all day with Molly while Mom went to "visit a friend." I'm not a baby. I know that's code for going to see Declan because every time she says she's going to "visit a friend," she comes home smelling like a guy.
I still remember what Declan smelled like. I'd inhale his smell every time he hugged me because he made me feel safe.
When I was a kid—well, a little kid, because I'm still a kid now, I'm just an older kid—I wanted to be like my mom. I was happy to be like her because she didn't have a dad, and neither did I.
But then I met Declan, and I no longer wanted to be like my mom .
I wanted a dad, but I never told her because I didn't want her to be sad.
I wanted Declan to be my dad.
Then he left. He forgot about me, and dads aren't supposed to do that.
Ella's dad never forgets about her.
I've been at the park with Molly all morning, the two of us seeing who can swing the highest on the swing set. I always win because my legs are shorter. Hers are long, and she has to kick them funny, or they'll drag in the sand.
When Molly gets off the swing to answer her phone, I don't pay her any attention. Instead, I start singing the words to my favorite Taylor Swift song. One day, I'm going to be just like her because I can sing just like her.
Mom says it'll happen, and I believe her.
Moms know everything.
Just like when I stole a cookie from the package while she was making dinner. She wasn't even looking at me and knew what I was doing. When I asked her how she knew, she said it was because she had eyes in the back of her head.
I think those eyes see the future.
"Max, start slowing down so you can get off," Molly says, interrupting the chorus to “Shake It Off.” Rolling my eyes, I stop pumping my legs and allow my bare feet to drag beneath me, feeling the warmth of the sand spread between my toes.
Giggling, I come to a stop and climb off the swing, watching as Molly picks up my sandals from where I'd kicked them off the moment I got on the swing.
"Can we get ice cream?" I ask, sticking my face in my shirt to wipe away the sweat lining my forehead. I've been playing hard today and could use a cold treat.
Molly opens her mouth to speak, but no words come out as something in the distance steals her attention, a small smile spreading on her pink lips .
Curious, I turn around to see what she's looking at, and my jaw drops.
Oh. My. God.
I'm seeing shit.
I blink rapidly, my mouth open and closing like a gaping fish.
My mom and Declan are walking toward me.
I take a hesitant step toward them, arms wrapping around myself as I stare at him, tears stinging my eyes.
His brown eyes stare back at me, and I watch as he wipes a fallen tear from his cheek. Oh no.
I frown. Is he not happy to see me?
I bury my toes in the sand, keeping myself standing in place instead of running to him like I want to.
Suddenly, he's in front of me and squatting until we're eye to eye.
"Hi, Max." He smiles, his voice the same as I remember.
"Hi, Declan." I attempt to scowl, but I'm so happy to see him that my lips curl into a smile. Hesitantly, I take a step closer. "Are you better now?" I ask, crossing my fingers behind my back.
He wipes another tear away, a smile on his face as he nods. "Yeah, Max. I'm better now."
"Did you come back to be my daddy?" I blurt the question, instantly shrinking into myself, afraid of his answer.
Before I can take it back, his face lights up with a smile. "I did, Max. I'm all better, and I'm here to stay. I'm here for you and your mom. I'll never leave you again."
With my arms spread wide, I throw myself against him, and he catches me.
Declan stands with me in his arms, rubbing my back as I cry into his shoulder.
My best friend is back.