Chapter 13
Nate
Last week, Hayleigh handed me the envelope and asked me to hold onto it, which I have, but I don’t half wish I knew what was written inside.
I wonder if Emmy knows anything about it?
I don’t want to text her directly and risk breaking Hayleigh’s privacy, but I also need to know whether Hayleigh has told her.
Biting my lip, I pick up my phone and open the group chat.
Me
Cas, has Emmy mentioned a letter or envelope to you at all?
That’s it, Nate, be vague, that way you’re not breaking anyone’s confidence.
Cas
How do you know about that envelope?
Shit. Well done, dipshit. Now he knows you know something. My mind whirls as I think of something to say.
Me
I found it…
Arch
Ooh, what envelope is this? Also, Nate, we need milk. Didn’t I tell you not to leave empty bottles in the fridge?
Me
That wasn’t me, and mind your business
Also, go get your own milk! You live here too!
Ethan
Was there really a need to bring this to the group chat? You do know singular messages are a thing?
Me
Singular like your face *middle finger emoji*
Rafe
That was a pretty shit insult…also WHAT FUCKING ENVELOPE
Cas
I have no idea how you found it or found out, but Emmy is going to kill me. I had one job!
Me
Relax, I haven’t read what’s in the envelope. It’s still sealed and in my drawer.
Cas
Oh, thank god! Okay, great talk!
Cas
Wait. Why is it in YOUR drawer?
What? Now I’m confused…
Me
Because Hayleigh gave it to me?
Cas
We haven’t even told Hayleigh yet, so how did she do that?
Oh shit, is he not talking about the same envelope?
Me
Never mind. Wrong thing.
Arch
What in the world is going on?
I’m coming upstairs to find out.
I click out of the chat as Archie bounds up the stairs. He barges into the room, the door flinging open as I point at him.
“You’re the reason why I’ve had to install those little bending spring things on the backs of the doors. Can you not open a door in a normal way?”
He shrugs and dives onto my bed. “Meh, I could, but that’s not nearly as dramatic enough for me. So, what envelope are you talking about?” He pulls a packet of Maltesers from his pocket, opens them up and shovels them in.
I have a choice: do I tell him everything, as I always have, or do I set this aside? I want to keep Hayleigh’s confidence, and I guess I still am.
I move to the drawers and pull out the envelope before chucking it to Archie. “Hayleigh received this at her old house; it was why she didn’t want to stay there anymore.”
He turns it over in his hands, eyes widening as he takes in the name of the psychiatric facility on the back. “Oh my god! This is from him!” I nod. “What does it say?”
I shrug. “Not a clue, she hasn’t opened it yet, and she doesn’t want to, but it is on her list.”
Archie gets that look in his eyes. “Or…”
I’m shaking my head immediately. “Absolutely not, Arch. Haven’t you learned your lesson from the last time you cooked up one of your ideas? We had to do group yoga as a punishment. Now, what do you think Hayleigh would dish up for us?”
He shudders. “Yeah, she can be pretty scary. Okay, we won’t hold the envelope over a steaming hot kettle until the glue melts and gently pry it open without creases to read what’s inside before gently placing it back in the envelope.” He shrugs and looks away.
It takes exactly three seconds for me to grab the letter, Archie darts up, and we both try to squeeze through the door frame at the same time before Archie steps back and opens his arm out for me to go first. Then we’re sprinting to the kitchen and flicking the kettle to life.
I pace the kitchen. “I mean, this is a bad idea, isn’t it? We shouldn’t do this.”
Archie leans on the counter, one hand under his chin, next to the kettle, and he rolls his eyes. “I mean, drama king much. We’re just going to take a sneaky peek and then put it back. What’s the worst that could happen?”
I throw my hands up in the air. “You should never say that. If this were a horror movie, you can guarantee that saying that would release the angry spirit from the letter.”
“What are you two talking about?” We both whirl around to find Hayleigh standing behind us, arms crossed, and her brow raised.
I say. “Nothing.” At the same time, Archie bursts out with the word. “Cakes.”
I look at Archie. “What the fuck?”
Hayleigh’s eyes zero in on the envelope in Archie’s hand. “Please. Please tell me you weren’t talking about my letter?” The look in her eyes cuts right through me.
I can’t lie to her, so I hang my head. “I’m sorry. It was a stupid thing to do-”
She cuts me off. “No, Nate. It wasn’t a stupid thing to do; it was disloyal.”
Archie flicks off the kettle as Hayleigh turns and leaves. I don’t follow her because she’s right. I get a sinking feeling in my heart as my legs turn to jelly because she’s right, it was disloyal, and I’ve majorly fucked up.
**********
Shortly after Hayleigh left, I came to my workshop to clear my head.
I say workshop, but really it’s just an old, converted garage behind our house.
Working with wood has always done that. I love bringing things to life and restoring old things into something new, and right now, my project is all Hayleigh.
I feel shit about what I did earlier, and I never should’ve listened to Archie.
It was stupid and selfish, no matter how much I want to dress it up as me wanting to help.
When we were in Vegas, there was this one night when she told me a story about curling up to read fairy tales with her grandad. They would sit in his wooden rocking chair, and Hayleigh mentioned that when she had her own place again, she’d want a rocking chair.
So now, I’m building her a rocking chair.
I throw myself into my work, and before I realise it, it’s been five hours, my back aches, but it’s nothing compared to how shit I feel for going along with the stupid idea of opening that letter.
A knock at the door to my workshop grabs my attention. I don’t bother answering, returning my attention to the chair.
“I’m closed. Go away.”
The knocking continues.
Fucking idiots. I storm to the door, yanking it open, and my mouth drops open.
“I would have thought that after earlier, you would be a bit nicer to me.” Hayleigh sasses, her hands on her hips. I step aside, and she shoves past me.
I notice a little too late as she darts over to where the rocking chair is. “That’s not finished yet.”
She whirls around, a smile blooming on her beautiful face. “It’s beautiful. Who’s the lucky customer?”
I don’t want her to think this is a copout, but I always want to see that smile on her face again. “You.”
Her hand flies to her mouth as she points at herself with the other hand. I nod.
Her eyes shine as she plants her hands on her hips, looking at the floor before taking a deep breath and looking me square in the eyes.
“Okay, I’m just going to say it how it is.
” Here we go, I deserve this, whatever she dishes out.
I deserve it. “I hated how you made me feel earlier on, and before you jump in and say anything, I know you didn’t mean it with any malice, but you have to understand, Nate, that Pete wasn’t a nice guy, and he’d always follow it up with an apology, telling me he didn’t mean it. ”
I know she needs to get this out, so I guide her to the sofa on the other side of the room. “I’m listening. I-.”
She cuts me off. “Shut up, I’m not finished.”
So, I close my mouth immediately and let her carry on.
She wrings her hands. “It started small, he would look at my phone and who I had in my contacts or who was on my social media. He’d ask why certain people were there if I hadn’t spoken to them in a while or questioned why work colleagues had my number.
Then he’d say it was because he loved me so much, he trusted me, but he didn’t trust them.
Then it moved on to what I would wear: if it were too low or too revealing.
He’d ask whether I really wanted to walk around like that?
Before I knew what had happened, I had changed my whole outlook. ”
I reach down to the small fridge I keep for fizzy drinks and pull out two, handing her one.
She taps the top and opens it. “He’d have these outbursts sometimes, and I’d be so scared of him.
He never physically hurt me, but it was there in his eyes, and I always played it off as him being stressed or tired because the next day I’d get these extravagant flowers and gifts and an apology. ”
The can in my hand creaks and groans; my blood boils and threatens to spill over. Don’t crush the can, Nate.
“He even convinced me that I would want sex if I just gave in and carried on with it, but I always felt hollow afterwards. Now, looking back, there was no love there whatsoever. It was all one-sided, and I was too afraid to stand up for myself, and so I stayed quiet, and I put up this front that I wouldn’t take crap from anyone, but that’s so far from the truth. ”
She sits back and takes a drink. “Hayleigh, you are absolutely that person who doesn’t take crap from anyone. I’ve seen it, you were sucked into the lie he wove around you, but you can’t be blamed for that.”
“I’ve never taken anything for myself, Nate. I’ve never put myself first. You hurt me earlier, and you pissed me off, but I don’t feel afraid when I tell you that.”
“You don’t have to be afraid with me, ever.” I keep my hands to myself, even though all I want to do is hold her.
She nudges my arm. “Thank you for helping me, Nate, since Vegas. It means a lot.”
Covering her hand with mine, I give it a squeeze. “If you still want my help with the list, then I’m here.”
She turns on the sofa to face me. “But what if I can’t give you a whole me? What if I can only offer you scraps?”
My brows draw together. “What do you mean? Scraps of the list?”
She rolls her eyes. “God, you’re dense sometimes, Nate.”
She moves with lightning speed as she straddles my legs.
What do I do now? My heart thuds wildly in my chest as I realise just how close she is, enough to see the light blue flecks in those ocean eyes of hers.
The smell of her cherry scented shampoo makes me feel heady, so I clench my fists.
She shifts slightly, and my eyes zero in on her perfect lips.
My brain short-circuits as I imagine kissing her.
Great, now my dick is hard. I squeeze my eyes shut.
“Oh my god, have I misread the signs?” She shifts, and I grab hold of her hips, keeping her in place.
I shake my head, admiring her even more and praying to God that she stays exactly where she is. “Oh, you’ve definitely not misread the situation, Shortcake. I need a minute to calm myself and make sure I’m not imagining this.”
Her beautiful face frames my vision, locks of brunette hair falling around her. She holds her hands on either side of my face. “Nate…” Her words are a whisper.
“I need you to be clear on what it is you want from me. I don’t want to fuck up whatever this is.”
She smiles. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long, but I was scared that I would be the same as last time. That I was the same person I was when I was with Pete, but I’m not her anymore, and you’re not him. I’m not afraid to tell you how it is.”
“So, tell me.” I gently run my hand up the back of her t-shirt; she shivers.
“I want you to keep helping me with the list…and I want to kiss you.”
I smile. “We can do that.”
There is no way I’m rushing this, but I can’t deny how nervous I feel, almost like this is my first time ever kissing a girl.
My hands slightly shake, and a hundred thoughts run through my mind.
This girl means so fucking much to me. I’d give her the world if I could.
Steadying my hand, it snakes into her hair and splays across the back of her head.
She leans slowly forward, and my eyes fall closed as her lips brush across mine.
Her hands snake around the back of my neck, and I deepen the kiss, swiping my tongue over the seam of her lips. She opens for me, and I dart my tongue inside of her mouth. She doesn’t pull away; she tangles her tongue with mine, a moan bubbling up from her throat.
This kiss is unlike any other kiss I’ve ever had.
My dick thickens and hardens in my jeans, yet I’m not embarrassed, not when she rolls her hips and rocks on top of me, with each pass she makes, a shudder ripples through her. What I would give right now to rip off her leggings, pull her underwear aside and bury myself so fucking deep.
She breaks the kiss, and we’re both heavy breathing as she rests her head on mine. “I think we should stop, don’t you?”
“We could…”
She bites her lip before smashing them against mine, her hips moving back and forth seeking friction. I raise myself and grip her hips, pulling her down. She cries out in pleasure as she hits the sweet spot.
I break the kiss and move to her neck. “That’s it, Shortcake. Use me.”
She’s completely lost in her pleasure, her moves becoming more erratic. The pleasure builds in my spine as my balls draw tighter. Hayleigh throws her head back, her mouth falling open as she moans loudly.
The sound does something to me. I grab her hips and move her faster; her hands fly to my shoulders as she steadies herself before crying out.
I pull her down for another punishing kiss as she whimpers into my mouth, her orgasm drawing out as mine barrels full force through me, and I do something that I haven’t done for years.
Her movements slow, then stop altogether, but we don’t move; we don’t speak. We’re two people lost in the moment of something monumental.
Because now I’ve seen what Hayleigh looks like when she loses control, and there is no way I am giving that up. She can feed me all the scraps she wants because I’m in this for the long haul.
I’ll make sure she knows it.