Chapter 14
Hayleigh
“You did what?” Emmy shrieks, and I burst out laughing before flapping my hands around.
“Shh, be quiet!” She puts her fingers to her lips and mimes locking a key.
“Okay, so I had walked in on him and Archie, obviously, cooking up some stupid idea to read this envelope I had given Nate. At first it hurt, it felt like a betrayal, but then I walked away, and I visited Daisy…” I stop as hurt flashes across Emmy’s face, so I hurry on.
“She’s been helping me with meditation, and I didn’t want to be a burden on you. ”
Emmy reaches across and places her hand over mine. We sit cross-legged on the couch, facing one another. “Hayleigh, you have never been a burden.”
I pick at my leggings and shrug. “It’s hard not to feel that way…” I trail off because I want to tell her everything, but what if she hates me after?
“Hey, this is me. I will never judge you for what you tell me.”
God, this girl is my best friend, an honest-to-God angel.
I take a deep breath. “I never knew Pete was the one stalking you, not for one minute, but–I felt that he was capable of something. I don’t think I wanted to believe it was him, but I must have known deep down, and for that I’m so sorry, Emmy…I…” I trail off as a sob works its way up my throat.
Emmy pulls me into a hug, and somehow, she’s the one comforting me. “It’s okay, let it all out. Hayleigh, you are not responsible for what he did. You couldn’t have known because, whether you like to admit it or not, you were a victim too.”
I sit back up and wipe my eyes, shaking my head. “But he was my fiancé, Emmy. I should’ve known him better than anyone, or at least I thought I did.”
“Oh sweetie, you taught me better than anyone what a narcissist does, but it’s so difficult to see it when you’re in that place and believe me, nobody saw Pete coming.
He was very convincing, so don’t you dare feel like you’re somehow responsible because I do not think that. Is that why you’ve been so distant?”
I cover my face with my hands, and I sob. “I’m s-so s-sorry-” I never felt like a victim; all this time, I felt like an accomplice, but that was never true.
She wraps me in her arms. “Please don’t ever think that, Hayleigh. I promise you that no one thinks that.”
I sit back and wipe my tears before shaking out my arms. “Okay, enough crying because my nose is blocked. Tell me about you.”
She wipes her eyes. “I do have something to tell you, but it’s better if I show you.” She gets up and heads into the kitchen, rummaging through the drawers before pulling out an envelope and for a moment, my heart stops.
It’s not your envelope, stupid.
She sits back on the sofa and hands it to me. I turn it over in my hands; it’s plain white, smaller than the one I’ve been avoiding for months.
Emmy clasps her hands together, bouncing in place. “Open it then, it won’t bite.”
My fingers rip open the envelope, and a small card falls out:
Auntie Hayleigh
My eyes fly to hers. Fresh tears spring to my eyes. “Shut the fucking front door, really?” My hands grip the envelope as my heart balloons in my chest. My best friend is finally getting her happily ever after.
She nods, words failing her as tears fill her eyes. I throw my arms around her.
Auntie Hayleigh.
I kiss her cheek and whisper. “You do realise I’m going to be the fun aunt, don’t you?”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way. You’re also the only other person who knows. We want to keep it as quiet as possible until my second scan.”
I pull back from her, chuckling. “You do realise what family you’ve married into, don’t you? I can guarantee those boys already know.”
She rolls her eyes, but she’s smiling. “Yeah, they probably do.”
We sit together for what feels like a good hour, crying and hugging, and I realise it was something I needed. That release to let it all out, maybe I should have done this sooner.
Emmy strokes the back of my hair. “Good job, I didn’t wear any makeup today.”
We both snigger, which then turns into us belly-laughing so much we can’t breathe. I sit up and wipe my eyes as Emmy does the same.
“God, Emmy, you must think I’m such a bitch.” She pinches my arm in response. “Ouch, what was that for?”
She waggles her finger at me. “No. No more of that. I don’t want to hear anymore of you thinking you aren’t a good enough friend. Do you not think I’ve tried to coax things out of you all this time while still trying to keep my distance, so you have space?”
“I never thought of it like that.” I pick at my nails as I take in what Emmy is saying. Not once did it ever occur to me that she was giving me time and space to figure things out. I should have known better than to jump to the worst conclusions.
She sighs. “You wouldn’t, you’ve been so locked away you didn’t realise you were in pain from all this just as much as I was, only I had Cas, and you didn’t. If anything, I’m the one who’s been a terrible friend.”
I pinch her arm back and waggle my finger at her. “Nope, none of that, remember. Let’s make a pact never to hide anything ever again, and I’ll tell you all about how I made your brother-in-law come in his pants.”
Emmy laughs so hard I think she’s going to burst, and then we hear Cas’s deep timbre. “Oh, holy Christ on a bike. Is it possible to scrub my brain of things that have been said?”
I choke back a laugh when I look over my shoulder as Cas walks in. “Do not tell your brother what you just heard.”
Cas backs away slowly. “No, of course not.” Then he darts off up the stairs.
I look at Emmy. “Has he?” She nods. “Shit.” Stifling a giggle, I grab my phone and open up my messages.
Me
For the record, I was talking to Emmy, and Cas walked in!
He doesn’t type, but is Cas cackling upstairs.
Then three little dots appear.
Nate
Hayleigh…
I look up at Emmy and see her fighting for her life behind her hands.
Me
I mean to be fair, I tell her everything so…
Nate
Clearly! Do you know what they’re calling me in the group chat right now?
Me
What???
Nate
They’re calling me the trouser-rouser Hayleigh!!!!
I can’t help it, I howl so loud it sets Emmy off, and when I show her Nate’s message, it isn’t long before we’re crying tears of laughter.
When we both calm down, I realise I’m still smiling and my cheeks hurt. “Why didn’t I come to you ages ago? I feel like such an idiot.”
Emmy sobers. “You were inside your own head, and that can be a perilous place if you have no one to pull you back, but I’m here, and so is everyone else. We can get through this.”
**********
We spent the last few hours talking about everything that has happened since last year, and I could kick myself for not doing this sooner.
I never should have shut Emmy out, but that little niggling voice inside of my head told me that she wouldn’t understand, and neither would anyone else. How wrong I was.
By the time I leave Emmy and Cas’s house, it’s dark.
I'm ready to face the music with Nate, but I’m not expecting him to be waiting outside, and I admit a thrill runs through me.
He leans against the side of his car, his arms crossed and a smirk on his face. “You’ve got some making up to do.”
I hold my hands up. “Hey, it wasn’t my fault your brother was eavesdropping on girl time.”
He nods to the car. “Come on, we have some place to be.”
I narrow my eyes. “Where?”
“You’ll see.” He opens the passenger door, and I climb in.
Nate gets behind the wheel before reaching behind him to the backseat.
He hands me the scrapbook he made for me.
As I flick through the pages, each one has a header.
He’s gone through the list and added them to each page.
That feeling of being inflated from the inside returns as my heart thumps into overdrive, and another round of fresh tears threatens to spill down my cheeks.
My hand touches my heart. I can’t believe he did this for me.
1. Dance at the movies
2. Kiss in the rain
3. Learn to cook
4. Go on a Ferris Wheel
5. Get my own place and do it up
6. Safari trip
7. Eat cake in bed
8. Get over my fear of clowns
9. Learn a new skill
10. Say no to Morgana!!
My smile is wide. “When did you do this?”
He shrugs. “Earlier on. I figured you needed the reminder of why you started the list.”
“I did. I also spoke to Emmy and told her everything I’ve been thinking and feeling. It was good to get it all out in the open.”
“Are you happy?”
I nod. “I think I’m getting there.” It isn’t a resounding yes because I have a long road to heal, but for now? This is the best I can do.
We drive in silence for a bit, and I follow the sun as it drops from the sky, as night takes over, the stars sparkling in the clear sky. Nate pulls up outside of a chain link fence and kills the engine.
“We’re here.” He gets out of the car, and I look around, unsure of where this is.
He opens my car door, and I step out. “Okay, Nate, this is the second time you’ve brought the serial killer vibes and not the romantic ones.”
He rolls his eyes and grabs hold of my hand. “Come on, don’t worry, there will be no killing tonight.” He must realise what he said because he quickly adds. “Or any night. That’s your fault with your obsession with serial killers.”
He pulls me over to the fence where there’s a hole in the bottom. I pull my hand free from his and cross my arms. “Please do not tell me that we’re breaking into this place?”
He grins. “Okay, I won’t tell you that. Come on.” Before I can form a response, he dips down and through the hole, pulling some of the fence back when he’s through.
I look up at the sky and shake my head. “Men.”
I follow Nate’s path; his hand is already out, helping me up on the other side, his fingers twining with mine. We walk silently past tall, darkened stalls with their shutters down, and I get the eerie feeling we’re being watched. The only light comes from the moon and stars overhead.
I tug on Nate's hand. “What the hell is this place, and why are we here? I feel like I’m being watched.”
He squeezes my hand. “I’ve got you; I won’t let anything bad happen to you. We’re almost there.”
As we turn the next corner, the space opens up, and we’re free from the creepy closed booths, but now we’re faced with fairground rides.
“Nate, this is creepy as shit.”
His deep chuckle sends vibrations through me. “Just a moment longer.”
“I can’t believe you’ve dragged me along to do something illegal,” I whisper, not wanting to wake whatever is lurking in the dark.
Dramatic much?
Shut up, brain.
We round the dodgems to find, standing proud, the biggest Ferris Wheel that I have ever seen. My eyes travel upwards as my stomach drops. Why did I add this to my list?
I take a step back, my hand dropping from Nate. “I-I want to take this off my list.”
Nate steps towards me, grabbing my hand with both of his. “Absolutely not.”
Like magic, the Ferris Wheel comes to life as the lights switch on around the fairground. My eyes light up, and a smile blooms across my face while music floats through the air. When my eyes lock with Nate’s, his smile is so beautiful.
He throws a thumb over his shoulder. “That’s Bert. He looks after this place, and in exchange for a new, handmade bread bin for his wife, he agreed to let us in after hours.” His thumb rubs circles on my hand. “I didn’t think you wanted to do this with a crowd full of people.”
How does this man already know me so well?
I squeeze his hand. “This is perfect.”
Nate opens the cage door to the Ferris Wheel, and although there are bars and you can see out, my chest tightens at how small the space is.
When Nate sits in it, the whole thing rocks, and so does my stomach.
But then he holds out his hand, so I place mine in his and sit next to him.
My eyes fly open as Bert locks the cage door from the outside. “What if we get stuck?”
Bert winks. “Then you’ve got a long trek down.”
I make a garbled sound, and Nate laughs it off, putting his arm around my shoulders as we start moving.
My breath quickens as the floor leaves my view, and instead, I’m looking into the darkness of the night.
Even though I know we’re high up, the stars still look far away, but now so does the ground.
And now you’re looking at the ground.
“Breathe, Hayleigh,” Nate whispers in my ear as he traces circles on my arm.
I take a deep breath and open my eyes.
From up here, I can see Roselake in all its glory, the lit-up shops that are still open, the twinkling lights of cars and streetlamps. Then there’s the fairground, the music reaches us up here, but it’s distant, and although it’s terrifying being this high up, it’s also peaceful.
That is, until the Ferris Wheel grinds to a halt.
“Nate.” I grit the words out.
He looks around, a little panicked. “Uhm, this isn’t planned.” He looks over the side and shouts. “Bert!”
I scrub my hands down my face. “Of course, this had to happen.”
“Okay, don’t panic. Everything will be fine.”
I look at Nate, really look at him and see how pale he’s gone. “Nate, what’s wrong with you?”
His eyes are wide, and his laugh is a little too shrill. “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”
The penny drops. “Oh my god, Nate. Are you scared of heights?”
His hands wrap around the rail surrounding the middle column. “I may have a slight aversion to heights. Yes.” He closes his eyes as his skin turns a sickly green.
I rub small circles on his back. “Why did you do this if you don’t like heights?”
Keeping his eyes closed, he squeezes them together. “It was on your list.”
My heart melts.
“You’re such an idiot, Nate Peterson.”
He chuckles. “Please don’t tell my brothers. I’ll never live this down.”
I place my hands over his. “Your secrets are safe with me…apart from being the trouser rouser that is.”
His barking laugh sounds through the night as my own joins in with him, and I realise that this man can break my heart if he wants to.
Yet I don’t think he ever will, because he’s the type of man who puts his own fears aside so you can live your dreams.