Chapter 35 #2
“You’re fooling yourself.” He took a step back. “But don’t worry, I understand now.”
Pain stabbed into her chest. “Pyetar—”
“Good luck,” he said coldly, before turning and leaving her there.
Iryana leaned back against the tower wall, trying to calm her ragged breaths. She knew they could never be together, but why did it hurt so bad?
Sliding down the wall until she was curled on the floor, Iryana let herself cry.
“That was so incredibly stupid,” Vaneshta snapped at Lidishta the next day as they marched away from the downed beast.
Their newest team member glared, still panting slightly.
“I don’t need you taking after her and her reckless choices.” Vaneshta pointed right at Iryana.
Iryana bristled, but she looked away. She had no interest in being part of their argument. She was all nerves, and their bickering wasn’t helping.
They were on a small patrol through relatively safe woods, circling the fort for a few days. Just Vaneshta, Lidishta, and herself.
She had to get away soon, to watch her sister take down Karvek, make sure everything went according to plan.
She’d been preparing for her chance to slip away, an excuse to be away from the fort that Karvek couldn’t question.
The perfect cover. It would have been easier if she could have gotten Vaneshta to help her.
She knew Vaneshta disliked Karvek’s rule, but was it enough to be okay with killing him? She couldn’t risk it.
So instead, Iryana had slowly built the tension between them over the last couple days. Acted more recklessly, more argumentatively. And it had been working. Vaneshta was about fed up with her.
Lidishta stood up straighter, stepping into Vaneshta’s space. “I’m sorry, Sergeant, but I took the beast down. I don’t know what your problem is.”
“Taking it on yourself was an unnecessary risk; we were right there!”
“I’ve seen you do the same, take them on yourself,” Lidishta argued back haughtily.
Vaneshta pressed her mouth together, her fists squeezing and shaking like she was struggling to hold something in. She took a sharp breath. “That’s different.”
Lidishta propped her hands up on her hips. “When will you acknowledge I am a good fighter too?”
“When you stop trying to show off! I am not a risk-taker. I don’t show off or take on more than I can handle. I am a strong fighter, with strong forgings. Don’t take the same risks as me, because they won’t turn out as well for you!”
“You sure think highly of yourself, don’t you!”
“There is a reason I made sergeant at only twenty-two.”
Iryana considered ways to stop their arguing, but she didn’t want to call attention to herself.
She needed to focus on coming up with a way to leave.
Karvek knew she was on the mission, which gave her an excuse to be out of the fort, and she promised him she’d celebrate his success at finding his mole when she returned.
She just needed a reason to leave her patrol.
It was nearly midday, and the meeting was at dusk.
“Just because you’ve always hated me—”
Vaneshta stopped, snapping around to stare at Lidishta. Iryana froze a few paces behind them.
“I don’t hate you! You terrify me, always trying to match me.”
Lidishta’s shoulders sank slightly, brows twisted in confusion. “What?”
“Look.” Vaneshta sighed, glancing back at Iryana. “When the regiments were still getting established, it wasn’t as safe. We had to take more risks. We all had to step up, not just the soldiers or adults.”
Lidishta nodded, still frowning. She was there too; she would remember. The recap must have been for Iryana’s sake.
“I was… too confident. Bit off more than I should have.” Vaneshta sighed, closing her eyes briefly as her head shook.
“My friends followed. I lost one of my best friends when I was ten, doing scavenging runs into the city we were holed up in at the time. She had barely begun training, so it was stupid to let her come with. We didn’t even see the dakya coming before it was too late. ”
Lidishta was as silent as Iryana, both of them staring at their sergeant.
“I have no interest in seeing either of you get yourselves killed for being stupid.”
Iryana tensed. Someone saying they didn’t want her to die shouldn’t feel as sentimental as it did, but it threw her off-kilter. She knew what it was like to fail those she cared about. For them to die and her to be at fault. Her own cousin had been taken much the same way.
“You could have just said so,” Lidishta mumbled quietly, looking unsteady too.
Vaneshta was always blunt and fairly intimidating. She didn’t mince her words to make people like her. It was something Iryana could admire. Her roommate commanded respect without cruelty, but she didn’t have close friends.
Perhaps that was intentional after causing her friend’s death. Something stirred in Iryana at the thought.
“Is that why you’re so rude all the time?” Lidishta asked before Iryana could say anything. “So you don’t have to lose more friends?”
“I don’t do it on purpose, but I will not pretend to get people to like me.” Again, Vaneshta’s body tensed. “People either like me, or they don’t. It’s not my problem.”
“You know, you could try to make friends.”
“And I think you’re a little too worried about people liking you.” Vaneshta’s voice was sharp, then she turned back to look at Iryana. “And you’re too worried about them not liking you.”
Lidishta coiled up, face reddened, and Iryana knew she was about to explode at their sergeant. Iryana saw her excuse to slip away, and she hated it.
Before Lidishta could speak, Iryana snapped, “Don’t blame me for not wanting to be your friend.”
Vaneshta jerked back, eyes wide with shock. “I thought—”
Gods, it hurt, but this was the moment she had been building to.
“We’re not friends,” Iryana repeated. “We’re not going to be. I just needed your help to be accepted into the brigade.”
Then she saw the look on Vaneshta’s face, the one she had dreaded but knew would come, eventually. Disgust, realization, detachment.
It ripped right through Iryana.
“I really don’t know why you bothered coming here,” Vaneshta seethed at her. “It’s no wonder you didn’t get along with your family. Gods forbid you actually lower yourself to like someone. I may not kiss people’s asses to make friends, but at least I’m not a bitch to everyone.”
Iryana stared at Vaneshta, chest heaving, heart breaking. She was right, of course. It was Iryana’s fault. She wished she could truly be friends with Vaneshta; she liked her. But at least Iryana got to decide how it all fell apart this time.
Lidishta looked awkwardly back and forth between them, eyes wide.
“Well,” Iryana snapped, forcing the anger to stay in her voice. “This has been enlightening. I’ll see you back at the fort.”
She turned toward the trees, marching away from them.
“Sena Iryana!” Vaneshta yelled. “Get back here; that’s an order.”
Iryana ran instead, eyes burning.
Long shadows stretched from the trees like monsters crawling for freedom. Iryana moved quietly between them, her gray dress and dark leather armor helping her to blend in.
She watched Karvek walk steadily through the trees, a sword she knew he didn’t need strapped to his hip. When he took a glance around, like he did every dozen paces, Iryana froze. And then, like every other time, they carried on.
Karvek came to the meeting site a short while before sunset. The clearing was close to the Yuresh River, surrounded by a healthy wood of pines. They were down to the last quarter of the Harvest Moon, but it was enough to light up the forest.
It was easy for Iryana to claim a vantage point midway up a tree a short distance away.
She had spent a few hours that afternoon scoping out the site.
She was close enough to make out the expression on Karvek’s face.
He was clearly focused, but the tilt of his head looked excited.
She’d learned those expressions were usually followed by bloodshed and death. A shiver worked up her spine.
Sucking in a breath to clear her head, Iryana adjusted herself again. She had a clear line to fire her bow if, for some reason the need arose, but she was mostly covered behind the foliage.
Once Karvek was sufficiently incapacitated by Hadima’s poison, it would be Iryana’s job to lure a beast to him. Let the dakya land the finishing blows. Then Iryana would drag his body back to the fort, claiming a beast got him. She shouldn’t need any arrows, but she wanted to be ready just in case.
She felt sick at the idea of killing Karvek, but she didn’t have a choice. He was a killer, a manipulator, and a liar. Still, he had made her feel wanted. Like she was enough. She would always be grateful for that.
Iryana searched through the trees, hoping she would see her sister coming before Karvek. Her fingers dug into the branch she held. No matter how much she reminded herself to relax, the tension would not leave her body.
She was afraid for her sister.
A small flicker of light drew her eyes to a clump of shadow.
Hadima nodded in her direction, putting away the small mirror.
She was dressed as she usually would be.
Her stained white apron tied around her waist, a gathering bag full of herbs as if she’d collected them along the way, and a sword strapped inconveniently across her back.
There was nothing prepared about the way she looked, but that was the point.
Iryana swallowed, hands threatening to shake as she signaled out Karvek’s position in the clearing.
When Hadima nodded again, Iryana saw a flash of doubt on her sister’s face.
Her heart raced. Maybe it was a mistake letting Hadima go.
One young woman against a killer like Karvek.
She never should have put her sister in this position, never should have let her go alone.
Maybe it wasn’t too late; maybe Iryana should climb down, join her sister—but fear clutched her too tightly.