7 Stupid Perfection #4
“Are you hungry?” she asked. I didn’t know what to say. I stood there in silence until she finally prompted me, “Have you lost your voice?”
“Sorry, I just, uh…”
“Come in here. These hallways are freezing; you’ll catch cold.”
Her apartment had the same floor plan as Ross’s. Just the furniture was older. And it was more orderly. On the kitchen bar she had a bowl of salad. On the TV was some gossip show.
“Is grilled chicken and salad OK for you?”
“Sounds great,” I said. I was starving. Anything would have sounded great just then.
“Well, you just go ahead and take a seat.” She served me a plate.
The salad was delicious. We spent awhile watching TV together, with her laughing and sometimes looking over at me.
When she was done, she asked me why I hadn’t wanted to have dinner at Ross’s.
“They sure are laughing a lot. They must be having fun.”
“Oh, they’re having fun all right,” I said.
“And you’re not?”
I told her I didn’t want to bother her with my problems, and she reminded me she had asked.
“The thing is, Ms. Ross…”
“Call me Agnes.”
“Sorry, Agnes. I know it’s stupid, but it makes me mad that they’re having so much fun with her.”
“With Lana? Why, dear?”
“I don’t know. Like, for one thing, I don’t understand half the stuff they’re talking about.
They keep telling jokes from when they were kids or when Ross used to go out with her, and they just leave me totally in the dark.
And Naya used to be my roommate. She’s supposed to be my friend, and now she’s just slobbering all over Lana.
Sue’s the only one who doesn’t seem just in love with her, and Sue, you know, has her own issues. ”
“So you’re jealous?”
I hated that she had immediately drawn the same conclusion as Shannon. “I don’t want to be jealous,” I protested.
Agnes quickly responded. “Oh, but the problem is you think there’s something wrong with that when it’s actually totally natural.”
I kept telling myself not to be jealous.
Don’t be jealous, Don’t be jealous, Don’t be…
But that wasn’t going to work. Agnes reached over, touched my shoulder, and said, “I know how you feel,” which was weird, because even I didn’t know how I felt.
And then she hit the nail on the head. “But you’re not a substitute for anyone. ”
I coughed, cleared my throat. She hadn’t convinced me, but she’d touched me deeply.
“Listen,” she went on, “if it makes you feel any better, I never cared for that girl. Especially not for my Jackie. She’s not bad, but she’s not right for him. Especially not after what she did…”
So it wasn’t just Sue. My instincts were right. There was something wrong with that chick. “What did she do?” I hurried to ask.
Agnes started to explain, but then she said, “No, it’s best if Jackie tells you. You’re probably too embarrassed to ask him now, but soon enough you’ll both figure things out and stop acting like you need to be embarrassed about your feelings. Now, would you like some dessert?”
I stayed there awhile longer, but she wouldn’t reveal anything more about Ross, so we talked about the gossip show, which was one of my mother’s favorites, too.
Agnes was one of those people whose way of talking was so pleasant that even the dumbest thing in the world felt interesting.
Time passed so quickly with her that I didn’t realize until she started yawning that it was nearly midnight.
She said, “Dear, if you don’t mind, these old bones need a rest.”
“Of course. Thanks for the dinner. And for the talk,” I replied, standing up.
“It was a pleasure.” She smiled. “Just hit the button to lock the door on the way out,” she said.
I carried the dishes to the kitchen, and on my way out, I heard her calling to me one more time.
“Dear?”
“Yes?” I said.
She smiled enigmatically and said, “If my grandson asks, tell him you went to eat with a friend.”
I walked outside, heard Lana’s voice—that sweet, stupid voice—again, and composed myself before opening the door. I found everyone in the living room except for Sue. They all turned and said hello.
“How was the dinner?” Naya asked.
“Great,” I replied.
Ross didn’t look so pleased that I’d had a good time. Frowning and tapping his knee with one finger, he said, “Oh, yeah? Who’d you go with?”
Remembering Agnes’s words, and noticing that Will was grinning, I started to find Ross’s irritation amusing and said, “With a friend. Curtis. A guy from one of my classes.”
At least there was a real Curtis. He was a good guy, in fact. Smart, a hard worker. Obviously we’d never gone out to dinner, though. An awkward silence followed, with Ross unable to stop staring at me, and to break it, I grabbed an unopened beer off the table and asked Will, “May I?”
“All yours,” he responded.
As I opened it and took a sip, I noticed everyone was looking at me expectantly, and finally I said, “What?”
“Aren’t you going to give us the details?” Naya asked. “I want to know everything. Is he nice? Is he handsome? What’s he like? Do you like him? Are you going to tell your boyfriend about him?”
As Will told her not to be so gossipy, I looked over at Ross, whose mood was getting worse by the second. Lana said, “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend!”
“Yeah.” I felt more relaxed talking about Monty. I hated lying. “We probably won’t see each other until December, though. He lives in the town where I’m from.”
“It must be hard, spending so much time apart,” Lana said.
“It is, but we still talk, so it’s almost like he’s around.”
“I’ll bet,” Ross said bitterly. I finally caught his eye and I couldn’t believe how angry he looked. He hadn’t acted that way ever, not even the night before when Sue was trying so hard to get under his skin.
“They have an open relationship,” Naya announced.
“Wow, what’s that like?” Lana asked.
“Uh, it just means we can do whatever we want with whoever we want. But that doesn’t change how much we matter to each other.”
“Have you put it to the test?” Why was Lana being so nosy all of a sudden?
“No.”
“Well, are you going to?”
I shrugged. Naya told me I should—maybe with the friend I’d had dinner with.
I felt like I was under a microscope. Naya was grinning at me, Ross was clenching his teeth, and Will was looking around and trying to make sense of the situation.
At least Agnes would be proud of you , I thought.
Trying to break the awkward silence, Lana asked how my day had been.
I would have loved to never speak to her again, but I didn’t have many options for now, so I admitted it had been pretty dull.
“I did run into Mike on my way home, though.”
“Oh, Mike,” Lana said. “I haven’t seen him in ages.” She smiled and looked at Ross as if expecting some reaction, but he just crinkled his beer can in his hand.
“Screw Mike,” Naya said. “I want to get back to this Curtis. You didn’t tell us anything. Do you like him? You’re acting hella nervous, so I’m going to take that as a yes.”
Just then, Ross stood so quickly the sofa seemed to rock under him and declared, “I’m going to bed.” Without waiting for a response, he walked off. I wished I could go with him and tell him I’d been lying, but instead, I just stared at his perfect little blond ex.
“What about you, Lana?” I asked. “Have you got a boyfriend? You’re so pretty…”
“Me? Thank you, but no. It’s hard to find a decent man nowadays. Plus I’m always jetting around, you know. It’s hard for a person like me to set down roots.”
She was so nice to me, and still I couldn’t stand her.
I knew my attitude was cruel, but I couldn’t help it.
When she left, wishing everyone a good night, I knew it wouldn’t be long before Will and Naya started making out, and to save myself the show, I decided to go to Ross’s room.
I found him there with his laptop in his lap. He didn’t even look up at me.
“I’ve got to put on my pajamas,” I said.
We’d made a deal. Whenever I needed to change, he’d step out into the hall. But this time, he didn’t seem to care.
“Super,” he murmured.
To hell with him, then. I’d change then and there.
I turned around and undressed, and when I was ready, I got into bed and took out my contacts.
I could see he was watching a video, but I didn’t ask about it and he didn’t explain.
We remained there in silence until I fell asleep with him still playing around on his laptop.