26 Christmas Dinner
Christmas Dinner
“I can’t believe we’re actually going to see my parents,” I said as the plane began to descend.
“It’s going to be fun,” Jack replied, looking radiant.
It was just the two of us. Jack’s parents, Agnes, and Mike would spend Christmas Eve at home and arrive the next day for Christmas before we all returned together.
I had been a bundle of nerves all day, but when we approached the arrivals gate, it almost became too much to handle.
Of course, Jack couldn’t sympathize; he looked like he was having the time of his life.
“What’s with you?” he asked. “I’m supposed to be the worried one.”
“I need to tell you something,” I said before we crossed the doorway.
“What’s up? Are you OK?”
“Yeah, of course. It’s not that, it’s…”
I let my voice trail off as I thought how to phrase it.
“Jen, are you about to tell me your family’s in a satanic cult or something?”
I took a deep breath. “No, it’s not that, thank God.
It’s my big brother. He thinks it’s his job to scare the shit out of any guy I go out with.
He’s not going to try to fight you, or I don’t think he will, but he’s going to be a pain in the ass.
A big one. And if he sees you getting too familiar with me, he won’t be shy about telling you to keep your hands to yourself. ”
“Got it.”
“The twins are a headache in their own way, too. They’re like two gorillas constantly fighting over a banana.
They make fun of me constantly, when they’re not playing video games or pretending to work in their garage.
If they try to start anything with you, just give them a piece of your mind.
It won’t hurt their feelings… I’m not sure they even have any feelings.
Or a brain, for that matter. At least, I’ve never seen anything that would prove it. ”
“Jen…”
“As for my sister, she’s going to interrogate you the whole time.
You won’t have time to think, and that’s on purpose.
She’s an expert at getting the truth out of people, no matter how hard they try to hide it.
So be careful with her. And don’t compare me to them.
I’m different. Not like I’m saying there’s anything wrong with them; it’s just we’re different, OK? ”
“Sure, Jen. I’ll keep all that in mind.”
“My mom is very touchy-feely, like almost to a creepy degree. It can get old fast. She’s not trying to pester you. It’s just how she is, you know? So don’t get weirded out when she starts hugging you all the time and calling you ‘honey.’’”
“I can learn to live with it,” Jack said.
“She’ll ask you lots of questions, too. It can be a little intense. She’s not as nosy as Shannon; she just can’t help herself. It’s like a nervous tic. And my dad…”
“Jen!” He gripped my hand. “It’s going to be fine. Just relax.”
“I can’t!”
He smiled and kissed me. “I don’t care what they’re like,” he said. “They’re your family I’m sure I’m going to love them.”
He waved me ahead of him and said, “Let’s get to it.”
The double doors opened, and I thanked the stars that the entire gang hadn’t come, just Spencer, Mom, and Shannon. So Jack had time before he’d need to face Dad and the two idiots. Thank heavens.
We walked right up to them without them noticing.
I don’t think they were used to being in an airport, and they were staring at all the strangers, the TVs on the walls, the bars and restaurants.
You can still run away , I told myself, but I knew I couldn’t abandon Jack, so I cleared my throat and said, “Hey, Mom.”
She turned around and her mouth fell open. “Jenna! Honey!” But her excitement didn’t last long before she turned to my boyfriend, inspecting him. “And you must be Jack! I’m so happy to finally meet you. Come here, dears.” She hugged us both tight. Jack looked amused. I was dying of embarrassment.
“Mom, please…” I muttered.
“Stop being embarrassed about your mother,” she said. “That’s not right, is it, Jack?”
“It sure isn’t,” Jack said, amused.
OK, I deserved that. I had told his mother the same thing, more or less.
Shannon was polite—I’d asked her to try to act normal—and limited herself to saying, “I’m Shannon. We talked on the phone before. I’ve heard a lot about you, Jack. Like a lot. I guess you know Jenna’s not the best at keeping her trap shut when she’s excited about something.”
“She’s said a lot of wonderful things about you, too,” Jack said, smiling and hugging her in turn.
So for now, everything was OK. The worst, of course, was still to come. Spencer’s eyes were narrowed. Please, no , I thought. Please don’t let my brother’s nasty character emerge from hibernation right here at the airport, before we’ve even made it home.
“Spencer,” he said, extending a hand.
Jack took it in stride, shaking hands with him and saying, “Jack Ross. You can call me Jack or Ross. It doesn’t really matter.”
“I hope you’re taking good care of Jenna,” Spencer told him. Knowing Spencer, he was probably squeezing Jack’s hand to the point of breaking to see if he’d react. I kicked his foot, starting to blush, and said, “Spencer, let him go.”
“Are you taking good care of her?” he repeated.
“I do what I can,” Jack said.
I nudged Spencer again, and he wrapped an arm around me. “He takes great care of me, Spencer,” I said. Finally Shannon salvaged the situation with a quick change of subject. “Spencer, you know about Jack. He’s the one who kicked Monty’s ass.”
My brother blinked, surprised, the hardness in his expression vanishing.
“I didn’t like the way he was treating your sister,” Jack said.
Friendly now, Spencer grinned and said, “You should have started with that!” He clapped Jack on the back. “Come on, I’ll help you with your things.”
They helped us with our luggage, and when we got to the car, Mom made me sit in the front with Spencer while she and Shannon made Jack take the spot between them so they could pester him with questions.
Even Spencer joined in. Poor Jackie. He was a good guy, though, and he responded patiently to all of them.
“Leave him alone already,” I finally said.
“We’re just excited to meet him!” Shannon shouted.
“Yeah, shut up,” Spencer added, reaching over and turning my face back toward the road with his giant hand.
Jack laughed, and the flood of questions started up again.
When we turned onto my street, I felt so tense I was worried I’d explode. Mom started telling dumb stories about me, Jack listened closely, I begged her to stop. No one had listened to me. It was like I’d ceased to exist and I was the only one who still hadn’t figured that out.
Spencer parked in the garage. A little ball of fuzz barreled toward me and I shouted, “Biscuit!” as he jumped all around me and started licking my hands. Jack stood and watched. I’d told him about my dog a million times. Biscuit sniffed him briefly, decided he was OK, and started licking him, too.
“Hey!” Jack said. “I’m fitting in. Even your dog likes me. That’s an achievement.”
I rolled my eyes and he laughed. Now came the big challenge: Sonny and Steve. I was sure they’d do something horrible.
And then there was Dad, too… There was no telling what he’d do.
But when we walked inside, he was nowhere to be found: in the living room were just Sonny and Steve, so absorbed in whatever video game they were playing that they didn’t even notice we were there.
That was for the best. One problem at a time, I thought.
“Here are my other two brothers,” I said. No reaction.
“Hello, idiots,” I repeated.
Sonny shouted at Steve to stay out of his lane. Steve shouted at Sonny to stop blaming him and learn how to drive.
“I said hello!” I shouted. Sonny jerked, and on the screen his car crashed and burst into flames. “Noooo!” he shouted, dropping his controller. “No fair, she distracted me.”
“Yeah, I really care,” Steve said, laughing in his face.
Spencer asked, “Don’t you guys want to meet Jenna’s boyfriend?”
They turned and looked at him, and Sonny nodded, and said, “So you put up with our sister, huh?”
“And she doesn’t even pay you?” Steve added.
“I get a little something in return,” Jack said, making all three of my brothers chuckle while I turned red as a tomato. Traitor.
“You know how to play?” Sonny asked, pointing at the screen.
“You know how to lose?” Jack replied.
“I like your attitude,” Spencer announced, then told the twins, “It’s us against you. Prepare to get your asses beaten.”
I was the only one left standing there doing nothing while the four guys hooted and poked fun at each other, all more or less hypnotized by the TV.
I bent over and told Jack if he got bored, he could come join me in the kitchen.
But there didn’t seem to be much danger of that.
“I need to put my future brothers-in-law in their place,” he said with a wink.
I felt a bit like I was throwing him to the wolves, but he’d shown he could handle them, so I walked out and took a seat at the kitchen table, where Mom and Shannon were sitting. They instantly fell silent.
“Am I interrupting something?” I asked, grabbing a cookie from the dish. “You look like you were in the middle of a serious conversation.”
“We were just talking about our first impressions,” Shannon said. “I’m assuming Jack’s fitting in OK with the guys?”
“They’re playing video games. So…what do you think?”
“He seems like a good guy,” Shannon said, trying to act nonchalant.
“But…?” I asked.
“But…” Shannon replied, “he’s with you, so clearly something’s wrong with his brain.”
“Screw you,” I said.
“Language!” my mother interjected.