24. A LIFE YOU NEVER LIVED
A LIFE YOU NEVER LIVED
There’s a loud beeping sound that wakes me, and my lids flutter as I try to open my eyes.
It’s futile, though. Even attempting it hurts my head so badly that I instantly regret it.
I’m not entirely sure why that is, considering I got a small glimpse of darkness when I tried, but my eyeballs physically hurt in their sockets.
My head is pounding as if someone took a bat to it, and when I try to move my body, pain shoots to the left side of my body.
My ribs, I realize. They feel like they’re possibly broken.
Great.
I inhale deeply to calm my breathing as I hear my heart speeding up on the monitor, which means I’m in a hospital.
There’s someone crying at my bedside, and a hand squeezes mine.
I’m confused for a long moment, trying to figure out why I’m here and why someone’s crying.
And then it hits me—I was in a car accident.
I remember it now—my heart slowing down, and then a loud sound.
Then nothing. Darkness. I thought I was dying, but surely I’m wrong, right?
I couldn’t have died if I’m here now. Which means the dream I had all those months ago was wrong. I need to call Kenneth—
My eyes fly open, and I sit up on the bed abruptly, which causes me to let out a high-pitched whine at the feeling of sharp pain in my side.
My head swims and pounds even harder, making me clutch it with my hands on either side.
But when I look to my side, it’s not Kenny there.
No, it’s my mom and stepdad. I frown with confusion, then remember that they’re listed as my emergency contacts.
I mean, of course they are; they’re my parents, and I’m not married.
That thought causes me to look at my left hand, which is now bare.
No metal band on my finger. Where the fuck did they put it?
They must have taken it off when they brought me in or something.
My chest begins to tighten at the thought of losing it, and I hyperventilate.
That makes my mom more frantic, and she cries harder as she rubs a soothing hand up and down my back.
My ribs are on fire from leaning forward already, but breathing fast is making the pain unbearable.
I feel my eyes well with tears from the pain—but I’m not sure if it’s from the one in my heart or the one on my side.
Where the hell is he? Why isn’t he here? Does he even know where I am? Are they not letting him in because he’s not family? Or is he—
And then it hits me.
His mom passed away right before my accident, which means if it was only a few hours ago, he’s probably in a really bad place emotionally.
This could send him over the fucking edge.
But surely he must have checked to see what hospital I’d be in, right?
He got the voice note and knew something had happened to me.
“Where’s Kenny?” I ask, my mind still reeling, my breath still coming fast. I’m gasping for air, clutching my chest with both hands. “Is he okay?”
My mom frowns. “Who’s Kenny?”
“My boyfriend,” I reply, confused because she should know exactly who he is. I haven’t stopped talking about him since I met him. “Well, fiancé, now.”
“You’re engaged?” my mom screeches. “Since when?”
“Since before the accident, mom! Focus, please.” My nostrils flare as I hiccup. “Has he called? Did he try to see me, but wasn’t let in?”
“Conrad—” my stepdad cuts in, then looks apologetic. “We don’t know Kenny.”
“Yes, you do!” I scream, losing my patience, and my parents startle. “How do you not remember?” I frown, shaking my head. “I want to see him. I need my phone. I’ll call him real quick—” I’m looking for my phone frantically, but then I see my mom’s wide eyes and halt my movements.
“We don’t know him, baby…” my mom says again very gently, and I want to fucking strangle her. Of course, they know him. How the fuck wouldn’t they know him? “Your phone was lost in the wreck, though. They left it behind.”
“How is that possible?” I yell, exasperated. “It was on the fucking roof a few feet from me!” My breathing speeds up again, and this time, I feel my pulse pounding in my neck. I clutch it with both hands, feeling dizzy. “I couldn’t reach it, and he was calling me—”
My mom starts sobbing uncontrollably, which just makes my heart speed up even more, and a nurse suddenly comes into the room. She looks between all of us, giving my parents a death glare, and comes to my side.
“Conrad, honey, you need to calm down,” Agnes, according to her name badge, says soothingly. “You have a nasty head injury, and your blood pressure rising could increase the pressure in your brain.”
My entire body quakes. “Get them out,” I whisper, then louder, “Get them the fuck out of here!”
“Conrad—” my stepfather growls as my mom’s high-pitched wail echoes in the room. But I can’t care right now. I’m on the verge of losing my shit, and I don’t want any more witnesses. I need to calm down. “What the fuck is wrong with you—”
“Sir,” the nurse’s voice is suddenly cold and firm. “Please step out of the room. Both of you.”
“No—” My mom shakes her head, her eyes wide and frantic. I feel bad for putting her through this, but I can’t deal with them right now. “We’re not leaving. He’s my son! Look at him—he needs us!”
“Ma’am, if you don’t step out, I’ll have to call security.”
I flinch when she says that, but don’t look at my parents. Instead, I keep my eyes on my hands, which are all cut up and bruised. My right hand is wrapped in a bloody bandage, and I remember I had a shard of glass in it. Awesome.
“Conrad, please,” my mom whispers. “We love you. We just want to be here for you—”
I nod, then meet her eyes. “I love you too, Mom. But I need to be alone right now. Thank you for coming. I’ll call you when I’m out.”
“W-what?” she stammers. “We can’t even come visit?”
“I need to get in contact with Kenneth.” I sigh. “And you clearly can’t help me.”
“Kenneth isn’t real.” My mom argues, and when I look at the nurse, she’s frowning. “You’ve never told me about him. We’ve never heard of this man before, Conrad!”
“You’re a liar!” I yell, and everyone except the nurse takes a step back. “You’re fucking lying.”
The nurse clears her throat. “Please leave. He needs to rest.”
My mom swallows hard and turns on her heel, my stepdad following after her.
I watch as they slip out of the room and close the door with a soft click, clearly making sure my head doesn’t hurt even more.
I almost feel bad for kicking them out, but I can’t see them witness this right now.
I’m not sure what the fuck is going on, but none of this feels real.
It’s like I’m living in an alternate universe.
This can’t be my life. I have to be dreaming again.
“Can you tell me your name?” the nurse asks softly.
“Conrad Moore.”
“Do you know where you are, Conrad?” she follows up, her eyes on my face.
“Boston…” I frown. “Not sure what hospital.”
“Okay…” She nods. “What’s today’s date?”
“December fifth.”
The nurse’s eyes widen, but she quickly walks away to the computer in the corner of the room. “What year?”
“Two thousand twenty-five.”
Agnes nods. “Alright, Conrad. Are you in any pain?”
“Yes,” I breathe. “But I don’t want meds right now. I want to see my doctor.”
“Yes, I imagine the doctor will want to speak with you as well,” she replies. “I’ll go get him.”
“W-wait—” I breathe, and she stops in her tracks and turns towards me once more. “Do I have any belongings here? I know I don’t have my phone… but do I have anything else?”
She nods, going to the bedside table and opening a drawer.
She pulls out a keychain, which stops my heart in my chest. Relief fills me to bursting, and I let out a loud sob.
There, in her hand, is Kenny’s keychain.
Our keychain. I open my hand, and she gives it to me, and my eyes widen as I see the familiar constellation from our night at the beach.
I sigh with relief, then turn it over to read the engraving on the back. The night you said I love you.
“Thank you so much,” I whisper, and she nods with a frown. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, sir,” she replies softly, then exits the room.
I contemplate how to get in contact with Kenneth.
I don’t have my phone, and I don’t have his number memorized.
His social media is public, but I have no way to access it right now, and even if I could have this very nice nurse message him for me, he has over a million followers, and there’s no way in hell he will see the message in this lifetime.
He doesn’t even check his requests. I also can’t remember my social media username or password.
It’s been in my phone for so long, I don’t bother paying attention to those details.
Now, I regret not knowing. Fuck, this is such a mess.
Kenneth is probably in a really bad place right now after his mom’s death, and now with this happening to me.
He probably can’t check on me at the moment because of his mom anyway.
He’s probably seeing her for the last time and arranging for the funeral home to pick her up.
I can’t even blame him for not making me his priority right now.
And that’s why I take a deep breath and relax back in my bed, my ribs screaming at me and burning so badly my breath catches in my throat.
But I have to be understanding. I’ll get in contact with him somehow.
I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before he shows up.
He’s going to come for me. I know he is.
The door opens, and in comes a physician in a white lab coat, my nurse trailing behind him. They’re both trying to mask somber expressions, but I can see right through them. Just what the hell is wrong with me right now? And why do they look so fucking grim?