34. SLOW DANCING
SLOW DANCING
The sound of clattering wakes me, and my eyes flutter open slowly.
I look around the bedroom that is so familiar to me that I feel like I belong in it, and smile.
I’ve been spending every night here for the past couple of weeks, and we’ve been fucking like rabbits.
Nonstop. If I hadn’t done this before with him, I’d be concerned that my dick is going to fall off.
But even memories don’t do him justice. Kenneth is fucking amazing.
Everything about him is perfect, and I don’t know what to do with all these feelings I’m keeping bottled up.
It’s been almost four months since we started dating again, and I want to tell him I love him more than I want my next heartbeat.
I want to scream it from the rooftops and tell the world he’s mine and only mine.
That this beautiful man has picked me. And how fortunate am I?
The luckiest asshole in the whole world.
I hope I can show him every day how I feel, even if I can’t express it with words.
Though sometimes I think I see it on his face—the love, the adoration he feels towards me.
I think he’s ready to say it to me, too, but I’m fucking terrified of messing this up.
Of scaring him away. It seems my time with him is limited, and I don’t want to cut it short.
I feel the minutes counting down to the six-month mark, the ticking of the imaginary timer taunting me.
Is that when it ends again? Do I get a say in it this time?
I’ve changed so much about our relationship this time around.
We haven’t even had the same fights. Hell, we haven’t fought at all yet.
I’ve made sure to treat him like the king he is.
I’ve put him on a pedestal, and I hope he sees that.
I hope he knows I’d do anything for him—anything but give him up.
That’s the one thing I wouldn’t survive.
Getting out of bed, I scrub a hand down my face and head to the bathroom.
After I take care of business, I brush my teeth and wash my face.
I feel so different, yet the very same as I did the last time we did this.
I didn’t think it was possible, but I think I love him even more.
No, I’m sure I do. And even though I’m scared, I need him to know it. I need to show him.
I put on my sweatpants and a T-shirt so I’m not freezing.
The October chill is making itself known, and even though the heat is turned on, it still feels cold in here.
I put on socks for good measure, then open the bedroom door slowly.
He obviously took great care in letting me sleep in, and I think I know why if the smell of breakfast is any indication.
When I finally reach the kitchen, his back is to me, and I can see the French toast on a plate.
My mouth waters, and I clear my throat to announce my presence.
Kenneth startles and turns around, hand to his chest as if I scared the hell out of him.
It makes me grin, but I close the distance between us, and he tips his chin slightly to look into my eyes.
His smile is blinding, and I look at it for a beat longer, willing myself to memorize the shape of it.
I need it ingrained into my retinas for the rest of my life.
Just in case I have to do this again. That smile will get me by.
“Good morning,” I murmur. “How did you sleep?”
“Like I had a man snuggling me all night,” he replies with a grin, and I tilt my head to the side as if to ask, so what’s the verdict? “I slept great. You?”
“I always sleep great next to you, baby.”
Kenneth snorts. “You’re so romantic in the morning.”
I grip his waist and tug him into me, looking at the stove to see that there is no more French toast on the flat pan.
Then I lead him to the middle of the kitchen and grab his hand, splaying my hand on his lower back and pushing until he’s flush with my body.
And then I lead him into a dance, and he follows.
The smile he blesses me with might just kill me, and when I dip him, and he laughs, it feels like my heart is going to fucking explode in my chest.
“Is this romantic enough?” I ask him teasingly, and he grins.
“Not quite,” he says, so I start humming the song he loves about dandelions. The one he hasn’t hummed for me yet. His eyes sparkle and his lips part, and I kiss his cheek. “When did you…?”
“What?” I chuckle. “Learn that song?”
“Yeah.” He nods slowly. “It’s my favorite.”
I want to scream that I know it’s his favorite. Instead, I say, “What a coincidence. It’s my favorite too.”
“You can’t be real,” Ken whispers. “There has to be at least one thing wrong with you.”
“There’s plenty wrong with me.”
“Like what?” His brow furrows. “Please enlighten me.”
“I’m too possessive and obsessive,” I say with a grimace. “I also can be a little intense.”
“All I’m hearing is that you really like me.”
I more than like you.
“Oh, and I snore.” I grin.
“I haven’t noticed,” Ken shrugs. “I’m usually sleeping too hard from all the orgasms.”
I laugh, my whole body shaking with it. “So orgasms are the only thing keeping me around. Got it.”
“I mean, they don’t hurt,” he says with a wink.
My stomach flips, as if he’s never flirted with me before. Fuck. I’m so gone for him, it would be pathetic if he didn’t feel the same. But for some reason, I’m sure he does. There’s no lifetime where he doesn’t fall in love with me. There can’t be. It’s fucking impossible.
My hand roams up his back, and I cradle the back of his head and lean into him.
He’s the one to close the distance between us, closing his eyes as we kiss softly.
Gently. Slowly. My eyes stay wide open, though, no matter how hard my body fights me to close them.
When he pulls away, he looks dazed. He doesn’t go far, though, and his lips brush against mine as he speaks.
“Have you ever been in love before?” he asks me, barely above a whisper. As if he’s afraid of the answer.
“Once,” I reply, not sure how to tell him I’m in love with him. That I always have been, and always will be.
“Should I be jealous?” His voice isn’t playful, and I immediately shake my head.
“Never.”
“Are you in love now?” His voice shakes with the question, and he’s looking at me with a guarded expression, though there’s hope in his eyes. I’d know that look anywhere. I do know that look. The one where he hopes but is scared to do it. He thinks I’m about to let him down.
“Yeah, Kenny boy,” I whisper, my fingers caressing his cheek, my hand at the back of his head tightening slightly. “I am.”
“Say it then,” he urges. “Tell me.”
I let go of the back of his head and shift my hands to cup his jaw. I’m close enough to see the way his ocean-blue eyes dilate as he looks at me, the blue almost gone completely. He blinks slowly at me, and my heart almost bursts in my chest.
“I love you. Wholly. Desperately. Infinitely,” I whisper, then press my lips to his. He doesn’t deepen the kiss, but also doesn’t go far.
“I love you, Conrad,” he whispers back, and my stomach clenches. His eyes turn electric blue, and my heart feels like it’s going to explode. This is how he looks when he’s in love. “I’m so in love with you.”
My eyes well up with tears, and the next words spill out of me in a rush.
There’s no way to contain them. They’ve been bottled up inside of me for way too long.
“I will follow you to the ends of the world, Ken. Across lifetimes and different timelines. I’ll return to you again and again, and every version of me will love every version of you.
The universe can try to erase what we’ve built, but my soul will never forget you. I’ll always come back to you.”
Tears stream down Kenneth’s face, and his shoulders begin to shake. “I’m scared. I’ve never felt this way before.”
I want to tell him that yes, you have.
Yes, you have!
Instead, I say, “Don’t be scared, baby. I will never let you go.” I pinch his chin and tilt his head back a little to look into his eyes better. “Never.”
He stares at me for a moment. Like his soul recognizes mine. Like he remembers. Me. Us. Our life. “I want to imprint myself on your heart. Your soul.”
“You already have,” I assure him, and he smiles at me. “You’re everything, Kenny. Everything I’ve ever wanted. I didn’t even know I needed you, but life doesn’t make sense without you.”
“Never leave me.” His voice shakes again. “Swear it.”
“I swear I won’t,” I tell him with conviction. “Nothing could ever keep me from you. Nothing.”
His smile is wobbly, but he says nothing.
“One day I’m going to ask you to marry me, so don’t get any ideas about asking first,” I say with a smile, which makes him smile back even wider. “You’re going to say yes, and I’m going to make you the happiest you’ve ever been.”
“I’m already the happiest I’ve ever been,” he replies, and my breath catches in my throat.
The words are stuck, but I breathe through it. “I promise it’s not. You’ll be even happier than you are now.”
Ken smiles gently, “I find that hard to believe.”
“I’ll prove it to you.”
We finally eat breakfast together, then lunch, and then dinner.
Before I know it, we’ve spent the entire day watching scary movies.
Halloween is Kenneth’s favorite time of the year, and he insists that it’s a holiday.
I haven’t ever cared, but what’s important to him is also important to me.
So if he wants to spend the next ten days watching horror movies, then that’s what we’re doing.
After hours on the couch, Kenneth turns off the television and gets up, extending a hand in my direction.
I take it, and he leads us to the bedroom.
The lamp on the nightstand is on, casting a soft glow across the room, making everything look golden.
He crawls into bed and settles his back against the headboard, and I do the same, facing him slightly.
“You’re so beautiful.” Kenneth says, “Perfect.”
He grabs his phone and lifts it to his face, then takes picture after picture of me.
I chuckle at the smirk on his face, and it makes me remember all those times in his studio when he took actual portraits of me.
Though, for some reason, those don’t make me feel quite this shy.
I think it’s because he’s actually keeping these pictures in his phone forever.
“You’re making me blush,” I admit, feeling my face heat to scorching levels.
“I love when you blush,” he says with a grin, then kisses my hot cheek.
I lie down on my side, and Kenny does the same, facing me. It feels like a lifetime of looking at each other before he speaks in a hushed voice. “Why do you look at me like you’ve loved me forever?”
“Because I have,” I reply without hesitation.
“You feel like someone I used to know.” Kenneth frowns. “But I’ve never had you.”
My lips twitch slightly, trying to curve up into a smile that hurts. “You have me now.”
These words bring a smile to Kenneth’s face, and I can’t help but smile back, a real one this time.
Before long, his eyes flutter shut, and I stare at him.
I can’t seem to fall asleep, too scared to miss something important.
A second without him is too long. I do have work tomorrow, though, so I get closer until our foreheads are touching and close my eyes.
It feels instinctual when he drapes his arm over my waist, and it actually doesn’t take too long before I fall asleep.
The last thought before everything goes black is how fast time is flying by.
I need it to slow down.
Please, just slow down.