9. SARAH
Sitting my ass onto my office chair with an unladylike groan, I feel like death. I scoot closer to my computer screen to get a better view of my reflection, and I realize death is a word that is too kind to describe the way I look right now.
Bags under my eyes the size of Texas barely remain hidden under the three layers of concealer I put on, and my hair has certainly seen better days. Reaching into my purse, I grab my trusted concealer and start working on a fourth layer before throwing my hair up in a bun and wiping a sheen coat of gloss across my lips.
Whoever came up with the term “morning sickness” clearly has never experienced it before, seeing as I’ve been vomiting at all hours of the day and night. Thankfully, my last episode was around one this morning, and I haven’t felt the need to sprint to the bathroom yet.
And according to everything I’ve been reading online, this should hopefully improve by my second trimester.
Fingers crossed.
“Hey, Sarah. Everything okay?” Gianna approaches my desk; her well-polished ensemble of a black pencil skirt, white blouse, and perfectly coifed hair only makes me feel worse about my own appearance.
“Hey, Gianna.” I throw on a smile while trying to smooth out a couple of wrinkles on the front of my dress. “Yeah. Just a bit tired.”
After spending all weekend rotating between resting my head on the toilet seat and bawling my eyes out because of Greyson’s threat looming over me and not being able to tell Paul that I’m pregnant, I had to force myself out of bed this morning to meet with my advisor about trying to graduate early.
Finding out I can was fan-fucking-tastic. But finding out that would mean I need to double up my courses next semester was downright dreadful.
But I don’t see how I have a choice in the matter.
I need to do what’s best for the baby, which means not taking classes while working and raising a child simultaneously.
Especially alone.
Even Wonder Woman would have to draw the line in the sand somewhere.
I then went straight to my doctor’s office, worried over how often I had been getting sick, but she assured me it was normal and told me to pick up some ginger gummies and electrolytes, which I did on my way here.
So yeah, I’m fucking exhausted.
Gianna regards me with sympathy in her hazel eyes. “Well, if you need anything, just let me know. Okay?”
I nod. “Of course. Thank you.”
She smiles and turns, heading toward her desk. As I spin in my seat to face my computer, I see a familiar reflection on my screen and turn around in a panic.
“Paul? What are you doing here?” I look around nervously, praying Greyson isn’t in today. I haven’t seen him yet, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t watching the security cameras like the creep that he is.
Lord knows he loves his cameras.
“I just wanted to make sure you’re doing okay after the other night. I would have stopped by sooner, but we had an away game, and I just got back today. Natalie mentioned you were working.” He smiles but tilts his head, noticing my hesitation. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t look so great.” His hand reaches out to cup my cheek, and I find myself melting into his warm touch, my eyes closing. “Are you still not feeling well?”
I internally shake my head, opening my eyes. “I’m fine. I promise. I’ve just been busy today.”
He drops his hand and takes a step away. “I brought you some things, just in case.” He lifts a small bag in his hands. “Some saltines and ginger ale. No soup this time.” He laughs nervously.
“That was so…thoughtful,” I murmur, still glancing around the office tensely. I glimpse toward Greyson’s office but notice the door is closed. Maybe he isn’t here today.
Still, I can’t take any chances.
Because if Greyson sees Paul here visiting me, it’s game over. And both me and Paul will lose.
“But like I said the other night…” I straighten my shoulders, hating what I’m about to say. “I don’t do relationships, Paul, and this feels like something a boyfriend would do, so I really wish you hadn’t done this.”
I don’t do relationships. Words I previously rushed out to him the other night as he held me in his arms. My mind had raced for any excuse to use as to why we couldn’t be together, and it was the only one I thought he might believe.
Because telling him the truth is not an option.
At least for now, until I figure a way out of Greyson’s grasp.
And until then, I’m left with only one option.
I must lie in order to protect us—all of us.
He looks taken aback, and it instantly crushes any and all of the tough persona I’m trying to exhibit.
Not to mention, it fucking breaks the stupid beating thing beneath my chest.
“Yeah. I know.” He places the bag on my desk, rolling his lips deep in thought. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you during work. I’ll go.” He turns to walk away, and I should let him keep walking.
I try to at least.
But before I know what I’m doing, I’m jumping out of my seat and chasing after him in my heels.
“Wait, Paul.” I grab his elbow, stopping him. He spins around to face me, hurt flashing across his big brown eyes, and it guts me. “I’m sorry. It’s just been a stressful day. It was really sweet of you to bring me those things.” I throw myself into his body, wrapping my arms around his torso. His long arms enfold tightly around my waist, and his hand that presses against my lower back, splaying out as he pulls me against him, feels perfect.
Like a tether to his body that makes me feel…safe.
“Of course,” he says softly, kissing the top of my head. I want to melt into his arms and tell him to take me away from here. Tell him everything. But I don’t because I can’t.
Not yet.
Frustration bubbles inside me at the situation I’ve found myself in, so I hesitantly step away from him, putting just the tiniest bit of distance between us.
“Well, well, well. Paul, what are you doing here?”
My heart thuds erratically as fear invades every morsel of me, spewing to the brink of an eruption.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I feel Greyson’s presence behind me and immediately turn to face him, cowering closer to Paul. My whole body feels weak as shivers run over me.
Paul being here is the last thing I need right now.
I should have let him go.
“Greyson. I had no idea you work here,” Paul says coldly, his voice on the cusp of sounding ominous.
“My dad is the head of this bank,” he states matter-of-factly, looking between us.
Paul discreetly tugs on the back of my dress, pulling me closer to him, leaving no space between us. His solid body becomes a support for mine to lean against.
“Interesting,” Paul remarks. His fingers rub against my lower back, and there’s no way he doesn’t notice my body shaking.
My heart is beating rapidly as the thick tension between these two can be felt pulsing in the air, cascading all around us.
Greyson’s eyes narrow in on him. “But as far as I’m aware, you don’t work here. So what are you doing here?”
“Was in the neighborhood, so I thought I’d stop by to get some advice on my stocks,” Paul says plainly.
Greyson laughs. “You probably have more money in your account than half the population. I think your stocks are doing fine.”
Wait…Paul’s rich?
“Can never be too sure, which is why I like to always keep an eye on things to avoid any unexpected issues,” Paul warns, and for whatever reason, I feel like there’s a hidden meaning to his words.
“That’s very smart of you,” Greyson adds. “But sometimes, it’s best to step back. Sometimes, being too involved can get you into trouble.” Greyson crosses his bulky arms over his chest, his chin lifted defiantly.
I peek over my shoulder at Paul, who shrugs his shoulders. “I’ve never shied away from trouble to keep things I care about safe.”
The two stare at each other, like soldiers from opposing sides, ready to conquer the other. And it’s scaring the shit out of me.
“Well…” I clear my throat. “I have a lot of paperwork to complete today. And Paul was just leaving.” I step to the side, away from both of them. Paul’s hands drop from my dress, leaving me cold from the loss of his touch.
It takes Paul a moment before he finally nods in agreement. “Yeah. I’m leaving.” He looks down, his eyes focusing on the slight tremble in my body as my heart races uncontrollably. “You’re good?”
I know his question has a double meaning, but now is not the time to tell him I’m not good. And it’s definitely not the right time to tell him that Greyson is blackmailing me to stay away from him when all I want to do is tell him I’m pregnant with a baby.
Hisbaby.
So instead, I say, “Yeah. I’m good here. As soon as I finish my paperwork, I’ll be heading home.”
Paul squeezes the back of his neck, scanning around the office. His eyes focus on each employee nearby. Is he making sure there are people around me?
It seems to practically kill him to say his next words. “All right. I’ll see you then.”
“See you around, Paul,” Greyson haughtily interjects, waving an arrogant hand.
Paul hesitates, narrowing his eyes on him, before finally turning and leaving the office.
As much as I know he had to, a part of me wishes he weren’t walking out those doors right now.
I quickly face Greyson to find him glaring at me with his familiar cold blue eyes.
“I thought I told you—”
“I didn’t know he was coming here,” I cut him off, panicking. “We have nothing to do with each other. I swear,” I insist, my voice shaking with the fear and realization of what he might do.
Of what he might show the world.
He sighs, running his fingers through his short, blonde hair. “Okay.” He looks at the door Paul just walked out of and, before stepping away from me, says, “Be sure it doesn’t happen again. That’s your one and only warning.”
I faintly nod, my shoulders hunching in. “It won’t happen again.”
A few hours later, I slump through my apartment door and lock it behind me. Kicking off my heels, I unzip my dress and let it fall to the floor. I toss my bag on the coffee table and begin to open the first piece of mail in my hand, scanning the information.
Oh lovely. A bill from the doctor’s office.
Since I’m only an intern at LH United, I don’t have a fantastic health insurance plan. Not until they hopefully offer me a full-time position with better benefits at the end of the semester, which means this pregnancy is probably going to cause me to file bankruptcy.
Gotta love the American healthcare system.
The total of seven hundred and thirty-three dollars stares back at me, mocking me. An expense I never even thought about or planned for and will have to pay eventually. But for now, I’ll add it to my ever-growing bills, previously piled in my bedroom but now moved to the kitchen island because they insisted on tormenting me before sleep rescued me.
I collapse on my couch, staring at the ceiling, trying not to let the impending doom of having no money and a baby growing inside my belly get to me, but it’s pretty much impossible.
My eyes blur as tears threaten to spill out, and my hand rubs my stomach softly in soothing circles. “We’ll be okay. I’ll figure everything out. I promise I will.”
My phone vibrates inside my bag, so I pull it out.
Natalie
Hey, Sarah! Tomorrow night, a few of us are going to the new bar that opened near campus. Please come!
I stare at the screen, feeling unsure.
It’s not like I have money to spend. But I guess water won’t break the bank.
And I really could use a night out with some friends.
But what if Paul’s there?
You know, the man who rubbed your back as you hurled your dinner in the toilet the other night and then proceeded to stay the night, holding you tucked into his arms, making you feel a warmth you’d never experienced. And the same man who then went out of his way to pick up things for you in case you still weren’t feeling great.
Why does this man have to be so nice to me?
It’s not something I’m used to, and it’s making it harder and harder for me to stay away from him when I know it’s risking messing everything up…
And I won’t be responsible for ruining Paul’s career when he deserves the whole goddamn world.
I won’t do it.
Rereading Natalie’s text, I chew on my thumbnail, weighing my options. The odds of Greyson being at the same bar as me in this city, with thousands of bars to choose from, are minuscule and practically impossible.
And if I’m being honest with myself…I want to see Paul.
I want the overwhelming, comforting feeling of safety that surrounds me like a warm blanket when I’m in his presence.
My throat burns as the tip of my nose tingles.
I fucking need him, and I wish I could tell him that. I wish I could tell him everything.
Pinching the bridge of my nose, I take a deep breath.
I’m so tired of feeling alone all the damn time.
My fingers hover over the screen, hoping I won’t regret my decision.
Sarah
Count me in!
* * *
I’m squished between Jason and Vanessa when we pull up to the bar in Nate’s car, seeing a line forming outside the entrance, which we eagerly join.
“There he is,” Nate announces, looking over my head.
I cautiously turn, already knowing who he is referring to.
A part of me feels nervous that Greyson will show up at this exact moment, causing me to glance around warily, but there’s no sign of him, so I tell myself for the hundredth time tonight not to worry.
Everything will be okay.
“Hey, man,” Paul says, walking up to Nate, looking like utter perfection in a pair of dark jeans and a white fitted T-shirt, showcasing his muscular biceps. A few silver chains hang around his neck, swinging with each step he takes. His eyes move over everyone as he smiles until he sees me. Those deep chocolate eyes lock onto mine, and I can’t help but feel disappointed when his smile falters. “Hey, Sarah.”
“Hey,” I say softly, pulling nervously at the hem of my dress. Heat flares up inside me, feeling his gaze on me, but I look away, wiping away at an imaginary piece of lint on my stomach.
“Next,” the bouncer calls for us, and Natalie grabs my hand, pulling me inside with her.
As we enter the bar, Nate says, “I’ll go grab the booth in the back.” Natalie and Jason walk with him while Vanessa makes her way over to the bar.
Leaving me and Paul to decide which way to go.
The booth or the bar?
I feel Paul’s presence behind me. It’s intimidating, but in the best way because I know what this man can do. I was lucky enough to experience it firsthand on a night I wish I could live over and over again.
But I can’t.
Even if I want to.
And I really want to…
But maybe one dance wouldn’t cause any harm.
So, instead of choosing the booth or the bar, I make my way to the dance floor, squeezing through the crowd of people until I find a free space to move around. The DJ changes the song to something upbeat and stimulating, and I let my body sway with the beat, closing my eyes and allowing myself to get lost, even if just for a moment.
It doesn’t take long for a solid body to attach itself to mine as Paul’s large hands slide over my waist and hips possessively.
And God, it feels so damn intoxicating.
“Why does it feel like you’re hiding something from me?” he asks, his lips brushing against the shell of my ear.
I momentarily freeze from his question before regaining my composure, pressing my ass harder into the front of his jeans, feeling the firsthand effect I have over him. His body molds together with mine perfectly, his hips moving sensually in sync with my own.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” My hands glide over his, interlacing our fingers and bringing them lower on my hips, where his fingers dig into the noticeably short hem of my dress.
“I think you do know, but you won’t say.” His fingers scrunch the fabric into his fists as he presses his lips across my neck.
I lean my head against him, loving the feeling of his body supporting me upright.
I could fall at any second, and this man would catch me like it was his only mission in life.
And somehow, knowing this, I feel free.
Free to fall.
At this moment, I don’t think about the fact that I’m being blackmailed into staying away from him, keeping me from telling him I’m pregnant with our baby.
I just feel him.
And it feels really fucking good.
“Tell me what you want, Sarah,” he whispers, his voice low and sultry.
A subtle mist of smoke fills the dance floor as a fog machine in the corner turns on, covering the floor in a thick cloud.
“I want…” No. Want isn’t the right word to use. I peek around, seeing people nearby, but notice everyone is in their own little bubble. No one is looking at us. “I need you,” I admit, taking his hand in mine and gliding it between my legs.
The second his finger traces the center of my thong, I fold into his chest as my knees buckle.
“You’re soaking wet,” he groans in approval. “Do you have any idea how much I’ve missed this pretty pussy?” His hand cups me firmly, making me moan out a sound that is, thankfully, lost in the music surrounding us. “How much my cock has missed being inside you, making you come over and over again as I watched you fall apart in my arms, looking so goddamn beautiful?”
I feel wetness building between my legs, the anticipation of knowing what his hand is capable of doing driving me absolutely senseless.
“Please, Paul…”
His fingers shove the fabric aside, and then he plunges two fingers inside me at once. I bite my bottom lip as my eyes pinch shut, and my hands grip his powerful forearms.
“Have you missed my cock?” he asks, thrusting his fingers inside me at a maddening pace. “When you’re getting fucked by someone else, is it my cock you think of?”
I shake my head, feeling weak all over as pleasure builds in my core.
“Words, Sarah,” he demands.
“I-I haven’t been with anyone since… Oh God… You,” I manage to get out. He lets out a groan as his fingers pump harder, his teeth grazing the side of my neck. “Please don’t stop,” I beg, gripping his forearm harder in encouragement. The familiar buildup of an orgasm starts looming inside me, one as strong as a tidal wave ready to destroy me, and I’ll gladly let it.
“I just need you to tell me what you’re hiding,” Paul whispers into my ear.
“I can’t…” I breathe, lost in a haze of lust.
“So there is something,” Paul murmurs, his fingers curling inside me, hitting that special spot. “Tell me, Sarah,” he coaxes.
I shake my head, riding his hand wildly. “N-no.”
His hard cock straining behind the fabric of his pants pushes into my back, sliding over my ass cheeks.
Oh God.
It’s too much.
It’s not enough.
Every nerve ending in my body is on fire, and I need more.
But suddenly, it all stops.
Paul removes his fingers from my pulsing wet pussy, taking a step back.
“What…what are…you doing?” I stammer, the orgasm inside me rolling away, no longer in reach. I’m left on edge, feeling like a shaken can of soda ready to combust at any moment.
Paul quickly fixes the bottom of my dress by pulling it down. He straightens his posture, towering over me. “I’ll give you what you need when you talk to me and tell me what’s going on.”
My lips part and then close. My eyelashes flutter furiously.
The audacity of this man.
I’m only lying to him to keep us all safe until the time is right for me to tell him everything.
And here he is, pushing my buttons by withholding an orgasm.
Punishing me.
I shake my head, fisting my hands at my side in frustration. “There’s nothing for me to tell you.”
He grips my chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting my head back so that my eyes have no choice but to latch onto his.
“You’re lying to me, baby girl. And that won’t do.”
Baby girl.
He hasn’t called me that since…
Shaking my head, I pinch my eyes shut, holding in the words he wants to hear.
His thumb runs smoothly across my bottom lip before he walks away, leaving me panting, flushed, and hornier than I’ve ever been in my damn life.
“Hey, Sarah!” Natalie bounces over to me, grabbing my hand. “Are you okay? You look a little run-down.”
“Just from all the dancing.” I fan myself with my hand, hoping she won’t see past my lie.
She smiles. “Let’s go find Vanessa.”
I glance over my shoulder, toward the back, seeing Paul watching me with darkened eyes and his arms crossed over his chest, daring me to come over and tell him everything.
He has no idea how badly I wish I could.
“Yeah. Let’s go,” I respond, fighting the sudden ache behind my chest.