10. PAUL
“There’s nothing for me to tell you.”
I slide a frustrated hand over my face, approaching the table that Nate sits at.
I know Sarah’s hiding something from me.
I’m not a damn mind reader, but I could see it in her eyes. Those beautiful, vulnerable eyes that told me yes when her lips said no. There’s something she’s not telling me, something keeping her from me as she builds a giant wall between us, brick by brick.
But mark my words, I will knock down that damn wall and find out her secret if it’s the last thing I do.
“Rough night?” Nate asks, cocking his head to the side as I drop onto the booth opposite of him.
I let out a defeated sigh, rolling my neck. “There’s something I need to tell you, and it has to stay between us. I love Natalie like a sister, but I need to know I can count on you to keep this between you and me.”
Nate straightens his shoulder. “You know I won’t lie to Natalie.”
“I’m not asking you to lie. I’m asking you not to tell anyone what I’m about to say.”
Nate’s eyes wander over to the dance floor, probably spotting Natalie, before he looks at me, subtly nodding.
“Sarah is the girl I was looking for.”
His eyes widen. “Come again?”
I squeeze my neck, looking up at the pitch-black tiled ceiling. “The girl I met at the bar near campus about a month before school started was Sarah.”
I peek over at Nate to see his mouth parted in shock before the corners of his lips slowly turn into a grin. “So, the girl who refused to exchange names with you, who you spent every night for a month looking for, has been living in the same apartment building, the same floor, as Natalie? She’s been right under your nose this whole time?”
“Yeah, the irony is not lost on me.”
“Does she know you were looking for her?”
I purse my lips, shaking my head. “She told me she doesn’t do relationships,” I admit with a shrug.
Nate straightens. “That’s usually just an excuse.” He pushes a beer toward me, which I gladly take. “So what are you going to do?”
“What can I do?” I gulp the liquid, enjoying its icy coating on my parched throat.
“You were looking for her that whole time. She at least deserves to know that.”
I place the bottle on the table. “Maybe. I don’t want to scare her away, though.” I rub the condensation off the glass with my thumb. “I’ve never had this problem before.”
“Leave it to you to find the one girl who doesn’t want to be tied down.”
I scowl, running the pad of my thumb over the bottleneck. “The thing is, it feels like she’s keeping something from me.”
“Keeping something from you?” Nate raises a brow. “Like what?”
“I don’t know. It’s just this feeling I’m getting, and when I tried to talk to her about it…” I shake my head, bringing the glass bottle back to my lips.
Nate’s eyes drift over to the dance floor, locking on Natalie. “Your gut instinct is usually right.” He turns his attention to me. “Just make sure she knows that you’re there for her and that she can talk to you. That’s all you can do. Sometimes, there are things that aren’t easy to talk about. Things that haunt them.”
If anyone would know what that would be like, it’s Nate.
“Move over,” Jason grunts to Nate, sliding on the seat beside him.
“And where were you?” Nate asks. The two of them sharing a booth look like two full-grown-ass adults trying to fit on a kid-sized bench.
Jason shrugs, bringing his drink to his lips. “Just dancing.”
I glimpse at Nate, and we both exchange a knowing smirk. Vanessa.
“By yourself?” Nate asks with an arrogant grin.
Jason glares at him, finishing off his beer, not saying a damn word.
“Not to make things worse for you”—Nate looks back at me—“but you have fans coming this way.”
I sit up, seeing a group of overzealous girls approaching.
Not what I need right now.
“Oh my God. I can’t believe it’s him,” one of the girls squeals.
Somebody save me.
“Hi, ladies,” I say, showing a tight smile.
“Wow. You’re even better looking in person,” the one closest to me affirms as she tries to shove her cleavage in my face.
My cheeks heat up in embarrassment. I’ve always hated this kind of attention. The kind that comes from ogling and inappropriate comments. I’m just praying no one asks me to sign their boobs tonight.
Yeah, it’s happened before, and it’s pretty damn awkward when your mom is standing beside you.
“Are these seats taken?” another one asks.
I look to Nate for backup, who picks up the water beside him, guzzling it.
“They are.” Sarah squeezes around the girls and slides on the seat beside me. There’s not much room, so her body grazes up against mine, and her hand lands firmly on my thigh, staking her claim. After she smiles triumphantly at them, the girls sulk, walking away disappointed.
“Remind me to never mess with you.” Nate chuckles.
She smiles, but then, remembering she’s touching me and, more importantly, that she’s mad at me, she instantly separates herself from me, leaving an inch between us. We sit like this for an hour, her presence beside me like a comfort my body has been craving. Just being close to her without even touching her does something to me.
The waitress drops a few drinks on the table, and Sarah reaches for the glass closest to her, taking a sip before promptly spitting it out.
“Shit,” she hisses. “I thought it was water.”
My brows furrow. “Don’t like vodka?”
She grabs a napkin, patting down the liquid on the table. “I-I have to be up early for work.”
I reach out, brushing my thumb over a drop of liquid on her chin. She tenses beside me, but as my hand remains on her, I feel her face soften, almost pressing into me for support as her eyes close.
Natalie pulls Vanessa beside the table and asks, “Is everyone ready to go?”
Nate laughs, shaking his head and pushing Jason out of the booth to get to his girl.
Wrapping his arms around Natalie’s waist, he kisses the top of her head and says, “Let’s go, baby.” He looks at me with a sly smirk. “Paul, do you mind taking Sarah home? I know there wasn’t a lot of room in the back of my car for everyone.”
Sarah’s hands clench on her lap, appearing unhappy by this new arrangement.
“Is that okay?” I ask loud enough so that only she can hear me.
Her head turns, facing me. “It’s fine,” she says reluctantly.
* * *
The ride to Sarah’s apartment is quiet. Her arms are crossed over her chest, and her eyes have been glued to the window beside her the whole time. I’m pretty sure she’s still mad at me for withholding the orgasm from her, and I don’t blame her, but I’m determined to knock down this brick wall between us, even if I have to do it one block at a damn time.
“Sarah, about earlier…”
“It’s fine, Paul.” She doesn’t look my way.
This isn’t how we are going to solve this.
I put my blinker on and pull into a nearby deserted parking lot, stopping by a line of trees in the back.
“What are you doing?” she asks, looking around nervously.
“I just want to talk.”
She sighs and leans back in her chair, staring forward.
It’s a slight improvement.
“There’s nothing to talk about.” Her chin trembles as she takes a deep breath.
I twist in my seat and reach over, gently grabbing her chin and facing her toward me.
Here goes nothing.
“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that night,” I confess. My hand glides down her neck, and my thumb rests on her pulse point, which is beating rapidly under my touch.
She looks down when she whispers, “Me neither.”
I brush a strand of her raven-black hair behind her ear. “Then why does it feel like you’re purposely pushing me away?”
Her eyes meet mine, and it feels like she’s trying to tell me so much in one look, but I can’t understand the confusion and sorrow in her eyes.
She shakes her head. “Because, like I said, I don’t do relationships—”
“That’s bullshit.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. I’m calling bullshit on your sorry ass of an excuse.”
“It’s not an excuse—”
“I was looking for you.”
Her brows furrow in confusion. “When? Tonight?”
I shake my head. “Every night for a month after our night together until the very moment you walked into Natalie’s apartment. The moment I saw those big green eyes staring back at me was when I felt a weight lift from my chest because I finally found you.”
She shakes her head, scrunching her face in confusion, her bottom lip slightly trembling. “I don’t understand. Why would you look for me? I’m no one important. You’re the guy going into the NBA. You can have any girl you want.”
I let out a humorless laugh. “Clearly, I can’t.”
She gazes down, biting her bottom lip as a tear slides down her porcelain cheek. “If any part of you truly cares for me, even the tiniest bit, then you would stay away from me. You would look for some other girl to keep your bed warm.” Tears rain down her cheeks as she wipes them away. “Because it’s not me.”
My fingers gently brush her tears away. “Why are you fighting this? I know it wasn’t just me that night who felt something, so why are you trying so hard to push me away?”
“You don’t understand!” she snaps, her chest heaving from releasing those words.
“Then tell me, Sarah,” I coax softly. “I’m here now. Tell me what is holding you back. Tell me why you’ve put up a damn wall between us.”
She throws her hands over her face as a sob overtakes her. “I can’t.” With shaking fingers, she unbuckles her seat belt. “I can’t do this.” And then she bolts out of the passenger door faster than I can comprehend what the fuck is going on.
“Shit!” I struggle with my seat belt before flinging it off. “Sarah, wait!”
I jump out of my car and follow her into the woods, where I find her holding her heels in one hand and bracing her other hand against a tree as she bends down, breathing erratically, gasping for air.
“Please…leave me…alone, Paul,” she pants.
I immediately know what’s happening, and I’m not going anywhere.
“You’re having a panic attack,” I say calmly, taking small steps toward her.
“No. I’m not,” she bites out, dropping her shoes to the ground. Both of her hands press into her chest.
I shake my head—this woman.
“You are. I know you are…because I have them, too,” I admit, hoping that opening up to her might be enough to put a crack in that wall.
She looks up at me with glossy eyes and mascara running down her face. “You do?”
“Yes.” I sit on the ground, lean against the rough tree bark behind me, and carefully pull her onto my lap. Her shoulder rests against my chest, and her long, gorgeous legs drape across my thighs.
“I can’t…I can’t breathe,” she pants, and the tears streaming down her cheeks instantly break my heart.
“You can, baby girl. I’m right here. Everything is going to be okay.” I rub my hand up and down her back and take her shaking hand in my other one, placing it firmly against my chest. “Feel the movement of my chest, Sarah. With every breath I take, I want you to take one too. Can you do that for me?”
She slightly nods.
I inhale slowly, holding it in for a few seconds, and then slowly exhale. She mirrors my breathing the whole time.
“You’re doing so good, Sarah. Let’s do it a couple more times, okay?”
She nods again, and eventually, after a few more times following my breaths, her breathing begins to even out, and her body relaxes in my hold.
I push the hair away from her face, looking into my favorite green eyes. “Are you okay?” My thumb wipes at the remaining tears and smeared mascara under her eyes.
She curls her fingers into my shirt. “Yeah. I’m sorry. That’s never happened to me before. I don’t ever cry in front of people. Like ever.”
“It’s okay to cry. It doesn’t mean I think less of you. If anything, it just lets me know how you’re feeling. And right now, it seems you have a lot going on upstairs.” I tap the top of her head. “Maybe too much for one person to manage.”
She tilts her chin down and suddenly buries her head in my chest. “I think you’re right.”
I wrap one arm around her back, holding her small body firmly against me, keeping her safe.
“What’s going on, Sarah?”
“I can’t…”
I take my free hand, placing it on her cheek. Something is stopping her from telling me what’s bothering her, and I wish I knew what it was.
But I’m not pushing her any more tonight.
Because now, it’s time to take down that top layer of bricks.
“One of the things I liked about you when we first met was that you had no idea who I was. Or who my father is…was…I should say.” Her face tilts up the tiniest bit. “My dad was one of the best NBA players in the league, Steve Weston.” I feel her hand gently grip the center of my shirt, getting comfortable. “He broke record after record and brought his team to the championship year after year. He was unstoppable. Until he wasn’t.” I heave a sigh. “When I was ten years old, he died. He had just returned to the airport after being on the road, and instead of taking the bus with the team to the arena, he opted to rent a car to head straight home. He was eager to see my mom. They were so in love. As a kid, I thought it was gross.” I let out a little laugh. “But now, when I think about it, I find it beautiful. They were soul mates in every way. But on his way home, a drunk driver hit him, running straight through a stop sign. He died on impact. It was only a few days after Christmas.”
My eyes begin to blur as the memory plays out before me. The twinkling Christmas lights and decorations were still up. There was a knock at the door, and my mom smiled wide, telling me to answer it because she assumed it was my dad. But as I opened the door to find two police officers standing there, confusion hit me. I asked them where my dad was, and they looked at each other as my mom approached me, pulling me behind her. That’s when they gave her the grim news.
My dad was dead.
“I never grieved properly. I just threw myself into…basketball.” I let out a lungful of air. “The apple didn’t fall very far from the tree with basketball. People compare me to my father all of the time. They tell me I’ll be just like him, if not better. I have NBA teams fighting over me when I haven’t even graduated yet, and sometimes, it just feels like too much. It’s just so fucking—”
“Overwhelming,” she whispers.
I brush my fingers against her arm, eyeing her tattoos that somehow help calm me. “Yeah. Overwhelming. And sometimes so overwhelming that I panic. I panic I’ll never be good enough to be compared to him. I panic over letting everyone down, including my dad. I panic that I’m not worthy of that last name on my jersey. And I panic that I don’t even know who I am anymore. The only people at school who know I get panic attacks are Nate and my buddy Glen because they’ve both witnessed them happening to me. But you’re the only person I’ve ever admitted any of this to.”
She looks up at me with fresh tears cascading down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Paul.”
“Don’t cry, Sarah. It breaks my heart to see you cry,” I whisper, tightening my arms around her.
“I don’t know what’s happening to me.” She wipes away her tears, her mascara smudging under her eyes.
“You’re letting go. And I bet tomorrow morning, you’ll feel a lot better for doing so.”
She presses her hand to my cheek. “I’m so sorry you went through all of that as a child. Losing a father at such a young age…it’s not fair.” Her eyes close momentarily before opening and looking intently at me. “When I look at you, I only see you, not the name on your jersey. I see a man who is kind and smart. Strong and giving. I see someone who puts others before himself and has only ever…only ever cared for me even when I don’t deserve it.” Her voice cracks at the end as she looks away.
I cup her cheek and brush my thumb across her bottom lip. “You deserve everything.”
She shakes her head softly. “I’ve made mistakes that I can’t…well, what I mean is…” Her eyes pierce mine. “I see you, Paul Weston. All ten feet of you.” She smiles, and it’s the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen because it’s real. I lean in, sweeping my lips against hers. “Even if you don’t see yourself for who you truly are, I do. And I like what I see.”
Her words lift an invisible weight from crushing my chest.
She leans in, softly brushing her lips against mine before pressing down.
It’s soft and slow.
Sensual and sweet.
It’s everything we both need right now.
“Sarah?”
“Yes,” she breathes against my lips.
“Do you remember those three words you said to me at the bar that night? What you asked me to do for you?” My hand slides behind her neck, savoring the warmth of her soft skin under the palm of my hand.
She hesitates before nodding.
“Make me forget.”
Those three words that I took to heart, doing exactly what she asked of me.
And without me saying anything, she knows. She knows it’s what I’m asking of her now.
Her soft lips crash hard on mine as her hands cling around my neck, pulling me closer. My hands grip her waist as she twists her body, straddling my lap. She bites my bottom lip hard, sucking it between hers before sliding her tongue into my mouth.
I push up my hips, letting her feel how badly I want her and need her.
“Please,” she whimpers, desperately grinding her greedy pussy over my length. “Please make me come.”
Those four words send me over the edge.
In one swift motion, I remove my thick jacket and wrap it around her back, noting how it swallows her whole.
“I’m not cold,” she protests.
“It’s not for the cold, baby girl. It’s so the bark doesn’t scratch that pretty body.”
Her eyes go wide as understanding registers in her bright green irises.
One minute, we’re sitting on the cold, hard ground, and in the next, I stand up with Sarah in my arms, turning her so her back presses against the tree. The thick coat protects her from the hard bark, as her legs wrap tightly around my waist. I separate our mouths for only a moment to admire her in my arms.
“You look like a goddamn fantasy.” I nibble eagerly on her neck before quickly licking over the mark, soothing her skin.
“Do that again,” she demands.
I grin, repeating the motion.
“You going to be a good girl for me and let me fuck you in the middle of the woods against this tree?” I breathe against her ear, scraping my teeth down the side of her neck.
She nods her head impatiently, pulling me closer to her. “And don’t even think about telling me to be quiet.”
A deep laugh rumbles in my chest. “Wasn’t planning on it.” Her hands fumble with my zipper, quickly shoving down my pants. “Be as loud as you want, baby girl, because no one will hear you scream.”
She moans, reaching inside my boxers and then fisting my cock with excitement. Her soft hands feel so good wrapped around me, her grip firm, eliciting a form of pleasure I haven’t felt since I was last with her. Knowing I’m not going to last much longer if she keeps touching me like this, I reach into my coat pocket on her body and pull out a condom from my wallet, quickly sliding it over my length. I shove her panties aside, gliding a finger back and forth through her wet center. “Always so wet for me.” Abruptly, I push two fingers inside her and watch as her back arches against the tree and her eyes pinch shut while her lips part, sensations overtaking her.
“Show me how badly you want my cock.”
She opens her eyes, mischievousness floating across them as she rides my fingers, taking whatever she needs from me.
“Such a good girl,” I praise, my palm grinding against her clit.
“It feels so good.” She grips my shoulders for support and continues her up-and-down motions.
I feel her begin to clench around my fingers and immediately pull out because she’s not coming on my fingers tonight.
She’s coming on my hard cock that’s throbbing to be inside her again.
She whimpers at the loss of pressure but is instantly met with satisfaction as I thrust my cock inside her in one go. A savory moan leaves her lips as a ravenous groan leaves mine. Her luscious lips form a perfect O as her eyes flutter closed and her nails dig into my shoulders.
After giving her a moment to adjust, she finally opens her eyes, biting her bottom lip.
“I forgot how big you are.”
Goddamn.
“Well, let me remind you.” I slowly start moving inside her, savoring the feeling of her needing me at this moment as much as I need her.
She moans with each thrust, the heels of her bare feet digging into my ass.
“More,” she pants. “Please, Paul. I want it harder.”
My lips curve up as I slam into her, harder and faster, watching her as she’s about to unravel with me. Her whole body tenses just as I move my hand between us and press down on her clit.
“Scream for me, Sarah.”
And she does, free-falling before me as an orgasm takes over both of us. I hold her tighter to me as I wait for the tidal wave of pleasure to roll through us, leaving us both panting and spent.
“I’ve got you, baby girl. I’ve always got you.”
As I stare into her beautiful, glossed eyes, I only think about how I’m not ready to let her go and how I don’t think I’ll ever be.