28. PAUL
“Relax,” I coax Sarah as we walk up the front steps to my house. “She’s going to be over the moon from the news.”
“You say that, but all your mom will be thinking is that I’m the broke girl who got knocked up by her fabulously rich son on purpose when that wasn’t the case at all. We used a condom!” She stops, bringing her hand to her forehead, looking ready to burst into tears.
“You’re never going to forgive the condom industry for this, are you?” I tease.
She swats at my chest. “It’s not funny! She’s going to hate me. Your whole family is going to hate me. They’re going to think I’m a gold digger that used you.”
I gently lift her trembling chin. “Is that what you think? That my family will look at you like you’re a gold digger?”
“Well, won’t they?” she asks, vulnerability mixed in her words.
“No, Sarah.” I shake my head, wrapping my free arm around her while balancing a pie in my other. “They all fell in love with you at Thanksgiving. Ray and Kevin both won’t shut up about you. Tina called me the other day just to ask about you. And I’m not proud to say it, but a small part of me thinks my mom might like you more than me.” I chuckle. “If anything, they’re going to be happy for us.”
“How? How can they be happy for us when your mom probably thinks this will mess up your future? That…I ruined your future.”
I hesitate, watching her carefully when it occurs to me. “Baby girl, is that what my mom will think or what you think?”
Her eyes close as she admits, “It’s what I think.”
“Oh, Sarah.” What am I going to do with her? “You’ve done the complete opposite of ruining my future. You’ve turned it into something worth living for.” Her eyes flutter open. “Basketball is my career, and it’s what I’ve done my whole life. It’s what I enjoy being a part of. And yeah, having a baby as a rookie isn’t going to be easy at all, but having a kid… Sarah, that’s on a whole other level of being happy. You’re giving me the best gift I could have ever asked for.”
“Really?” she asks, sounding unsure.
“Really.” I push back her hair and run my thumb under her eye, where one solo tear streams down. “You have a lot to offer the world, Sarah Fleur. And I’m going to make sure someday soon that you know it with everything inside you.”
After pressing a kiss to her temple, I take her hand in mine and walk through the front door.
“Hey, Mom,” I yell as we walk inside.
Footsteps are heard quickly approaching. “Paul? I didn’t know you were… Oh my God, Sarah!” My mom pushes past me, circling her arms around Sarah. “I didn’t know you were coming! Why didn’t you tell me, Paul?” She lightly punches my arm.
“Ow.” I rub my bicep. “Don’t damage the money maker.”
She shakes her head, laughing. “Well, I am so glad to see you, Sarah.” I arch my brow as she says, “The both of you.”
“Don’t worry. I know I’m still your favorite,” I add.
She takes the pie from my hand. “I don’t have favorites, but if I did, it would be Sarah.” I see her wink over her shoulder at Sarah, who laughs.
“I’m insulted,” I say, grabbing Sarah’s hand and leading her into the kitchen behind Mom.
I pull out a stool for Sarah and sit on the one beside hers.
My mom places the pie in the fridge and then turns around, smiling. “I didn’t expect you until later. So what brought you here early, sweetheart?”
I squeeze Sarah’s trembling hand. “Well, actually, Mom…” I sit up straighter. “Sarah and I have something to tell you.”
“I knew it!” My mom claps her hands together.
“You knew what?” I ask cautiously.
“If you didn’t come here on Christmas Eve to tell me I’m going to be a grandma, then I’m sending back your gifts.” She places a hand on her hip, glaring between us.
“Well, technically, you already are a grandma…” I murmur, noting her genuine happiness. Her reaction was precisely what I had expected because nothing makes my mom happier than her family, especially a growing one.
“You really did know,” Sarah murmurs softly, her shoulders relaxing.
“Of course I did! Call it a mother’s intuition, but I just knew it in my gut.” She squeals, making her way around the counter so that she can wrap her arms around Sarah. “I am so happy for the both of you.”
Sarah’s eyes close as a smile shows on her beautiful face, looking at peace.
I didn’t realize how much my mom’s approval weighed down on her. But I hope she’s ready for the day this baby is born. Because she’s not just gaining a child, but also a whole damn family who will love her like she’s always deserved to be loved.
* * *
Sarah’s white-gloved fingers intertwine with mine as we walk out the house’s front door. Her deep breath leaves her lungs in a white puff of smoke as the tip of her nose turns rosy-pink, making her look adorable.
She’d kill me if I ever called her that, though.
“Sooooo…” I tenderly squeeze her hand. “Didn’t go as badly as you thought it would, now did it?”
She smiles. “No, it didn’t. Your mom is pretty cool.”
“What can I say? She takes after me.” I shrug.
She laughs. “You wish you were that cool.”
“Pshh.” I lead us down the street lit up with Christmas lights as far as the eye can see, enjoying the feel of the holiday magic in the air. Snow falls around us in big white flakes.
And everything about this moment with her right now is…peaceful.
After the rest of the family came over for Christmas Eve, it was nothing but chaos, noise, bickering, and laughter for the next few hours. Followed up with a dinner feast ready to serve an entire army. I watched as Sarah fit in with my family so naturally. She and Mom talked about some of their favorite paintings, Kevin teased her like she was his little sister, and Sarah made me proud by giving it right back to him. And Ray plated Sarah’s food and made her laugh a few times with some dumb dad jokes, looking out for her like a big brother would.
God, when she laughs, it makes everything around me disappear. The way her eyes squint as her smile grows, it’s nothing short of enchanting.
And when the time came for dessert, we broke the good news to everyone. Sarah was hugged so many times I started to get jealous, and that’s when I decided we should get some fresh air and take a walk.
She places her free hand on her stomach over her black coat. “This baby will have so many people who love them.” She looks up at me, smiling.
“They sure will.” I lean down to kiss her temple.
“It feels good telling people,” she admits.
I rub the back of my neck. “Yeah, about that…”
“What?”
I laugh nervously. “So don’t get mad.” She stops walking, narrowing her eyes on me. “I was doing some research about babies. Just preparing myself. And I accidentally left some books in the living room at my house, and, well, Nate came home and saw them.”
Her eyes widen. “And what did you say?”
“I mean.” I scratch the top of my head, suddenly feeling fidgety. “I blurted out the truth. I didn’t want to lie to him. I told him you and I are together and that we’re having a baby. But he’s not going to tell anyone, including Natalie. He just asked that we tell the group as soon as possible because he doesn’t keep anything from Natalie, and not saying anything will kill him.”
She blinks a couple of times. “You told him that we’re together?”
My brows furrow. “Yes. Was I not supposed to?”
She shakes her head. “No. No. It’s not that. I just…we haven’t…I don’t know…I just thought we were supposed to have a conversation about that. I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. I mean, am I your girlfriend? Was I supposed to assume we’re together because we’re having a baby? Or was I supposed to wait until you asked me? Oh God, just tell me to shut up, please.” She covers her face with her hands, turning a faint shade of pink.
“Sarah?”
“Mm-hmm?”
“Can you look at me?”
“No, I don’t think I can right now.”
I chuckle, removing her hands from her face. “I didn’t officially ask you because I thought you knew how I feel about you.”
She bites her bottom lip. “I mean, I do. It just would be kind of nice to hear it. I’m not good with this, and it might help to reaffirm things for me.” Her big green eyes look up at me, vulnerability like I’ve never seen before flashing in them.
My hands brace both of her cheeks. “Sarah Fleur?”
“Yes?”
“Will you be my girlfriend?”
“God, what are you twelve or something, Paul?” She flips her hair over her shoulder and takes a step to start walking away, leaving my mouth agape as she wears a shit-eating grin.
“Oh, no, you don’t!” I scoop her up in my arms, spinning her in the air.
“Ahhh, put me down!” She’s giggling uncontrollably. “It’s so high up here!”
I place her in front of me, resting my hands on her rosy cheeks. The corners of her lips tug up when she says, “Yes, Paul. I’ll be your girlfriend.”
“You’re mine, Sarah.” I rub the tip of my nose over hers. “Don’t ever forget that.”
“Does that mean you’re mine?” she asks.
“Always.”
“Did you just quote Harry Potter?”
I stand straight, scrubbing a hand over my face. “Just because I say the word always does not mean I quoted Harry Potter.” I take her hand in mine. “But is it one of the best scenes of all time? Absolutely.”
She giggles beside me, shaking her head. “Oh, Paul. I love how much of a nerd you are.”
“You do?”
“Yeah. It’s a complete turn-on.”
“Well, in that case, I would never be opposed to some role—”
“Nope.” She shoots her hand in the air before me. “I’m going to stop you right there, big guy. There’s no way I’m dressing up as Princess Leia.”
I shake my head, chuckling. “We’ll save this conversation for another time.”
She laughs beside me, squeezing my hand.
“So,” I start. “We find out next week what the baby’s sex is. Are you nervous?”
She shakes her head. “No. I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl. Just as long as they’re healthy.” She looks up at me. “What about you?”
“It doesn’t matter to me if they’re a boy or a girl. Just as long as they have your big, beautiful green eyes.” I glance down at her and wink.
A hint of a blush stains her cheeks. “I hate when you say nice things like that.”
“Why?” I ask, amused.
“Because it does this to me.” She points to her bright red cheeks.
I laugh, bringing her hand to my lips, and kiss the back of it over the glove. “But that’s exactly why I do it.”
She shakes her head, giggling. But as soon as her eyes meet mine, that beautiful smile falters.
“What is it?” I ask.
“It’s just…” She hesitates, tilting her face toward the night sky. Snowflakes fall on her face, but she doesn’t seem to care one bit. Something’s worrying her. I can see it in those eyes I love so much. Letting out a puff of air, she looks at me. “Do you think it’s weird that there’s been no retaliation from Greyson?”
My brows furrow as I gaze off.
The thought of Greyson taking revenge has crossed my mind once or twice. But there’s no way he can prove that Ray and I broke into his computer.
It’s not possible.
“He’s not going to hurt you ever again, Sarah.” I brush a few snowflakes from her cheek. “You’re safe now, and I sure as hell will never let anything happen to you.”
She has no idea the lengths I would go to keep her safe.
“I know you won’t. I always feel safe when I’m with you.” She sighs, tucking her head against my side. “I think it’s just going to take a little bit for me to get used to not having that video hanging over my head. I mean, I was expecting to run into him at work my last week, but he was never there. It’s been a few weeks and we haven’t heard anything from him.” She shrugs. “Something just feels off. Has he been weird when you see him at basketball?”
I shake my head. “He missed a couple of practices, and he’s been avoiding me at games, as he should. But there was nothing out of the ordinary.” I brush my lips across her temple. “I don’t want you to worry about him.”
She looks up at me, the corners of her lips turning up. “I’m sure it’s nothing.” Her arm loops with mine. “Let’s keep walking. I want to make room for another piece of apple pie.”
We walk around the neighborhood for a few more minutes until Sarah stops with a gasp.
“What’s wrong?” My eyes rake over her, but I notice nothing out of the ordinary. My hands push back her hair. “Is it the baby?”
She shakes her head. “Sorry.” Her eyes peek around me at the view I’m now blocking. “It’s just so beautiful.”
“What is?” I turn, finally realizing what has captured her attention. An old colonial house that appears as though it’s seen better days. Large columns stand in the front, and a barely surviving deck wraps around the house. It’s the only house in this area that sits on a lake with woods surrounding it, keeping it hidden from prying eyes. No one has lived in it for years.
“You like that?” I ask, confusion evident.
She nods. “It reminds me of the house I grew up in with my parents when I was a little girl. My mom always took me outside on nice days to paint on the porch, and my dad would sit in an old rocking chair, waiting to see what we created. Those are some of my favorite memories.”
Her eyes glisten, and I find myself wrapping my arm around her, pressing my cheek against the top of her head.
“Is that who taught you how to paint? Your mom?” I ask.
“Yeah.” She stares off. “As I get older, I feel like I remember less and less from my childhood. But I remember all the times I spent with her in her art studio. Or at her art shows. She was amazing. So unbelievably talented. I wanted to grow up to be just like her.”
“She would be so proud of the woman you’ve become, Sarah.”
She swallows, her eyes misting. “My dad couldn’t paint for shit.” A slight bubble of laughter escapes her. “But he was the best dad. He would stay up late with me if I had a nightmare. He taught me how to ride a bike. He would pick me up from school early to take me out for ice cream on special occasions like my birthday. He…” She pauses, lost in her memories. “That’s why I never understood why he did what he did… Why did he leave me?” She looks up at me, hurt glimmering in her eyes.
“I can only imagine he wasn’t in his right mind.” I hold her tighter, needing to remind her I’m right here. “I’m not saying what he did was right, but he probably felt alone and scared. He needed help. And unfortunately, it probably got so bad in his head that he only saw one answer to solve his problems. But that doesn’t mean he ever stopped loving you. He most likely convinced himself that what he was doing was best for both of you when it wasn’t.”
She sniffles. “I know. When I think of him, I try really hard to only think of the good memories. Because I know the man I saw toward the end of his life wasn’t my dad. He was just a shell of a person by that time, consumed by depression.” She shakes her head. “When my mom died, I think that’s when my dad truly died, too. He lost his other half. His reason for living.” She lets out a deep breath. “I miss them all the time. Especially around the holidays.”
“I bet they miss you too, baby girl. All the damn time.”
She wipes some tears from her cheek and shakes her head, throwing a little grin on her face, her eyes memorizing the old house before us. “Someday,” she starts, “I want a house just like this with twinkling lights hanging everywhere. I want it painted white with black trim and shutters. I want a stone pathway that leads up to the house with lilies potted on each side. I want a large eastern redbud tree smack in the front yard.”
“An eastern redbud?”
“Yes,” she confirms. “It’s a beautiful tree that blooms in an abundance of pink flowers.”
“I didn’t take you for a pink kind of girl…”
“I have my moments.” She waves me off with her hand. “But most importantly, I want a small art studio next to the water where I can paint any time of the year. It’ll have twinkling lights surrounding it, looking straight out of a fairy tale. And inside, I’ll have plenty of room for my supplies and paintings.” She sighs, her eyes roaming over the whole property. “I could see myself painting here.”
Hmm. That’s not such a bad idea…
But also, speaking of painting…
“How are your pieces for your show coming along?”
“I think okay.” She shrugs, sounding unsure. “I’ve never done something like this before, so I’m not entirely sure what to expect, but so far, I’m happy with what I’ve created.”
“Well, I can’t wait to see what you’ve made.” I spin her out, watching the smile bloom across her face. “I’m going to point at every painting and say, ‘My girl made that.’”
She spins into my arms, placing her palms on my chest. “Do you think anyone will actually buy one?”
An optimistic light glows around her like an eternal flame, and I don’t want to see it ever doused out.
“They’ll probably hold a bidding war,” I affirm, tucking her under my arm as a shiver runs through her. I tug on her hat, making sure it covers her rosy ears. “Let’s get back home and warm you up.”
“I think I know a few ways you can warm me up,” she offers with a mischievous sparkle in her iridescent green eyes.
“Oh yeah?” As we begin to walk in the direction of my house, I ask, “Should I warm you up with my tongue, fingers, or cock?”
“Hmm…” She taps her chin. “I think all three.”
“All three?” I chuckle. “My girlfriend is pretty damn greedy.”
She pulls on my coat, gripping the fabric with her fingers, bringing my face before her. “Damn straight I am.” Her lips press against mine in an all-consuming kiss before she parts and whispers, “When it comes to you, I want it all.”
* * *
Coffee roasting first thing in the morning is one of my favorite scents. It brings back memories of times when I was a kid. Times when both of my parents were here on Christmas morning.
Following the aroma into the kitchen, I find my mom in her flannel pajamas.
“Merry Christmas, Mom.” I wrap her up in a bear hug.
“Merry Christmas, sweetie.” She turns around, brows furrowed. “Why are you up so early?”
I take a seat at the counter. “Couldn’t really sleep.”
She pours a mug of coffee for me and slides it my way. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I nod but then shake my head. “Actually, I don’t know. Do you ever feel like things are too good? Like something will happen to ruin how perfect everything has been going.”
“Is that what you’re worried about?”
“I just can’t help but feel like something is going to take away this happiness from me.” I shrug, bringing the coffee mug to my lips.
“Oh, Paul, sweetheart, you’re allowed to be happy.” She wraps her arms around my shoulders. “Happiness is not something that can be taken from you. It’s what you make of it. And right now, you’ve got a lot of things going on to make you feel overwhelmed, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad.”
“Why are you always right?”
“Because I’m your mother.” She steps away to put her mug in the dishwasher.
“I didn’t get a chance to talk to you alone last night,” I say. “How do you feel about…being a grandma?”
She beams. “Oh, I’m just…” Her eyes water. “I’m just so thrilled. But I also wish your father were here because I know how proud he would be of you and how much he would love his grandchild.” A sad smile forms on her face.
“I miss him all the time.” I hold in the tears, fighting the urge to cry like it’s my only job in life. “And it bothers me that I’ll never be able to introduce him to Sarah. I think…” I clear my throat. “I think he would have really liked her. And knowing he won’t be here to meet his grandchild hurts, Mom.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, letting out a deep breath. “It hurts so much.”
“He would have loved Sarah, sweetie. I know because I do.” She reaches across the counter and squeezes my hand. “Your father is always watching over us. Day and night. And you better believe that he will watch over your child like it’s his sole purpose.”
She’s right.
He may not be with us today, but I’ve always known he watches over his family.
“I take it that this is what the big secret was about?” my mom asks.
I let out a deep sigh. “Yeah.” My hands cup around the warm mug. “But it was all a…misunderstanding,” I offer.
“And how do you feel?”
“Feel about what?”
She smiles. “About becoming a dad?”
I rub at my chest. “I know I’m young, but I feel…excited. Ready. I feel like the void inside me has been filled for the first time in my life.” I rest my forearms on the counter. “Growing up with a famous dad and then having people compare me to him was always a lot. It’s not that I wasn’t proud to wear our last name on my jersey because I was and always will be. But sometimes it’s overwhelming because I feel the pressure that comes with it, and I don’t feel good enough to continue the legacy.” She gives me a slight frown, disagreeing with me. “And even though sometimes it feels like I have all eyes on me while surrounded by people, I still feel…lonely.” I shrug.
“Paul, I had no idea you—”
“I didn’t tell you,” I interject, shaking my head. “But ever since I met Sarah, I haven’t felt lonely. And gaining not just her but also a child in my life… I feel lucky. I feel damn lucky. But above all, I feel whole.”
My mom sucks in her bottom lip, her eyes glimmering with unshed tears.
“Mom, please don’t cry,” I plead, feeling horrible that I’ve made her cry on Christmas morning.
She waves her hand dismissively. “These aren’t sad tears; they’re happy tears. And I’m just… I’m so happy that you’re happy, honey.”
I look over at the stairs, ensuring no one is coming down. “Sarah was worried about telling you. She didn’t want you not to like her and thought you would think she did this on purpose to trap me like some gold digger.”
She gasps, bringing her hand to her chest. “No, she didn’t.”
I nod. “She hasn’t had a family in a very long time, and she gets scared to connect with people because she thinks everyone will leave her. So I think she was afraid to tell you because she likes you and was scared telling you would push you away. She didn’t want to disappoint you.”
She shakes her head. “I’ll make sure she knows that is not the case when she’s like a daughter to me.”
“I think she’d like to hear that.” I trace my finger around the edge of the mug, clearing my throat. “There was one more thing I wanted to talk to you about before everyone gets down here and the mayhem begins.”
“Let me hear it.”
“I know what I want to do with my trust fund.”
She arches a single brow. “And what would that be?”
“I want to buy the old, abandoned house at the end of the neighborhood. The one that sits on the lake.”
“The one that needs some major loving?” she asks. “Probably a whole new foundation, for the yard to be leveled, the deck to be reattached, the shutters to be hung straight, a fresh coat of paint, and I can only imagine how much work needs to be done to the inside… That one?”
I smile. “Yeah. That one.”
Her lips curve up as her eyes water. “I think your father would very much approve of that.”
“I thought so, too,” I add, blinking back tears.
I won’t let you down, Dad.